Wednesday, April 29, 2009

The Big Digs of Deion Sanders

SELLER: Deion and Pilar Sanders
LOCATION: N. Preston Road, Prosper, TX
PRICE: $21,000,000
SIZE: 29,122 square feet, 10 bedrooms, 9 full and 4 half bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: The ultimate party and family ranch. 2 story entry, sunken living, banquet dining, your own Dave and Busters, indoor basketball court and bowling alley, indoor and outdoor pools, movie theatre, billiard room, hall of fame gallery, football field, 12 acre lake, tennis court, guest house, 10 car garage, furniture negotiable, approx. living area 29,112 sq. ft. and 38,831 gross sq. ft. footage in main home.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Thanks to the Texas Twostepper we've learned that notorious egomaniac, publicity hound, sports commentator, reality television star (Deion & Pilar: Prime Time Love), and retired professional athlete Deion Sanders and his wifey Pilar have listed their farm/estate in Prosper, TX with an asking price of $21,000,000.

Not being familiar with much in the way of the manly sports, Your Mama had to take to the internets to figure out who this Deion Sanders person is. Our brief research showed that not only did the man play professional baseball he also played professional football for the Atlanta Falcons, the San Francisco 49ers and the Dallas Cowboys who in 1995 paid the well-built corner back $35,000,000 for a seven year contract that included a staggering $12,999,000 signing bonus. He later, according to the interweb, played with the pigskin for the Washington Redskins and finally the Baltimore Ravens before hanging up his cleats. Football players wear cleats, right?

Deion and Pilar's property sits 10 or 20 long miles north of the Dallas metro-plex on more than 100 acres of flat lands in picayune Prosper, TX. Now children, we don't know eh-nee-thing about real estate in North Texas, but we have a hard time imagining there are many moguls or oil tycoons looking to drop twenty some million clams on a house in teeny-tiny and not particularly prosperous Prosper, TX where we can assure you there isn't much in the way of businesses that cater to Maybach owners and Gucci lovers.

Listing information shows Mister Sanders' sprawling mega-mansion of indeterminate and indiscriminate architectural style measures a titanic 29,122 square feet of glossy marble floors, soaring ceilings, colossal crystal chandeliers and some of the most disturbing drapery Your Mama has seen in a very long time. The house is so humongous that the able bodied Mister Sanders often gets around on one of those Rascal scooters that are more commonly used by the old, the infirm, the physically decrepit and apparently, the lazy.

According to listing information, the multi-winged monster mansion contains 10 bedrooms including a first floor master bedroom suite with a sitting room that spins like a damn turn table, a large, round and orgy friendly bed, more smoked glass and black lacquer than we recommend be in one place at one time, a two story walk-in closet, kitchen, a behemoth bathroom with a garden tub (whatever that is) and a private 2-car attached garage separate from the 10 or 12 other garage spaces that house Mister Sanders extensive collection of tricked out whips located at the opposite end of the house.

Listing information also shows there are 9 full and 4 half bathrooms which our bejeweled abacus shows adds up to an unlucky thirteen terlits. Our tyrannical and seriously superstitious house gurl Svetlana would demand that Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter either add or remove a bathroom before she'd even step across the threshold because she refuses to enter a house with 13 of anything.

There are, according to one listing we located, multiple staircases, an elevator, 5 fireplaces, 3 dining areas and 7 living areas including a marble floored, hotel lobby sized living room featuring funeral home style curtains. The vast and seriously dated kitchen complex includes maple cabinets, marble floors, stainless steel appliances and black counter tops and accents. Other rooms include a family room with 10 tee-vees and 2 security monitors, a library, a solarium, a home gym, office, billiard room, a barber shop and something called a "Hall of Fame Gallery." There are probably about a dozen other rooms for various uses we can not even fathom and there is a detached guest house in the back for all those who think 10 bedrooms in the mega-sized main house is not enough space when it comes to shacking up the in-laws.

Outdoor and recreational facilities include a multi-level movie theater, an indoor swimming pool and spa with some of the ass ugliest swagged drapery we have ever had the displeasure of witnessing with our own eyes, a two-lane bowling alley, an indoor basketball court, two adjacent outdoor swimming pools including a lagoon style number with a concrete island in the middle, a party sized outdoor spa, a 12-acre lake stocked with fish, equestrian facilities, pasture lands...breathe, breathe, breathe...a sport court, children's playground, sunken trampoline, batting cage, a full sized damn football field (with goal posts), a lighted tennis court and a gargantuan game room modeled after a Dave & Busters which, much to Your Mama's horror, is some sort of restaurant, arcade, sports bar and gambling parlor franchise.

