Friday, October 31, 2008

Jade Jagger Lists London Residence


SELLER: Jade Jagger
LOCATION: Keslake Road, Queen's Park, London, UK
PRICE: £1,500,000
SIZE: 1,989 square feet, 3 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: ...Offering lavish, extremely well presented accommodation throughout, the property comprises fabulous reception and dining room, convenient eat-in kitchen opening onto garden, master bedroom with incredible en suite bathroom and walk-in wardrobe, two further generous bedrooms, glamorous bathroom with mosaic mirror wall and ceiling tiles and charming private garden to the rear...

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: A very kind British bloke we'll call Sweeney Todd recently sent Your Mama a covert communique informing us know that rock and roll heiress turned jewelry designer and property developer Jade Jagger has listed her louche London home with an asking price of £1,500,000, a figure our bejeweled abacus reveals converts to $2,471,970 at today's rates.

It probably goes without saying the Jade Sheena Jezebel Jagger is the party princess progeny of mammoth mouthed Mick Jagger and the wonderfully bizarre Bianca Jagger, who the children will recall was recently booted from her rent controlled apartment on New York's posh Park Avenue.

Thirty something year old Miss Jagger spent much of the last ten or twelve years earning a good living as the creative director of the old-school and very expensive British jewelry company Garrad. Somehow she managed to design gem encrusted jewelry while living the hedonistic life of a well-heeled hippie in a converted barn on the Spanish island of Ibiza. However, a couple of years ago, with her two daughters reaching their terrible teenage years, the single mommy relocated the family back to London where they settled in a modest house on Keslake Road in quirky Queen's Park where some of her neighbors are reported to include 007 hot-bahdee Daniel Craig, naughty and outspoken singer/songwriter Lily Allen, novelist Zadie Smith and super slim actress Thandie Newton.

Listing information indicates Miss Jagger's brick built house measures in at a modest 1,989 square feet and includes just 3 bedrooms and two garishly glitzy bathrooms, including one where in the absence of gravity one could snort cocaine off the mirrored walls and ceiling.

The front of house is surrounded by a garden with high hedges which may (or may not) provide enough privacy and protection for Miss Jagger to sunbathe in the nood. The ground floor consists of just two large rooms divided by a long and narrow entrance and stair hall. At approximately 600 square feet, the reception room–which we call a living room in the good ol' U-nited States of America–is large and high enough for Miss Jagger's glossy black dining room table topped with two insanely terrific gold statuettes. Several sofas and chairs provide plenty of lounging space, but curiously, there is not a coffee table in sight.

The kitchen features a complicated and spectacular tiled floor, a big mama sized Aga range, a few other chintzy looking appliances, a marble topped Saarinen dining room table surrounded by four of those great looking but ridiculously uncomfortable Philippe Starck ghost chairs. Have any of the children ever tried to sit their fat asses down on one of those chairs? We have, and the seat is so narrow that even whisper thin model Kate Moss' teeny tiny toosh would spill over the edge of the damn thing.

Upstairs, Miss Jagger's two gurl children, who have reportedly begun to cut quite a rug on the London party scene even though they've barely received their womanly gifts, each have their own room that shares the above mentioned mirrored bathroom. Now hunnies, pleez, what teenage gurl wants to be showering, shaving, pooping and primping in a bathroom where they can't help but see every unflattering angle of themselves? That's right, no teenage gurls we know.

Miss Jagger has created quite a master suite for herself which includes a colossal king sized bed, walls covered in grass cloth, a naughty black crystal chandelier, a walk in closet and a bathroom that is both larger than either of her children's bedrooms and features a gold plated stripper pole smack in the middle of the room. In. The. Middle. Of. The. Damn. Room. As if that were not tacky enough someone has seen fit to place a pair of white chairs so that Miss Jagger's stripping spectators can sit back and enjoy the show. Klassy.

The entirely uninviting and not particularly private rear garden has a large tiled terrace, a patch of lawn for the pooches and some pretty paltry landscaping around the perimeter.

