Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Another Housewife Wants to Sell Her Crib

SELLER: Kelly Bensimon
LOCATION: Further Lane, East Hampton, NY
PRICE: reported to be $10,900,000
SIZE: 5,800 square feet 4 bedrooms, 4.5 bathrooms (as per listing)
DESCRIPTION: ...On 1.2 glorious acres close to the ocean and surrounded by historic estate. Four bedrooms, four and one half baths, plus maid's quarters. Large living room with fireplace, country eat-in kitchen with attached family area and fireplace, large playroom, and master bedroom with fireplace and luxurious master bath. Grounds feature sunny, open law area and heated gunite pool. There is also a two car garage and a full basement.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: For better or worse, those damn Real Housewives of New York City can't seem to keep themselves out of the dishy pages of all the tabs and gossip glossies. First we heard that new housewife Kelly Bensimon–whose claim to fame and money comes courtesy of her ex-husband, the wildly successful fashion photographer Gilles Bensimonbeat up on her sexy (and younger looking) boyfriend. Then we heard that the passively snide Countess Luann de Lesseps is being kicked to the curbed by her much older Euro-huzband who's reportedly trading her in for an Ethiopian beehawtcha in Geneva. Next we learned that Ramona–or Ramoner as our sassy gal pal at Scented Glossy Magazines calls her–is being black-balled by some of the concerned parents at her daughter Avery's private parochial school who do not wish to be associated by proxy to the tawdry reality program. And let's not even get started on the chimera that is Alex and Simon who, bless their little Becky Thatcher hearts, are blissfully ignorant of their intolerable pretensions and disturbing delusions of grandeur.

All of which is fascinating stuff if you watch the wild and wonderful reality program that is The Real Housewives of New York City but, of course, has zip to do with real estate. Well hold your horses children because the real estate gossip is starting to roll and this morning, thanks to the fine folks at Page Six in the NY Post, Your Mama learned that former model turned writer/gal about town Kelly Bensimon is looking to unload her house in East Hampton, NY. The NY Post reports an asking price of $10,900,000 for the South of the Highway cedar shingled cottage while listing information shows "Price Upon Request."

Property records indicate that Mister Bensimon purchased this property in August of 1994 for just $750,000. As far as we know from a brief crawl through the interweb, three times wed Mister Bensimon did not couple up with Miz Bensimon until sometime in 1996, so it would seem Miz Bensimon either got the property in their 2006 dee-vorce, or that the couple continues to share usage. Whatever the case, the Bensimon digs sit on 1.2 acres on one of East Hampton's most moneyed lanes.

We're sure some of the children are going piss and moan about how $10,900,000 is far to much for a house like this and that this house would cost about twelve bucks if it was in Nebraska or Alabama or Michigan (or anywhere else besides the Hamptons). Blah blah blah. The fact is, it is located in the high fallutin' Hamptons where the rich and wish they were rich come to bake their booties in the summer sun and plunk down $100 per pound for the legendary lobster salad at Loaves and Fishes in Sagaponack.

None the less, as high as the asking price for this house may be, the Bensimon beach house is, by far, one of the lesser residential lights on the pastorally gliztzy Further Lane where neighbors include Coach CEO Reed Krakoff who recently plunked down $24,000,000 for an historic estate called Lasata and who reportedly floated his recently rehabbed Manhattan townhouse quietly on the market for $52,000,000. Other high profile peeps on the block include hedge hogs Steve Cohen and James Chanos, residual rich comedian Jerry Seinfeld who is reported to have paid piano man Billy Joel around 32 million clams for his ocean front estate, art dealing honcho Larry Gagosian, and lavish living mutual fund financier Ron Baron who reportedly coughed up a rumored, reported, record breaking and wrist wringing $103,000,000 for a 40 acre ocean front property long owned by oil heiress and art patron Adelaide de Menil. Mister Baron, who also owned another Further Lane property for which he paid $23,000,000, was launched into the gossip glossy limelight back in 2003 when he hired private security to keep the gays from cruising in the dunes behind his house.

Anyhoo, listing information indicates Miz Bensimon's residence measures 5,800 square feet and includes 4 bedrooms, 4.5 bathroom plus "maid's quarters," a term we wish real estate agents would retire for something more generic and less demeaning sounding like staff quarters.

The exterior of the Bensimon crib was built to fit in with the architectural vernacular of the Hamptons, but the airy interiors are decidedly contemporary with glossily ebonized hardwood floors and a stainless steel kitchen that would have our imperious house gurl Svetlana screaming for a full time assistant whose only job would be to keep all that metal free of fingerprints and dog nose streaks.

In addition to formal living with its row of Palladian style French doors, listing information reveals indicates there is also an eat-in kitchen that flows into a family room with a vaulted ceiling and a brick fireplace, a play room and a first floor master suite with a third fireplace, French doors opening the rear deck, and a large bathroom with what appears to be black marble tile accents.

