Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Russ Weiner, Rockstar Superstar

SELLER: Russell Goldencloud Weiner
LOCATION: 8507 Franklin Avenue, Los Angeles
PRICE: $2,500,000 (reduced from $2,995,000 to $3,500,000 and then $3,995,000)
SIZE: 4 bedrooms, 4 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Luxuriously unique Contemporary home in the Hollywood Hills is the entertainer’s dream. This home features a lavish pool, spa, and yard, three fireplaces, and two koi ponds. The kitchen boasts a large granite island and hardwood floors. The master suite has its own sitting area with a large marble bath with a steam shower and spa tub. Easily access to all floors by elevator and roof deck with a bridge to the pool.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Don't feel bad if you don't know who this Weiner dude with the unusual middle name is, 'cause we didn't either. Turns out, this man is the founder and CEO of the Rockstar energy drink empire and he's made multi-millions selling his faux crack shit to all the club hopping children who don't have enough sense to just do some cocaine. Mister Weiner, a fixture on the Hollywood party circuit, has managed to get oodles of celebs to shill his product for him. The website for this product features scores of big name folks like Eva Longoria, the boys from OutKast, Travis Barker, Fergie, and the ever so fun Robin Leach.

None the less, Your Mama has a strong hunch the "energy drink" revolution is coming to an end and predicts the sales of these "energy drinks" are soon to be headed down the toilet bowl. So puppies, sell your stock now. And remember, you heard it here first.

Your Mama is not here to discuss the dreary state of politics in the U-nited States, but we would be remiss if we did not mention this Weiner dude is the son of vitriolic right wing radio head Michael Savage of the Savage Nation program. One look at this man's website and we knew we were headed straight for the nerve pills this morning. Lahwd children, this Bush supporter/Muslim hater has videos of be-headings on his website under the headline, "Know Your Enemy." Please. That is just so asinine and inflammatory, we're not going to touch it.

Anyhoo, Your Mama is here to discuss the real estate, so let's just try to move on from all that nastiness. This Weiner dude, who, at least in the past, has shared some of his fathers rather alarming views, has this Hollywood Hills house up for sale. Unfortunately for him, he is having a devil of a time finding a buyer. In fact, this property, listed with uber brokerage Hilton & Hyland, has been reduced $1,000,000 since it was put on the market in October of 2006.

Public records show the property was purchased in December 2002 at an undisclosed price. However, it does show Mister Weiner did take a mortgage of $1,000,000. That would indicate he most likely paid between $1.2 and $1.5 million. No doubt he dropped a $150,000 into renovations. So after just four years of ownership he was hoping to make in excess of $2,500,000. We know the real estate market has been scorching hot in Los Angeles the last few years, but this seems a wee excessive to Your Mama.

It's clear this Weiner dude put some money into updating, but it's also clear he didn't change some of the more obvious atrocities like the front door and master bathroom (see virtual tour). And it probably goes without saying Your Mama is not fond of the flesh colored exterior.

Fortunately, the house is equipped with an elevator serving all floors. This is a good thing because a person whose heart is racing from too many energy drinks could easily have a coronary climbing up and down all the stairs in this four-story abode.

The location, however, is quite good being a straight shot right up N. Kings Road. All our Los Angeleno children know this is an excellent location for easy access to tons of high-profile, clubs, restaurants, and hotels. We approve of the Weiner dude's kitchen renovation even if it's not what we would do to our own kitchen.

The views are breathtaking from the roof top terrace which is a most excellent place for our bitches Linda and Beverly to sun their weiner bodies. Bravo to the architects and engineers who managed to get a swimming pool here given the lot is basically a vertical cliff.

Of course, Your Mama would toss that gym equipment out with yesterday's trash, but we are appreciating all the televisions--we counted four. We can only hope this Weiner dude was thoughtful enough to install a television in the elevator. You know how Your Mama hates to miss her favorite programs like the re-runs of Reba and that mortifying My Super Sweet 16 program on the MTV. Lawhd hunnies, that program is like a damned train wreck. We desperately want to just flip past that channel, but we can't help it. We always end up watching, and our evening is completely ruined by the visual carnage and disturbing entitlement of those teenage assholes. But that's all another story.

Anyhoo, this Weiner dude has a history and penchant of buying and selling properties and you can have a look-see at another property he previously owned that is currently being offered for sale by clicking here.

Now, if any of you are inclined to help out this Weiner dude and buy this house, please call the folks over at Hilton & Hyland. I'm sure they'd like to get this thing off their plates.

Sources: Forbes, Wickipedia, Savage Nation


Anonymous said...

There is something just inexorably depressing about this property, desolate despite the finery.
Just the sort of place you end up deciding it really isn't going to get any better and why go on anyway?
The seeming remoteness will insure that your pleas to the universal mercy go unheeded, I mean it was YOUR big idea to spend $4 million in ill advised real estate, no?
Except...who could pull the trigger until the crap above the drapes in the bedrooms is identified. What the hell *is* that anyway?

This is the best website ever. I close on a house Monday, my partner wishes ya'll had done the description to send to the insurance company. We only bought it because it looks like it has no earthly business being here in the midwaste...we miss Caulifornia.

Best wishes

Anonymous said...

Thanks so much for including the link to the 2260 Sunset Plaza estate. I missed my chance for a tour of the property years ago so this was great to finally take a peak inside. Impressive but a bit of a modern museum vibe to it. One night a couple of years back I was coming down Sunset Plaza on my mountain bike and the garage doors were open. Some dude was inside tinkering on red Lamboghini. Not only does he have "the fortress" but he has to top it off with the cliched one time ultimate status ride. Left me kind of cold. Cheapened my love for the place. Cheers Mama!