We can't imagine why Mister and Missus Sanders, who have three young children together and two more teenagers from Mister Sanders' previous marriage, would want to up and sell this self-contained estate that while depressing to Your Mama's delicate decorative sensibilities is surely a resort-like wonderland for pre-teens, toddlers and adult men who do not want to grow up.

For a more in depth peep at Deion's digs check this out but Your Mama recommends y'all get yerself a nerve pill and pour some booze down yer gullet first.

72 comments:

thevinylvillage said...

did the Sanders build this architectural abortion?

GAG. The whole place looks like a damned cruise ship from 1988.

And as if swag and jabot weren't bad enough, they had to do them in THREE colors in that pool room?

bentley said...

My eyes!

The soft-serve columns out front was bad, the double staircase was worse, and it just kept going all to hell beyond that.

Wow, it's ugly.

Anonymous said...

He should donate this ugliness to the city of Prosper, since it would be so much easier to convert it into a community recreation center then to a residence.

Anonymous said...

OMFG!

This is the most seriously shiteous, ostentatious and tasteless thing I've seen in ages. The barren and lunar appearing location really completes the package.


"soft-serve columns"...love it bentley!

pch said...

I like the "soft-serve column" phrase, too.

The big challenge here is finding something to like. Thought I would fail, but I will give the architect credit for this -- from a distance it doesn't look like a 30,000 square foot house, and that means he or she was doing something right.

angeleyes said...

"soft-serve columns" gets Comment Of The Day Award ;)

There is simply too much to take into consideration trying to wrap my brain around this house and property, so I won't even try. I will say that 40,000 sqft, 100 acres, and an integrated complex with almost every sport known to man represented in real life scale is ALOT to eventually decide you've changed your mind about. Due it's rather remote and not particularly desirable location, this home is exempt from my usual criticism for hoisting an expensive house onto the open market at top dollar without bothering to update it because I can't imagine the property selling for much more than land value so why bother. What a waste.

Anonymous said...

They should burn the place to the ground "Waco" style and collect the insurance.

Anonymous said...

I've never seen anything so stunningly horrifying in my life.

Anonymous said...

Mama you know what they say... "People with bad taste...tend to have a lot of it"
This will go to Auction without a doubt!

Anonymous said...

Are people for real?? this is just stunning.

And Bentley, you are the best.
I wish I could have a consistent persona here (I'm always anon, because I often have inside knowledge of some of this stuff) just so you'd know who was complimenting you, as I so often admire your posts (and other's here as well).

White Chocolate Mess said...

sweet jesus children, here we go again. please do not judge all of us texans by this nightmarish display. We get such awful press.

Trudy Styler said...

Awful. Just awful. Beyond words almost.

P.S. I'm not judging TX by this hot mess of a house...I live in CA and we have huge numbers of these kind of overblown residential travesties too. Unfortunately, these big ol' uglies are everywhere.

Viva! said...

I take back EVERYTHING I said about Candy Spelling's 'Manor' being a hideous, overblown monstrosity...it's fucking tasteful compared to this steaming pile of shit!

There is not *one* thing I like about this place. Usually, I can find something redeemable, perhaps a pool or the landscaping. I do not like one inch of the place.

Disgusting!

Anonymous said...

I love it too, 1:53!

It has everything one could ask for--an extra stairway for the left-handed, plenty of room in the driveway for pottery storage, ample parking for your fleet of Hummers...

Plus, it's design is studiously beige-y and bland so as not to offend anyone's sensibilities (except those who are offended by beige-y and bland--snobs!).

The only thing missing is a dedicated throne room, the erection of which can easily be accommodated in the surrounding manure fields. Such would be a fitting capstone for Chateau Neon.

JB in Silver Lake said...

Please Mama warn the unsuspecting children right up front when you are going to put up something so unsettling so we'll know to head straight to the medicine cabinet for a ginormous nerve pill prior to getting started.

There really is nothing to say about this house except...no, nothing. It's beyond words! Except this, is it just me, or did I spot in that bizarre ass kitchen, an office water dispenser set up against the wall? I mean, what the f*ck, you couldn't afford to have filtered water piped in to your huge big pile of steaming architectural poo?