Now that Miss Jagger has lately become deeply involved in designing and developing slick and sleek apartments buildings in New York City, could it be that she's selling house so that she can uproot her family to live across the pond? Or perhaps she's headed back to her converted barn on Ibiza? Your Mama hasn't a clue, but we do know that wherever the glammy gal lands, she's sure to make a serious splash on the beau monde social circuit and will likely do up her house like a damn night club. But what else should we expect from a boho babe who had Andy Warhol for a baby sitter?

32 comments:

pj said...

I am SURE that stripper pole is structural! ! !

(btw...Love the high gloss ceiling! An old Vicente Wolf signature.)

Anonymous said...

as if the stripper pole wasn't enough the stager left a pair of red pumps on the floor !

Interesting interiors - kind of like 'Decorating with ADD"

Viva! said...

Interesting design. It's not my taste...but it's interesting. The house itself is quite nice.

Lara said...

What an uninspiring lodge! Sorry, but I don't find this interesting at all. What's with all those (non)colours in the kitchen? The only thing I like is the black table, the rest is just meh.
Oh, and everybody who has a garden in London they're obviously not using should be evicted from the house. What a waste.

Natalie said...

She has two girls...and has a stripper pole in the bathroom?! And the agent took pics with two red pumps on the floor???

WTF?

brooklawn dr. said...

"extremely well presented accommodation"

I just love the English.... so beautifully phrased!!

lil' gay boy said...

That master bath brings a whole new dimension to the moniker "throne room." And I'm sure Svetlana the terlit gurl would bitch a blue streak whilst cleaning the mirrored mosaic tile in the other one (especially cleaning up after 2 teenaged girls).

I can't quite put my finger on it, but it just has the appearance of being the site of something truly nasty…

Anonymous said...

Is this Queens Park or Kensal Rise? NW6 is so confusing because it has so many different areas with no definitive borders ... Either way this is complete London suburbia ... Her Fathers worth like $400M or whatever - Couldn't he have bought her something in Notting Hill/Primrose Hill/Belsize Park/Little Venice etc... thats more suited to the boho, jetset, trustafarian set that she's part of ... Just not the area I would expect to find her in ... It is very close to Lily Allen like you said Mama - a couple streets away. I read somewhere that she was moving back to her farm in Ibiza ... And those concerned about her daughters seeing a pole in the bathroom - Please, they're teenagers, grew up in Ibiza!!! & have Mick Jagger as Grandpa ... I don't think they can be compared to your average kid.

Alessandra said...

A stripper pole? And it isn't a joke, is it? My goodness.

Well, the whole joint is sort of hideous and tacky. I can see what she was possibly trying to achieve and yet, she failed miserably.

The actual home is not bad. Decent bones. One could actually make it quite lovely.

Anonymous said...

More pics

http://www.foxtons.co.uk/property-for-sale-in-queens-park/sjwd0097289


http://www.housescape.org.uk/cgi-bin/full.pl?&bre1&&BRE1000767&&

Anonymous said...

Since wooden houses are forbidden in England, and have been since the 18th century, (too many fires, you know), I wonder where brick falls on the status ladder.

Anonymous said...

Since wooden houses are forbidden in England, and have been since the 18th century, (too many fires, you know), I wonder where brick falls on the status ladder.

Anonymous said...

Since wooden houses are forbidden in England, and have been since the 18th century, (too many fires, you know), I wonder where brick falls on the status ladder.

Anonymous said...

x3

Anonymous said...

x3

Anonymous said...

x3

ms_wonderland said...

You wonder where brick falls on the status ladder? (x3)

Most British houses are built of brick. Some of it is stuccoed over, but it's brick underneath. Type of brick depends on area - London brick tends to be yellow (really a dirty beige) and other areas have red brick like this one. Stone houses are much admired, but they only appear in quarrying areas such as Bath. Not many of us live in castles!

Timber-framed houses came back in the 80's for volume house builders, but they are considered cheap and nasty.

Odd - I never thought of a hierarchy of building materials!

stpaulsnowman said...

You can have the tacky stripper pole..........I'll take the wonderful cream Aga.

Anonymous said...

I loved the imac shoved against the wall in the dining room. See? The rich really are just us!

Cute enough place. Nicely laid out, except for the unfair proportions of the bedrooms.

Anonymous said...

