Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Barry Manilow Unloading Malee-boo Beach House

SELLER: Barry Manilow
LOCATION: Malibu Road, Malibu, CA
PRICE: $10,600,000
SIZE: 3,546 square feet, 4 bedrooms, 3.5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Prime Malibu Rd location on dry, sandy beach. Stunning Contemporary compound with large courtyard garden entry. Expansive coastline views north and south. Two-story living room with fireplace, floor to ceiling ocean view glass. Media/family room, master wing with fireplace and terrace. Separate guest house with kitchen.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: A week or two ago we received a covert communique from Malee-boo Barbee who tattled to Your Mama that music legend Barry Manilow listed his ocean front house in Malee-boo with an asking price of $10,900,000. A bit of research shows that the Malibu Road property has actually been on the market for more than four months already and was first listed at $12,600,000.

After getting the 411 from Malee-boo Barbee, Your Mama's big ears pricked right up because even though we can hardly bear to look at Mister Manilow with his frosted and spikey hair-don'ts, we have a soft spot in our cold and dark heart for the singer/songwriter/arranger/producer/conductor/American Idol guest artist.

See puppies, back when Your Mama was just an innocent (and thin) little lamb we would visit our high-lariously foul-mouthed Auntie Jennie who had this colossal console stereo in her living room that sat between two orange faux-velveteen swivel chairs. Come early evening, our Auntie Jennie and Your Mama's Momma would pile their hair up on their heads, strap on their high heels and head out to the Fern Bar leaving Your Mama, Sister Woman, Toddaroohoo and Cuzzin Lois with Teena the Teenage Baby-Sitter who would more often than not leave us home alone so that she could go out on a date with some muscle car driving stud with feathered hair and an impressive looking package in his painted on jeans. After all us scrappy kids gobbled up some Frosted Flakes for dinner, we'd fire up that console stereo, slide in an 8-track tape and do us some fierce karaoke performances to songs by 1970s icons like Wayne Newton, Helen Reddy and, natch, Mister Barry Manilow.

Whether y'all care for his music or not, Mister Manilow is a song singing superstar who howled out a string of hit songs like Mandy, I Write the Songs and Copacabana, all of which are on regular rotation on our iPod.

Anyhoo, we confess we weren't sure whether to believe Malee-boo Barbee's information, not because he has ever steered us in the wrong celebrity real estate direction but because while property records all point towards Mister Manilow and his long time manager (and oft alleged man-mate) Garry Kief, they do not actually show his name. We quickly got on the horn with a couple of Your Mama's impossibly well connected informants who both swore up and down that the property in question is indeed owned by Mister Barry Manilow.

Property records show the glassy, three-story contemporary crib was bought in August of 2002 for an undisclosed amount of money. However, with a leg up by Babbling Babette Your Mama was able to suss out that Mister Manilow paid $3,850,000 for the ocean front property which includes 4 bedrooms and 3.5 bathrooms in the ocean side main house and another bedroom in the street side guest house where we have to assume there is another terlit because we simply do not believe Mister Manilow would force his over-night guests to dash across the courtyard and into the main house just to take a late night dump.

The front facade of the walled, gated and secured property includes a stainless steel garage door and entry gate both which look very impressive and expensive but would surely drive our entirely too volatile house gurl Svetlana to hysterics trying to keep that shit shiny and finger print free.

The 3,546 square foot house is separated from the road by a quiet courtyard between the main and guest houses. A courtyard like this is crucial in a seaside house because when the wind gets a-blowin' it's murder on wig wearers and soft talkers. A glass and stainless steel front door that looks like the entrance to a damn Saks Fifth Avenue opens to a two-story, step-down living room with polished stone floors, a fireplace, a tall wall of windows looking out over the Pacific Ocean and French doors that open to ocean side terraces with undeniably spectacular sunset views. The house also includes, according to listing information, a media/family room, office, a kitchen with high-grade appliances and upstairs the master suite includes two-walk in closets, a fireplace, a big bathroom with spa tub and steam shower and a private glass paneled terrace hanging over rugged coastline.