Although Your Mama finds Miz Bensimon to be impossibly dull, arrogant, childish, and all but inarticulate on The Real Housewives of New York City, we confess that we rather like her kooky taste in day-core. Whether she hauled her too tan booty around to all the good shops in New York or whether she sent out a well paid nice gay decorator to pick out the colossal cowhide ottoman and the big crazy shark that's mounted over the fireplace in the formal living room, we appreciate whimsy and casual sophistication of the the place. This kind of contemporay ain't for everyone, but Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter are sick for white walls and bursts of bright colors in the furniture, art and accessories.

Records and reports indicate Miz Bensimon lives in a 6th floor unit in the fabulous people friendly Police Building on Centre Street in New York City while her ex-huzband occupies a separate apartment on the fourth floor. We're sure this set up is great for the ex-couple's kiddies, but it can't be so great when they run into each other and their respective "dates" in the magnificent lobby of the building.

Real estate in the Hamptons has sort of fallen off a cliff in the last several months due to the economic melt down and financial fracas on Wall Street, so it remains to be seen whether there is a buyer for Miz Bensimon's house who is willing to pay anywhere near her asking price. We shall see.

In other real estate news about those crazy housewives, the soon to be single Countess Luann de Lesseps has also listed her Hamptons hideaway for sale, reportedly with an asking price of $9,500,000.

64 comments:

Anonymous said...

more on the countess please!

Anonymous said...

Step away from the reality shows, Mama. You know far too much for it to be healthy.

Madoff Jr said...

I will offer 50MM not a penny more


btw can you put it in my mothers, brothers, husbands, sisters, 2nd cousins, who owns the AIG corps name ? AIG will pay for it,


:}

signed

Madoff Jr

thank you

Anonymous said...

Mama! How could you leave us with that bomb shell that the Countess de Lessep has listed her Hampton hideaway without more dirt! Oh I ache now for the dirt... do dish for your poor children whom are anxiously waiting with our bowls out "more sir...please"

Anonymous said...

DITTO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

ditto about the de lesseps dirt!

also, didn't ron baron buy the de menil property, and for 103MM?

thevinylvillage said...

the other children have already cried for dirt on smoky voiced Luann, so I wont add to it. Who knew you could make so much money snapping fashion photos?
This house doesnt do so much for me, though I can appreciate that its appropriate for its purpose and setting. I do rather like the juxtaposition of that big ole chandelier against the rest of the more spare decor...though I think I am over the whole mixy matchy dining room chair fad.

Your Mama said...

you're right hunny, it was ron baron. fixed. thank you.

candy spelling said...

"Real Housewives"??

I'll be the judge of that. I am the original REAL housewife!

StPaulSnowman said...

I think the Nice Gay Decorator got into the Decon. For ONLY two million more you could have the Astor's Beechwood Estate in Newport.......now that is a house!

Topper said...

Oh Snowman. I don't know the house in Newport you're referring to, but that's a bit far for a New Yorker to go every weekend in the summer.

I don't know why people are so hung up on this idea that you can buy more somewhere else...if you think about it, it doesn't even make sense.

If you don't want to live in Maine (or Newport) who cares if you can buy more there than you can somewhere else?

A property should be judged by it's merits in relation to its location. What it would be worth if you picked it up and dropped it in Michigan is totally irrelevant to the "value" of the home being discussed.

StPaulSnowman said...

I was just saying that it could be a wonderful house in a wonderful location.........not just as a summer place, as it was originally conceived. It has most recently been the scene of tacky period tours and would need major cosmetic work, but the setting is magical and the price very reasonable compared to many of the properties we have been discussing.

Anonymous said...

You have to be a straight up jackass to pay $11 million for something someone paid $750,000 for 15 years ago.
No wonder these people in New York sit and plot all day how to steal the public's money so they can buy these overpriced houses.
The only reason these "estates" escalated so much in price over the years is that all the financial felons were flush with cash from ripping off people and they bid up the prices insanely.
I remember the Dubai sheiks bidding up to $15 million for a license plate for their car, look at them now.
She and the "Countess" are gutter trash also, their downfall is welcomed I am sure.

SGM said...

Oh, dearest Mama! Juicy, juicy info. I love the decor of this house too, and it looks like she's going to make a pretty penny off of it.

How cute and rully awesomely amazing for her.

(and it's about time these fame-hungry women get shunned from proper society)

Anonymous said...

Well, in Michigan, $11M will buy you every house in Lansing.

Anonymous said...

