Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Mark Walhberg Lists Not Very Funky Bev Hills Mansion

SELLER: Mark Wahlberg
LOCATION: Beverly Hills (Post Office), CA
PRICE: $15,900,000
SIZE: 8,932 square feet, 5 bedrooms, 10.5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Celebrity enclave of Oak Pass. Stunning gated Mediterranean with unparalleled privacy, canyon views. New motor court, approx. 15,000 sq. ft. of covered space, including 2 stry guest hse w/ high ceilings, huge gym w/ box ring, huge state of the art theater w/ 35mm & digital proj. Basketball court, pool w/ grotto & water fall, putting grn. Large master wing...

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: We are little late to rodeo on this high-priced property it having already been much discussed by Hot Properties scribe Ann Brenoff at the beleaguered Los Angeles Times and then by the back in the saddle Mister Big Time. But we're weighing in anyway...

Mister Mark Wahlberg first busted out onto the fame stage back in the early 1990s when he would strip down to his tighty-whities and lewdly grab at his tallywacker while fronting for the band Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch. He was naughty, overtly sexual and had the smooth and buff body of a gay porn star. People could not get enough of all that hot nasty. Then came along bisexual fashion icon Calvin Klein who paid the hairless and hard-bodied Marky Mark (Wahlberg) big bucks to strip down to his skivvies and pose for pictures while grabbing at his peen. The Calvin Klein underwear adverts were lurid and vulgar and all the teen gurls, lonely housewives and horny homosexuals went wild with desire.

Wanting to be more than a pretty face, hot body and a big basket, Mister Wahlberg quickly transitioned to acting where he killed it in 1995s The Basketball Diaries. He went on to plum parts in films such as Boogie Nights, The Perfect Storm, I ♥ Huckabees and Martin Scorsese's The Departed, for which he earned himself an Academy Award Nomination and solidified his place in the lexicon of Hollywood hot shots. He's currently the exec. producer of In Treatment and Entourage, the crazy successful boob-toob program which is said to be based loosely on his life in Tinseltown.

Anyhoo, as inneresting as a walk down Mister Wahlberg's y-fronted memory lane may be, let's get back to the real estate which is why we're here in the first place. Property records and recent reports reveal that Mister Wahlberg scooped up his Beverly Hills (Post Office) compound back in November of 2001 for $4,950,000.

The property has just hit the market with an asking price of $15,900,000. Certainly Mister Wahlberg has spent boo-coo bucks customizing his compound. None the less, a few flicks of the beads of our bejewled abacus shows that someone thinks the improvements have resulted in a titanic tripling of value in just seven years.

Listing information indicates the 1.41 acre Oak Pass Road estate has approximately 15,000 square feet under roof. According to prop records, listing information and previous reports, the property includes an 8,932 square foot Mediterranean style main house, a 2-story guest house with high ceilings, and and ass-uglee shed-like structure that measures around 2,500 square feet and houses Mister Wahlberg's home gym set-up and boxing ring. Yes children, a boxing ring. We are of the firm mindset that two grown men punching the daylights out of each other is an asinine sport so Your Mama can't imagine a more stoopid amenity to have at home than a damn boxing ring.

Also on the property, according to listing information and reports, is a basketball court, a putting green, a lagoon style swimming pool with an adjacent cabana, waterfall, waterslide and a spa located in a Playboy style hidden grotto. Given that Mister Wahlberg is reportedly a devout Catholic family man, we doubt this grotto sees any orgy action anymore.

The interior of the main house includes several living areas, a large kitchen with all the stainless steel appliances one might expect in a fifteen million dollar mansion, a media room with both 35mm and digital projection capabilities, and room with a pool table and a wet bar so that should Mister Wahlberg want, he can simulate being a bar fly without having the paps snap his photo of him slurring his words and slumped over a gin and tonic.

There are five bedrooms and an eye popping 10.5 bathrooms. We hope that Mister Wahlberg has a full time terlit gurl to work a brush through all of them poopers because his baby momma certainly has her hands full with the couple's three wee children. The master wing includes a bedroom with a enough seating to host the entire family for Christmas and a large bathroom with a hairstyling station that includes a shampoo bowl and one of those beauty shop chairs that can be raised and lowered by pumping a pedal. If anyone were to ask your Mama, and of course, no one did, we might have suggested putting up a wall between the hairstyling station and the rest of the bathroom. We do not, and we repeat, do not need our hair washer, lock snipper or mani-pedi gurl all up in the most private areas of our inner sanctum. For heaven's sake, this is the room you in which your floss your teeth, wash your privates and evacuate your bowels. Who wants to expose their hairdresser to all that privatude?

We don't normally go after listing agents, but we do have a bone to pick with this one. Would it have killed you too move that damn baby crib thing from the dining room before taking the photo?

As gets noted here and there and everywhere, wickedly windy and not all that well kept Oak Pass Road is littered with rich and famous types. Perhaps its wealthiest resident is billionaire biznessman Kirk Kerkorian who owns a lavish 30+acre estate which he had on the market in late 2006 and early 2007 for $18,000,000. Other big name inhabitants include super star celebrity agent Kevin Huvane and preggers pop star Ashley Simpson and Angelina Jolie's allegedly estranged Oscar winning daddy Jon Voight lives right up next door to Mister Wahlberg in a house prop records show he bought out of foreclosure in December of 1997. But perhaps the most glittering and glammy of the Oak Pass Road residents are actor/producer Aston Kutcher and his cougar queen Demi Moore who reside in a speck-tacular modern manse that was photographed for Architectural Digest in 2007.