Listing information does not currently include any photos of the interior but Nameless Nancy, who claims to have been up in Mister Manilow's Malee-boo pad, hissed to Your Mama that it's, "gold records everywhere like some tired queen's Palm Springs hideaway." Now kittens, we don't really know if Nancy's assessment of the day-core is accurate but since Mister Manilow is indeed a tired queen with highlighted hair and a slew of gold records who lives primarily in a sprawling hillside house in Palm Springs it is a believable, if dee-lishusly catty, description.

Now then, hold on to yer britches children because we're quite sure we're about to receive a mountain of hate mail from a well organized cabal of Miz Manilow's over-fervent fans who will read Your Mama the riot act and scream like banshees about how we should leave Mister Manilow alone because he is a great artist and loving man. However, before you freaky Fanilow people start sending us angry email and clogging up our comment box with your righteous indignation, please keep in mind that Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter both love us some Mister Barry Manilow. We just think he needs a new beautician.

37 comments:

Anonymous said...

I know Gary & Barry....

They are not just manager client...

more boyfriend / boyfriend.

Anonymous said...

You can find the virtual tour here: http://www.beachfrontmalibu.com/mls/ although it has no interior shots, and is more like a Malibu travelogue the "sandy beach" description is a huge stretch of the imagination.

Anonymous said...

would make sense that he lives here...

his best girlie friend a miz susanne sommers is just a stones throw away, well... before the house was ravished by widfires... not sure if she's rebuilt yet.

both parites spend most of their time in palm springs, barry & gary live together in a massive on camino barranca....(which oddly has no information listed anywhere for size on zillow or any of the sites). naturally that house is also a stones throw away from miz somers place on alta vista rd, which shes been trying to unload of an iceage, presently listed for $14.9m

barry seems like a greedy queen tryin to unload this house for such a massive profit, puhleaze gurl.

i can only imagine what the interiors should look like, after knowing / seeing what he did to the kaufman house & singleton residence (yes, miss manilow ruined both the nuetra masterpieces at one time).

Anonymous said...

while i luv me some manilow, barry are both deluded, usher gary around like his justin timberlake about to get mulled by horreds of crazed fans... rrrrright.

much like hiedi and spenc, mr manilow is convinced his the biggest star on the planet and that his remakes of the copa cabana are going to be "bigger than the original" kief's exact words.

Anonymous said...

This part of Malibu Rd has NO beach! Seriously, in a few years this house wont be there, it will be in the Pacific! That huge concrete seawall isn't going to stop the ocean.

You just have to look at Broadbeach to see how quickly the beaches are eroding ... Broadbeach used to be so wide & now the northern part of it is so badly eroded they have huge sandbag walls protecting the houses ... if you must buy in Malibu, buy on a bluff!

Anonymous said...

I like this beach house -- but the elephant in the room in Malibu has always been the actual beach on this stretch-- yes, there is sand, but it is dirty, there is lots of trash, and walking on the beach in this section gives an unpleasant view of the underbelly of the houses.

Max Tesatora said...

Extra funny post today! I love this blog...

Anonymous said...

I'm a Fanilow (just not a freaky one) and I LOVE this post! I can't stop laughing. You're so painfully right on about all of it! LOVE LOVE LOVE!

thevinylvillage said...

someone explain to me why they cant make the beachfront bulkhead walls of Malibu look better! The average house looks like it is built on the ruin of some Jersey parking garage.

Connie A said...

Oh I enjoy Barry's music...but this blog is SO FUNNY!!
Beautiful home...anyone have an extra 10 mil laying around..I'll take it..looks relaxing..and relaxing is what I need right now!
ha
www.bellamuranoglassjewelry.com
for a pic or the home owner and myself...way back when..CSWY.

angeleyes said...

This beach house looks pretty nice, but it would annoy me no end to pay in the $10MM range and wind up with both a phone poll and a mess of ugly thick cables inches from the front of my house. I haven't lived in an area without buried cable in ages, and don't understand why LA's ritziest neighborhoods haven't adopted the practice.

