UPDATE: DJ AM

Your Mama has spent part of today chatting with someone from deep inside the DJ AM entourage who gave us some fun and inneresting updates on the Bev Hills house the famed record spinner purchased back in May of 2006 and we discussed here not too long ago. Here's what we learned:

The formerly fat, now gorgeously slim hipped DJ to the stars purchased the house for around $3,200,000 after a long seven month search. AM proceeded to put "A LOT" of money into renovations that include a movie theater. But has yet to actually occupy the house. Our little tipster tells us AM is just "too lazy" to move from his Hollywood Hills house.

And he may not have to move. While the place is not officially on the market, AM has received a few offers to purchase the renovated property, but none have come up to the BIG number he's looking for to make it worth his time, effort, and bank account.

All Your Mama got to say about this is that gawd bless a spinner who can afford a multi-million dollar house high in hills of Beverly.

UPDATE: Kelly Wearstler

This is not good. Today the good people over at Curbed LA tell us that interior designer Kelly Wearstler, she-ra of the funky outfits and hair don'ts on the Bravo's Top Design, was illegally operating her K.W.I.D. offices out of a residential bungalow located just off Melrose. We featured the property on our little blog after we first read about it on Curbed back in late March.

The Curbed folks even posted the text of the petition where Miz Wearstler begs for forgiveness and ask for a 6-month extension in order to comply with the LADBS Order to Comply, blah blah blah.

We do feel a little badly for Miz Wearstler and her troubles with the zoning peeps. But with all her moolah, surely she can find new and legal digs for K.W.I.D. that she can fill up with orchids and Hollywood regency furniture.

UPDATE: Avril "The Spitter" Lavigne

We L.O.V.E. this one.

Seems Avril Lavigne, everyones favorite faux punker who is as famous for copping a 'tude with reporters and paps as she is for her watered down pop-punk music, DENIES she and huzband Deryck Wibley purchased the Travis Barker / Shanna Moakler mansion up in the guard gated Bel Air Crest community.

As first reported in In Touch Weekly, than on Mr. Big Times' celebrity real estate extravaganza, The Spitter reportedly told some audience or some person that, "Recently I’ve heard that I’ve bought this new house in L.A. and I didn’t. But people say things, and it goes away a week later.”

Yeah, it all goes away just a week later unless The Spitter keeps it alive by continuing to talk about it. Just who does she think she's kidding? Not only was the purchase reported, here, there and everywhere, including the LA Times, public records indicate she was the buyer.

Gurl might have been better off just keeping her spit producing potty mouth shut. You know, fame is fickle hunnies, and it may not be long before no one cares where The Spitter lives, so maybe she should just be happy all us crazy real estate gossips are still yakking about her.

And please, someone buy her old house up in the Mulholland Estates so she can deny ever living there too.

Lionsgate Revisted

SELLER: Nancy Davis
LOCATION: Nimes Road, Bel Air, CA
PRICE: $23,950,000
SIZE: 9,369 square feet (per assessor), 7 bedrooms, 12 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: "Bel-Air'S Finest Trophy Property", Lionsgate is one of the most sought after properties in the city. It features 7 brs and 12 bts w/ a guest hse & a separate structure w/games room and full disco being converted into a screening rm. The property is situated on 1.6 acres, running street to street on Bel-Air's most prominent street. Features include; tennis court and pavilion, disco/media room, elevator, putting green, library, and 200 foot driveway.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: A hush falls over the room. Yes babies, this is the very home that greasy night club denizen and notorious foul mouthed Brandon Davis called home when he was a wee tot and not even a glimmer in the tabloid eye. "Lionsgate," a very famous home among the many famous homes in Bel Air, has long been owned by Brandon's mommy, Nancy Davis. That's right hunnies, she would be one of the daughters of corpulent billionaire Marvin Davis who died in 2004 amid rumors of trust looting and dwindling financial circumstances that have resulted in lurid lawsuits filed by Patty Raynes, one of the Davis daughters.

Not long after his death, Marvin's wifey, the lacquer haired charity circuit broad Barbara, who famously chairs the Carousel of Hope Ball, sold off the family pile in Bev Hills. Dubbed "The Knoll," the 25,000 square foot house sold for a reported $46,000,000 to a bizness man named Eric Schmidt. Miz Barbara moved to a low maintenance bungalow at the Beverly Hills Hotel, which was, of course, once owned by her dead huzband.

Anyhoo, back to "Lionsgate." The 1.6 acre property was once owned by bearded country crooner Kenny Rogers, who has recently had some unfortunate plastic surgery. But for many years the house has been home to Miz Nancy Davis, one of daughters and benefactors of Daddy Davis' big bank account and who was still in good graces when the old man kicked it. Incidentally, Mister Kenny Rogers also once owned "The Knolls." Hmm.

