Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Did Kim Zolciak Aquire a Big New Crib?

BUYER: Kim Zolciak
LOCATION: Roswell, GA
PRICE: $3,250,000 (list)
SIZE: 11,066 square feet, 7 bedrooms, 6 full and 4 half bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: During the filming of the most recent season of The Real Housewives of Atlanta bewigged bombshell Kim Zolciak went to some charity event in the ATL and watched sister housewife Sheree Whitfield do a sad little ballroom jig wearing a turly heinous beaded ice-skater costume that y'all can watch here if you missed it and/or you done got a nerve pill down in you. If that outfit is some She by Sheree then, ooo-wee hunnies, she's going to be in some deep doo-doo when she tries to sell her line–if she ever actually develops a line–to high end retailers like Saks and Neimans who, were pretty sure, have a clientele who don't want to attend their next cocktail party looking like Tai Babilonia or Johnny damn Weir.

Anyhoodles poodles, one of the other dancers at the charity even was professional pigskinner Kroy Biermann who does whatever he does for the Atlanta Falcons football team. When the dancing was through the always demure Miz Zolciak met up with a prodigiously booty-fied Mister Biermann and she told him that she "had never seen an ass like that" and then she asked him to turn around in his tight pants so she could get a good look. He obliged, slipped her his digits and six short months later boom-boom-badda-bing Kimmie's got a Biermann bun up in her oven. It wasn't long after that bit of baby bizness got out that Miz Zolciak and Mister Biermann went ahead and got engaged. If we cared enough to look on the internets we could probably sort out when they plan on hitch their wagons and when she's due to push out the baby.

In late November 2010, about the same time she traded Big Poppa's egg-sized diamond ring for whatever ring Mister Biermann gave her, the with child Miz Zolciak put her Duluth, GA bachelorette-pad townhouse on the market with an asking price of $499,000. This was not Miz Zolciak's first time at this particular real estate fair; In the summer of 2009 she unsuccessfully attempted to sell her three-story and 3,396 square foot townhouse condominium with the rather cumbersome asking price of $568,700. Although Redfin shows that the property was taken off the market, as of today listing information for the 3 bedroom and 3.5 bathroom townhouse still appears on the listing agent's website with an asking price of $499,000.

It only made sense and it was only a matter of time before Miz Zolciak, a gal who has adopted a celebrity lifestyle as if to the manor born, was going to find her self in need of or desire for a bigger and better house where she she can live in wedded bliss with Mister Biermann, their baby and her two daughters from a previous marriage. Et, voilà!

As was first revealed on the blog Pay Attenton To..., Miz Zolciak's oldest daughter Brielle let her mother and soon to be step-daddy's real estate cat out of the bag yesterday when she posted a link on her Formspring thing for a property listin on Zillow for a large residence about 30 miles north of Atlanta in the upscale city of Roswell that she described as her "newwww house."

Online listing information still shows that property in question as "active," meaning it's not in contract or escrow or whatever it is they do in Georgia when a person puts some money down for the privilege of doing their due diligence on the property. So, for now kiddos, this is just rumor and gossip even though this particular tidbit floated into the etherwebs directly from Little Miss Brielle.

Listing information shows the stately 2-acre estate, on the market for nearly 2.5 years, carries a current listing price of $3,250,000. The 11,066 square foot brick residence, according to listing information, has 7 bedrooms, 6 full and 4 half bathrooms–Sweetie's going to be awfully busy with all ten of them terlits–3 full kitchens, 2 laundry rooms, 1 media room that seats 30 people and a four-car garage plus parking for at least half a dozen more.

A screened porch and terrace at the back of the house step down to a swimming pool, raised circular spa, a large lawn ringed with a few little islands of shrubbery here and there and what looks to be a regulation-sized outdoor basketball court.

Now then, in honor of the happy couple and their (alleged) new family homestead, we're going to do it Zolciak-style and pop open and nurse on a bottle of mid-priced Chardonnay in the middle of the damn day. We suggest you do the same.

listing photos: Elite Real Estate Properties

22 comments:

Lacy said...

This is one successful gold-digging tramp. Ugly wig, too much make up and all.

