Thursday, January 5, 2012

Rent Paris Hilton's Real Estate Sloppy Seconds

The guys and gals over at Trulia Luxe reported earlier today that tabulebrity and reality television denizen Paris Hilton's former Los Angeles, CA party pad is up for temporary grabs at $16,000 per month, recently reduced from its original asking price of $20,000 per month.

Listing photos for the 1920s Spanish-style casa, perched just above the Sunset Strip on North King's Road, show the interior of the house just about exactly as it appeared when Miss Hilton occupied the house in the mid-Aughts, the white hot pinnacle of her gossip glossy ubiquity that sprang forth fully formed the well-timed leak of a home-made sex tape released in 2003 just before the premiere of her first (and wildly successful) reality show The Simple Life with former b.f.f. Nicole Richie. In August 2007, in the wake of 20-some days spent in the slammer for a probation violation that stemmed from a 2006 drunk driving incident, the then ever-present paparazzi who lurked around her house compelled young Miss Hilton to decamp her Sunset Strip digs and drop $5,900,000 on her current home, a much larger, 7,493 square foot mock-Med (mc)mansion in the guard gated Mulholland Estates community high in the mountains between Beverly Hills and Sherman Oaks.

Anyhoo, it appears to Your Mama that either Miss Hilton's real estate agent—her also (semi-)famous uncle Mauricio Umansky, smoldering co-star on The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills—is utilizing old photos of the house from when it was done up in a classic, post-millennial High Hollywood Nightclub style or the current owners acquired the home fully decorated and haven't touched a god damn thing, not even the multiple, larger than life-sized portraits of Miss Hilton.

Now listen, cinnamon sticks, we know Miss Hilton had her day at the celebrity races and that for a good number of years the sometimes naughty-acting and occasional law-breaker held firm to the pole position amongst all the other many celebutantes who competed for attention from the celebrity "news" media. For chrissakes, she (and a sex tape) single-handedly launched Kim Kardashian into international infamy simply by association. 

That said, let's get honest for a moment, shall we? Beehawtcha Hilton, despite the almost violent media hysteria and vast money-making that her tabloid-tracked life generated, the lady's reign as the queen of the gossip glossies has done waxed and waned, at least for now. A low profile for the next few years, some intensive acting lessons, and a crackerjack agent who can gently bring her back with small but choice roles on both the tee-vee and silver screen might put her back on top of the heap. For now, however, Miss Hilton will have to make due with a slightly less high profile existence as a glamour puss businesswoman who heads up a billion dollar empire of fragrances, apparel and other Paris-branded products. Miss Hilton may be an heiress to a hotel fortune but she is also a mogul in her own right.

Listen children, we don't mean any disrespect to anyone but even a property gossip like Your Mama has certain standards. We're not talking about the house itself. Oh no, it's a fine Spanish style house built in 1926 and nestled into a steep hillside well above the street with gated off-street parking, 4 bedrooms, 3.5 bathrooms, updated systems and innards, and a small but flat back yard with swimming pool, wee patch of grass, and a couple of high-glam poolside tent cabanas. We love love love all the archways, the easy-peasy flow from in- to outdoors, and the fab staircase in the entry would be magnificent without all the decorative tarting up. There's also a desirable separate guest wing and home office, according to the listing, and one of the 4 bedrooms has been converted to the "ultimate" boutique-like dressing room and closet.

But, hunties, unless they've been removed, listing photos still show a stripper pole in the middle of the living room, dizzying wallpaper in the breakfast room, and a fully mirrored bathroom that would easily drive a drinker to take up dope. And did we mention the multiple, over-sized sexpot portraits of Paris Hilton? Yes, well there are those too.


One hopes the current owners, a couple from Texas as we may or may not correctly recall who paid $3,865,000 for the house according to property records, have pared down and cleared out the worst decorative offenses; A stripper pole? Really? Your Mama ain't no prude, puppies, but a stripper pole in the living room? Pleeze.

It's our opinion, which isn't worth a god damn thing, minus the shrine-like day-core Miss Hilton's former home would likely lease in a hot minute for sixteen thousand a month. Yes, that's an ass load of money to spend on the rent but no, children, it's not even remotely unusual for similar (and smaller) houses in prime areas of Los Angeles to rent for that amount of money.

Howevuh, iffin the day-core indeed remains all but unaltered from Miss Hilton's residency as is shown in the current listing photos—y'all will forgive Your Mama if this is offensive to anyone—we can't help but ask what sort of douche bag spends sixteen grand a month to live in Paris Hilton's sloppy real estate seconds and is that the kind of chap or chippie one really wants as a tenant in a multi-million dollar plus investment property? You decide. There is, as they say in real estate, a lid for every pot and at the right price—whatever it may be—there's certainly some salt for this pepper.


listing photos: The Agency via Trulia

29 comments:

Anonymous said...

This house architecturally is an architectural delight! Stunning design very old Hollywood and fabulous! Stripper Pole as tacky as it is... has helped Paris earn 100s of millions of dollars. I hear her new house she spent millions on decor and is over the top.

Love Paris or Hate Paris she has made million of dollars and buys decent homes and cars (well minus the pink Bentley)

JB in Silver Lake said...