Located on one of Bel Air's most prestigious streets, "Lionsgate" is approached down a long driveway that keeps it completely hidden from the prying eyes of the paps and other nosy Bel Air residents. Perfect for a super rich celebrity. As even the most stoopid among us can glean, the house was named after the two large felines statues that grace and guard the entry gates.

As y'all might imagine, we're not fond of the fussy decorating scheme with the flesh colored pool table and the pink flowers stencilled on the walls of the dining room. And seriously, we don't know what is going on in that bedroom. We're guessing it's the bedroom of a child, but what Bel Air child wants drapes that look like something out of one of Saddam's palaces or a row house in Queens? Please.

So what do we like you might ask? The stone driveway is spectacular, the chandelier in the dining room is wonderfully opulent, we only wish it were larger. The bone chandelier in the room with the pool table is also pretty cool. And we LOVE the lions and security cameras at the front gates. All the children should be so lucky to be greeted by a pair of Simbas after a long day on Rodeo Drive.

The location is impeccable and the privacy is guaranteed. The old-schoold architecture has a certain appeal and the terraced backyard pool has no doubt seen many interesting pool parties.

In addition to the dance studio, art studio, game room, gym, putting green, tennis court and swimming pool, "Lionsgate" features an in-house disco (!!) for getting your groove on without suffering the embarrassment of public hip gyrations and head flings. Perhaps wisely, the disco is being converted to a screening room according to the listing. And 12 bathrooms. Twelve! The bill for Comet alone requires a significant income.

For just over $20,000,000 the lucky buyer will have neighbors such as Steven Bollenbach, President and CEO of Hilton Hotels, and Miz Joanna Carson, who still lives in the big house on St. Cloud Road she shared back in the 1970s with her ex huzband Johnny Carson.

Your Mama hopes the Crooz clan checks this place out. We feel that if the vertically challenged big-man is going to spend a fortune on a home, he really ought to buy something legendary. Crooz is a legend in his own mind, so really, shouldn't he own a home that carries a Hollywood history and prestige? With 7 bedrooms, 12 bathrooms, and a guest house, there might be just enough room for all the Scientology "minders," Crooz family members, and nannies that live with the tabloid beleaguered couple. Seriously Crooz, check this one out.

This is not the first time "Lionsgate" has been on the market in the very recent past. Only back in July of 2006 Miz Ruth Ryon wrote in her Hot Properties column that the house had been listed "at just under $30,000,000. Guess there were no takers at that price so it's been hugely reduced to it's current ask price of $23,950,000 which should bring a few more interested parties who pine for living in a house only a Hollywood honcho could love.

Sources: LA Times, Forbes, Real Estate Journal, Star Pulse

UPDATE: Sexy and The Spice Gurl

BUYER: Sexy and The Spice Gurl
LOCATION: Beverly Hills, CA
PRICE: $22,000,000 (list)
SIZE: 13,149 square feet, 6 bedrooms, 9 bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS UPDATE: In regards to all the emails and commentary we've received on this regarding addresses and locataion. We're not blaming anyone. We're as interested in the addresses as anyone else is and can understand people just wanting to know." But there are real and legal issues at play here, and in this case, with threat of kidnapping and all that, we went as far with the location description as we felt comfortable. We're quite sure that if it's vitally important you know the address to this house, you can suss it out on your own or find it on some chat board somewhere. If y'all want to post the address and/or location specifics, elsewhere, do what you will. But we're kindly requesting that our very loyal and lovely readers don't do that here. We're doing out best to bring you information on this stuff that is both compelling and interesting, but there are limits. And if you can't understand that, well, then you need to spend some time thinking about that. Thanks for the support by comment and email and to the anonymous commenter who started this, you're cool. we're not trying to lambaste you at all and hope you will continue to enjoy our little blog.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: One of our British pals tells us all the tabs and newspapers are reporting on the purchase of the immigrants Bev Hills house and, as you might expect, it's the very same house we told you about the other day.

We had long heard the couple wanted to spend between $12 and $15 million, but it looks like they've blow the budget with this one having paid, we're told by a tipster right around $20,000,000.

So we're going to pop up a few photos of peripatetic couple's new digs which y'all can see are far from modest in size, but has a teeny little pool. Maybe the couple and their kiddies don't like the water much?

We'd like to wish the couple happiness and health in their new home. Seriously we do. Your Mama would also like to say we are so relieved this couple have FINALLY purchased a home and we can stop writing about them.

Next up...The Spice Gurl's reality television show, which we predict is going to bomb. Sorry doll, Your Mama just thinks you might be over-estimating your celebrity pull in the States. You might indeed be better served taking a turn on that mind blowing and puzzling Dancing With The Stars, which every week leaves Your Mama slack jawed and aghast.

Brad Garrett's Hidden Hills Hideaway

SELLER: Brad and Jill Garrett
LOCATION: Jim Bridger Road, Hidden Hills, CA
PRICE: $9,250,000
SIZE: 10,223 square feet, 6 bedrooms, 8.5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Gorgeous French country estate! Beautifully finished w/ plank hardwood stone floors, leaded galss windows, volumn ceilings, granite hand painted tiles, true slate roof. Rare downstairs master suite, state-of-the-art theatre, magnificent study, gym/bonus room, wine cellar guest house, 6-car garage, cov. patio, BBQ center, huge grassy yard. Wow!

