Monday, July 30, 2012

Beyonce and Jay-Z Do it Temporarily in the Hamptons

In case you ain't already heard...

According to the New York Post, procreating international entertainment industry power couple Beyoncé and Jay-Z coughed up several hundred thousand clams to lease a significant estate in the Hamptons for the month of August (2012). But, seriously, does that surprise even the most half-hearted of celebrity (real estate) watchers among us? These are, after all, the same lavish living lovebirds who regularly drop hundreds of thousands of dollars to rent mansion-sized boats for a few days at a time.

The hip-hopping couple, who each possess the sort of fame and super-stardom that allows them to be known around the planet by just one name, like Cher, Oprah, Madonna and Charo, reportedly shelled out somewhere in the neighborhood of $400,000 to lease Sandcastle, a hokey-named, Hamptons-famous estate in sleepy but impossibly swank Bridgehampton, NY currently listed for sale with a reduced from $50,000,000 but still boo-tox blistering asking price of $43,500,000.

The children may (or may not) recall that two summers ago direct marketing lady-mogul of a certain age named Cheryl Mercuris plunked down a bone rattling half a million bucks to lease the behemoth Sandcastle for just two weeks in August. Miz Mercuris, bless her Tampa (FL)-based heart, made no bones about the fact that she wanted to spend a little time in the Hamptons so that she could do the hokey-pokey (or whatever) with some quality, wealthy men. She did not, so the story goes, snag a man that summer of it but she must have had a sufficiently good time that the next summer (2011) she returned for the entire month of July.

Anyhoo, the best way to take in the shopping center-sized Sandcastle is not with a bunch of over processed "prose" from Your Mama but rather by the numbers and with listing photos.

Sandcastle, just about 1.5 miles from the beach, encompasses 11.5 pancake flat acres and includes a gated and complicated series of interconnected driveways and motor courts, farm views, and (approx.) 31,000 square feet of luxury living on three full floors, including a 40-foot long living room with two fireplaces and a library/office sheathed floor and ceiling with high gloss wood work and paneling.

Altogether the compound-like estate has, according to current listing information, 12 bedrooms and 12 bathrooms, including a sprawling, 2,800 square foot master suite with private sun deck and a marble- (or maybe onyx-) floored lady's pooper far larger—we guesstimate—than the average two-bedroom tenement apartment in lower Manhattan.


In addition to all the usual accouterments to be expected in a super-pricey summer rental in the Hamptons—60-foot swimming pool, spa and sunken tennis court with pergola-shaded viewing terrace—the self-contained estate also includes a 4,000 square foot poolside entertaining pavilion with adjoining outdoor kitchen; a 10-seat home theater with swanky adjustable seats; a full spa with massage area and steam room; a state-of-the-art two-lane bowling alley and squash/racquetball court, media lounge with (at least) five tee-vees sunken into the wall—breathe, breathe, breathe—a disco with full bar; indoor rock climbing wall and skateboard half-pipe—because everyone needs one of those in the basement; a children's performing area—whatever that is; an 8-car garage with hydraulic lifts and, not to be outdone by Jerry Seinfeld, a baseball diamond in the back yard.

Good grief.

Call Your Mama old fashioned—and Lord knows we've been called far worse—but iffin we we're gonna spend big bucks and a few weeks in the Hamptons this (or any other) summer, we'd much prefer something less, well, all-inclusive. All Your Mama requires for few weeks beach vacation happiness—and we really could use some beach vacation happiness—is a simple and charming shack on (or even near) the beach, a beat-up bicycle, 10 pounds of fresh corn and tomatoes, a handful of novels including at least one preferably unauthorized biography, a couple of Costco-sized bottled of gin, a smart phone—we're beholden and handcuffed to a base level of daily technology just like everybody else, and a diverse and endless supply of candy.

Whatever do people like Jay-Z and Beyoncé do with all this house? Do they ride the half pipe? Climb the rock wall thingy? Do they take 8 cars on vacation? With 12 bedrooms, the compound easily sleeps 24. Do they have a dozen more house guests at any one time? Is that how they roll? With a dozen or more family members, assistants, domestic staff and hangers on lurking around at all times?

listing photos: Corcoran

20 comments:

Anonymous said...

Mama you described my perfect beach vacay to a T...substitute vodka for the gin, and I definately (try to)limit the candy..otherwise its me. This place just screams vapid, bore, look at us, new money...I could go on and on..

