Due to the gray skies in usually sunny Tinseltown and in honor of the waning days of summer, today Your Mama thought that we'd discuss two surprisingly modest celeb owned properties in the Hamptons, one recently purchased by Today Show talking head Matt Lauer and another recently listed by bling queen Kimora Lee Simmons Hounsou.
BUYER: Matt Lauer
LOCATION: Scotts Landing Road, East Hampton, NY
SIZE: 1,353 square feet, 3 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms
YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Although the Today Show's resident hairy chested hunk Matt Lauer and his Dutch born bride Annette Roque spend summers shacked up in shingled 7 bedroom and 8.5 pooper, multi-winged mansion in the Hamptons, previous reports and property records reveal the apparently not always happy couple recently plunked down $2,150,000 for a second house in an area of East Hampton, NY called North Sea.
According the property and assessor records, the Scotts Landing Road residence sits on a narrow, .8 acre parcel that fronts scenic Wooley Pond and measures a modest 1,353 square feet and includes just 2 bedrooms and a single terlit. Listing information and previous reports, however, indicate the Cape style domicile measures approximately 1,500 square feet with 3 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms.
A long, gravel drive leads from the street to a motor court, a single car garage and a white picket fence that is quite charming if that's your idea of charming. Your Mama knows little about the interior spaces other than that the living room has caramel colored wood floors, a vaulted and wood-beamed ceiling, a brick fireplace with some seriously heinous brass and glass doors, at least one skylight, and operable shutters for privacy and light modulation. Even without all the previous owner's corny, country style day-core, it's not the most interesting or glammy of living rooms. None the less Your Mama is quite sure that with a few yards of fabric, a staple gun and a decent budget, just about any a nice, gay decorator could whip that room into a room worthy of the two million dollar plus purchase price.
The rear of the house opens up to a wide deck that runs the full width of the house and most of the way along one side. There is ample room to accommodate a barbecue, a table with umbrella and a few sun loungers for bun sunning. The water front property has flat and grassy back yard, stretches 85 bulk headed feet on Wooley Pond, and has a small dock suitable for parking a small watercraft. A narrow channel connects Wooley Pond to the Little Peconic Bay which can be quickly crossed for a few drinks with all the townie booze hounds that commandeer the bar stools at Legends in New Suffolk, NY.
Just 3.5 miles from their new water front getaway, the Lauer family's main house on Noyac's Deerfield Road measures 7,788 square feet according to property records and sits on two mostly wooded parcels that encompass an impressive 24.6 acres combined. Mister and Missus Lauer purchased the properties in August of 2001 and their custom built house was completed, according to assessor records, in 2003. The gated property includes a long, curving driveway narrow lap pool, extensive gardens, and a tennis court surrounded by trees.
When not attending summertime benefits and spending a small fortune for lunch at Loaves & Fishes in Bridgehampton, the Lauer family resides in on New York City's swish East 64th Street. Records reveal they forked over $5,882,353 for the sixth floor sprawler in August of 2004 which happens to be located in the very same luxury co-op building where nefarious financial hooligan Bernie Madoff and his once pampered wifey Ruth owned a doo-plex penthouse which, as we all know, was seized by the Feds and subsequently dropped it on the market with an asking price of $9,900,000.
SELLER: Kimora Lee Simmons
LOCATION: Country Lane, East Hampton, NY
SIZE: 2,300 square feet, 3 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: This charming three bedroom, two bath home is situated on a shy acre. The house has central air conditioning and a see through fireplace in dining area and master bedroom. Mahogany decking leads out to heated pool. An over sized attached two car garage and a full basement allows for plenty of storage.
YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Fashion designer Kimora Lee Simmons isn't exactly known for her discreet or humble choices in homes. When the former catwalker was married to music mogul Russell Simmons, the blinged out beehawtcha and her family lived in a flashy, 35,000 square foot mega-mansion in Saddle River, NJ and they summered on a two lot estate in the super swish Georgica Pond area of East Hampton, NY that records show they picked up in 1999.
