Saturday, June 11, 2011

Your Mama Keeps on Hearing...

...tons of tidbits and morsels about the (alleged) impending sale of the recently rehabbed Beverly Hills, CA mansion that sitcom star and rom-com queen Jennifer Aniston has on the market with a blistering $42,000,000 price tag.

The latest 411 comes down the gossip grapevine from a well-connected informant deep inside the Beverly Hills real estate whirligig who snitched to Your Mama that despite it still being marked "active" in the MLS, Miss Aniston's 10,000-ish square foot single story residence is in escrow for $35,500,000. We'd previously heard the sale price was going to be thirty-seven million, give or take a million. Make of that what you will, pets. Either way it's a far larger number than any of the Chicken Littles and Debbie Downers thought Miss Aniston would get for her 5 bedroom and 5.5 bathroom city-view abode.

Over the last few weeks we've several times heard the buyer is "that Russian with the big yacht." That would be noted and notorious trophy property collector and multi-billionaire Roman Abramovich and his oil and arms heiress/baby momma Daria 'Dasha' Zhukova. We've also heard Russian energy and banking billionaire Andrey Melnichenko's name batted about. He too has the finances and a massive boat called A that spent some time bobbing in the ocean off the coast of Venice (CA) last fall. Twice now we've heard that the buyer is not a Russian billionaire at all but rather a New York City financier with a pampered wife who just had to have it.

Clearly, kids, Your Mama don't know shit from Shinola about the real details of the (allegedly impending) sale of Miss Aniston's mansion and we're sure that is just how Miss Aniston likes it. Howevuh, puppies, where there is this much real estate smoke there is almost always fire and no matter who the buyer and what the exact amount of the sale may be, it seems quite clear to Your Mama this real estate bride is about to walk walk itself down the aisle much sooner and for a much higher amount than most anyone with an opinion on the matter ever thought it would.

Miss Aniston, as celebrity real estate watchers already know, reportedly plans to spend more time in New York City where she spent just over seven million smackers in late April (2011)–$7,019,084 to be exact–to acquire two wee one bedroom apartments in a lovely pre-war building in New York City's over-gentrified West Village. One of the apartments, a puny penthouse sold by hair honcho (and oil heiress) Sally Hershberger, has a deep wrap around terrace with to-do-for views south, west and north. Rumor on the real estate street is that Miss Aniston is also in contract for a third contiguous one bedroom spread last listed with an asking price of $1,995,000. Once a lengthy and expensive renovation combines the three units her duplex digs will measure between 2,500 and 3,000 square feet.

Star magazine reported this week that Miss Aniston and her new squeeze, New York-based actor and hipster Justin Theroux–who has one eyebrow permanently, dramatically and fantastically arched higher than the other–have "fast-tracked their love affair" and are fixin' to live together in Miss Aniston's new duplex penthouse pad in The Big Apple.

Your Mama does not know a paper bag from lemon tree so we certainly don't know if the living together business has a shred of validity. We suspect, though, that there might be some misinformation somewhere since it's highly unlikely Miss Aniston will occupy her new crib in N.Y.C. for quite some time to come since it will take considerable time to combine and reconfigure the two (or three) apartments into one a-list living space suitable for a showbiz luminary.

We can imagine Miss Aniston camping out pied-a-terre-in Miss Hershberber's former penthouse pad for a few days or weeks but we do not for a moment believe that Miss Aniston can fit her life–plus whatever of his possessions she would allow Mister Theroux to bring–into just one itty-bitty penthouse apartment where the bedroom is smaller than just one of the two bathrooms in the expansive master suite of her (allegedly) soon to be sold Beverly Hills mansion. (Phew!) Most of the hotel rooms in which she stays are larger than that for christ-damn-sakes.
She may want to simplify her life, but she does not, we would bet our long bodied bitches, want to go back to living in an 800 square foot one bedroom apartment where guests must traipse through the bedroom to get to the bathroom.

What we do know is that fickle Miss Aniston hasn't entirely tossed in the towel when it comes to owning a residence in on the left coast. Not only does she continue to own a 2 bedroom and 3 bathroom house high above the Sunset Strip that she bought in 1993 for $751,000, Your Mama just heard from a gabby source who tattled that Miss Aniston–with her new pot of man-hunny in tow–have recently peeped and poked around a number of houses not far from her current spread including a sexy contemporary above the Sunset Plaza shopping and dining district currently pocket listed for around seven million clams and once leased by a music and entertainment mogul with a too-frequently changing name.

15 comments:

Anonymous said...

Can you just tell us when the deal is final?

All of the whispers you're giving this story in between are irritating to be honest :(

Mike/Chicago said...

She wants to keep this one on a short leash - he's hot and intelligent (unlike Pitt) - and place will be the perfect baby-making abode.

dolly said...

Well if you find it irritating you can just bog off. I like reading about it, and I also like reading the latest incarnations of Mama's "Your Mama don't know an x from an x" meme.

