Thursday, March 31, 2011

New Krib for Kourtney Kardashian

BUYER: Kourtney Kardashian (and Scott Disick)
LOCATION: Calabasas, CA
PRICE: $1,700,000
SIZE: 5,334 square feet, 4 bedrooms, 4.5 bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Buckle in buckaroos and pour yourselves a tall and stiff gin & tonic because–trust now–you are going to need it. We strongly recommend getting blottoed or at least a little buzzed before moving on here because much to Your Mama's own dismay and disappointment we are about to discuss the recent real estate doings of one of those krazy and ubiquitous Kardashian people. This time it's the eldest Kardashian, Kourtney, and her douche bag baby daddy Scott Disick who, we hear through the celebrity real estate gossip grapevine, recently paid $1,700,000 for a new krib in an upscale development in Calabasas, CA.

Several days ago The Bizzy Boys at Celebrity Address Aerial queried Your Mama about an upgraded and pricey but perfectly ordinary home in The Oaks, an upper middle class gated community in the far northwestern suburbs of Los Angeles. The Bizzy Boys were pretty sure but not 100% sure that the property in question was purchased by Miss Kourtney K. (and her ill-behaving baby daddy Scott Disick).

After taking a day or two to stomach the notion of digging up real estate dish on one of the Kardashians, Your Mama made a few requests for confirmation from a couple of our contacts who tend to know about quasi-celebrity real estate matters. It wasn't long before we heard back from a celebrity gossip industry stalwart we know who told us that his people told him that Kourtney K. and her coat tail-riding baby daddy Scott Disick have indeed moved into the krib in question as evidenced–if you will–by their high-cost whips being espied and photographed while parked in the driveway. Also, someone pointed Your Mama towards a video on the YouTube that shows Mister Kourtney Kardashian standing on the rear balcony of the house–are you read for this?–encouraging folks to visit his official personal website in order to get a real idea of who he is and what his life is like. Make of that, butter beans, what you will.

The pre-Kourtney K. ownership of the property, according records we accessed, show the property has had a somewhat tumultuous past. It was sold in late June of 2007 for $3,175,000 to a non-celebrity. The following February, the fickle non-celebrity buyer(s) flipped the property back on the market with an asking price of $3,499,000. A few months later, the first of three nasty Notices of Default were recorded on the property. The asking price eventually dipped to $3,299,000 and listing information obtained with an assist from our friend and informant Babbling Babette shows the property was leased in early November 2008 for $13,500 per month.

Although the third and final Notice of Default on the property was recorded in August of 2010, the seller somehow managed to keep the property from falling into the ugly and complicated abyss of foreclosure until along came Miss Kourtney K. (and her wall-punching baby daddy Scott Disick) who, according to property records and as already mentioned above, acquired the residence–through a trust–in November of 2010 for $1,700,000. A few quick flicks of the industrious beads on Your Mama's bejeweled abacus shows that's less than half what the seller hoped to get when the property was first foisted on the market nearly three years earlier.

Listing information shows the house–previously used as one of the model homes for The Oaks development–measures 5,334 square feet and includes 4 bedrooms and 4.5 bathrooms. For what it's worth and for anyone who might be persnickety about these particular details, some records show the house measures 5,199 square feet and at least one listing Your Mama reviewed indicated the house actually has 5 full bathrooms. We don't know nor do we care enough to try to find out which figures are accurate.

Anyhoodles doodles, a courtyard entry features a pond and provides access to a detached room that could be utilized as an office, library, guest or staff room, sex dungeon, fitness room and/or media lounge. Inside the house, dark chocolate stained hardwood floor run through a double height entry with its surprisingly pretty staircase and in to the formal living and dining rooms. A not particularly large but well-equipped kitchen, outfitted with high-grade stainless steel appliances and fussy, cream-colored cabinetry has a snack bar, breakfast area and is open to the family room that provides access to the backyard.

The second-floor master suite includes a sitting area, fireplace, walk-in closet, large bathroom with separate soaking tub and shower and private balcony that overlooks the backyard and offers a view of the surrounding roof tops and rolling hills. Other features noted in listing information for the property from 2008 shows the house has an attached two-car garage, wine cellar, second-floor den/game room, crown molding, designer window treatments, central heat, air and vacuum systems, and a luxurious home automation system.

The slim but fully landscaped backyard includes a concrete patio that envelops a free-form swimming pool and raised spa with stone coping and boulder accents, a built-in fire pit and a small grassy area just large enough for a pooch or two to tinkle and squat.

