Thursday, March 1, 2012

Dick Clark Says So Long to Remote Malibu Hideaway

SELLER: Dick Clark
LOCATION: Malibu, CA
PRICE: $3,500,000
SIZE: 1 bedroom, 2 bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Ain't no doubt about it, puppies, Emmy-winning octogenarian Dick Clark is a Showbiz treasure and legend who—get ready for a lame and lazy segue way here—owns at least three iconic residences in the low-key but very costly and celebrity-packed coastal enclave of Malibu, CA.

In addition to two significant ocean front spreads—a bit more on those later—Mister Clark has long-owned a quite remote mountain top hideaway on the border between Los Angeles and Ventura counties that he spun on to the open market this week with a $3,500,000 asking price.

The younger children in our virtual midst probably don't have a God damn clue who Mister Clark is but we suggest they do themselves a favor and look him up on the interweb. There's no hyperbole, we don't think, in saying the man revolutionized the music and entertainment industries with his wildly popular and pop-culturally super-significant dance and music program American Bandstand. The show first aired in 1957 and continued for more than 30 years. Thirty years, children, is a long ass time and during that time just about everyone who was or would become anybody in the (pop) music world chatted with Mister Clark and performed on the program.

Truth be told, butter beans, it makes Your Mama a bit misty to think of American Bandstand. In our (long ago) youth the high-energy program provided a kind of televised life line to a far more cosmopolitan life than we knew in our beautiful but small and (back then) oppressively provincial home town. Watching American Bandstand as a hip-wiggling pre-teen in corduroy overalls gave us a heroin-like dose of the glamorous life we thought we wanted, one fully-stocked with lust-inducing lookers outfitted in fearless fashion statements gyrating wildly to new genres of modern music that parent-aged people often detested. What, we thought at the time, could be better than all that glittery nonsense?

Anyhoo, Mister Clark, who famously managed to maintain his youthful appearance well into his advanced years, also hosted several versions of the word association-based game show Pyramid, originally called The $10,000 Pyramid but had a name change when ten thousand dollars no longer seemed like a lot of money for a person to win on a game show.

Since 1972 Mister Clark has hosted the eponymous Dick Clark's New Year's Rockin' Eve (DCNYRE), a New Year's Eve music/variety extravaganza on which he continues to appear each year despite having a stroke in 2004. Since 2005, DCNYRE has been co-hosted by the meticulously manicured Ryan Seacrest, Mister Clark's unofficial Showbiz heir apparent who, like Mister Clark, first had success on the radio and, we can assure the children, will have a long, industrious and financially fruitful career as an entertainment industry tycoon who, like Mister Clark—awkward transition number two—will own a handful of architecturally idiosyncratic and discussion-worthy residences.

All you people out there who prefer their homes have a traditional vibe can move on to your next task because you are not likely to appreciate this little residential ditty which has an honest-to-goodness crafty-homemade quality and looks more like a white-washed cave hangout than it does a house with a lot of boring right angles.

Listing information shows Mister Clark's rather peculiar bedsit in the Malibu boondocks sits on 22.89 secluded acres accessed by a little traveled canyon road that twists up in to the rugged mountains off the Pacific Coast Highway. A hair pin left turn off the paved canyon road puts you on a snaking, dead-end dirt road used by just a couple other equally remote residences. A second hair pin turn off the dirt road swoops up to an unpaved motor court and detached, two-car carport.

A wide concrete walkway curves up through the indigenous desert-meets-seaside landscape to the low-profile abode, which at first glance looks like it was fashioned from papier mâché or carved out of a massive boulder. Listing information does not indicate the square footage—neither does the Ventura County Tax Man—but does show the open plan, hive-like home contains just 1 bedroom and 2 bathrooms.

Mister Clark's mountaintop spread is almost ludicrously remote, the sort of place where if you forget to buy milk, a tomato, toilet paper or lady-part necessities you simply make due with whatever might be at hand. It's about 22 miles and at least a half hour (without much traffic) to the Malibu Country Mart and Lumber Yard and another 12 or 15 miles and another half hour (without much traffic) to the Third Street Promenade in Santa Monica. Closer perhaps but not much more convenient are the Ventura County communities of Oxnard and Camarillo, each about 20 miles and a forty minute drive from Mister Clark's isolated hideaway.

Even for a solitary person like Your Mama who happily go days without speaking or seeing another person besides The Dr. Cooter and Fiona Trambeau who calls every day to let us know she's not passed out in the apartment of some unsavory character with whom she's gone home the night before, this is a think-about-it-twice sort of secluded that, despite the spectacular 360-degrees views and stunning scenery, borders on godforsaken. Just think of what it costs in gas alone to have a minimum wage girl drive out there every couple of days to keep the plants watered. Plus, three and a half million clams is a lot of dinero for a getaway where overnight guests will have to curl up on the curved sofa in the living room, pitch a tent in the back yard or fold themselves into the back seat of their car.