Anonymous said...

So is this the House of Dereon????????

Anonymous said...

I think people have lost their minds. I'm all for enjoying the fruits of your success but the over top consumption has really become obscene and truthfully, immoral.

Anonymous said...

While I'm baffled why anyone would spend this kind of money and NOT have a house directly on the beach, I also did not grow up a crack dealer in bed-stuy...I'd imagine if I did, I would have a completely different perspective on life.

Also, I'm not a celebrity with crazy stalkers and lookey-loos trying to get to me 24/7...I'd imagine that might influence your choice of dwelling as well.

Nancypa said...

All that and you still have to drive to the beach??? Sheesh...what's the point?

Anonymous said...

Who would spend that kind of dough and still be a mile and a half from the beach!

Anonymous said...

6:03. Yes indeed, and one way to curb these ridiculously vast houses, built I suspect simply to proclaim one's money, would be to levy an "excess house" tax on their value. Clearly the owners have millions to burn and the taxes could be used for better purposes. 15% per annum on assessed value would be just about right.

Anonymous said...

And then to rent in August in The Hamptons of all months?! I adore the Hamptons, but August is overwhelming with people volume everywhere. Pick any season but Summer if you really want a wonderful Hamptons getaway. Big rents and big hassles in August!

Miss Lily Pond

Anonymous said...

The troll is back...

And for $43 mill, I'd want something a little nicer than "farm views".

Anonymous said...

http://nymag.com/news/business/themoney/jeff-greene-2012-8/index1.html

Anonymous said...

His secret son should enjoy this house immensely.

bentley said...

The front of this place looks like a row of condominium townhouses in Scottsdale. 'Her' bathroom is beyond ludicrous. What a shocking, not to mention hideous, waste of space. Except for the orange couch in whatever room that is, this is a giant pile of crap. Farm views. Amazing.

Anonymous said...

You people are so silly. When did celebrities ever live modestly? It is not in the nature of the immature American reality to do anything with modesty nor humility. Besides they have family, friends and children to bed in 12 rooms. I

Tashi B said...

HEY! THEIR RENTAL HOME WAS FEATURED ON MTV : "TEEN CRIB" HERE'S THE VIDEO AND HOUSE TOUR! http://www.mtv.com/videos/teen-cribs-season-2-ep-1-lynsey-and-ryans-crib/1628192/playlist.jhtml#series=2211&seriesId=27109&channelId=1

Anonymous said...

Celebrities who live (more or less) modestly: Jake Gyllenhaal; Reese Witherspoon; Meryl Streep; the late Elizabeth Taylor; Warren Buffett; Kirsten Dunst; and numerous others one never thinks of because they do live (relatively) modestly. Of course, "modestly" is in the eye of the beholder.

Anonymous said...

You know, that's a lot of drive way (i.e. hard surface and no water penetration (pea gravel? i doubt it)). A main drive and turn around. A descending circling drive to the lower level parking area. A even larger diameter circular drive to the entertainment pavilion near the pool. I mean, couldn't you have the pool pavilion guests drive down and park in a lower private court near the garage and have a beautiful staircase up o the pool pavilion or enter at the lower level? More landscaping and less paving? what a concept!

Petra's said...

Bentley, you are always so correct. My jaw dropped when I saw the 'her' pooper. Could they be any more blatant that they made it obscenely huge for no reason? At least put some sort of... use into there. What, is Beyonce planning to hold a dancer audition for her next music video while she sits on the damn crapper?

l'il gay boy said...

How are all the little Bee-Hyphen-Ens?

;-)

As usual, Bentley, you are correct; farm views, indeed. My understanding from an old article on the Corcoran website is that this humongous pile was constructed on spec -- who in their right mind would want such a huge house that's not even close enough to smell the ocean?

It may be that the couple prefers chlorine to salt water & just want the Hamptons vibe, but this is still too much house for the locale.

ExcitingLA said...

good grief is right, mama!

Anonymous said...

Mama I do not know about you but when I pay 43.5 large for a house it better damn have more aqua than that.Yes I am talking indoor pool and
walk to the beach (for friends and family who do not do salt water).Kids have enough play area and do not need the basement rec room.It gets cold in the winter here dagnabit (look at all those fireplaces).Not being unreasonable,JUST SAYING.