Anonymous said...

I assume the agent estimated fair market price for a Malibu home. I don't see how that makes Barry "greedy". If he can get 10 mil. he should go for it.

Anonymous said...

He can't and won't get $10mm for it.

When you are dealing with these wealthy wealthy and high ego celebs agents often are lead more by the seller than leading the seller, which is what agents who deal with riff raff do.

These agents take whatever the seller wants no matter how insanse it is bc they "might" get the right buyer... cuz when you get to high end LA, its ego city and many over pay to get what they WANT.

StPaulSnowman said...

Nice massing and sunset view but for that money I would have expected a little more finesse to the flagstone mosaic patio........it looks like one of those broken dinner plate craft projects prople do in their bathrooms.
Mama, the cameo view into your childhood was fascinating. There is no doubt that you will be on the short list to play young Tony Kushner when the time comes for his bioepic! Thanks for the fun.

Anonymous said...

I agree....the beach is going to vanish in 10 years. Buy on a bluff.

Anonymous said...

The beach is going ot vanish, the bluffs are gonna fall into the ocean in an earthquake.. blah blah blha

Anonymous said...

"The beach is going ot vanish, the bluffs are gonna fall into the ocean in an earthquake.. blah blah blah"

No, the bluffs aren't gonna fall into the ocean in an earthquake! But you can't deny the beaches are disappearing .. Have you been to Broadbeach recently? The beach is getting swallowed up at an alarming rate & if the homeowners don't do something major their homes aren't gonna be there much longer .. It was only a couple years ago when they reclaimed sand & made a huge wall along the beach but that has not made one bit of difference ...

Anonymous said...

I'm definitely a fan...but everytime you write...you make me laugh. So NOTHING BUT LOVE from ABOVE!!!

White Chocolate Mess said...

OMG Mama! I moved and just got my intraweb hooked back up and saw this! Truly one of your funniest yet. I love when we get a little Mama backstory! Funy, funny, funny. Rock on, we loves us some Mama down here in Texas!

Anonymous said...

There are two types of "fanilows" ...

...The ones who know he's gay and living with Garry Kief (and have known it for a couple of decades now) ...

...And the lunatics who will knife you in the heart if you don't believe he's hetero and still pining away for long-time pal Linda Allen. ("Barry said he's not gay! ARE YOU CALLING HIM A LIAR??? ARE YOU????")

So, if the loons start harassing you, Mama, you have my sympathy! But your post made me laugh out loud - because all of it is SO TRUE!

You go, honey!

Anonymous said...

Oh puleeze...25 years ago, Miss Manilow could be found cruising in a limo trying to pick up boys outside Rage at closing. The only people who think he's straight are the same ones who think Clay Aiken & Adam Lambert are.

Anonymous said...

I am a Manilow fan, and no, I do not consider myself at "FANILOW". Those are truly CRAZY!!!! I LOVE this blog. Truly, it's just plain funny! Get over it Fanilows, it's funny!!!!!

Anonymous said...

HI-larious postings today, mama! Love it and love Manilow too!

Anonymous said...

The Luxist has a gallery up showing the interior of this home 197 pics in all. http://www.luxist.com/gallery/malibu-road/2087872/

scott thorson said...

it's interesting how folks can be gayer than a pair of cullotes for men, yet until said person comes out and SAYS it, there is room for disbelief.

manilow started out at the fricken' Continental Baths with Bette Midler during the 70s fer fuck's sake and has since been a life-long bachelor with a penchant for elaborate hair do's (or don'ts).

"his name is lola, he was a showgirl," etc., etc.

Anonymous said...

oy! even in gay circles Barry is known as a "faggot!"

i know his co- writer here in NYC who's bf is some British twit twink who writes for HOLA! Barry is over often he says is "GAY GAY GAY" surprise surprise surprise.... btw the house sucks and for 10 mil u can do a whole better in Mali-boo and the beach is gone gone gone

Anonymous said...