I'm off to find a ginormous nerve pill and a tall pitcher of some of Mama's gin and tonics!

Emily Morgan said...

a pitcher of g&T and a Texas sized bottle of nerve pills for all the children on me!

Anonymous said...

Ack, are those fake palm trees in the living room/lobby?

angeleyes said...

JB in Silver Lake, the office water cooler in the kitchen is no doubt intended to allow Mr. Sanders to quench his thirst without having to dismount from the Rascal scooter he uses to navagate this home's vast expanse of square footage. The Rascal scooter idea really floors me. When even a top athlete gets tired of moving around his own home without mechanical assistance, clearly an architectural line has been crossed. omg, these train-wreck houses are SO much fun to dissect, lol

Anonymous said...

Soft serve columns is hilarious.
New official real estate term Bentley.
I am definitely going to use that next time I see a house with columns like that. lol
I may or may not give you credit.

Anonymous said...

At first I was reveling in the ugliness, but then I looked at the whole neighborhood and on MSN Maps and now I'm just sad. What a waste of money, materials, land, everything.

Anonymous said...

Kee-rist!

Have a look at this

http://www.vimeo.com/481294

for a personal tour by Deion himself.

Alessandra said...

Holy tackiness, Batman!

Appalling. PCH is far kinder than I am. I can find nothing redeeming, except for the listing agent's fortitude in writing the marketing remarks.

Anonymous said...

‘Prosper’? ‘Prostitution’ would be more like it.

Where’s the neon? Don’t you just hate city codes. The exterior is frightening enough, but now that we know what’s inside – Eeeewwwww!

lil' gay boy said...

Oh my sweet Jesus, it looks like a Gulliver-sized architect squeezed off a giant turd on the dusty, barren shores of Lake Excess.

Let us not overlook Bentley's other gem:

"Wow, it's ugly."

Alessandra said...

I'm partial to Bentley's useful warning: "My eyes!"Succinct, accurate and helpful.

Anonymous said...

OMG. You gotta watch the video! It's actually kinda sad. Funny. But sad. Hey Deion! Know what I can get that you can't?! A cab in NYC at midnight.

Anonymous said...

Figures. Did you ever see the suits he used to wear? 1930s gangster meets 1970s pimp.

Anonymous said...

There are no words that could properly describe the level of hideousness that is this building.

Anonymous said...

Well, I did like the red shawl in the living room. That was nice.

StPaulSnowman said...

Such vitriol! I suspect all this negativity is fallout from the recent gay marriage fracas the chilun spent so much time on. This house is exquisitely designed and furnished and Mr. Sanders will almost certainly have the last laugh once Victoria Gotti closes on the property..........but seriously.......that video was like chewing on tin foil with a mouth full of fillings.

Anonymous said...

Who
May I ask
Would even buy this?

Alessandra said...

Terrell Owens, if he hadn't been traded to Buffalo.

Anonymous said...

I bet he was terribly proud of this monstrosity when he first moved in. Probably still is. Why is he selling? Don't athletes usually end up with their fortunes swiped by fake investment advisors, etc. Not saying that has happened in his case, but who knows? I don't.

Anonymous said...

For those who think it impossible to live in a pile like this out in nowhere, I think one should recall that many an English aristocrat with tons of pounds to spend built just as big a pile (more classical of course in style) out in nowhere in the UK. Sandringham is out in the country as is Balmoral and many other aristocratic digs. Vast mansions don't have all to be in Bel Air. Still....Norfolk is a bit cozier than the Texas plains.

StPaulSnowman said...

Pass me the nitro.........I can't believe you are comparing this mess to Sandringham or Balmoral. Have I misunderstood? It is like comparing that GaGa person to Callas.

Anonymous said...

There isn't a thing I can add that hasn't already been said - but Deion "Prime Time" Sanders has lived in the Dallas area for a long time and this ostentatious pile doesn't surprise me one bit. He royally pissed off his neighbors in a previous home when, pleading privacy and security issues because of his "celebrity" status, he was granted a variance to install gates at each entrance to his circular driveway (deed restrictions didn't allow them) since he supposedly had strangers ringing his doorbell at all hours wanting autographs, blah, blah, blah. Well, he put gates up alright - big gaudy ones that had "Prime Time" written on them in gigantic gold cursive script. Living nearby, I saw them and they made the entry gates to Graceland look understated. Needless to say, the neighbors were horrified.

There is absolutely NO market for a house at this price point way out in Prosper.

Scrufff said...