The multi-level living and entertaining spaces include an intimately-scaled living room with sheep's-wool colored wall-to-wall shag carpeting, the aforementioned, custom designed curved couch, a fireplace-like cubby for the telly, and a massive oval opening filled with geometrically installed frameless glass that brings in a distant but dynamic view of the Pacific Ocean. The ocean view is no less enticing from the adjoining dining room with sensually undulating ceiling and walls with built-in buffet along one side, more shag carpeting under foot, and a dining room table with chunky pedestal base encased in hand-stitched leather patchwork.

It's all very organic and strange and we're not afraid to say we swoon for it all...well, for most of it anyways. The kitchen, by our humble and utterly meaningless opinion, is a bit of a disaster. The series of port hole-like windows in the kitchen do provide magnificent vistas of the surrounding craggy mountains that would make doing the dishes an almost pleasurable experience but the rippling, drippy, and downright Dali-esque cabinets make Your Mama feel a bit queasy. We applaud the effort at stylistic consistency here but iffin we were to buy this property—and there is no chance we will buy this property—we'd have to rip that kitchen out and re-do in in a more sleek manner that would operate in a visual juxtaposition to the homes sometimes anatomical-looking interior architecture that swells, surges, swoops and hollows in the most unusual and delightfully unexpected manner.

The shag carpeting stretches into the lone bedroom adjacent to the living room that has wide, amoebic windows, a raised fireplace, lots of chaise-y chairs for lounging, and an almost cochlear bathroom with pebble tile floor, cantilevered vanities, and a party-sized jetted tub set into an undulating niche with the most dee-vine (and divine) view that stretches from mountain top to mountain top for as far as the eye and air quality will allow.

We regret to inform that children we know nothing about the architect and/or how house this house came to be. If anyone wants to enlighten Your Mama, be sure to give us a jangle on the email.

Mister Clark owns at least two other notable and well-located properties in Malibu. In the late 1970s Mister Clark acquired a funnel shaped parcel of property that narrows as it gets to the beach where there now exists an 8,688 square foot hexagonal-shaped house and swimming pool that sits so right on the sand that any closer would put it in the surf.

Real estate reports from 2002 reveal Mister Clark paid Pepperdine University "close to $15,000,000" for Gull's Way, an enviably sited 11-and-some acre bluff top estate above Latigo Beach. At the time Mister Clark picked the property up it included a 6,600 square foot main house, an 1,800 square foot guest house, caretaker's cottage, beach shack and extensive grounds with a pet cemetery. There is online evidence the property is sometimes leased out as a wedding and event venue. The property had been donated to Pepperdine by Luella "Billie" Ulrich who hoped they would utilize it as some sort of conference center but the high-priced college was unable to obtain the necessary permits and variances to do so.

listing photos: Everett Fenton Gidley for Coldwell Banker / Malibu Colony

29 comments:

JoeTheMiddleYears said...

It looks like Fred Flintstone's weekend getaway house. Well, at least it's not a McMansion...

Aunt Gina said...

"Flintstones, meet the Flintstones, they're a modern stone age family..."...everything but the anteater/vacuum cleaner.

Doug said...

Plus, three and a half million clams is a lot of dinero for a getaway where overnight guests will have to curl up on the curved sofa in the living room, pitch a tent in the back yard or fold themselves into the back seat of their car.

Well, Mama, the answer to this is (hang on to your gin and tonic) an Airstream travel trailer. Holy, Mary Ann Mobley, I've worked that damned thing into about four comments now. I'm so tweaked on these things now that I even went to Ebay and cased a few. If I got as much out of one in real life as I have on the net, it would be a wise investment! But the thoughts of having to own a damned Tahoe, or something as big, to tow it depresses me.

Yes, Dick Clark is a dear icon and everyone of a certain age group holds him near and dear. Curious, was your little hometown so isolated that you'd wait for nightfall so you could pick up KOMA out of Oklahoma City on your little transistor radio? Constantly adjusting the antenna as the signal of the "50,000 watt, clear-channel" lifeline of teens and pre-teens in the entire western US of A, faded in and out... Memories!

I won't mention much about the house other than to say it would be hard to live in a rock-looking abode that far from civilization. Besides, I think KOMA is talk radio now...and so is "64 KFI".

Sorry, long comment. I won't be hurt if you don't approve it as it is more reminiscing than discussing the house at hand.

Anonymous said...

There's got to be an interesting history behind the house. And I have a suspicion the cabinets were a lot better looking before someone painted the interior beige.

Anonymous said...

