Thursday, December 4, 2008

The Jenner-Kardashians List Hidden Hills Krib

SELLERS: Bruce Jenner and Kris Kardashian
LOCATION: Jed Smith Road, Hidden Hills, CA
PRICE: $3,395,000
SIZE: 3,966 square feet, 4 bedrooms, 5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Winding drive through trees and rolling lawns leads to this immaculate, highly upgraded, one story estate. Romantic covered veranda overlooks the lush grounds. Gorgeous interior offers newer granite kitchen, stainless steel appliances, beautiful marble bath with fireplace, hardwood floors, coffered & open beam ceilings, finished study, skylights, and more. Large yard includes pool & spa w/ flagstone decking, entertaining patio, and room for horses.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: We konfess. Your Mama actually sat through a few episodes of the unbelievably banal reality program Keeping up With the Kardashians during which kameras documented the not particularly interesting lives of the Bruce Jenner/Kris Kardashian family.

The Jenner-Kardashian klan, a modern day Brady Bunch if there ever was one, konsists of 10 children kreated by five different kouplings. There's Casey, Burt, Brandon and Brody Jenner born of Mister Jenner's first two marriages. Then there is Kim, Khloe, Kourtney and Rob Kardashian who resulted from Kris Kardashian's first marriage to O.J. Simpson's attorney Robert Kardashian (who went to meet the great judge in the sky in 2003). And pulling up the rear are Kendall and Kylie Jenner who are the progeny of Mister Jenner and Missus Kardashian-Jenner. It's all so konfusing.

Although he now sells airplanes, Mister Jenner is famous for, of kourse, winning a gold medal in the 1976 Olympics and more recently for his misadventures with plastic surgery which has left him looking bizarrely feminine. Step-daughter Kim Kardashian has somehow managed to make quite a kareer out of her big ass and a sex tape with some dude named Ray J. The rest of the Jenner-Kardashians are famous for for, well, for being related to and friends with other famous people.

But, as usual, we digress. We're here to discuss the real estate, so let's get to the matter at hand. Since June of 2006, the Jenner-Kardashian klan have kalled the guard gated kommunity of Hidden Hills home where they filmed two (and maybe three) seasons of their reality program. However, Mister and Missus Jenner have decided to move on to a new krib because, thanks to a source we'll call Jimmy Jabbermouth, Your Mama has learned the kouple's 1.14 acre property on Jed Smith Road has been listed for sale with an asking price of $3,395,000.

Property records show Mister and Missus Jenner purchased their 3,966 square foot single story kasa in the western suburbs of Los Angeles in June of 2006 for $2,850,000. Listing information shows the house has just 4 bedrooms and 5 bathrooms so it's a good thing all these Jenner and Kardashian kids live in Los Angeles because this house is simply not large enough to house even half of them during the holidays.

The house is accessed down a long, kurving driveway with plenty of parking for the family's fleet of Range Rovers (and Kim's Bentley). A large living room with fireplace and tray ceiling has been done up and did over in shades of gold including a glitzy chandelier and a mad hot Rococo koffee table with a black marble top that would look a-may-zingly kitch on Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter's kovered patio. The recently re-did kitchen is fully functional, if not very exciting, and includes black granite kounter tops, white kabinets and high grade stainless steel appliances, natch. A wine rack has been kustom built into the end of the work island, and from the look of things, the Jenner-Kardashian krew enjoys uncorking a bottle or two...or three or four.

Less formal living spaces include a small library with built in bookshelves, a small flat screen tee-vee and a giant read sofa. The reasonably kommodious family room also has built in book shelves, a flat screen tee-vee, skylights, a breakfast table looking out to the backyard, floral print chairs and accessories and another big red sofa...although this one appears to be a deelishus blood red velvet number that we would not mind owning.

Mister and Missus Jenner's master bedroom features even more kustom cabinetry, a sitting area for getting away from all them kids, another flat scree tee-vee, more sky lights, a fireplace and a beige and white bathroom with fireplace and yet another flat screen tee-vee. We appreciate that Miz Jenner, or her nice gay decorator, did not drape yard after yard of fabric over the four poster bed because we think it looks so much more elegant unadorned.