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Today Ms. Ruth Ryon at the LA Times tells us in her Hot Properties column that funny and tall actor Brad Garrett has put his humongous Hidden Hills house on the market for a whopping $9,250,000. Y'all are most likely to remember the lunky funny man from his turn as the big brother opposite Ray Romano on Everyone Loves Raymond. where he won three well deserved Emmy's. More recently you've likely seen Garrett acting his big heart out on a show called Til Death... with Joely Fisher, who Your Mama finds to be very funny. But long before Mister Garrett was a household name making big money on syndication residuals, did y'all know that Mister Garrett was the first winner of the $100,000 prize for comedy on Star Search in 1983? Well, he was.

What is it with this Hidden Hills place? This tiny enclave crawls with celebs like Matt LeBlanc, who's selling his monster Mediterranean, Denise Richards, who is selling her shabby chic house amid not so nice rumors, her ex-bestie Heather Locklear lives up in this area, as do one of the world's favorite lezbeean couples Melissa Etheridge and her baby maker wife Tammy Lynn Michaels. Who knew actors were such a suburban group of people.

Anyhoo, like most of the mansions up in the suburban wilds of Hidden Hills, Mister Garret's French Country house sits behind guarded gates which certainly helps to keep all the looky-loos from driving by. The Garrett couple purchased the 1.2 acre vacant lot in February of 2004 for a staggering $6,384,000. That's the vacant land price children.

The couple proceeded to custom build a 6 bedroom, 8.5 bath, 10,223 square foot house with high ceilings that would comfortably fit the Mister's 6'8" frame. The house has a grand foyer with a curving staircase, a huge kitchen with two islands and high end appliances, and and plenty of room for the Suburbans, Range Rovers and minivans in the 6-car garage. According to the listing and Ms. Ryon, the house also includes everything anyone would ever need living out in the boondocks including a state-of-the-art theatre, gym, wine cellar, and a BBQ center, whatever that is, a play room and a play house for the kiddies, and a 1 bedroom guest house for visitors who stay too long.

Obviously these sprawling homes out in Hidden Hills are highly desirable and it seems rich folks line up to pay upwards of $10,000,000 for a big house that requires a full time maid to keep dusted and a team of landscapers to be clipping, mowing and pruning several times a week.

But these houses in the outlying reaches of Los Angeles are not for Your Mama. We appreciate the no holds barred construction and finishes such as the slate roof on this house, which we guarantee cost the Garretts a staggering amount of money. We appreciate the house pride that has these Hidden Hills denizens spending fortunes landscaping front yards no one will ever use. We love the high ceilings and the real wood floors as opposed to the silly composite and laminate that looks like wood that people use nowadays. And we have no doubt this is a well built house that will withstand the test of time...and it should for 10,000,000 smackers.

But, with all due respekt to Mister Garrett, who Your Mama thinks is incredibly funny and talented, we just find this sort of suburban opulence disconcerting , bo-ring, and if we're being honest, a little depressing. These big houses with their beige carpeting, beige tiles, and beige walls look like middle class tract houses in Des Moines that have been injected with steroids and seriously need a good gay decorator to get up in there and make something special out of what's essentially a big beige box.

Don't get Your Mama wrong. We have no illusion about the attractiveness of these big beige houses to the bulk of the wealthy people. Rich people, particularly those with offspring, LOVE houses like this. They are just not our cup of tea.

The Garretts, who are reported to be dee-vorcing, previously lived in the Mister's hometown of Woodland Hills where they lived in a 4 bedroom, 5 bathroom, 5,873 square foot house they bought in 1998 for $1,625,000 and sold in May of 2005 for $2,300,000. In August of 2004, the couple also sold an 8,000+ square foot house in Lake Arrowhead for $1,850,000.

No word on where the tall man is going, but we imagine it'll be someplace suburban with very high ceilings.

Sources: LA Times, Internet Movie Data Base

Another Friends House

SELLER: Michael Skloff and Marta Kauffman
LOCATION: Pacific Coast Highway, Malibu, CA
PRICE: $20,000,000
SIZE: 9 bedrooms, 9.5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: ...Two parcels totaling approx. 2.71 acres w/ approx. 250' of bluff frontage. Existing 3 bedroom, 3 bath Buff and Hensman home w/ pool, plans and pending approvals for a 7,565 square ft. main home and guest home on separate legal parcel. Architectural plans for new home designed by renowned architect Mark Rios. includes immediate access to fabulous private cove. A truly breathtaking location and opportunity to complete your own private beach/bluff estate.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: On a few occasions we've discussed houses that have been purchased by the mountains of money that were made from the Friends sit-com juggernaut including the gargantuan house Adam Chase built and sold up in the birds, and Matt LeBlanc's monster mansion in Hidden Hills. Today we bring you another, this one on the bluffs of Malee-boo.