So glad to see the back of Candy Spelling! As for this house, well, not avery interesting interior, or exterior for that matter. also-- Topper: lots of people slog up 95 to Newport from NY every weekend. Sometimes no longer a trip than the Hamptoons--

Anonymous said...

thank you thank you thank you for any and all dirt on the train wrecks of new york city!! my guilty pleasure!!

Count Chocula said...

More on Luann please Mama. This is a great show and it is hilarious how she pushes her Native American ancestry along side her "countessness" What a perpetuation of bourgeois American fascination with titles to validate their lives. The title is romantic and intriguing only if you happen to be Grace Kelly in the first place. Miss Luann just doesn't cut it.

Anonymous said...

kelly is a tranny

Anonymous said...

1. The Hampton's glory may be coming to an end as Wall Street shrinks into relative insignificance in US life; we can hope so. How marvelous were it to revert to really "rural."
2. One would have to be a fool to buy almost ANY RE right now with prices dropping almost everywhere. As this "downturn" expands and companies go belly up and banks close and unemployment gets to 10.5% before long, nothing is going to be worth what people what to think it is, even now.

Anonymous said...

Other than that, Mrs. Lincoln.......how was the play?

Princess Shotsavodka said...

she's not a real Countess.......

Little Edie said...

The Hamptons are so over. I'm glad I got out!

John Beresford Tifton said...

They are certainly not over! I stayed at a very nice one in Gary, Indiana only recently. It was clean and the workers were polite. Get your facts straight L'Edie.

Princess Shotsavodka said...

oh god, I got so drunk one night I booked at a La Quinta Inn in Riverside instead of The La Quinta Resort. Of course it didn't really matter in the morning. Now I'm at Betty Ford.

John Beresford Tifton said...

Princess..........Do they have pillow mints at Betty Ford?You shouldn't start drinking until you are sure where you are.

Anonymous said...

thanks to housewives, the world can now see what a miserable person kelly bensimon is. she herself seems determined to portray herself in the ugliest possible light. pure unadulterated publicity whore. hope no one buys her house. she doesn't deserve the money, not that there is a chance in hell that at this point she will get near what she's asking. the only thing that makes me feel good about this listing is that it may mean she has serious financial problems.

Anonymous said...

Kelly is so disgusting and does look like a tranny. Who's gonna buy this house right now?

Her fight with Behtenney last night was idiotic, what's wrong with her?

I loved it when Luanne was like, "Kelly, please tell me what part of town your apartment's in, is it Chinatown?"

Anonymous said...

btw, i'm inferring that she may have serious financial problems because, other than death (estate sale), or a divorce settlement (gilles wants out) no one in their right mind is putting a good piece of property on the market in the hamptons at this point.

candy spelling said...

Three Fourteen, I don't recall giving you permission to look at my ass.

Anonymous said...

This woman is seriously deranged. Seriously! I would not be at all surprised if there is a major drug problem here. Or a PAST drug problem that has so fried her brain. Not to make any excuses.

Bitsy Astor said...

Oh come on! We all love the show because each of these women is hateable and pathetic in her own special way. These housewives are fascinomas.....and not benign!

Anonymous said...

The post concerns Kelly Bensimon, not the rest of those ridiculous women. i don't have the energy to address the others, but Kelly is the worst.

Anonymous said...

Cannot WAIT for Jersey housewives!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That is some serious real estate.

Anonymous said...

that house is beautiful on the outside. but inside... yikes!

Anonymous said...

ANON 5:03PM
I an SOOOOO with you!!!!! I cant wait for them!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

Did u see that nasty one with the short red hair and crazy jersey voice? I think I'm in love with her already.

Anonymous said...

haha thats Dina Manzo! shes my favorite and the show hasent started yet

Viva! said...

The house is just like Kelly: well maintained on the outside but fucked up and hideous on the inside!

I really, really hate Kelly, she's a first class coked out bitch.

I would appreciate some dirt on the Countess...I find Luann hilarious, regardless of her pretensions.

:{} avg joe said...

I have a question

Executive Charles Murphy is selling the 1882, 12,000 square foot limestone townhouse, located at 7 East 67th Street, Lenox Hill, Manhattan. He bought the residence from Seagram liquor heir Matthew Bronfman in 2007 for $33 million.[72]

Charles Murphy is going to prison for the madoff scandal

if Charles Murphy was a broke joe he could not offer 33MM for bronfmans condo

so in 2007 would bronfmans penthouse be worth 33 MM ?

or 3 MM ?

just sayin

Anonymous said...

I'm just the opposite of most of the children...I think the outside is a poor facsimile of a classic shingled Hamptons cottage and the inside is fantastic. Light, airy, and doesn't take itself too seriously.

I'm constantly so surprised by how many children don't care for more contemporary or funky interiors.

The sort of decorating that seems to get the most rave reviews around here are, to me, the least interesting and least imaginative. Balanced, correct and nice, but kind of generic.