The back yard centers around a heated swimming pool surrounded by a fabulous flagstone terrace. A gazebo like structure has been placed above the pool which we imagine to be an excellent place to lay around and read the gossip glossies and figuring out more ways to earn more money from Kim's gigantic backside.

Other features, according to listing information, are a three car garage, three fireplaces (two of which are in the master bedroom), an expansive lanai, a children's playhouse and room for equestrian facilities. A large flat area beyond the swimming pool could use a little attention by the gardner because currently it's a hot mess of dirt and weeds.

Considering the kouple have lived in that neck of the woods for some time, it would not be surprising to hear they are moving to a bigger and better property in the famous folks filled kommunity where home owners include Sharon and Ozzy Osbourne, Lisa Marie Presley, Shaun Cassidy, Melissa Etheridge and Tammy Lynn Michaels, Nicolette Sheridan (who bought her house form Miz Etheridge), Tae Bo bigwig Billy Blanks, and that poor Denise Richards ladee who is still trying to sell her house on Long Valley Road.

37 comments:

Anonymous said...

the backyard is a fucking disaster.

brooklawn dr. said...

I actually love the home. Plenty of room, not over the top, slightly elegant yet liveable.

Just bring plenty of Pine Sol for Kim's room and I'm there.

pch said...

I'd have to do something about the wonky roofline and clunky dormers stat.

Anonymous said...

do they buy furniture in bulk? Same coffee table in both the living and the library. Ditto the couch.

Is that a neighbor's house in the first pic? waaaay too close.

Anonymous said...

Oh Mama, if you know the family drives Range Rovers and Kim has a Bentley, me thinks you've watched more than just a few episodes. Admit it, Mama, not only have you caught a few episodes, it's also saved on tivo!

I also like what you did with the letter "k" throughout the post. So fitting!

caveman said...

looks like a comfortable house for a family. i defer architecturely to pch of course.

Anonymous said...

i really like this house....do we know where their moving??

Mama's Kiwi Kid said...

The house reminds me of Kim. An attractive front, and hideous from behind.

And, what is it with these parents naming their kids with names that do (and sometimes shouldn't) start with the letter "k". TacKy.

Anonymous said...

I spent a good amount of time looking on maps.live.com for this house using the birds eye view and I for the life of me cannot figure out which it is from the sky. It's not even that long of a street. I tried locating the house using the pool and the gazebo and could not find any similar homes. I'm sure it's there though...I just cannot recognize it.

The same happened with Denise Richards house, but that is located on a much longer street with a lot of homes hidden by the cover of trees.

Anonymous said...

I like this house , I noticed how nice it was watching their show..

Anonymous said...

5400 Jed Smith, Hidden Hills, CA 91302

Anonymous said...

its like the 3ed or 4th on the street

Anonymous said...

Ah! The driveway makes it obvious. The pool (from the sky) doesn't really match the photos in this post, but that is because part of the pool is obscured.

I should have looked for the driveway, which I would have recognized, rather than the pool.

LOL so I looked at it for five seconds once I knew. I think 99% of the fun is actually trying to figure out which house it is.

caveman said...

http://virtualglobetrotting.com/map/52399/

the link to fatasses house

StPaulSnowman said...

pavorrhea!

Anonymous said...

i cant believe that this house was built in the 60s

lil' gay boy said...

Apart from the lurid red sofas, nothing stands out about this place, not even from the air, as some pointed out.

Anon 11:01, I'm glad it was you who pointed out the proximity of the neighbors ––– toodamnclose.

Altogether architecturally insignificant.

carla in california said...

I love clean master baths with fireplaces AND a flat screen tv so I enjoy HGTV while soaking in luxury! As for the rest of the house, not bad once the furniture is cleared out.

I don't believe it will be smart of them to leave a guard gated community. If not Hidden Hills, then maybe some other gated community. There too visible to be in a home without proper security.

Anonymous said...

So how does the gating work in hidden hills? It is a HUGE area -- is the whole area gated with a few guarded entrances, or are every few side streets individually gated? In other words, is their neighborhood gated or is all of Hidden Hills gated? I am an east coast boy. I have never been west of Denver (that was business and not by choice). I used to never have a desire to visit the left coast (DC -- home for me, Miami and NYC are all I need in life), but lately I've had an itch to visit.