In case you have never read the credits of Friends, (and let's face it, why would you?), let Your Mama educate you. Marta Kaufmann was one of the creators and executive producers of the enormously popular show. Given those titles and credits, Your Mama prolly does not need to tell you the lady made bank. Seer-ee-us money. Huzband Michael Skloff wrote the little ditty theme song for the show, for which we are sure he was paid handsomely and likely makes mad royalties from the huge syndication deals.

In June of 1998, right in the thick of the Friends popularity, this couple, who have many other film and television credits as well as Friends, purchased a 4,481 square foot house on 1.84 acres way up in the Northern reaches of Malee-boo for an undisclosed sum of money. The lot runs from the Pacific Coast Highway to the bluff overlooking the angry Pacific. The property appears to also contain a guest house and a small riding ring as well as rolling lawns and private stairs to the not very sandy beach. This property is not the house shown in the photos.

In March of 2003, public property records show the couple purchased the ocean front house next door on a lot measureing just under an acre, also for an undisclosed sum of money. This property features the cool Buff and Hensman house seen in the photos above.

Given that the listing states the sellers have plans for a large Mark Rios designed compound, we're guessing their intention was to knock everything down. Which we can understand on the one hand. But on the other, if you ask Your Mama, and of course no one did, the Buff and Hensman house is worth saving. Besides the vintage Panton light fixture over the dining room table, we wouldn't save a stick of furniture that we see in the photos, but the low slung house with the courtyard swimming pool holds up design-wise and would really make an excellent beach house for someone who is not looking for a hotel sized getaway.

Your Mama has no intel on why the couple has decided not to pursue building their dream compound. Perhaps they've decided to take the money and run to a property that needs less work? Or perhaps they've decided they don't want or need a house in Malee-boo. Whatever the case, the two single and separate lots are being offered as a package along with the architectural plans for an uber compound.

Maybe someone will come along, buy the lots, build on the larger one and keep the B and H intact. We dream.

Anyhoo, the Friends couple still own the 7 bedroom, 6 bathroom, 8000+ square foot house in Hancock Park they purchased in late 1998 for $1,465,000. So be assured they'll not be homeless once they get this place sold.

P.S. We presume the 9 bedrooms and 9.5 bathrooms shown on the listing is the total for all the structures currently on both parcels.

UPDATE: Ashley Olsen

Remember a few weeks back when Your Mama told you that itty bitty Ashley Olsen was house hunting for a modest and private little place to call home?

Well, we hear she has not purhased anything yet, but has in fact leased a house up in the hills of Hollywood. We were unable to wrangle much information from our source close to the tiny tycoon but were told it's a great house with a great view and a swimming pool. And maybe most important, it's pry-vit.

Guess this means our favorite mini mogul isn't going back to New York to finish up her education?

UPDATE: Sexy and The Spice Girl

Your Mama is hearing that the report in People is indeed accurate and the immigrant couple have finally reached an agreement to purchase a big ass house. We sincerely hope it's true so that we can all get off the Beckham house hunt crazy train.

Our little tipster told us the address of the property he heard they are purchasing. But as we said before, that address stays under lock and key in our vault. This couple does not need a thousand teenagers camped out at the end of their driveway even before they sign the contract to purchase the damn house.

The house we hear they're purchasing is indeed located in Bev Hills and has a very long gated driveway that leads to a recently built house that has way more than 10,000 square feet and more bathrooms than bedrooms. And it's ex-spen-sive.

We'd sooner have our tongues cut out than release the address, but, as the crow flies, it's not far from David Geffen's mammoth estate or the Versaille-like Saperstein pile that was recently listed at $125,000,000.

UPDATE: Sexy and The Spice Gurl

People is reporting that the immigrants are expected to sign contracts this weekend for big house in Bev Hills that is "modern, airy, very light and spacious with lots of windows" which is decidedly NOT the Meg Ryan mansion it was reported everywhere, including here, they were negotiating for.

Apparently the house still needs a "little bit of work" which could mean it's a fixer or it's a new house that has not been completed yet. And the report states the house is not huge, but it is large enough for their big family and visiting family and friends.

The celebrity friendly publication also reports that The Spice Gurl has appointments with interior designers to discuss the finishes and flourishes.

One of our tipsters actually gave us an address for a property, but neither he nor I can confirm the good looking couple is purchasing that particular house. Yet.

Another of our tipsters, who often produces reliable information, tells us it's probably bullshit.

So go figure. It's all a mystery to us still.

When we get anything more concrete, we'll let the children know. But hunnies, we're keeping the address in our vault so don't even ask.