Stucco is definitely the way to go ... The Terraces & Squares of Belgravia in particular are simply stunning ... Notting Hill's stucco terraces are also stunning in a more shabby chic way ... Yet, the stone facades [artificial?] of the Georgian Terraces such as Bedford Sq in Bloomsbury are beautiful too. Wood? well, not so much ...

so_chic_darling said...

I would take my 1.5 million pounds, if I had them, and look in my favorite part of West London, Barons Court, it's a hidden gem.
As for this place it's all very Mummy is famous darlings and has lovely amusing eclectic taste(stripper pole says Mummy's post feminist and hip)and we take all our recyclables to the bins at Tecso in the Range Rover.

Babe Parish said...

so you know she's all,
"yeah...here's my flat. take the pics and sell the place. oh and sod the pumps. who gives a f*ck".

jade jagger is too cute. decor ennui and all.

Flora said...

The kitchen is hideous: cabinetry by MFI circa 1974, uPVC windows and doors, repro 'Victorian' patterned floor tiles from B&Q, mint green walls fighting a losing battle with the fuchsia chair pads, and hessian curtains from Ikea. At least, thats what it looks like to me; it may actually be highly expensive and recently done, but I have to say, what an unco-ordinated and ugly mess.
By comparison with that, the rest of the house is almost okay, but the master bedroom is the only room that looks cosy and comfortable.
The sitting room and master bath seem to have more space than the owner knows what to do with, just like the garden.
Given the size of the ground floor, why is there no downstairs powder room? I suppose guests have to pee in the teenager's bathroom, or risk being invited to 'perform' in the master bath.
Why is there the remains of a corridor upstairs, which leads solely to a small closet? Why not take that space into the master bedroom? Why are the two smaller bedrooms divided unequally? Someone could turn this into a nice house, but clearly Ms J could not.

Anonymous said...

I though ghost chairs were real comfortable!

No thanks said...

Don't get me started about Philippe Starck, ghost chairs are just his latest over hyped trendy deign thing to trick an easily amused modernist bourgeoisie . He's almost as detestable as Karim Rashid but not quite.

Anonymous said...

The whole house looks as if it was built with many more interior walls and rooms than it has now. Those walls were presumably removed in a major renovation to create the current large rooms. For example, it was very uncommon for a house of this vintage to have an "opened out" floor plan like the one now occupied by the living room and dining room here. Those rooms were probably originally separated by a wall now replaced by a big steel ceiling beam (note the change of ceiling height between the two rooms). Similarly, it was extremely uncommon for any London house of this era to have any bathroom nearly as big as the one with the "stripper pole." The master bath appears to have been created by removing at least one wall, which likely required the insertion of the basic 4" structural steel poll, aka the "stripper poll," gilded for that tacky louche touch that Jade Jagger practically embodies!

As an aside: Such polls were at one time commonly used even in Los Angeles where sheer walls are now de rigeur. But the polls provide absolutely no seismic sheer (horizonal) support, only vertical support. Indeed, the second-story bedroom in which I spent the 1994 Los Angeles earthquake was perched on such polls ... installed in a 1960's era renovation of my home. In London, vertical support is thought to be enough, and the building codes don't dwell on things like the possible need for "internal sheer walls" and the horrors of brick home behavior in earthquakes (which can be simulated by making a little wall of sugar cubes on your breakfast plate and then shaking the plate)!

Anonymous said...

OOOPS! This is Mr.November 1, 2008 9:19 PM from the above post. My spell checker turned all of my "poles" into "polls" ... except for the "stripper pole!" Weird. Must be the election season. Sorry about that. What a way to blow credibility!

Anonymous said...

Interesting how very little style the place has.

No great art, no great taste, no landscaping, she now strikes me as a bore.

Anonymous said...

too bad Jade never stripped for a landscape architect to trade for a bit of exterior help. The backyard is pretty pathetic and the picnic table looks like it came from the English equivalent of K-Mart.

Anonymous said...

Boring home in a boring location and owned by the boring daughter of an over-the-hill A-lister; not even a celeb in her own right.
Let's have some good A-lister, real estate porn :-)

Anonymous said...

LADIES: Waterpolo Star Tony Theo is said to have split from his model-girlfriend and is out west now.

Anonymous said...

The original floor layout was probably more interesting. The stripper pole is ... tacky.