"The Luxist has a gallery up showing the interior of this home 197 pics in all. http://www.luxist.com/gallery/malibu-road/2087872/"

Thanks for this... looking through the pix, I just want to know this: Who painted the picture on the wall??? It's a stunning representation of the Gemini life Barry lives! I just can't make out what he's trying to balance in his hands...

Anyway, I don't care who the man sleeps with, it's his music and his "being" I think are brilliant. Why is everyone so consumed with his sex life anyway? If he's not sleeping with you, or sleeping around on you, it's none of your business IMO.

Thumbelina
(posted as Anonymous cause I can't be bothered to remember my dang password...)

Anonymous said...

OH! BTW - The post was absolutely hilarious, Your Mama! I look forward to reading more from you!

Thumbelina
(again)

Anonymous said...

Oh Your Mama, What an absolutely delicious blog on Barry Manilow. I'm sitting here in beautiful Bismarck, ND laughing my ass off, cuz this is your foul mouthed Auntie Jennie. Corn flakes for dinner? I never knew, of course how would I, when Your Mama's Mama & I would come stumbling home after a hot nite an the leephant bar, that was the last thing on our mind. Keep on writing & your Auntie Jenne loves you & the Dr. Cooter, and of course the long haired bithes,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

xxoo

Anonymous said...

IF YOU KNEW GARRY AND BARRY YOU WOULD KNOW GARRY SPELLS HIS NAME WITH TWO RS NOT ONE..AND WHO GIVES A HOOT ANYWAY A TRUE FAN LOVES HIM REGARDLESS OF HIS ORIENTATION, PERSONALLY HAS ANYONE CONSIDERED THE BISEXUAL ASPECT? FRANKLY I WOULD TAKE HIM IF HE WAS BROKE, UNTALENTED, UGLIER THAN SIN, TOOTHLESS, HAIRLESS,CRIPPLED, NO VOICE FOR SINGING, AND THE MOST HATED MAN IN THE WORLD. THANK GOD HE ISNT

Anonymous said...

Barry Manilow is a man with a heart of gold and a true talent, unlike many in the industry today. He has kept his private life exactly that, private and he deserves as much respect and courtesy as every human being does. He has been married and yes it was annulled, and been seen with women infrequently over the years, but that does mean--nothing. His orientation is his private matter. I have loved him and his music since the beginning and this crap over his sexuality is really a load of horseshit. Bring it on..we dont care....we love him anyway we can get him.

Anonymous said...

Re: "Garry" and "Gary" ...

Actually, the original spelling of "Garry" was "Gary" (and he still occasionally uses the original spelling).

He changed it to "Garry" after he met "Barry" so they could be a perfect match!

Isn't that sweet?

So either spelling is technically correct.

Anonymous said...

Oh get over yourselves.... Garry or Gary - who actually gives a fuck! Known him over 30 years and he has always been Garry to us - and I'm sure if his mother Alice was still alive she would confim that PMSL. Funny cos we always thought it was Marc Hulett who lived with Barry but there you go - obviously has a harem!!! Been fans since Mandy and, you know, never actually gave his sexuality a thought probably because we aren't bigots. No one except gays actually seem to care - why is it so important??? Private life means private - closet doesn't come into it, it's his life, gay or straight he's still a talented superstar who's made money. I'm in the UK and we have had the same pathetic press debates over a certain Cliff Richard...no one actually gives a fuck about him either... Loved the blog - laughed at the bitchy queen-ness of it all... Pinch of salt time!

Kristen said...

This is hilarious! I love Barry but this is a riot!

It's a beautiful house with a great view but it's sooo WHITE!! The home depot sells paint for cheap, would it kill a guy to throw some color on the walls?