Xorin Balbes Does It In The Bird Streets

SELLER: Xorin Balbes
LOCATION: 9248 Swallow Drive, Los Angeles, CA
PRICE: $6,800,00
SIZE: 5,200 square feet, 6 bedrooms, 6 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Modern oasis in coveted "Bird" streets w/ white terrazzo floors, soaring ceilings, free-flowing spaces and walls of glass. Situated on nearly half-acre (per assessor) mostly-flat, luxuriously-landscaped lot. Dual-island, pro kitchen spills into family room; fully-equipped outdoor kitchen/dining area; swimmer's pool & spa; large yard w/firepit; 3 fireplaces; off-street parking for 8; wired for today's technologies.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: If you do not live in Los Angeles, we're not sure if design diva Xorin Balbes ranks as a celebrity. But if you do live in Los Angeles or give a whit about house flipping at the high end, you should prolly know who this man is. Because he is the queen of the high end house flip in L.A.

Miss Balbes takes houses with some sort of architectural merit, buys them at a good price, and injects them with a dramatic, new-fangled sort of modern. He himself lives up in Los Feliz in an extraordinary house designed by luminescent architect Lloyd Wright, son of Frank. The intricate and complicated stone work on the exterior gives the house a distinct look of a Mayan temple and the interior has been kitted out with all the modern amenities a rich gay decorator could ever want including a sleek kitchen and a heated swimming pool.

Miss Balbes has blazed an incredible, enviable, and highly profitable path through need-to-be-rehabilitated Los Angeles real estate including the recently completed re-do of the famed El Cabrillo bungalows in Hollywood which the high priestess of real estate gossips Ruth Ryon discussed in her Hot Properties column some weeks back.

But that was not the only project Miss Balbes has lately been bizzy making fag magic and trying to sell for a considerable profit. Balbes purchased this house, located up in the bird streets above Sunset Boulevard on the unfortunately and nearly vulgar named Swallow Drive, in October of 2005.

Of course, Your Mama has no idea what condition this house was before Balbes got his hands on the place, but we do know it was a pretty ordinary hip-roofed ranch house before he gave the place an extensive overhaul inside and out. Although they do indicate he took a $2,000,000 mortgage on the fixer upper, property records do not show what Balbes paid for the property. But let's do the math babies. Let's say Balbes paid $3,000,000 for the fixer upper and put another million into it. At it's current price Balbes would pocket an impressive couple million even after the real estate fees and carrying costs.

Hunnies, you know we can't confirm those numbers so don't go shouting them from the rooftops like it's gospel. Okay? But if Miss Balbes would care to fill us in on the actual figures we'll be sure to pass them along.

Now, on to the house itself. Located just off N. Doheny Drive and spitting distance from Byron Allen's flip on Nightingale, the house does not have the explosive views often associated with houses up in the birds. The photos show nice views out the front of the property, but nothing to shriek and blather on about.

The house is approached by crossing over a wooden bridge that spans a shallow water feature with soothing black stones resting on the bottom. Now, this is all very dramatic and interesting, but Your Mama worries about the drunk guests having to navigate that thin little strip of wood when they arrive for even more cocktails and party favors.

We like the wood ceilings for keeping the house grounded, the terrazzo floors are exquisite, the floor to ceiling glass pivot doors have us swooning, and the large master suite wrapped in windows is a nice feature. The kitchen is large, functional and modern. We're always concerned about shockingly expensive and uber modern kitchens looking dated in a few short years. Balbes has smartly used neutrals in here which helps us breathe easier and should help it stand the test of time.

But the room that has Your Mama peeing in our pants is that delicious persimmon extravaganza. Gor-gee-us. We're not sure what Margeret Russell from Top Design on the Bravo would have to say about this room, but we don't care because we love it and are bowing down to Balbes. The designer has wisely toned down the radical orange color by balancing the room with identical pieces of furniture covered in muted colors. The avocado sofa against the orange walls a smart choice and made even more intelligent by the small yellow pillows. Brazilliant. And the little stools with the tiger stripe fabric? We'd steal them if we could fit them in our tote.

We like the off street parking for eight cars, but we're always a little disconcerted by houses that have half a dozen bedrooms. Are there really that many Brady Bunch sized broods that require all those bedrooms? Not to mention the half dozen terlits that need scrubbing a couple times a week which the maid will not have time for keeping all that glass finger print free.

Overall, Your Mama is loving this house. It's a classic mo-derne Los Angeles house that is sited privately enough for a celebrity to live in comfortably and without the paps being able to snap their pics through the windows.

Sources: Unreel Locations, LA Times,

The Kennedy Family Triple Play

In his always good read Gimme Shelter, Braden Keil at the New York Post has titillated and intrigued Your Mama with several Kennedy properties the last few weeks. So we thought it might be fun to post them here with photos so that the children can see how one of America's premier, but fading, power broking families live.

SELLER: Estate of Pat Lawford
LOCATION: First Neck Lane, Southampton, NY
PRICE: $12,500,000
SIZE: 2.1 acres, 10,467 square feet, 10 bedrooms, 12 bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Dubbed Chrisyviro after Lawfords foru children and located on fancy pants First Neck Lane near the village of Southampton, the rambling house sprawls out over 10,000+ square feet and has more than enough bedrooms for a good chunk of the Kennedy clan to bed down after a long summer Saturday of touch football on the front lawn and gin on tonics on one of the many patios and porches.