I like my houses like I like my people, polished, arty, a bit wacky, and with eyes that see things a bit differently. Does that make sense?

As for Kelly, bitch is a wreck.

:{} extraordinary ernestine said...

PALM BEACH, Florida (Reuters) - U.S. Marshals on Wednesday seized a $9.4 million luxury home in Florida belonging to disgraced Wall Street financier Bernard Madoff and his wife after earlier confiscating two of their leisure boats.

There was no one living inside at the time as the federal agents moved into the two-story property at 410 North Lake Way, Palm Beach, set amid carefully manicured lawns and hedges on Florida's Intracoastal Waterway.

"We are securing the house, changing all the locks on the house ... we are taking a complete inventory," Barry Golden of the U.S. Marshals Service told Reuters.

the maid said...

Kelly is empty in EVERY way. The saddest women on American TV. There's just nothing there.

luke220 said...

I like Jill the best. She lives at Bridge Tower Place. I hope she's not overimproving with the recent remodel.

Starck Mad said...

That show is like candy.....so tempting but void of any nutritional value. That said, I love Jill, and I love the Countess LuAnn even more!

The TownhouseLady said...

The Real New York House-Blights!

Gorgeous house! I saw this on Page Six and when I searched it you had all the juicy info. so I just referred my peoples over to you!

Now if you can get us the goodies on The Count-less I'd be ever so grateful!

watzabatza said...

Good Day!
I think the price is much expensive.
But I like the house.

Anonymous said...

a house just off Fifth on 67th St considered to be in "Lenox Hill"?

Anonymous said...

I'm with you 7:01, outside is terrible. OK, maybe not terrible, but has that pseudo, post-modern take on the classic shingle style. Not the worst example of this, but too fachotted.

Interior is really nice.

I've resisted this show - it's just too stupid - but I admit, the NJ one might be too tempting.

:{} avg joe said...

Mama I got one for you

42 MM in florida,

http://www.premierestateproperties.com/luxury_real_estate/florida/broward/hillsboro_beach/R2990967.aspx

when the listings in florida are twice as high in BH maybe the market is turning around ?

just sayin

:{} avg joe

Anonymous said...

Mama,

Saw some more dish on Alex and Simon. During fashion week Alex modeled a kilt for someone, they didn't let Simon walk the cat walk with her, but he did lift her skirt at the after party.

Apparently she was wearing a thong, and when Simon mentioned that she was wearing underwear, she said something along the lines of "right now anyway".

Way too much info for me.

TVannie

lil' gay boy said...

It may be Further Lane, but from the looks of the aerial, even though it's right next door to Krakoff's Lasata, it certainly isn't the best block on the street (although that's all pretty relative, isn't it?)

I'd have to agree with Anon 7:01 re: the exterior; it's just a little too precious to be genuine.

Oh and hon, it's John Beresford Tipton...trust me, I'm old enough to have known him when we both were kids.

Anonymous said...

This is Jill Zarins Floor plan at bridge Tower Place

http://img.streeteasy.com/nyc/image/71/2554071.jpg

Hippie Canyon said...

DIScountess LuAnn. Seriously. LuAnn and Countess... in the same sentence? Ah ha. Well, I can see her book on etiquette heading straight for the $1.00 aisle at Barns & Noble. And yes, dear, your Euro-Freak husband is OLD. O-L-D. Saaawwwrrrry, but he's old!!!!!

luke220 said...

So have the Atlanta housewives imploded? I liked Nene.

StPaulSnowman said...

LGB; OK you win, his surname is Tipton but do you remember the last name of the guy who distributed the checks? His first name was Mike............"our next millionaire, Mike."

Anonymous said...

Jill's apt. is total shit. That floorplan is even smaller than it looks on tv. Wow, I can't wait to see that shiteous redo of her place next week.

Princess Shotsavodka said...

i don't know how much longer i can stand it here at Bety Ford

outsmoker said...

You will be fine if they let you go outside and smoke a cigarette.

Selma Babiesforcrack said...

Prinset gurl, me 'n da sistas is comin' ina Pawn Spring to take care dem frat boys. Dey rended a fly crib in dat Lass Pawnmas fo Sprin Brek. You wanna break out? We kin git you in ma Eskelade.

Kieran said...

I am in love with the living room! The contrast is spot on. Well done.

Princess Shotsavodka said...

selma dear thank you so much for thinking of me but I am going to try to tough it out until White Party. I expect to see so many old friends checking in here shortly afterwards..........

Anonymous said...

Kelly just lost her gig modeling for Saks. I would advise potential buyers to put in a LOW offer - this gal needs $$$

lil' gay boy said...

Of course, Snowman; who could ever leave our the stoic hottie Michael Anthony?

;-)