Ok seriously kiddies, i gotta say, both Mama's and the reader's comments made me laugh out loud. i actually teared up laughing so hard by your comments. and i completely agree with everything said, its beyond the pale of just about anything Mama has ever shared with us in this blog.

Mama, you need more TV exposure to share your words of insight. please take heed to the immortal words of Norma Desmond... "You see, this is my life! It always will be! Nothing else! Just us, the cameras, and those wonderful people out there in the dark!..." Praise Jeebus!

dolly said...

I am not a religious person but after viewing a post such as this I like to imagine the owner standing at the pearly gates, with god's representative gesturing to his macbook air and saying, "Did you design, build and inhabit this structure? Yes? Well, I hope you like it hot, hunny."

Anonymous said...

You know what though, Yeah, it is terrible. It's like George Jefferson moved to Texas in the early 90's...

But, you know what--when you think about all the damn sports courts, bowling alleys, football fields etc., and there are more...it seems like if you were a billionare or something you would buy this place, just for kicks and say: "Hell no, I didn't build this, Dion Sander's did and I scooped it up for 20 mil to get all this fun". Really, you could have alot of fun in this house for no money. 100 acres, multiple pools etc. I could in no way put down 150mil for Candy Land. That's just too much for many reasons. With this home, you get 10 times more fun for 15% of the price--the listing agent should def market it from this standpoint.

I would buy a sensible house somewhere if I was Bill Gates and just have this as my trashy party pad.

Still playing nice in WEHO,
Mama's black sheep.

Anonymous said...

Reminds me of the over sized mess that Will Smith built. Everything but good taste!

Sanders -
http://virtualglobetrotting.com/map/35271/view/?service=1

Smith -
http://virtualglobetrotting.com/map/31415/view/?service=1

bentley said...

"It has everything one could ask for--an extra stairway for the left-handed, plenty of room in the driveway for pottery storage..." = AMAZING!

Seriously, though, the comparison to Stately Homes in the UK is a stretch. Those houses were built on thousands of acres of manorial farmland, not the lunar landscape of Prosper, TX.

12:20, you make a good point. However, you'd still have to live in that, thing. If you have the dough, build something with a sense of scale, taste, and just a hint of class, then trip it out with all the amusement park shit behind hedges, over knolls, under-fucking-ground, etc...

Katie said...

I'm picturing it bathed in garish, multicolored floodlights at night. Mmmmmmmm. Pretty.

Speaking of light, that's some fancypants chandelier in the dining room. Reminds me of the nuclear reactor cooling towers at Three Mile Island.

Anonymous said...

It's perfect for a TV evangelist.

Anonymous said...

What is lacking here is landscaping. Deion needs, more than a gay decorator, a new Capability Brown to create forest glades and the like. If the place were lushly landscaped, it would not be so bad. It is not exactly a "lunar landscape" if you look at Google Earth. There is quite a bit of housing around in the area. Anyhoo it is touching to see him bouncing around on the beds like the big dumb kid he really is.

Anonymous said...

Why? Just... Why?

Though, as a left-handed person, I am glad somebody finally revealed the true purpose of those ugly vulva-style staircases the rich and famous so love to have in their foy-ay's.

StPaulSnowman said...

I would like to see the place, with all its amenities, become the Texas campus for the Andre Agassi school. The only similarity to UK stately homes is that the place is large enough to convert into a school and already has the sports facilities. Not even Capability Brown could save this place as a high end home.

Anonymous said...

Too bad Anna Nicole is no longer with us...perhaps if she had received a generous settlement from her deceased husbands estate...she was a Texan...I bet Bobby Trendy could have decorated this beautifully.

MrJohnwatkins said...

Gross. There is nothing that I hate more than the name Pilar. Say it outloud...PILAR. Oh it just irritates me. Pilar?? Really???

Texas Tessie said...

http://www.desperateblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/06/eva-longoria-estate-02_nc.jpg

in case any of the chirren are interested and have not seen this yet, this is the 7 million dollar spread tony and eva are building here in san antonio. San Antonio, unlike Prosper, has an Ann Taylor, Saks, Nieman Marcus, Thai food, sushi,Starbucks,Armani Exchange, a a Miele store, a symphony, several art musuems, plenty of gay bars, and the top rated restaurant in Texas, La Reve.
Prosper recently did get a quickie mart and a Sonic Drive in, though.

Regina Reynolds said...

capability brown? that is the best name i have heard in decades!