Approached down a gorgeous tree lined drive which terminates in a drive court where visitors are confronted with a confusing mish-mash of architecture. A pretty little tree is the only indication that one should proceed through the door-filled courtyard in hopes of entering the abode. But which door? There is a stair hall that is probably the official entrance to the house, but the door to this space is tucked into a corner, so it's much more likely guests will enter through a set of french doors and directly into the vast living room.

The "estate condition" house means it needs to be ripped up and have the kitchen and numerous bathrooms replaced. No small feat considering there are enough terlits for a baseball team to all urinate at the same time.

Your Mama expects this house will be bull-dozed. We're not saying we want it bull-dozed. But unless some old-school family with a desire to sleep in the same rooms that Kennedys have done gawd-only-knows-what buys this house, it's highly probable someone will want to replace it with a gargantuan shingled Hamptons style "cottage" with a media room in the basement and a kitchen covered acres of granite, cherry wood, and stainless steel. A piece of Hamptons and Kennedy history gone like the tide.

SELLER: Estate of Pat Lawford
LOCATION: 1 Sutton Place South, New York, NY
PRICE: $12,750,000 (maintenance: $8,601/month)
SIZE: 4 bedrooms, 5.5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: (shortened from listing agent's website) Majestic 11 room duplex in Sutton's most prestigious building. There are beautiful River views from all major rooms. A dramatic gallery with a grand staircase leads to the magnificent 31 foot living room with a wood burring fireplace and French doors leading to a Juliette balcony...The splendid eat-in family kitchen is adjacent to a laundry room and three staff rooms with bath...The Upper Floor of the duplex has an enormous master with his and her baths and a paneled library; both with French doors leading to a lovely balcony which runs the length of the apartment...

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: These Kennedy's were not old money, but they were certainly blue-bloods by taste and style. The mammoth duplex apartment, owned by Pat Lawford since her dee-vorce from rat pack actor Peter in 1966, expresses the ee-pit-o-me of 1960s New York grace, grandeur, and fat bank accounts. Sure, it's a little old-fashioned. But remember, Miz Lawford was in her 80s when she passed late last year, so you know that back in the day, when the lady bought this apartment and had it decorated with it's Chinese inspired chairs, baby grand, and swagged curtains, it was right in line with the decor of then en vogue and Jackio O' decorator Sister Parish.

The Lawford apartment is located in one of the most exclusive buildings in New York, and certainly the finest building on swanky Sutton Place. Built in 1927 for the famous Phipps family, who for quite some time occupied the tremendous penthouse which was surrounded by 6,000 square feet of wrap terraces, the Rosario Candela designed building's most prominent feature is the triple arched driveway. That's right, you heard correct, a driveway. This most unusal feature allows the building's rich and powerful occupants to comfortably enter and exit their chauffeur driven town cars without having to worry about being run down by a wildly driven taxi cab or being seen by "peeple" on the sidewalk.

Another notable feature of 1 Sutton Place South is the vast green lawn that stretches from the back of the building out towards the murky East River. Below the private park rushes traffic on the F.D.R. Several years ago the building's lease on the "land" that gave the building a large and meticulously maintained backyard lapsed. A bitter feud ensued between the well-healed residents and the city who wanted to reclaim the land as public space. Although the residents, who include Alien ack-tress Sigourney Weaver, fashion diva Caroline Roehm, and billionaire Ann Cox Chambers, rarely set a Jimmy Choo or a Ferragamo on the lush lawn out back, they were and are loathe to allow the common folks access to the park claiming it would compromise their property values and privacy. Cry us a river rich people.

Mister Keil tells us the apartment has gone to contract for close to it's asking price. Whatever happens to the backyard, Your Mama sincerely hopes the apartment remains mostly intact and is being purchased by someone looking to retain the dignity and old-school layout of this apartment. We don't, however, mind if the new owner gets rid of the three staff rooms and installs a giant media room. Who lives with staff nowadays? It's much better and far more modern to buy another apartment nearby than to have one's staff living up in your crib and privy to the ups, downs, ins and outs of your private life. If you can't exist without a chamber maid who lives like a sardine in an obscenely tiny room behind the kitchen and brings you midnight snacks you're too lazy to go get yerself, then you are far too rich and spoiled.

As usual, we digress.

SELLER: Ethel Kennedy
LOCATION: 1147 Chain Bridge Road, McClean, Virginia
PRICE: $12,500,000
SIZE: 7,332 square feet, 12 bedrooms, 10.5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Hickory Hill, Robert F. Kennedy's Home for over 50 yrs., was previously owned by President and Mrs. John F. Kennedy. This handsome 19th Century residence sits on almost 6 acres w/ majestic trees and rolling lawns. The residence has 12 BDRMS, 10.5 BATHS, 12 FPs, a 38 ft living room, pool and pool house, tennis court and stables.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Oh my. Twelve fireplaces means having to employ a full time chimney sweep. And 10.5 bathrooms means having to employ a couple of full time terlit washers. Six acres of lawns mean a small army of landscapers and lawn mowers, stables mean groomsmen, and a pool means pool boys.