As it turns out, is not Miss Kourtney K.'s first time at the real estate rodeo out in the suburban wilds of Calabasas. In July 2006 the reality tee-vee star coughed up $829,000 for a 2 bedroom and 3 pooper pad in a small gated enclave that wraps around an electrical substation. Miss Kourtney K. took a not insubstantial $130,000-plus wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am to her designer pocketbook in July 2010 when prop records show she sold the two-story 2,235 square foot abode for $700,000.

Momma Kris Kardashian and her Olympic gold medal winner husband Bruce Jenner live in an 8,860 square foot mansion in the guard-gated and star-studded Hidden Hills community where their neighbors include Jennifer Lopez, Britney Spears, Melissa Etheridge, Nicolette Sheridan and Denise Richards, one of publicly dissembling actor Charlie's Sheen's three ex-wives and baby-mommas. Gluttially expansive and über-entrepreneurial Tinseltown gadabout Kim Kardashian paid $3,400,000 in early 2010 for a 4,500 square foot faux-Tuscan/mock-Med mansion in the Beverly Hills Post Office and younger sis Khloe and her professional dribbler Lamar Odom live in a hulking 7 bedroom and 9 pooper mansion in hot as Hades Tarzana, CA that property records indicate they bought in December of 2009 for $3,950,000.

We're not entirely sure what Mister Disick does for a living besides fight with his baby momma and look like the definition of a tool in front of a crew of reality television cameras but in a recent interview with Mister Disick in Men's Fitness he reveals that he's currently at work on a line of tanning products and supplements for men. Puh-damn-leeze. Let's just call this donkey an ass, okay? We may not know a goblet from a magnifying glass but it is Your Mama's entirely meaningless opinion that if the Kardashian name is not slapped on or, at least, part of the marketing for any product dapper but flashy Mister Disick develops the endeavor is unlikely to succeed. He's a nightclub promoter (or celebrity wrangler or some such thing) and not a goddamn skin care guru. Gawd, it just makes Your Mama want to puke.

Word on the reality tee-vee street is that Miss Kourtney K. and her bespoke-suited baby daddy Mister Disick hope to sell a reality television program of their very own and if they do succeed in that task we expect their new krib will be prominently featured. They would be far from the first high-drama quasi-celebrity couple to sell a successful show about how they raise babies and manage "fame." Just think about Hugh Hefner's ex-gal pal Kendra Whatsername. As far as Your Mama is concerned, that athletic-looking beehawtcha is about as interesting as a box of hair and yet she's all over the damn boob-toob. Not only does she have an eponymous reality show in its 3rd or 4th season but she's also doing the shuck and jive on the current season of the psychologically oppressive and utterly mortifying mega-hit Dancing With The Stars.

What, children, do these Kardashian people actually do that is so damn appealing to others that it allows them to collectively earn upwards of $65,000,0000 in 2010 with an undeniably successful and endlessly expanding empire of clothing stores, fragrances, pin-up calenders, product endorsements, sex tapes and reality television programs, all of which are built–of course–on the back of Kim K.'s behemoth backside? Women want that ass and men–well–want that ass too and, apparently, as a result of the sexed-up desirability of Miss Kim's phat fanny, millions will spend their last minimum wage dollars to buy whatever stupid thing the Kardashians are selling. For chrissakes, chickens, there were people who actually paid real money for The Kardashian Kard, a (much-maligned and now-defunct) pre-paid credit card with shockingly high and "predatory" fees. They had their own fucking credit card, people.

Welcome, giblets, to celebrity in the 21st-century. Your Mama warned y'all that you'd want a tall and stiff gin & tonic to get through this one so it's not our fault iffin any of y'all didn't heed that advice and are now suffering the consequences of reality.

listing photos: Sotheby's International Realty

77 comments:

Anonymous said...

very generic looking home!!T

Anonymous said...

Another celebrity who thinks it's a great place to live because it's a gated community. Try driving to Dodger Stadium, Staples, Disney Hall or anything else that L.A. or B.H. have to offer. It's a 2 hour drive. I'll stay in L.A. Plenty of better places to live.

Anonymous said...

If she paid $1.7, it's a steal.

Anonymous said...

Given the fact that their father was part of O.J. Simpson's double murder trial defense team, can we really be surprised by "The Kardashian Kard"?? These people are a great case study for how to become "famous for being famous". Time for another G&T....

Anonymous said...

She is a whiney cranky thing and he's a douche bag!!

Anonymous said...

I built a house once in the Virginia woods with a view of the Blue Ridge and I made sure my soaking tub was situated in front of a large picture window so I could feast my eyes on nature while warm waters lapped up against my body. I don't get why this big tub is angled so you can't see out the windows and moreover so that you would have to stand up in any case to do so. Very poor planning. Of course the house isn't nestled in the Virginia woods with a Blue Ridge view so probably no point......

angie said...

