Wednesday, January 3, 2007

Real Estate Pornography V, San Francisco Style

SELLER: Gladyne Kenderine Mitchell
LOCATION: 2901 Broadway, San Francisco
PRICE: Unknown
SIZE: 5 bedrooms, 2 staff bedrooms, 7 full and 1 half bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: No description provided by listing agents.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: First of all, Your Mama wants the children to know the furniture shown in these photos does NOT belong to the homeowner. Babies, don't go knocking Ms. Mitchell over the choices of couches and cupboards or for that disturbing and ostentatious Louis Vuitton headboard in the master bedroom. See, prior to coming to market, this house had some severe cosmetic challenges and was done up by some of San Francisco's best design divas to make it look good for a charity benefit last September.

The Italianate palazzo covers an astounding half a city block in blue blood Pacific Heights. This centrally located section of the City is positively crawling with San Francisco plutocrats including Hales, Haases and Gettys, as well as the Steel/Traina clan. Children, if you don't already know, San Francisco high society is every bit as exclusive, patrician, and filthy rich as those found in New York and Palm Beach. And don't you forget it hunny.

Of course, all these fancy folks need someplace nice to live. Fortunately, untold numbers of behemoth and ornate mansions cling to the hills and valleys of this small city. But few compare to the Mitchell manse. Built in 1925, it was purchased in 1944 by drugstore tycoon Mitchel L. Mitchell for...hold on to your wigs babies...$93,000. (The current owner is the daughter of Mr. Mitchell.) Rumors abound in real estate and upper crust circles across the Bay Area the list price for this fixer-upper hovers around $75,000,000, but no one, least of all the listing agents, will confirm that number.

Last fall, SFLuxe, a blog about all things blue-blooded in the City, had an anonymous tipster who has been in the house write in with some interesting tidbits about the condition of the property. Apparently Ms. Mitchell has not kept the house up-to-date over the years and prior to it's $1,000-a-ticket charity ball makeover, the interior of the house was wreckage--and some areas still are. This tipster claims the reason there are no photos of the bathrooms or kitchens is they are worn out relics of the past with "linoleum! cracked tiles!" and, "orange counter tops!" Although orange is our favorite color, this is certainly not what Your Mama, or any buyer paying upwards of $50,000,000 for a home, might expect.

Reports say the house is around 10,000 square feet, but much of that square footage, according to the tipster, is taken up by a warren of rooms behind and on the two floors above the garage level. These rooms are dark, unpleasant storage and staff areas mostly but also include a few public rooms such as a library.

Another drawback to this urban palace is the stairs. The house is equipped with an elevator from garage level to bedroom level, which is great for the staff bringing up the groceries, but the guests are going to be having a heart attack climbing up to the front door. If dinner is at eight, you better start up these steps at about seven fifteen. And if you're wearing heels, bring some sneakers you can stash in the bushes once you arrive at the top.

For all it's quirks and conditions, Your Mama thinks the house is really quite impressive and has loads of positives too. All the white collar spor-teef children out there will swoon with desire when discovering the most significant feature of this property...a regulation sized tennis court for a backyard. Yes babies, this unusual feature is quite possibly the only private tennis court in all of San Francisco.

The interior may need updating and some smoothing out of the rough edges, but babies, look at the bones to this house. Imagine sweeping down that staircase and floating across that marble floor. It's a bit difficult to see in these photos, but the view from the upper floors is the sort of view only San Francisco can provide...Golden Gate bridge, Alcatraz, the bay, and the rooftops of all the less fortunate in the quicksand flats of the Marina District.

New York may be the hard driving financial capital of the U-nited States. And Los Angeles may be the mild weathered home of celebrities (and celebretards). But puppies, there's just something about all those quirky, shabbily genteel houses in San Francisco that make Your Mama's heart go pitter patter.

For as long as it's left up, more photos and floor plans can be found at the website set up by the listing agents, so git on over there while you can.

Sources: sfluxe, Marin Independent Journal, and San Francisco Business Times

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