Lawhd children, more staff is required to keep this estate running smoothly then there are people in Angelina Jolie-Pitt's ever expanding family.

Braden Keil tells us this history filled house has been on the market since 2003 and was originally priced at a whopping $25,000,000. Recently the price was reduced for the THIRD time to just half of the original price. Children, what does this say about the pedestal putting attitude America has traditionally had for the Kennedy clan? It seems like not so long ago people pined and dreamed of being associated with all things Kennedy. But scandal after scandal have clearly hurt the the prestige of the family, and now they can't hardly give the suburban Washington D.C. house away that surely hosted many of the world's most well known despots, dignitaries, and power brokers.

Property records show the house at just over 7,000 square feet, which seems a little small to Your Mama for 12 or 13 bedrooms unless they are of the teeny tiny variety. Like all the other Kennedy properties we're discussing here today, this one is also chock full of traditional decor and furniture and the place looks like it's not been touched since the late 1960s. Not that Your Mama would ever paint our living room Pepto-Bismal pink or stick a big, phallic flag pole in the front yard, but somehow the dated decor and historical dignity of the house holds up nicely.

Given that Miz Ethel only paid $125,000 for the house when she purchased it from then Senator John F. Kennedy and Jackie, we don't feel so bad that she's had to lower the price so much. Even with a hugely reduced priced Miz Ethel is going to walk with far more money than most people earn in a lifetime.

Sources: NY Post, Wired New York, New York Times

Brian Grazer in Malee-boo

BUYER: Brian Grazer and Gigi Levangie Grazer
LOCATION: Malibu Colony, Malibu, CA
PRICE: $16,000,000 (list)
SIZE: 6,067 square feet, 4 bedrooms, 5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: One of a kind 3-story Mediterranean villa situated on the sand in the exclusive gated community of Malibu Colony. Master bedroom has a terrace and separate sitting room with full ocean view. Dual bathrooms, dry sauna, private indoor heated lap pool and spa. Elevator. Perfect entertaining home.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Back in September of 2003 when Mister and Missus Brian Grazer were happily married, they purchased a large ocean front house in the swanky guard gated Malibu Colony. Property records to not indicate a purchase price, however the house was listed at $16,000,000 and back in 2003 the market was so scorching it was burning people in Arizona, so we suspect and speculate that the Grazers paid close to asking, and we would not be surprised to know they paid more than asking.

Y'all know who Brian Grazer is, right? That's right, he's the spiky haired, enormously successful film and television super-producer who founded Imagine Entertainment with pal and bizness partner Ron Howard. In addition to acting as the executive producer for boob tube hit 24 and the ill-fated Arrested Development, Grazer also produced the Russell Crow vehicle A Beautiful Mind, and Tom Hanks vehicles Apollo 13 and The Da Vinci Code.

Anyhoo, earlier today we discussed the stupendous Pacific Palisades house the Grazers have recently put on the market for $27,500,000 and we figured we'd do a double whammy and post a few snaps of the Grazer's Malibu Colony beach house. As far as we know, the house is not currently for sale, but given the Grazers look like they're headed for dee-vorce court, the listing could pop up any day.

Long gone are the days when rich folks were happy with a shack on the beach that provided shelter from the sun, a shower to rinse off the saltwater, and a stove for boiling up the lobster. Nowadays super rich Malee-booans want all the same lavish luxuries and amenities in their disconcertingly expensive ocean front retreats as they do in their primary residences located less than 20 miles away. Case in point, the Grazer beach house with a swimming pool in the basement.

The Grazer's house stands three stories tall with garaging for three cars which is extremely valuable in a community with a serious shortage of parking for residents and their lucky guests who are privilaged enough to pass through the hallowed gates.

The basement level offers utility rooms, a bedroom or two and unexpectedly, a heated swimming pool. Your Mama knows the Pacific is cold enough to shrivel the naughty bits in seconds, but we still find it extravagant and excessive to have a lap pool in the basement of an ocean front house. Somehow it's both incongruous and unseemly.

The third floor den has a fireplace and spectacular views of some of the most exclusive sand in the world. Fortunately the house has an elevator, otherwise Your Mama would never be able to haul our big ass up that high to see the nice view.

If any of you children are ever lucky enough to get on the sand out in front of the Colony, you'd be able to spot the Grazer house by the sea of red umbrellas that dot the small backyard and sun deck.

