Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Say Bye Bye to Neverland Ranch

Veronica Hearst is not the only famous and formerly rich person grappling with the soul crushing and credit wrecking world of foreclosure. Fortress Investments, the long suffering lender who holds the multi-million dollar mortgage on Michael Jackson's once beloved Neverland Ranch, has reached the end of their patience rope with the financially strapped and fallen music icon.

According to the always well informed celebrity gossip Roger Friedman who pens the Fox 411 column, Neverland Ranch has been foreclosed on and is scheduled to be sold at auction on March 19 unless The White Lady manages to scrounge up $24,525,906 and 61 damn cents. And quick.

If the 2,600 acre ranch on Figueroa Mountain Road in the Santa Ynez Valley is auctioned off on the steps of the Santa Barbara county courthouse, the sale will include "every single thing that is or isn't nailed down" including furniture, fixtures, appliances, and "all merry go round type devices." It would be fascinating to know what objects and personal items Mister Jackson left behind when he fled Neverland Ranch in shame and humiliation in June of 2005 after being acquitted of child molestation charges.

No one, including Mister Friedman and Your Mama, thinks Mister Jackson can or will do anything to stop the sale. The man is broke and hideously leveraged as it is. We presume he will spend the next few weeks praying that the sale produces enough dough to pay off Fortress so he can finally wash his hands of the uglee affair. If the auction does not produce a satisfactory bid, Fortress is likely to take possession of the ranch and list is with a local realtor, a turn of events that will have every real estate gossip in the world salivating and hoping to swing a seat on the press tour.

Poor Michael Jackson. The man was once a musical force and prodigy who sat on top of the world, and now his entire world is collapsing around him. Your Mama hopes he's on the horn right now trying to convince Tito or LaToya to let him move in with one of them because the Dr. Cooter is adamant that The White Lady and his trio of cute kids can not, under any circumstances, come live with us.

32 comments:

Anonymous said...

tell michael to try

http://royaltyadvance.com

I am sure they will give him 28MM against his royalties, or better yet buy some of his catalog.

so_chic_darling said...

I wonder how much the $250,000 vases will go for at the auction?

Parker said...

Mama, you've been busy today!
Does anyone know what happened to the animals that used to live there?
I'm curious to see what will become of the place. Museum of Pedophilia, perhaps? Another sad story of someone with such talent.

lil' gay boy said...

Talent alone won't save him now. It's what might be hidden under the topsoil that concerns me. I won't repeat my suspicions.

He's had his run; hopefully the aunts and uncles will gather around to help with the children - he's certainly in no shape to raise them.

Poor kids; but no one can blame you, Mama, for not wanting to host them for what would eventually seem to be an eternity.

Anonymous said...

parker, I think I remember reading that the animals were all relocated to zoos/rescues after the White Lady could no longer keep up the payroll on the staff.

Anonymous said...

I smell a bargain. Whilst most of us are repulsed by the white lady, she still has millions of adoring, if not dillusional fans. Just selling the crappy knick-knacks on E-Bay would probably pay off the damned house. Then divide off that gross house from the rest of that wonderful acreage and auction that pig off too. Then you'll have 2500 acres to build a respectable estate and still have major coin in the bank.

Babe "She works hard for the money" Parish said...

it's all Heather Mills' fault. if she hadn't been harassing Paul McCartney, he coulda made Jackson an offer to buy back his Beatles music and Jacko coulda paid the bill. ugh.

Anonymous said...

Does anyone know if the 2,600 acres can be subdivided? If it can, that a deal for someone wanting to build a huge golf course/residential neighborhood!

lil' gay boy said...

Babe "she works hard for the money" Parish:

You slay me! Only someone with your unique sense of humor could have made such a connection; I think I peed a little . . .

Love ya!

lil' gay boy said...

One last post:

Mama, get Dr. Cooter to rub your feet after today's real estate-fest; you've earned it in spades!

Definitely one for the books . . .

Anonymous said...

I'm so glad. Now hopefully, we only have one more blog post left to read about Michael when Neverland sells.

Anonymous said...

Hey Mama, I'm here to ask about another icon, none other than the recent party queen Madonna. I heard that she has dropped her suit against the coop of her apartment's building. The coop seemed to have blinked and so she bought the apartment upstairs. True? Any scoop on this? Thanks.

bentley said...

Incredible Mama! I'm spent.

So sad that no one, from his launch into the stratosphere with Thriller in '82, to now, sat him down and taught him how to handle his money. This phenomenon was mentioned in one of the Hearst posts, but families with generations of money should theoretically be much better equipped/advised, etc... on money management.

These hordes of young, previously un-moneyed stars devastate me. He should have been set, along with his children and grandchildren, for life. Easily.

Instead he bought ugly shit for too much money, whoopied his way down water slides in Dubai dressed in white PVC space suits, and shrouded his children in anything from balaclavas to bedsheets. He just must feel so desperate. I find it very sad.

With regards to Neverland, it's fucking creepy. Get rid of all signs of his existence there, so whatever did/did not happen in that place is a chapter in many people's lives that can be closed and shelved forever.

Anonymous said...

I'M CURIOUS.....SINCE SONY HAS A SHARE IN THE BEETLES ROYALTIES WITH MICHAEL JACKSON DOES THAT MEAN HE HAS A CONTRACT THAT HE CAN ONLY SELL TO THEM? IF SO, THAT WOULD BE VERY INTERESTING AS IT WOULD ALMOST BE LIKE SONY HAS BEEN SABOTAGING HIM TO OWN THE RIGHTS AS MOST CONTRACTS WOULD STATE THAT IF THE OTHER PERSON FILES FOR BANKRUPCY THEN THE OTHER HALF WOULD WIN THE RIGHTS TO OWN THE ASSET OUTRIGHT, WHICH WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT IT....HOW MUCH ARE THEY WORTH....

