SELLER: Scarlett Johansson
LOCATION: Los Angeles, CA
SIZE: 4,352 square feet, 4 bedrooms, 5.5 bathrooms
YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Your Mama would like the children to put on their thinking caps and try to remember way back in April of 2009 when Your Mama floated the real estate rumor that actress Scarlett Johansson (He's Just Not That Into You, Vicky Christina Barcelona, The Other Boleyn Girl, Lost In Translation) was gearing up to list her Los Angeles crib. Our trusted informant Winnie Baygo snitched that the asking price was going to be, "around $5,100,000."
It only took 10 months, but Miss Johansson did finally and indeed list her house but not with an asking price of $5,100,000 but rather–are y'all sitting down with an especially stiff cocktail?–$4,950,000. Did anyone just hear Your Mama gasp and fall right down on the floor with with convulsions of shock and awe? Well, we did.
See puppies, Miss Johansson–who is also Missus Ryan Reynolds–purchased her 1931 Spanish style casa in the Outpost Estates neighborhood in May of 2007 for $7,000,000. That's right, seven million smackers. A couple quick flicks of the well worn beads of our bejeweled abacus reveals that even if ol' Lady Luck takes up Miss Johansson's real estate cause as a special case and the bee-stung lipped star manages to land a buyer willing to pay the full asking price she'll still be taking a financial blood bath to the tune of $2,050,000. And that, butter beans, is not even counting the boo-coo bucks she's laid out on what listing information calls the recently completed "extraordinary restoration" that included all new windows and doors and "massive system upgrades" including installation of a solar system for all the electric stuff. It also does not count the fat real estate fees she'll be forking over to her super successful celebrity friendly real estate agent that could easily be another two hundred grand.
We're positive some of you real estate Chicken Littles will jump for joy and puff your chests out with righteousness at the 28% drop between what Miss Johansson paid and its current asking price. But all Your Mama can think about is that most people won't ever even have two and some million clams let alone that much money to lose on a damn house because they caught a serious case of The Real Estate Fickle that seems to plague rich and famous people. What is wrong with these people? Honestly. We don't understand why Miss Johansson and Mister Reynolds don't just suck it up and live in this damn house even if its not the house of their Barbie dreams. Isn't that better than losing a couple million bucks? No? Yes?
Anyhoo, listing information indicates Miss Johansson's walled and gated mini-manse measures 4,352 square feet and includes 4 bedrooms and 5.5 poopers. According to the taxman, the house has 7 bedrooms and 7 poopers. We're not sure why that discrepancy but it might be that the larger numbers include the staff quarters and/or that one or more of the original bedrooms has been put to use as something other than a bedroom.
The driveway of the double gated property passes under a porte cochere and leads around to the motor court and four car garage. Many of the interior rooms, including the living room and dining room open to a loggia that wraps around a vast atrium space with tile floors and a soaring glass ceiling. Your Mama can only hope that glass ceiling is treated with some sort of reflective material and/or that electronic shades have been installed to modulate and ward off the harsh rays of the southern California sunshine otherwise that atrium will heat up and go hoo-mid like a damn hot house.
It appears to Your Mama that the kitchen has been recently remodeled by Miss Johansson and her team of nice, gay decorators. Complementing what may or may not be the original teal tile work are lower cabinets in a matching teal and white upper cabinets. According to listing information, the cooker is kitted out with "Big Chill" style appliances, which means they look retro. Not a choice Your Mama would have made for a five million clam casa but maybe Miss Johansson likes retro. At least some of the property's poopers retain their original tile and fixtures. One, according to listing photos, has yellow tile with green accents and another has pink tile installed all the way up the walls and over the barrel vaulted ceiling. This pooper has green tile accents and a yellow sink and bathtub. It's all a little visually assaulting and somewhat disturbing to imagine being nood in, but it's also kind of great if you care for a quirky vintage look.
Terraces with canyon and city views at the back of the house cascade down the hillside and there is a a long, dark bottomed lap pool and spa, winding gravel and rock lined pathways, several grassy areas and gardens.
We're not even sure Miss Johansson ever occupied this house in any kind of meaningful way because as sure as we are that there's a couple of bottles of gin chilling in the freezer right this very minute we know that the interiors of this house were staged. We'd be surprised if Miss Johansson or Mister Reynolds owned a stick of the furniture or a swatch of the fabrics in the house. Had the two of them occupied the house–and maybe they did, maybe they didn't, what do we know?–they would have been surrounded by famous neighbors including the soon to be single Charlize Theron, happily married Desperate Housewife Felicity Huffman and William H. Macy, Orlando Bloom, and director David Lynch.
This is not the first time in recent real estate memory that Miss Johansson has taken a loss selling a property. In April of 2008 she sold her 66 Leonard Street loft for $52,000 less than the $1,950,000 she paid for the place in January of 2006.
In the spring of 2009, when all this whispering about Miss Johansson selling her house Los Angeles began, Your Mama had a chit chat with The Easter Bunny who told us that he heard through the celebrity gossip grapevine that Miss Johansson and her huzzbund Mister Reynolds were hightailing it to Noo York City where, in April of 2008, she forked over $2,100,000 for a 2 bedroom and 2 pooper penthouse apartment on East 53rd Street.
photo: Pacific Coast News