"Welcome, giblets, to celebrity in the 21st-century." You said a mouthful there Mama, and actually, Scott Disick is a not surprisingly good fit as the spouse of one of the Kardashian Klan. Someone please correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe he was born into an affluent, if not downright rich, family himself, and he's contributed to the Kardashian franchise via made-for-reality-TV behavior. Sounds like a perfect match for them to me, and unless and until he stoops so low as to let a sex tape of his surface, I can't honestly fault him for anything he does in association with his in-laws.

I love the entrance hall stairway too, and they got this home for a great price.

Anonymous said...

Mama:

The staircase is pretty; however, an above-ground chamber may best be referred to as a playroom, and certainly not as a dungeon.

Additionally, the listing photos don't seem to capture the courtyard entry, pond, or water feature. Perhaps there is a birdbath or water sculpture of Prometheus bound in the recessed entry?

Mama, Dr. Cooter, the deserving Svetlana, and all of the children over the age of eighteen have a standing invitation to visit my well-equipped, subterranean dungeon, where I administer to Studly his well-earned discipline.

Der Trentoner Rebbe LaTess

The Devoted Classicist said...

Maybe they think it was such a great deal that they can tart it up a bit (with the tv production paying for those costs), and then sell it at a big profit to someone who wants that Kardashian connection.

Rosco Mare said...

Nice staircase, and well, nice staircase... I think the ordinary exterior looks like standard-issue post WWII architucture. Might be interesting to see the place after it's been blinged to death by a Z-Gallerie day-core-ator, on a rainy day if nothing else is going on. The kitchen lighting should be returned to the big ol' milk cow that lost its udder.

StPaulSnowman said...

Mama's children are indeed generous. The staircase, which received kudos, is, only my opinion, only attractive in the midst of a sea of grey and black mediocrity. Spindles the caliber of toothpicks against really well executed panels just don't cut it in the aesthetic proportion department. The comments nicely emphasize how important the staircase is to any house.

Miss Lady said...

God please let there be a property of some taste belonging to a person of some taste (perhaps in Manhattan?) hitting the market soon so we may rise up and out of Trashville.....

Mike/ORD said...

We are all DOOMED.

Anonymous said...

Mama:

The staircase would benefit from an Isfahan runner from the Safavid era. The boiseries are indeed superior to the balusters, which although slim appear sufficiently sturdy to bind for restraint Devoted Classicists, particular midwestern Snowmen, Studly and Rodney, and Anonymous misbehaving adult children.

Vernadah and Patti O.
Trenton Rug Co.

Anonymous said...

Have to say, it never ceases to amaze me how the pools don't have protective fencing around them, to stop toddlers from accidental drownings. In Australia, it is compulsory to do that, and I must admit, most of us prefer that.

Anonymous said...

Mama, I think you protest too much here.
If these folks made their money selling water mixed with a little food coloring, sugar and caffeine and called it an energy drink, or perhaps a crappy jewelry collection featured on HSN, or if it was a Leeza Gibbons or Jeff Probst presenter type, well there wouldn't be an eyebrow raised.
What they are doing is producing content for cable television, which needs all the content it can find. They are the smart but not well educated family set down in Hollywood with all its attendant fascinations. Everyone watching believes that could be them if they weren't in wherever else they are. And yes, I know it's hard for you to believe, Mama, but the Kardashians reality looks better than there reality -- to them.
Your investigation reveals that they are quite smart about their money as well. Yeah, when they try to sell it next year it may only be worth 1.5m, but that's okay. And it's perfect, because it seems attainable to their audience. That's key to the brand.
Get with the program here!

Anonymous said...

Miss Lady:

Amen. I share your prayer (and your pain).

Rabbi LaTess

Anonymous said...

I hate a house where the pool takes over the whole back yard, besides it needs to be enclosed with fence. I do like this Kardashian the best out of the lot,hope she's happy.

Phoebe said...

Anonymous said...

Have to say, it never ceases to amaze me how the pools don't have protective fencing around them, to stop toddlers from accidental drownings. In Australia, it is compulsory to do that, and I must admit, most of us prefer that.

March 31, 2011 6:07 PM


-------------------------------

Just going to mention the same thing about the pool and pond fencing - they are going to have to watch Mason every second of the day if they don't get a fence, if they take their eyes off him for one moment it could be tragic.

Anonymous said...

This country is jacked up.
Physician's that work their butt off their whole lives and study their butts off and save lives can't afford the homes and cars these useless dolts have.

No wonder this country is crumbling into ruins.

Anonymous said...

where are they going to park their Mercedes and Bentley? The garage look tiny and has a cheapo aluminum door. This thing looks like a tract home

susan said...