Oh dear sweet tiny little baby jeezis and all the saints and things, those photographs have made me want to pull my eyeballs out one at a time and chuck at the computer screen on which they've appeared. The decorative abortion that is Miz Hilton's former abode, at least as is represented by these pictures, do nothing but serve to depress the asking price. I'd say all the way down to about $1500 per month. As my great-grandmother, may she rest in peace, was want to say, "oh the humanity!"

Anonymous said...

Did she pay someone to decorate this shrine to herself? It is so tacky and cluttered looking...no matter how much money one has, it doesn't mean you have good taste or that you can choose a tasteful decorator. You are so right Mama, just WHO would pay that much money a month to live ther?

Desert Donna said...

I hope someone drained the pool (hot tub?) since then.

Doug said...

I have often wondered, had Elvis and Gypsy Rose Lee married and been forced to downsize, what would their house look like. Thanks, Mama, for answering this long-burning question in my mind.

midTN said...

***
Gypsy Rose Lee had exquisite taste.
***

Does the lease on this mess include a home inspection for closet skeletons and a cleaning service sanitation guarantee?

Anonymous said...

I may be wrong, but I think Faye Resnick decorated this for Paris.

Anonymous said...

According to her website, Faye Resnick was the interior designer of this house at the time Ms. Hilton lived there.

http://www.fayeresnick.com/portfolios/parishilton.html

I've heard, but cannot verify, that she is also Ms. Hilton's godmother.

(In many ways, the Westside is a very small town.)

Audrey fforbes-Hamilton said...

I sense the house itself is embarassed.

Anonymous said...

Its not a bad house and its actually probably the most private house on all of north kings.

Little Miss Smoke and Mirrors said...

You guys beat me to it, yep, Faye Resnick decorated the place. You remember her, the woman who posed for Playboy and sold out her friend Nicole Brown's memory after she was slaughtered? Klassy.

Carla Ridge said...

Ah, the Villa Valtrex. if those toilet seats could talk.

Amish Stories said...

I may be interested in renting only if you take down her picture,lol. Welcome to the new year and ill look forward to all of your post for 2012. Richard

Anonymous said...

Paris reminds me of Tori Spelling. You think she would buy up alot more?? Yes 5.9M is alot of money, but her new place really is very ordinary. And then when you think Daddy owns Hilton & Hyland and has the pick of the litter??? I dont get it.

Anonymous said...

There is not a strong enough disinfectant that could get me to live anywhere Paris Hilton lived and by virtue Joe Francis visited.

Villa Valtrex, I like that name, she should market it as that.

Rosco Mare said...

Great posting to get the weekend started, Mama Dearest!
The house, meaning the structure, is nice in my meaningless opinion. The so-15-minutes-ago-residential-nightclub day-core supports Paris' manufactured image, which is a product of the Hollywood reality TV dream factory. (In this example, the result is at its money-minting finest.) Friends have met her and say she really is polite and kind of quiet and sweet.

Gypsy Rose Lee did occupy a nice house in Beverly Hills. It was located on the hill above Greystone's upper parking lot. The house was originally part of the Doheny's property, but it was demolished to make way for the existing structure, I believe in the 90's (I can't remember exactly when.)

lil' gay boy said...

I'm torn on just how to comment on this; my initial impression was that I was looking at some badly colorized (aka Turner Broadcasting) B&W photos of one of Liberace's former abodes...

Yet my sentiments seem to be drifting more towards my friend Audrey fforbes-Hamilton's, and that if it could, this house would die of shame (or to quote her directly, "...how very vulgar...").

Outrageous as he was, Liberace had nothing to be ashamed of; any non-Scotchgarded surface in this house does. The stench of desperation (and unidentified bodily fluids) clings to it...

Bev Mo said...

Faye Resnick decorated the place? Says it all, don't it.

Anonymous said...

A good reflection of her undoubtedly cheap and vulgar mind and taste. Are you sure she is worth 100s of millions? I greatly doubt that. If she were, would she be content with a house in the 3-5 million range???

Anonymous said...

Probably has a very good security system and fencing, after the experiences she has had in the past.

Anonymous said...

Faye Resnick is also a regular on Real Housewives of Bev Hills as Kyle's interior decorator.

Anonymous said...

12:40, she is not worth hundreds of millions, she is not even worth a hundred million. Someone like her if she was worth that kind of money would live in a house commensurate with her net worth.

She is probably worth between $10-$15 million, no matter what lies she tries to perpetrate.

acadykademic said...

"yep, Faye Resnick decorated the place. You remember her, the woman who posed for Playboy and sold out her friend Nicole Brown's memory after she was slaughtered? Klassy."

Before I was enlightened to any of this - I just knew that it was some white trash salt and pepper. Money can't buy it, Paris, darling.

Anonymous said...

I'm sure a lot of people have been in Paris up to the hilt.

midTN said...

RM @ January 6, 2012 11:08 a.m....

Gypsy Rose Lee's house at 153 E. 63rd St. in New York was stunning. She sold it and moved to the Beverly Hills house.
***

Bethany said...

Despite the circumstances, the home is beautiful.

Kelsey said...

The house would be much prettier if all those tacky portraits were taken down.

Anonymous said...

I may be the only one (besides Paris) but I love how this house is decorated. Naturally, I wouldn't want someone else's portrait in my house, but I love the dark floors, the black and white theme, the black and white poolside, the mirrored closet.

Anonymous said...

Kyle from Real Housewives of Beverly Hills has the exact same bad. I've seen it in her master bedroom. I wonder if it was a hand me down from Paris. Yuck.