Alessandra said...

bentley:

"These hordes of young, previously un-moneyed stars devastate me. He should have been set, along with his children and grandchildren, for life. Easily."

So true, yet in order to set up these gifted stars, they need to have discipline. Unfortunately, what most of them have instead are entourages, which are comprised of hangers-on, toadies and yes-people. Therefore, it is not in the entourage's best interest to slow the gala down to a picnic in the spirit of having champagne and cheese left over for the next day.

I do feel bad for the White Lady, in that with such immense talent and world-wide respect, he could have been a Rolling Stones type entertainment model and just kept doing tours and raking in the $$$$. Now, he's broke and is known more for his alleged predilections than for his artistry. I'm on the fence about whether or not he's guilty of child molestation. He certainly had all the behaviors down that one would associate with a predator, but he also had that child-like demeanor in public. Not knowing him personally, I can't say whether or not that was a facade. Methinks he is a deeply disturbed individual regardless. If he was a pedophile, losing Neverland is fair; it was his lure. If he wasn't a pedophile, losing Neverland is a bit sad; it was his solace.

lil" gay boy said...

Alessandra,

Very accurate, and kindly put.

bentley said...

True. When you're surrounded by pariahs and millions of dollar signs that appeared overnight, can you blame them?

And your point about Neverland is duly noted. He seems to be an emotionally stunted individual. Creating a home that is a child's fairytale speaks volumes.

lil" gay boy said...

Being the youngest child in a family of I don't know how many to become the first big moneymaker can't have been easy - especially if the stories about his father are even slightly true.

Anonymous said...

I am in talks with MJ to Manage his career in a new direction.

I am wondering how many StoolPushers on this Blog would be interested in Paying over 100K for a Lubed up night with MJ without his Vail.

So please keep an open mind and help MJ Keep his Children Trap.

Red Pleather Zipper Jacket is extra.

Anonymous said...

anon 9:56 - I'm starting a collection among the children. we'll pay 200k to see the White Lady's daddy push your stool without lube then whip your sorry a**

Anonymous said...

Just did a quick conversion:

2,600 acres = 4.0625 square miles

f*cking ridiculous.

Parker said...

anon 10:08 - wow, that's amazing. an entire neighborhood could established there.

Anonymous said...

still interested in knowing if the land can be subdivided? Anyone know anything about that? Would make a beautiful resort area. And could easily be turned into a billion dollar neighborhood with the right developer.

house of cards said...

With the warming and drying out of the West this part of California will soon go from mostly dry to desert in a very short period of time,just where will the extra water for a billion dollar development come from?

lil' gay boy said...

House of Cards,

Palm Springs?

;-)

lil' gay boy said...

Anon 5:26,

Why hasn't it occurred to anyone that instead of turning it into another billion dollar neighborhood or resort (does California really need another one of those?), that it be converted into a middle class enclave, with say a cap of $1M valuation per house, and let some of the hard working szlubs who make this country run have a chance at the brass ring?

Given the recent subprime mortgage crisis, there are many well deserving families out there who may never achieve the American dream of owning their own home.

Surely the great state of California could come up with some plan whereby the developer could recoup a reasonable return on investment, while at the same time provide some desperately needed middle income housing?

Anonymous said...

LGB, Neverland Ranch is up near Santa Barbara.

We do have communities closer than Santa Barbara where one can buy affordable (relatively speaking) housing. The Antelope and Santa Clarita Valleys have had a lot of development like you describe. I had a secretary who was able to buy a new 4 bedroom 3 bath two story house on a big lot for under 200k. That was in one of the nicer communities. You can get a 2 or 3 bedroom house out there for 100k. Of course, you are still a 90 minute to 2 hour commute into Los Angeles but they do have commuter buses.

Anonymous said...

And before property pimp, average joe, any of the "Ed"s chime in - they bought about 6 years ago and recently refinanced and no, they haven't lost all their equity.

Despite the decline in the market affecting the areas just outside of Los Angeles more than in LA, their house still showed a nice appreciation over what they paid. They won't be trapsing into Mama's behind the White Lady and Raymone

lil' gay boy said...

Anon 9:55,

Just an observation:

It seems that Californians determine commute more by time than distance; if it takes more than 45 minutes to get anywhere, that's traffic to them. They may cover 30 or 40 miles, but it's still traffic.

We here on Long Island are cursed by the LIE; I live less than 20 miles from NYC, yet if I drive in it will take me approximately 2 hours to do so. Part of of it is, of course, 3 lanes vs 6. Taking the LIRR and subway will cut that time by maybe 20 minutes, at most.

I love driving California freeways, even at rush hour!

Anonymous said...

Angelinos do it by time because it is too depressing to think about it by miles. My commute is only 8 miles but can take 90 minutes... If I do it a 5:30am, it takes 10 minutes.

lil" gay boy said...

Lucky you!

LIE is jam-packed almost 24 hours a day; if it's not traffic, it's construction (I swear, some part of it has been under construction since I was in grade school . . . )

Someone had a great idea a while back to run a rail service down the center of the LIE - that is until they figured out what would happen should it fail at any point along the way.

Anonymous said...

Your LIE (is that an appropriate name or what?) sounds like either our 101 or 405 freeways. Doesn't matter the time of day, there is always traffic. I don't even get on a freeway. My 8 miles is across the part of the city where there is no freeway. For me to take freeways (I'd have to take two) would take me miles out of my way and truthfully would be even longer commute times.