Anonymous said...

about barry manilow being "gay." why is it none of these boys who barry manilow supposedly "cruised" 4 25 yrs ago have ever gone to the press with any PROOF against barry manilow? they cant ALL be in the closet.btw most gays get outed by the time they're 30.they're practically ALL outed by the time they're 50.all of these boys barry manilow supposedly "cruised" 4 25 yrs ago would be out by now.what's stopping them from comming out with PROOF that barry manilow's gay.since these boys are all out now they'd have nothing to lose by outing barry manilow WITH PROOF.BUT STILL NO PROOF!i GUARANTEE you anyone who's ever had sex with someone as famous as barry manilow WOULD HAVE THE PROOF THEY DID IT AND THEY WOULDN'T REMAIN QUIET ABOUT IT.I WOULD HAVE READ THEIR PROOF IN A TABLOID OR PEOPLE MAGAZINE BY NOW.barry manilow IS NARCISSISTIC NOT GAY.garry kief lives down the street from barry manilow NOT in his house.i GUARANTEE you that if barry manilow was "cruising for boys 25 yrs ago" more than one of those boys would have sold the story to a tabloid or magazine WITH PROOF A LONG TIME AGO.WHY HASN'T THIS HAPPENED? BECAUSE BARRY MANILOW'S NOT GAY.YOU FAGS JUST WISH HE WAS.if barry manilow "cruises 4 boys" WHY IS IT THAT NONE OF YOU FAGS HAVE PICKED HIM UP? AND WHY DONT YOU HAVE ANY PROOF? BECAUSE BARRY MANILOW ISN'T GAY.AND YOU FAGS ARE LYING.btw,barry manilow cant be paying off all these paople to shut them up.he'd go broke doing that.i know garry & barry also.i examined their body language in pictures of them together.as an expert in body language i can GUARANTEE YOU THEY COULD CARE LESS ABOUT EACH OTHER ROMANTICLY SPEAKING.the only thing that barry manilow's obsessed with is barry manilow.the only thing that garry kief's obsessed with is SIG EP.

Anonymous said...

another thing you should know: my username on twitter is :@bulllovescow.i'm a hetrosexual female.barry manilow and garry kief know this.one night i tweeted to barry manilow,garry kief and markworral:"barry manilow should record "hit me baby 1 more time" becuz IT SUITS HIM SO WELL."THE NEXT DAY garry kief bought that stilleto cow statue.he photographed it and posted the photo on his twitter page.then later a fanilow asked him "why did he buy stilleto a cow?"garry kief answered "because the pigs are getting lonely." by "pigs" garry meant ppl who are spoilt financially.he didn't mean anything sexual by that.if garry kief & barry manilow are a "couple" WHY ARE THEY "LONELY?" if barry manilow were gay HE'D NEVER BE LONELY. HE COULD HAVE ANY BOY HE WANTED.also,why is it that barry manilow told the press several years ago that he seeing a psychiatrist "becuz he gets antsy about being alone?" if barry manilow were gay HE'D NEVER BE ALONE.THINK OF ALL THOSE FANBOYS ETC HE COULD HAVE.the only way all of these facts make sense is BARRY MANILOW'S NOT GAY.HE'S NARCISSISTIC AND ALONE.GARRY KIEF ISN'T HIS "BOYFRIEND." btw what would barry manilow see in garry kief anyway? he's a nice enough guy but that's all.THE ONLY PERSON BARRY MANILOW'S IN LOVE WITH IS BARRY MANILOW.i analyzed pictures of barry & garry together.I GUARANTEE YOU THEY COULD CARE LESS ABOUT EACHOTHER ROMANTICALLY.i'm a bodylanguage expert.my interpretations of bodylanguage are NEVER wrong.also you should know that whatever's going on in barry manilow's personal life HE'S NOT HAPPY WITH IT.barry told the press that before he did the 15 minutes cd he was "a really unhappy guy." YOU PEOPLE DONT UNDERSTAND BARRY MANILOW.HE'S A SELF OBSESSED PERSON.THE ONLY PERSON HE'S EVER BEEN IN LOVE WITH IS HIMSELF.HE HAS A DIFFICULT TIME ESCAPING THAT.enoch anderson knows barry manilow VERY well for YEARS.according to enoch anderson BARRY MANILOW'S A STRAIGHT PERSON.

Anonymous said...

Been a crazy Fanilow since I'm 7 years old. Love, love, love Barry. 35 years now. I couldn't care less what his preferences are. I only hope he is as happy as he's made his fans!!!!