Anonymous said...

What's with the settee in front of the kitchen island?

I think this place matches Kim perfectly. Which isn't exactly a compliment

Anonymous said...

"Sweetie's going to be awfully busy with all ten of them terlits."

ROTFLMAO!

re: above comment - seriously? A damn settee in the kitchen? that ugly day-cor in the whole house just screams Kim Zolciak!

Jeannified said...

SO many homes in Atlanta look like this...McMansions!

Anonymous said...

a McMansion fit for a McBimbo

Anonymous said...

More of Kroy:
http://www.life.com/image/107929433

MG said...

Dying laughing about the sweetie comment...

Brooke said...

I like Kim. I want to know what is going to happen when Kroy gets traded?

Anonymous said...

Gorgeous house

luke220 said...

This is the next Real Housewives real estate disaster in the making.

He makes under $400,000- not enuf to support the new wife and this ugly house. Oops, maybe I meant that the other way around.

Anonymous said...

@8:17 - Thanks!!

Anonymous said...

This is former NBA player Antonio Davis' house.

commentator8 said...

At first I couldn't figure out why a 25 year old pro football player would impregnate and then marry a 33 (or 43?) year old be-wigged drag queen, but then I realized:

1. He's from bumf*@# Montana, so what does he know
2. He's not that great looking anyway
3. Since when do I know what I'm talking about

Regarding the house, I've never been to GA, but it does seem like every overblown McMansion there looks the same, and they're all hideous. If he really is making $400k this home is a stretch for him, and this can't end well.

lil' gay boy said...

As Mama's prescient friend & substance abuser par excellence Fiona Trambeau would say, "This can only end in tears..."

Tears of laughter.

C'mon; am I the only one who finds that a gold-digging alopecia sufferer having more bad hair days than Carrot Top is, despite the tragedy, hilarious? Or that her bubble-butted beau makes turnips look like serious MENSA candidates induces single IQ digit giggles?

At the risk of sounding mean, the first thing that kid should do when it pops out of the oven is get a good lawyer & sue its parents for providing such shoddy genetic material.

Hey, if you can sue a contractor for using substandard goods, well...

Anonymous said...

His 2010 salary was $397,000. His salary was ranked 47 out of 55 players on the Atlanta Falcons.
Wonder what she makes....

Anonymous said...

Dear commentator8,

You took the question right out of my mouth. I just don't get it! Unless Atlanta has gone dry on pretty blond bimbos, why in the world would he pick her.
Then again, how did she get Big Poppa? She must do something right...if you get my drift.

luke220 said...

According to Fox Sports, he was a 154th draft pick. Salary is up from $270,000 to $392,280. And it's not the face of a product endorser.

http://msn.foxsports.com/nfl/player/kroy-biermann/535793

Anonymous said...

Damn-Golddigging does pay. I feel like a chump for working a 9-5. That said, this house is such a generic McMansion. It fits the happy couple.

Anonymous said...

I bet NeNe is so jealous, she's probably choking someone out as we speak. I hope her wig doesn't combust. That's why NeNe's always putting Kim down- enough with the bullshit moral outrage, NeNe. You're so transparent. Kim just has what it takes to get guys to support her and NeNe's so jealous she can't stand it. And NeNe's life is falling apart. She's broke, her marriage is disintegrating. Her son keeps getting arrested. And NeNe is one jealous woman, and vicious about it, too.
Kim gets the last laugh.

Anonymous said...

my crystal ball & fortune cookie says Foreclosure in their future.

D rated pro-football players career has very short shelf life of about 3 years. he only gets a stipend of about 400K, no other skills Or education kim's 15 minutes are up I guess they can shoot a port to squeeze a bit more cash to delay the inevitable by a minute.

If they had a even a pea for brain they would stay within the 300, 400K home range and pay cash

Anonymous said...

People why do you care about how she lives her life. Kim likes nice things . Just because all of you don't live in a huge house means you have to bag on people who do have nice things. The way you people talk is like your all jealous . As for the house it very nice I bet none of you people know how to decorate a house.

Chris Perkins said...

They lease the house