Friday, February 28, 2014

In Case You Missed It: Christian Audigier

SELLER: Christin Audigier
LOCATION: Los Angeles, CA
PRICE: $3,199,000
SIZE: 5,330 square feet, 5 bedrooms, 4 bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Over the last several years French-born (and frequently maligned) fashion designer Christian Audigier—he's the fella who foisted the once ubiquitous and now grimly passé Von Dutch and Ed Hardy brands on the world in the early Aughts—failed to sell at least two multi-million dollar properties he owns in the Los Angeles area. In the fall of 2010 he had his exuberantly decorated mansion in Hancock Park listed for $8,299,000. It did not sell and was de-listed in late February 2012. In the fall of 2011 he put his also exuberantly decorated mini-ranch in Topanga, CA up for sale at $3,299,000 and for lease at $16,500 per month. Alas, the so-called C-A Ranch also did not sell and was taken off the market in July 2012. It was taken off the rental market the following month although, to be honest, puppies, we're not sure if anyone actually leased the place or not. Anyhoo...

The lady property gossip at the L.A. Times revealed this week that Mister Audigier has put yet another of his several multi-million dollar houses in Los Angeles up for sale. The asking price is currently $3,199,000—it's also for lease at $25,000 per month—and property records suggest Mister Audigier bought the property, a few short blocks east of the charming (if somewhat vanilla) Larchmont Village shopping and dining district in the downtown adjacent Windsor Square 'hood, in September 2007 for $2,695,000.

Listing details show the 1925 red brick English Tudor residence has five bedrooms and four bathroom in 5,330 square feet of—not surprisingly—exuberantly decorated and liberally chandeliered interior space. There are additional (if less exuberantly decorated and chandelier free) living quarters in a self-contained two-story back house that's clearly suitable as a pool house or for over-nighting guests or a live-in domestic.

The first of the home's innumerable crystal chandeliers hangs in the center hall foyer that's flanked by chandelier-lit formal living and dining rooms. The foyer stretches deep into the house before it links to the roomy and cook-friendly eat-in kitchen where, much to our surprise, there does not appear to be a chandelier of any kind. The kitchen, which opens through French doors to the backyard, is fully modern with a double-wide commercial-style range and a refrigerator/freezer with a most unusual alligator skin (or faux alligator) facing.

As far as Your Mama can tell, all of the bedrooms are lit by one or more chandeliers. In the master bedroom there are at least three glimmering fixtures as there are in one of the several guest bedroom where there are also three hooded twin beds that strike Your Mama as a little too coffin-esque for our comfort. Three more over-sized chandeliers hand from the exposed rafters in a meandering, en-suite bedroom tucked up into the many-gabled eaves on the third floor. Good grief, Your Mama imagines Charlene Chandelierseller was able to retire to Boca after Mister Audigier bought up every chandelier in her shop.

While some of the children will most assuredly consider Mister Audigier's highly curated day-care unacceptably garish—and that argument is most certainly easily made—the interiors also, as Madonna used to shriek, strike a pose. They are not easily dismissed or soon forgotten and there's something to be said for that, children. We can't defend all (or even many) of Mister Audigier's decorative choices—y'all noticed the table in the living room that's essentially some sort of mold of the lower half of a goddamn elephant or hippopotamus, right?—but we'd much rather be in and look around this house than an appropriately beige and gruesomely forgettable macmansion in a generic gated development. But we're crazy that way. Anyways...

The backyard entertainment and recreation areas include flourishing gardens, a swimming pool and spa surrounded by brick terracing, and various decks and patios that include an alfresco dining area lit with—you got it, kiddos—a crystal chandelier.

listing photos: Hancock Homes Realty


lil' gay boy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
lil' gay boy said...

Cute Tudor, lovely bones...

...but the decor makes it look like a West Coast Remains Lighting.

I wonder if our dear Rebbe can illuminate for me the numerous boo boos such a plethora of chandeliers presents?

Rosco Mare said...

...and I'm wondering what our dear in-house rabbi would say about the very bad feng shui of the three Addams Family coffin beds in a row. I hope she will return home from the kibbutz soon.

Anonymous said...

I like blog spot. This not nice Rabbi comes back I must leave. She is sick? U.S. slang? My sister has U.S. husband say she is slang bitch. Is dog? He say ugly fat woman or man. My broken Greek again.

Sandpiper said...

The decor is certainly, um, unique -- and distracting. IMHO there's awesome potential everywhere.

Within the abyss of online Chandelier Etiquette Rules, reading isn't required to guess these fixtures are in fierce violation. Not to say I'd mind taking a few off her hands :)

Hoping the fur "decor" elements are faux. If not, it's tragic.

Anonymous said...

Those creepy beds remind me of Goldilocks and the Three Bears, one for Mama Bear, one for Papa Bear, and one for Baby Bear.

Sandpiper said...

PETA PSA retraction:
The fur is faux! Yeah!

I cower.

Anonymous said...

Three Beds
- Custom made
- Louis XV-inspired
- Functions against drafts
- Also used three in Hancock Park

midTN said...

I could never live chandelier in the kitchen!