Trixie von Trott said...

@Anonymous

Did you wake up on the wrong side of the bed dear? Calm down, you may not enjoy all the little tidbits but the rest of us are lapping it all up!

As for Aniston's new digz, I can't understand why she didn't just find a ready-to-decorate duplex somewhere else? I mean, it's NYC for heaven's sake! Home of the divine duplex! Something smells fishy here...

midTN said...

.....YAAAAAAAAAWN.....

This is getting old.

***

Anonymous said...

My vagina is a vagina.

Anonymous said...

Please, mama, a bit less of Ms. Aniston. She isn't really worth so much of your time, or ours.

Anonymous said...

It is ironic that the buyer is the same one that is part of a group that helped to create inflated market for real estate which is slowly coming down, we still have a 90% drop off to go

:)

Anonymous said...

Hot? The Justin dude looks like a bearded troll and is just as short. And trying to keep men on a "short leash" is why she keeps getting dumped. Pitt is worth nearly 300 million. So he's got some smarts and is running at the top of his game, over twenty years now in the business. Also, I wondering if there are some need for additonal cash involved. Why spend all of that time and money to create your dream home only to suddenly realize it's too much? And to essentially repeat the same pattern with these New York purchases? Surely there are places to buy that can she can move into more quickly? Something is off here.

Anonymous said...

If Justin Theroux is hot, then someone has changed the definition of "hot" and didn't tell me. I keep waiting for him to break out in the Lucky Charms song. He's only slightly taller than a leprecaun.

Anyway, about Aniston's overpriced house and why she's selling it - she's selling it because she gambled and lost. She remodeled that house in the exact same style Brad Pitt had remodeled their old Walter Neff house in 2003. At the time Aniston said she couldn't stand the design scheme and the furniture was uncomfortable and she just wanted a comfortable couch. Pitt described Aniston's design style as "matronly" and said she liked chintzes and florals. Everyone knows Pitt is a big design and architecture buff. Aniston remodeled that house just like the last house she lived in with Pitt and then last March got her publicist, Stephen Huvane, to call his brother Chris, who at the time was the West Coast editor of a Conde Nast magazine, and secure her the Architectural Digest cover. AD just happens to be Pitt's favorite magazine and like the bible to him. If I know that, then Aniston knows it. In her delusional mind Pitt was supposed to see the house she spent 2 years remodeling in his style and drop Jolie and his 6 children and coming running back to her now that she likes modernist design elements. She waited six months and there was not one single peep from Pitt. Next thing ya know Aniston announces she's selling the house because it's too big. Well, it was too big when she bought in 1997 and spent 2 years and $12 million remodeling it, too. Basically what I'm getting at is - Aniston is off her rocker and has finally realized, after 6 years and 6 babies with another woman, that Brad Pitt ain't ever coming back.

Anonymous said...

Wow - just wow at the craziness of commenters who seem to be inside Aniston's mind from the way they speak about her thoughts, motivations and feelings.

Unless you are in bed with her you have no idea what led her to buy and redo this place as she did. Getting the AD cover wouldn't require any string pulling though - her designer is an AD favorite and she's Jennifer Aniston - it's not like she isn't big enough to secure a spot in AD.

And as for her ex-hubby - just as he isn't likely to return to her, I'm sure she isn't looking to reunite with him. She's long seemed over him and never gave any indication she would want him, his rapidly deteriorating looks/altered personality (from when he was with her) and 6 kid baggage in her life.

Anonymous said...

Touche Anonymous 5:19!!! Love it!!! I have always thought JA was still pining away for Brad Pitt. Sorry babe! He's long gone!!!

Anyway, now we know whey she wanted to buy sometime in NY. It didn't make sense to me at all until this Justin character came up. She always chases the men! Once again, she's changing her life for a man!

Anonymous said...

Ummm, she's been looking for a place in NY since 2006 - she grew up there and has long said she wants to spend more time there. She herself said she isn't moving permanently, but it will be a bi-coastal arrangement. Doubtful that Theroux has anything to do with it.

And when else has she "always chased the men" or "changed her life for a man?" News to me. Her ex husband is the one who is known to change his life for his current partner - he adopts the looks/attitude of whomever he is with. Can't see a similar example for Aniston at all.

Anonymous said...

Also, was Theroux really involved in helping her look for a new home in L.A.? The way that was written sounds sketchy - "with her new pot of man-hunny in tow".

Eric Bosloor said...

One of the commenters acted like as if he really knows Aniston inside out! I, however, beg to differ. I think the reason she actually remodeled the entire house for a smashing 12 million is NOT because she wanted to grab Pitt's attention! How silly could that be? I think she did all that was because of the influence she got from actually living with Pitt. When something is really stunning, anyone would be influenced by it! I wonder how she managed the moving phase. With such a huge house, she probably needed a few weeks or months of packing and at least a few days of moving with the self storage, disassembly and such.