Al Buquerque said...

Tessie; all that may be true but even with all these high points, San Antonio is still full of Texans

Texas Tessie said...

right you are Al, but I am seeing more and more California tags here every week!

Anonymous said...

PRIME TIME! You little Bitches......

Anonymous said...

Anonymous said...

OMG. You gotta watch the video! It's actually kinda sad. Funny. But sad. Hey Deion! Know what I can get that you can't?! A cab in NYC at midnight.

_____

Cabs are for peasants - such as yourself. I prefer to be driven in my Rolls-Royce.

With Love,

Deion.

Anonymous said...

Wow a super house built for a sports star. I bet this house was everything Deion ever wanted to raise his family in. Too bad the shallow little fags on this blog cant understand that.

Prime Time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

GEEEZ there are some SERIOUS whiny people in this thread. Deion's home is awful...ugly...burn it to the ground. You guys have some REAL jealousy issues to get over...you know?

Scott said...

http://www.collincad.org/collindetail.php?theKey=2138565


according to the county... its only 84 acres, and only appraises for 10.6 million...

OUCH.

bentley said...

Anon 10:19 - I think, from our collective comments that all of us whiners are far, far from jealous of this giant pile of shit.

We're having fun with it. Following Mama' lead with a bit of snark doesn't mean I live in a box down by the river.

Yelling in ALL CAPS, however, at strangers, well...

lil' gay boy said...

Y'know, from the air it looks like a cross-section of ovaries & fallopian tubes...

...with a big ol' IUD comin' up the drive.

muranogirl said...

Oh my God.
Who really needs all that space?? What a gross display.

Adventures in Newlywed said...

We actually just drove past the Deon McMansion yesterday while looking at homes in Prosper. It's actually in a booming area that is literally 20 minutes from Dallas (well, it was until the economy came to a screaming halt) - so just selling the property for the land value would probably STILL bring a pretty penny. And the house doesn't look that bad from the road, fyi - just kind of out of place.

homes in philippines said...

Oh My God. This is amazing. Very nice mansion. Love it.

Deirdre Gonzales

Anonymous said...

I felt kinda sad for Deion. He is clearly crazy about his family, and there's something endearing about how amazingly tasteless his house is, and yet unlike so many other slebs' man caves etc it's very obviously a family HOME.

Yes we can be prissy about his gauche taste in this and that, and laugh about the early 90s nightclub feel of much of the decor, but he loves it, and whoever buys it is going to drive a hard bargain to pay for the total refurb.

Everyone wins, so who cares?

Anonymous said...

Prosper has several ex and current pro athletes living there. Randy White, Bill Bates, Tori Hunter, etc. I live in nearby Plano and thinking of building in Prosper. Lots of new high end shopping centers coming in the near future.

Anonymous said...

Stop all the jealousy, you all know this a beautiful home

Costa Rica Hotels said...

Man, this is what you can call a real valuable property

rakeback said...

Deion has some amazing houses. I believe in capitalism and people accruing money and spending it however they like, but isn't this just a tad bit wasteful?

Anonymous said...

Isn't the saying in real estate "location, location, location,?" So WHY would anyone invest such a large sum of money AND bother living in an over-the-top luxurious home in a town that the author/real estate agent/enthusiast describes as a "not so prosperous Prosper, TX," when they have the capability to live ANYWHERE in the country/Texas? I mean moderate over-the-top in a well-to-do town, or megamansion over-the-top in a town that doesn't seem to cater really to "Maybach owners and Gucci lovers"? You take your pick. I mean considering what's being said in the article, how would he EVER stand to gain even a fraction of a profit if/when they sale their home? Oh well....in the end, it's not my house and it's not my worry.

Anonymous said...

To "Adventures in Newlywed,"....this is no McMansion....this is a MEGAMANSION. McMansions are a coined term for MINImansions/huge homes (3,000 sq feet minimum)that are usually mass produced in new/newer developments, or awkwardly placed in exhisting developments. But maybe if it were a McMansion, it would have a better chance at getting sold :-) Because I think FEW people are going to be able to use all that house in their area.

Ushould/NoBetter said...

I'll say it like Beyonce, HE's gotta ah huge EGOooo such ah huge EGOoooo. He was jus doin his best to lett the world know he can back it up. On the real, they should denote the house to an organization for abused women and children or create a non-profit.

Anonymous said...

I would buy it, if I had the money and lived in Dallas.

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