24 comments:

Anonymous said...

what I do not understand is why he would try to sell it now eso at that price ?

now think about this for a second

these rich folks bought homes, estates and penthouses from bonuses and inflated stock that they got from lying on the balance sheets at their various firms and they caused the RE prices to skyrocket

now that their companies are bankrupt and they need bailing out by the trillions could they really afford to pay 40MM for a condo in NY or 50MM for a estate in LA ? could they afford even 2 MM ?

I think not

On a side note

this did happen today it was on fox news

Mr Fuld former ceo of Lehman Bros (now bankrupt) who received 300 MM in bonuses was at the gym working out and a former client came right up to him and punched him in the face knocking him out !!!!!

I wonder when more of these events will happen to these hoity toity rich types ?

Anonymous said...

I am sure while mr fuld is nursing a bruised and battered face he now has to think by the second for the next few weeks on how he is going to have to give back his bonuses and start over again

I wonder if he will list his penthouse for 2 MM ?

or will he go for broke and list it at 100 MM ?

Anonymous said...

Yikes..did you see the cheapoooo wundow treatments in the master bath

Anonymous said...

The pool is to die for. I like most of the house but the boxing ring and B-Ball court would have to go. Also, like most california properties it's OVER-PRICED!

Bigdaddyj said...

Now we know how he keeps that body in such good shape...the guy's got enough exercise equipment to open his own Bally's!...;-)

average joe said...

I sure am nursing a bruised and battered piggy bank now I had to think about losing my wages at Norms now that they caught me stealing the waitresses tips when I cleared the table and I have to give them back and start over again. Does anyone know if Dennys is hiring busboys?

oh, i hold a grudge alright said...

aren't these peeps in the film business? isn't the film business at least partially about set design and writing.

if one has money, one should be required to spend it with some tact.

maybe he'll do that once he unloads this joint

Anonymous said...

Good luck getting the insane price.

With the market crashing daily, it is only a matter of time before Socal prices for prime RE get the reset button pushed.

The price illusion is over folks.

terisa.masu said...

I wonder when more of these events will happen to these hoity toity rich types
bi http://www.FindBilover.com

terisa.masu said...

I wonder when more of these events will happen to these hoity toity rich types
bi http://www.FindBilover.com

average joe :[) said...

well it is beverly hills/bel air area, not sunset plaza or beverly hills adjacent

it is the star mark wahlberg's home

maybe he will get 16 MM for it

just like cher will get 40 MM for her estate in malibu

Anonymous said...

This is one AMAZING property, the pictures are not as good as walking through, yesterday was a brokers open and after walking through the house I can really say its amazing! just my opinion

dolly said...

As McCain told us last night, overhead projectors cost $1 million so I can pretty much understand the price Marky Mark is asking here. He wants to recoup the investment in his media room.

Parker said...

Why such animosity aimed at him? I think it's a great house with beautiful grounds, and something to entertain everyone. He put a lot of money into it, it's in a good neighborhood, why chastise him for trying to recoup his investment? Jealous much?

Viva! said...

I love the house...it's not exactly my taste (not bad though) but it is exactly what I expect a hot shot movie star's house to be like. That is one helluva pool. I really like how much greenery there is, beautifully landscaped. Like Marky Mark used to say back in the 90's 'Everybody Dance Now!'

bentley said...

Dig it. Tastefully done (if a bit bland), great kitchen. Like the actor, it's got style.

Jesse B. said...

The house is beautiful. The haters are only hating because they like to hate.

The pool, waterfall, grotto, hot tub, etc. are absolutely amazing and it all looks as realistic as the Playboy Mansion's.

In fact, I love all of the outdoor space. I'd do away with the giant fitness area and opt for a small home gym, but given how much he focuses on his body, I understand and appreciate his desire to have such.

I would buy the house furniture and all (sans a few pieces). I am not sure, however, if I'd pay the asking price.

Anonymous said...

The house works for me! Perhaps the new owner can help pay the mortgage by selling memberships to the exercise shed.

so_chic_darling said...

Not hating or loving this house I do LOVE Demi Moore's place though.

Anonymous said...

It's just nothing fantastic I think, real blah and boring... could be worse, but $15m? Think its like $5m overpriced, especially in this market.

While the world isn't crumbling, and everyone is going to lose money, nor are properties going to be worth what they were back in the 90's... but values have and will probably deflate a bit more.... either way the market will turn agian within a few years and these houses will end up worth way more than they are priced presently so just depends how long you plan on owning whether you care how much you're paying. People with money don't care if the house is going to be worth less next year if they plan on staying there awhile cuz they are rich and know it time it will come back.

Anonymous said...

I hate pools like that. Otherwise I like the outside areas, but I don't care for this house.

Anonymous said...

I was expecting more beige...

Anonymous said...

he has a large cock i jack off to him every night before bed

Chris said...

Just shows where grabbing your peen in public can get you. His body used to be deeevine, but his face was always uggggly. And it still is. I guess his acting is okay. I don't think he deserves his good fortune. Done now.