The friendly but former couple's unapologetically ostentatious behemoth in New Jersey has been on the market since at least April of 2007 and remains for sale with a price tag just under twenty million smackers–What? No one wants a sun room with a cast concrete fireplace surround that is a giant lion's head– and records indicate Mister Simmons still owns the shingled summer house on Jericho Close Road in East Hampton.
However, thanks to Vlad the Revealer, Your Mama has learned that the Jericho Close Road residence is not the only one owned by the ex-Missus Simmons, who is now married to and making babies with actor Djimon Hounsou: Records reveal that back in March of 2003 the then Missus Simmons paid $690,000 for an unassuming house on East Hampton's bucolic sounding Country Lane.
Since Your Mama don't know a taxi cab from a stripper pole, we certainly don't have a clue why the then Missus Simmons would want or need to purchase a simple, 2,300 square foot ranch style residence just a few miles from her sprawling and luxurious weekend house near Georgica Pond. Maybe she had a few staff people she wanted to shack up? An investment? A party house? Something for a family member or favored friend? Whatever the case, the west coast based Kimora Lee Simmons Hounsou has decided she no longer wants or needs the property and recently listed the 3 bedrooom and 2 bathroom residence with an asking price of $800,000.
Listing information shows the house was built in 1990 has a living room with wood floors, a sky light and a wall of peach colored built in cabinets and shelves that look way more 1980s than 1990s to Your Mama. There is also a Mexican tiled, open plan kitchen and dining area with a "see-through" fireplace between the dining area and master bedroom. Your Mama don't know about any of the children, but we loathe these see through fireplaces. Who wants to be sitting at the dining room table macking on a burger while looking through the fireplace and into that horribly mint green master bedroom? Just imagine having a weekend guest who gets up early sitting at the dining room table having a cup of coffee, watching while you and yours have an early morning delight. Pleeze. Anyhoo, the not very big kitchen has white cabinetry, a long wall of paned windows, French doors, stainless steel appliances and a work island with a breakfast bar for casual snacks.
The .91 acre property is ringed by mature trees and fab mahogany deck extends out into a grassy clearing where a wonderfully simple rectangular swimming pool with blue stone coping has been sunk right into the lawn. These pool with no decking or terracing around them can be a bit of a menace if the gardener gets wild with the lawnmower, but Your Mama sure does like the way they look with the lawn running right up the the water.
Other amenities, according to listing information, include an over sized, attached two car garage, air conditioning, a full basement that has not yet been converted into one of those horrible below ground family room areas. It appears to Your Mama that the property also includes low maintenance landscaping (except for the lawn) and a wide pea grave drive way with plenty of off street parking.
Since we don't know why or for whom ex Missus Simmons bought this property we can't say who is responsible for the perfectly ordinary and inexpensive looking day-core. What is clear is that the home owner did not send her nice, gay decorator–or any other kind of decorator for that matter–over to this house on Country Lane to do it up proper.
Post dee-vorce, the ex-Missus Simmons moved to Los Angeles, sold off the erstwhile Simmons couple's Beverly Hills mansion and dumped $5,900,000 on a Bev Hills bachelorette pad slammed right up next to bad publicity magnet Jessica Simpson's house on Lime Orchard Road. Before Miz Simmons could even get her panties unpacked, she was preggers with Djimon Hounsou's baby and she flipped the house back on the market in June of 2008 with a significant mark-up. The property had several price reductions and was removed, unsold, from the market the second week in September of 2009. Not selling her house on Lime Orchard Road hasn't stopped the clearly wildly rich Miz Simmons Hounsou from snatching up yet another Beverly Hills estate, this one on Shadow Hill Way cost her, according to property records, $10,950,000 and measures 9,405 square feet with 7 bedrooms and 9 poopers.