This house is clearly the love child of the home of Dr. Morbius from Forbidden Planet (here: http://www.inetres.com/gp/sf/forbidden/fp_17.jpg) and the well known and promiscuous Flintstone residence (here: http://www.cartoonscrapbook.com/l-p/002/flintstones_L11.htm). A clear example of why one should have houses one cannot watch all the time sexually neutered. Once these remote country places go into heat anything can happen. Tragic.

eye2eye said...

quel écrivain! formidable!!!

Candy Spelling said...

Mama, please don't ever, ever, EVER mention that annoying, kiss-ass gnat Ryan Seascrest in the same sentence as Dick Clark again. Don't make me use your own wooden spoon on you!

Anonymous said...

The Flintstone song came to my mind also...love dick clark, his taste in this house not so much!

Anonymous said...

Remember the American Bandstand days well, Mama. I can't even picture Dick Clark in this house.

Now if you want a out of the way place, and you have $3.5M and a good very dependable four wheel drive vehicle, this might be the place for you. Very unusual house, and nothing I would ever want. However, the 22+ acres it sits on probably makes it worth the price. Views are nice. Location not so good. I prefer something I little closer to civilization myself.

nursedeb said...

I actually like this house...shows a great sense of humor!! don't care for the kitchen either, Mama. those cabinets, after a few(!)gin and tonics would MOVE. LOL
the property alone is worth the price..can't wait to see further posts on the other homes of Dick Clark. a treasure, that man.

MichelleBella said...

Great minds think alike. I immediately thought Flintstones too.

Anonymous said...

*says in my Chris Crocker voice* "Leave Dick Clark's house alone!!!" It's in an absolutely beautiful location you must admit...those views are breathtaking.

Anonymous said...

This house is fricking sweet. I must have it.
And yes, that POS Seacrest should never be mentioned at all, much less in the same breath as Dick Clark.

Anonymous said...

Sorry, to me it looks like Dick Clark desinged this AFTER his stroke.

Anonymous said...

My thoughts are that the pictures don't do it justice.

Anonymous said...

Can we just say TEARDOWN?

Anonymous said...

ugly. sorry!

Anonymous said...

Yabba dabba doo...

Viva! said...

It's very, very Flintstones. It's also an absolute tear down. It's also not going to sell for $3.5 million.

Jesse said...

I like to imagine this is where he had his private trysts. Perhaps with Ryan. You don't climb as far and fast as he has without pleasing some of the folks in charge.

Anonymous said...

I presume Clark's show was the model for the Corny Collins show in Hairspray, right? Certainly a confirmed bit of Americana. As for the house, I'd like it for a get away place. His company's stock used to sell on the New York exchange but he took it private at some point in the past.

Dawnye7 said...

Who in the he double toothpicks is gonna by this Bedrock home???

SusieQ said...

Oh Mama, I loved the kitchen cabinets--for some strange, strange reason. They go with the whole wavy feel of the place. But to each his/her own.

If you ever do find out about who designed the place, please post. Very curious. Wonderful post.

Jesse said...

@Anonymous March 2, 2012 8:25 AM

The Corny Collin's show was real. The name might have been slightly different (or the same), but it was a very real show that aired in Baltimore in the 60's.

The 2007 version is a studio version, but the original version was shot on the streets of Baltimore. The high school Tracy Turnblad goes to (Mervo High) is also real, as it is where my Mom graduated from in the mid-60's.

Anonymous said...

It looks like the work of Cher's old decorator- Ron Mann.
Fabulous!! Agree about the kitchen cabinets, but I'll bet that they're less noticeable in person. This house is a perfect getaway- especially with no room for guests:)

Yak said...

Teardown or blow up? A friend bought a house, decades ago, with an advertised "cave-like atmosphere basement". It looked very similar to DC's getaway.

One afternoon we tried knocking down the basement bar and ceiling that was covered in mock stalactites. They were made of cement and rebar and we could barely make a dent in the demo. We gave up after a short while and It still stands to this day.

Dick Clark's cave, if made from similar material, will require a lot of dy-no-mite to turn it into rubble.

Steve Mawson said...

Who needs to take acid, when you can live in a house like that !?!

Would make a great private pad in a rehab clinic - the victim [sorry, patient] could be fooled into believing he/she'd not recovered from the addiction, thus providing an endless revenue stream for the new and lucky owner.

First patient, Lindsay Lohen perhaps ?

Carla Ridge said...

the amazing thing about Malibu is that the place next door could look like the Jetsons and no one would bat a dyed eyelash.

That said, it's an interesting migration for DC, who when I was a child in the 1970s, started the run-up of massive houses on the beach with his Hyatt-Hotel sized house just down the sand from ours. The windows in the living room rose three stories high AND curved over the room AND opened to the sky -- believe me, it was really something in 1972 or whenever. The house was later used in the first Sex and The City Movie. It's still quite the eye-popping spectacle, even if it seems diminutive by today's bloated standards.

Last word: How is it that this titan who made his living out of TV still uses rabbit ears? LOL

Tina said...
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