Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Scarlett Johansson: Bayou Babe?

Details are suspiciously slim at this point but Your Mama figures we better get on this particular celebrity real estate train before it's a dead horse: Apparently, or at least according to bazillions of recent reports, quirky actress Scarlett Johansson (Iron Man, Vicky Christina Barcelona, Lost in Translation) and her muscled man-mate Ryan Reynolds (X-Men Origins: Wolverine, Chaos Theory, Zeroman, Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle) have purchased a home in the beautiful but oil besieged state of Louisiana.

Your Mama knows nuthin', nada, zilch about this alleged property purchase other than the few tidbits we've read on the interweb, which is that RyJo–is that what the tabs call them?–scooped up some sort of farm spread with a modest and squat looking quasi-colonial style house punished with a brick faced first floor and a yellow clapboard covered second story trimmed with a most unpleasant shade of mint. Other amenities of the ScarRey farmette are reported to include a detached carport with additional attached living quarters, and a rusty ol' corrugated metal barn that looks like it could blow over from the vibrating of a rider mower or a stiff wind.

Some reports say that Miss Johansson and Mister Reynolds are in the process of giving their new farm a face lift that includes fixin' the rusty ol' corrugated metal barn and adding solar heating and other eco-friendly this and thats. However, no report we've seen calls out a purchase price or, it should be noted, identifies the location of the couple's alleged new homestead. We think it may be near Layfayette, LA but, like we said before, Your Mama don't know a fact from a fingerling potato about this one.

Anyhoo, iffin this real estate rumor is true, the comely couple become the newest members of the Celebrity Real Estate Club of Loowheezeeanna. They join the Spears clan in Kentwood, global do-gooders and occasional actors Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie who own but rarely occupy a 6 bedroom and 4.5 pooper mansion in the French Quarter of New Orleans, and Oscar winning actress and new mommy Sandra Bullock who recently left her cheatin' huzband Jesse James to lick his wounds and god only knows who else in California and decamped to New Orleans where she owns a big ol' Victorian in the Garden District.

All the Chicken Littles and celebrity real estate watchers know that in addition to this (alleged) real estate mitzvah, Miss Johansson still has some serous real estate woes back in Los Angeles. In 2007 she forked over $7,000,000 for a big Mediterranean style house in the Outpost Estates neighborhood and proceeded to spend additional funds on updating and upgrading the property. But alas, by early 2010 Miss Johansson had caught an uncontrollable case of The Real Estate Fickle and hoisted the 4 bedroom and 5.5 pooper property back on the market with an asking price of $4,995,000. The asking price subsequently plummeted to its current number of $4,500,000, representing and teeth chattering and knee buckling potential loss of at least $2,500,000.

11 comments:

Madam Pince said...

That is one ass-uglee house, Mama. Beat with the uglee stick real hard. God only knows what RyJo see in it.

Denise said...

Have mercy...this has to be a joke. Somebody is playing with us (I hope)!

Jeannified said...

Wow, that's pretty...interesting.

B Dug said...

Don't forget about Frances Ford Coppola (who lives across the street from the mansion formerly owned by his nephew, Nick Cage), John Goodman, Jennifer Coolige, Lenny Kravitz, and a bevy of others who call New Orleans home!

Anonymous said...

Scarlett Johansson and Ryan Reynolds are doing a charming Eva Gabor & Eddie Albert (may they rest in peace) Green Acres gig, which, when eight or nine I thought took place on Long Island, the most rural place I ever then saw.
Hedda

Anonymous said...

Since it is from the Daily Fail, I wouldn't be surprised if that isn't the house they bought. If it is, my guess is that the house and the barn will be torn down a new house will go up. The land it sits on looks like it might be nice.

lil' gay boy said...

Oh dear, Hedda; please tell me you didn't really think Eddie & Eva were at the Green Acres Mall in Valley Stream?

Anonymous said...

Wow, great corrugated guest house! I hope they're knocking that crapola down to build a southern style mansion.

Ha! lil'gay boy: Green Acres Mall was the stomping ground of my youth. Haven't heard that name in years here in nj...

angie said...

lil' gay boy, is your avatar a photo of the home used in the movie 'Meet Joe Black'? Reminds me of it, and a stately old beauty if it is.

touchstonelofts said...

Its easier said than done.. but really some fine advice for people in need of this. I like the ebay suggestion there.

Baroness Cotilde Van Asperg-Angelli-Cates said...

I agree with Denise. This is a joke. That is one of the most god awful properties I have ever seen in my long and fascinating life!