I remember this house from the very beginnings of the Oaks when the agents kept referring to the Oaks as the "new Beverly Hills". The houses were all over-priced and over-staged and most were purchased by certain people with huge mortgages. Some of the homes were not even nice tract homes! Many have been lost in foreclosure or sold for 40% or less - the prices were a joke...

lil' gay boy said...

Jesus H. Christ...

Aunt Gina said...

sorry Mama, but having recklessly referenced The Family That Must Not be Named, this site must now undergo ritual exorcism.

burning sage as we speak.

MarkyMark said...

High-priced wh - opps I mean "courtesans" need homes too...

Anonymous said...

Ugh, WHY would anybody want to live in Calabasas, first of all? Dry, treeless, brown, souleless ugly place.

And this house looks like a $250,000 tract house in Middle-America.

Just awful.

Anonymous said...

I just feel so dirty now.

Anonymous said...

MarkyMark, why would you call her a wh opps courtesan? She never had a sex tape , she worked all her life, always had a job. She dresses down, keeps herself out of trouble.

All you people come here tear peoples houses apart, Id love to see where you all live. But I guess thats the sign of the times now, get behind a monitor and bash people.

If she would have gotten some huge home , you would have all bashed her on that. Looks to me like she is using her head and not going overboard to impress anyone , but living in a nice place. Isnt her Dash store up in that area? Maybe thats the reason she bought there and her family is there too. Of all the sisters she keeps the lowest profile.
I just dont get why so many of you who come here are so miserable.

Mr T said...

tract home

Anonymous said...

One of your very best columns, Mama.

It's impossible to care about any of these people, and they sure do set an unhealthy and bizarre mathematical example for the young'uns: be a zero, make gazillions.

What a weird, weird world it is getting to be.

Anonymous said...

They WORK, they have 3 stores, and got rid of Smooch the baby store. They had their store before the had the show. They design clothes and accesories. Have a book. Do print work. Kim has done some Tv acting, and in a movie. Kourtney just did a spot on One Life to Live. Sounds to me like alot of jealous people here. Shame on you all.

Anonymous said...

Wow! Am i the only one that isn't offended by these people? i think they are pretty funny actually and their success never bugs me. I also happen to love Calabasas. Close to the Valley, the beaches, Ventura and Santa Barbara. Works for me. I too thought it nice that she didn't go outrageous with some HUGE place. It's not going to win any design/architecture awards but it's not bad.

Anonymous said...

But we haven't seen the master suite, where's the stripper pole?

Its fun when Mama's posts attract celebrity-worshipers who believe what they read in the tabloid mags and see on reality TV, and want to grow up to be just like their idols. Good luck on the stroll, gals, and may your poles always be shiny!

Anonymous said...

Im not a celeb worshiper, but what are YOUR makes your opion any better than anyone elses. ANOY 2:38? I dont want to be anyone other than myself, looks like you grew up to be a bitter person. Just because lots of you here dont like who the post is about you always bash the home. I rarely see any of you here say anything nice about anyone or any house. Like I said earlier you all get behind a monitor and think you can bash people , sorry I dont get that. FYI Kourtney has a college degree and has always worked, so where is the big prob in that? She is on a show so what ? Actors are in movies ? I just find you all rude,she is someones daugher, and someones mother. She has nothing to do with stripping or poles, gutter mind!

lil' gay boy said...

"...you all get behind a monitor and think you can bash people , sorry I dont get that."

And you, (Mama Kardashian, perhaps?) are doing what, exactly?

Several posts in, and all you've managed to convey is that you just don't get it.

Perhaps our Mama could share a couple of her nevre pills with you ––– if you ask nicely.

Anonymous said...

lil' gay boy--- nahh , Im not Mama Kardashian, I like the house she has chosen, I like alot of the houses that are posted on here. I just dont come and say all negative things about the person or the houses that are in the posts. I just found it not so fair to more or less tear her apart. Of course everyone has the right to their opinon ahout the house and her, Im stating my opinion. I dont find her to be a whore or anything close to that. Have a good weekend everyone... enjoy

Anonymous said...

I guess $65 million a year doesn't buy you taste. This is a hideous monstrosity, not much different than its owners.

Anonymous said...

I'd hardly call this house a monstrosity.

Paul said...

When I first heard that she bought the house for 1.7 million I was suprised. I thought it would at least be in the 3 or 4 millions but when I read this it gave me a little more of the history, and that in fact it was in the 3 millions. It is even bigger than Kim and Kgloes

Anonymous said...

Mama this house looks nothing like the one that mizz and mizter kardashian are living in on the new season

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Anonymous said...

She has a lovely home.She so bless.

Anonymous said...

I know where Kourt live at,but I'm not going to give the address.

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