Viva! said...

The house is definitely a 'family home'...but then that goes for all of Hidden Hills, an area I happen to like.

I really like the pool, the flagstone is lovely. A lot of landscaping improvements around the gazebo in the and it would be really nice.

I'm wondering if they'll move, if not to another bigger/better house in Hidden Hills, then to the Summit? They definitely should stick with guard gated.

Anonymous said...

Hidden Hills is gated entirely, with 3 entrances. Some homes within HH also have their own gates, but usually the newer ones. Gates have to match the white fencing and not be too obtrusive, but some homes with long driveways have a second, more secure gate, haven't figured this one out. No one bothers the famous people here.

carla in california said...

"Winding drive"?

I'm guessing this has to be from the guard gate and not the street to the house. :(

Despite the fact some of the homes in this gated community are as large as some in Beverly Park, the proximity of the homes to each is too close for comfort. They're not as disgusting close as Malibu Colony or Broad Beach, but nevertheless, privacy is Key.

And I agree with Anon 11:01am, the neighbors are waaaaay too close.

Anonymous said...

Where do all you people live where you are living farther from your neighbors than this?

Seriously, this is a NEIGHBORHOOD in Los Angeles not rural Nebraska.

Anonymous said...

ha true half of these people commenting dont even live in los angeles and couldnt afford to live in Hidden hills. they are just dreamers. its a pretty rural gated community its also equestrian community as well, i like my Lake Sherwood though. Pretty Home.

lil' gay boy said...

In my neck of the woods, regardless of lot size, the general rule-of-thumb in terms of zoning is that no residence can have a footprint that exceeds a third of the lot.

That usually leaves a comfortable buffer zone around most houses, especially when lots are 2 acres or more, like in this community of similarly priced homes that are within 30 miles of Manhattan.

Babe Parish said...

Mama, one of my favorite things during the show, was when the Kamera would pan up the driveway at Miller Time (sunset/early evening) and the house would be lit up like Lola's on Fairfax, all inviting and what not. Warhol once said somethin about reading the klassics as well as the tabloids in order to stay abreast of the world... or somethin to that effect. LGB? help me out? heehee

Anonymous said...

So, wait, between them they have Kendall, Kylie, Kim, Kloe, Kourtney and ... Rob? Wow. Odd man out? They couldn't throw the guy a bone and name him Ken or something?

On topic, the house is like the family, not as interesting as they'd like to believe.

Viva! said...

Anonymous 10:45,

Robert Kardashian was named after his late father, Robert Kardashian Sr., the OJ Simpson attorney.

Anonymous said...

This whole family acts like they are inbreed idiots!

I wonder how jet sales are going for Bruce? It is no longer COOL to have have your own G4. I here you can pick one up real cheap from one of the Big Three car company CEOs. Not a good business to be in now selling jets.

Anonymous said...

Anon 5:13 PM:

Even if there is a slow down, there are still plenty of jets being sold today.

Although credit has disappeared for many, it has not disappeared for all. Also, there are still plenty of people with plenty of cash. I could not imagine buying a jet without paying cash.

Besides, I looked into the company and I am wondering if the owners just licensed Bruce Jenner's name? Based on reading a few things, he may not be too involved...except perhaps with some cash and/or licensing his name.

Anonymous said...

REAL people who "buy" jets (unlike the wannabee a-wipe douche above who we all know his initials are A.J.) lease them. And half those people use a service to maintain and pilot them as well as rent them out to other wealthy people who don't want the hassle of ownership.

average joe :[-) said...

I ALWAYS BUY MY OWN JETS AND PAY CASH!!!!!!!

HERE IS THE ONE I HAVE ON ORDER

http://tinyurl.com/averagejoe

justpicky said...

First of all those girls should be living on there own , stop living with mama and daddy . This family isn't popular at all . The house is butt ugly . THERE'S NOTHING TO THIS FAMILY . OVERRATE ,

Anonymous said...

Back gate. Nice.

Marielle said...

What? You thought these were "outside" people? Did you ever see anyone other than Bruce in any garment meant for anything more rigorous than shopping or going to the spa? Pu-u-lease...

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