Thursday, June 14, 2007

Is Jill Marie Jones Losing Her Purse In Sherman Oaks?

SELLER: Jill Marie Jones
LOCATION: Royal Woods Drive, Sherman Oaks, CA
PRICE: $1,199,000
SIZE: 2,261 square feet, bedrooms, 2.5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Classic turn-key Royal Woods 1-try traditional w/discreet privacy on corner lot. 3 bd, including an extremely spacious master ste w/sitting area and fireplace, 2.5 ba, beamed ceiling living rm, large dining rm, hardwd flrs, updated kit, recessed lighting, plantation shutters & wired for security cameras. Public rms & master bedrm all play to the private garden/pool area w/built-in BBQ & expansive flagstone patio/garden area.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Now that Miz Jill Marie Jones has purchased Jason Priestley's Hollywood Hills house in Outpost Estates, she has put her Sherman Oaks house on the market. The former Dallas Cowboy cheerleader hit it big in Hollywood in 2000 when she landed the role of Toni Childs opposite Golden Brooks and Diana Ross's supreme scion Tracee Ellis Ross on the CW program Girlfriends.

A few years later, perhaps feeling confident in her new found sit-com salary, she purchased this Sherman Oaks home in October of 2003 for $1,110,000. Now do the mathematics children. If she paid $1.1 million in 2003 and the property is currently priced at $1.199 million, that's an astoundingly low 9.2 percent overall gain in a marketplace that regularly sky rocketed upwards of 15 percent per year in the early 2000s.

This means that after girlfriend pays the real estate fees and transaction charges, she may actually LOSE money on the property. Which is pretty damn tough to do in Los Angeles as the market has sizzled and scorched the last five or six years creating exorbitant and mind numbing profits for even the most dim witted of home sellers.

Now, don't none of you fruitcakes twist our words. We are not saying Miz Jones is dim witted. We're saying we don't know if Miz Jones over paid for this house in 2003, or if she's priced the place for a quick sale since she's already purchased her next residence.

There are a few issues with this house that Your Mama needs to discuss, the first being location, location, location. Although we'd sooner live in Cincinnati it's not the Sherman Oaks zip code that creates the locationality problem. It's the infuriatingly busy, slow moving, and loud San Diego Freeway which practically runs through the back yard of this house. Your Mama has never been to this house, so we can not say for sure, but we imagine the morning and evening rush hour traffic jams make using the back yard swimming pool and bbq center all but impossible without ear plugs and raised voices.

Your Mama is not impressed by nor do we care for a huge master bedroom, and Miz Jones' bedroom sits right on the cusp of too big in our book. But that's not the real issue with this room. It's that cock-eyed furniture placement that makes us feel boozed up and befuddled. Unfortunately it is not uncommon to see beds pushed up into the corners of rooms like this. But Your Mama has never understood what possesses someone to make that choice. Does it make the room look larger? No. Does it make the room more "interesting?" No, it does not. It just makes the room look catty-wompus and off-kilter. Not to mention all the wasted space behind the headboard that leaves us feeling uneasy and unable to sleep comfortably.

We also note that Miz Jones does not seem to care for rugs. We can't imagine why not. Her quasi-romantic, sorta shabby chic, and not very well decorated rooms would benefit greatly from some nice Persian rugs to ground the rooms and provide some necessary warmth.

We recognize and sincerely hope that Miz Jones' and her real estate people may have removed some of her personal items and decor in order to "stage" the house and make it look generic enough for buyers to see themselves living up in the house. Because honestly, we're having a difficult time coming up with a few things we actually like about this house. We do not want to appear to be a hater just for the sake of being a hater 'cause got nothing against Miz Jones. But seriously, girlfriend needs some decorating assistance and Your Mama hopes she hires herself a nice gay decorator to help her pull her new Hollywood Hills house together.


Anonymous said...

There are so many variations of this style house in so many places, it's hard to have an opinion. Pretty non descript.

Anonymous said...

It's a nice enough family home that does nothing to distinguish itself. It appears to have good bones though, and just needs an owner with a little creative energy to spin some makeover magic.

Anonymous said...

I can only hope that that roof is one of those fakey fireproof shake shingle kind and not the exploding into a fireball real shake shingle kind...

alex the sea turtle said...

This house is so increbibly close to the 405 which is what like 8 lanes of traffic? I can't even imagine what the noise and pollution must be like.

The records I saw show that the sale price previously was more like 750k based on tax records. But my sources are maybe not as good.

Anonymous said...

This is definitely your ordinary house. Nothing to write home about. I hope she makes some good money on it, though.

luke220 said...

wow- not even a SubZero

Anonymous said...

keep doing your thing Mama! haters only affirm & confirm you're on the right path. if you didn't manage to cause a visceral reaction with your "swath o'words", then pray tell, what would be the point?