The house is located on one of the larger ocean side lots in the Malibu Colony which we're sure y'all recall is where Miss Britney Spears caused a kerfuffle when she rented shabby chic queen Rachel Aswell's house after she first fled her Malee-boo marital house of horrors up the road in the Serra Retreat. Other Colony residents with big names and big pocketbooks include Tom Hanks, Sting and Trudie Styler, Jim Carrey, and aging sex pot and notorious beach bunny Pamela Anderson, who had her garden side house on the market last year for $6,500,000 until she rented it to Billy Bob Thornton's ex-wife Pietra.

Your Mama would like to say that we hope the Grazers are able to work their way through their issues and dee-vorce with grace, dignity, and mutual respect. Dee-vorce ain't easy, especially when there are such tremendous assets involved.

Brian Grazer Cashing Out in Pacific Palisades

SELLER: Brian Grazer and Gigi Levangie Grazer
LOCATION: San Remo Drive, Pacific Palisades, CA
PRICE: $27,500,000
SIZE: 8,798 square feet, 9 bedrooms, 14 bathrooms (total on property)
DESCRIPTION: Absolutely remarkable Cliff May Ranch on over 3+ private gated view acres with west city to ocean views. Completely renovated & designed by Michael Smith. Main house with 4 family bdrms + master suite w/ his & hers, fireplace and treehouse views. Best projection room in L.A. Incredible new guest house consisting of 2 bdrm suite + billiard room + craft room + 3 baths. Another structure consisting of office, art studio + gym w/ 2 baths. Huge garden & pool. Must prequalify + give plenty of notice.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Children, we are very, very bizzy this morning heading out to meetings and what not, but we wanted to bring you some new information about this house. Back in December we told you there was some question about whether this house was or was not for sale.

Back in April of 2006, the Mister and Missus Grazer were headed for separation and dee-vorce and the house was put up for sale. Then the couple made serious efforts to reconcile and the house was taken off the market. Sort of. While the house was not listed in the MLS, it was never taken off the website of the powerhouse brokerage Westside Estate Agency.

At this point in the early am Your Mama does not have time or inclination to go find out if the couple have decided to split or stay together, but what we can tell you is that very early this morning we received word from a big name agent in Los Angeles that the house has officially hit the market again just four days ago. And it's priced $500,000 more than it was back in late 2006.

We don't have the photos we would like at this point, but we can tell you we've seen photos and the place is speck-tack-u-ler. The Cliff May house sprawls out over the hill top with outrageous views across both Mandeville canyon and Santa Monica all the way to the ocean. Very impressive indeed.

Given that the Grazer's are filthy rich, it should come as no surprise that the house is kitted and fitted with every possible amenity a Hollywood honcho would ever want or need including state of the art security systems, an art studio, dance studio, gym (of course), a basketball court, and according to the listing, the best projection room in Los Angeles.

The house is located on a promontory way up in hills above Pacific Palisades in an area called The Riviera. The flag lot ensures total privacy and seclusion. Children, you could roam the three acre property stark nekkid without even the possibility of being seen by the neighbors.

When we get some additional photos of this gorgeous property that we can post, we'll do so. In the mean time sit tight and don't email Your Mama asking for more pictures.

Your Mama thinks this property might be a good fit for the Crooz clan. Sure, it's not in Bev Hills or Bel Air, but the Crooz's should seriously consider this house. There are more than enough bedrooms to house the various family members that live with them as well as provide Miss Katie some necessary space to herself. And it's way more private than their rental on N. Alpine and way more discreet and tasteful than some of the other krazy places we're told he's eyed.

We also think Miss Britney Spears might like this property. Remember it's got a dance studio and lots of space for all the nannies the gossips say she employs. If she could ever get her Malee-boo house of horrors and her Bev Hills party pad sold, she could probably just afford this place.

Later today Your Mama will bring you photos and information about the Malibu ocean front house the Grazers purchased back in 2003 for an undisclosed price. We're not aware of it currently being listed for sale, but we'll keep our eyes and ears peeled. You do the same.

UPDATE: Did Sandy Gallin Flip Out in Bev Hills?

Yesterday Your Mama had an ongoing conversation with someone we're going to call Mister Cryptic who contacted us to let us know that Mister Sandy Gallin, music manager, entertainment mogul, and house flipper recently sold a flip-house in Beverly Hills.

Mister Cryptic gave us a Summit Drive address right in the heart of Beverly Hills and indeed the house located at the given address was purchased by Gallin in November of 2005 for an undisclosed price. Property records show the house at 5,969 square feet with five bedrooms and seven bathrooms.

Mister Cryptic also tells us the house is a "grey clapboard, New England style house," that was overhauled and decorated "in his customary tasteful faux-English style with leather books and silver framed photos of Dolly and Barbra." Which if true, is priceless information. Price-less.

Mister Cryptic also tells us that he heard Gallin wanted to sell the place furnished and intended to price the property in the low $20 millions. So, according to our tipster, not long after the house reno was finished, Miss Gallin threw a big party and invited all sorts of attractive and rich ladies and gentleman who might be interested in purchasing the re-habbed mansion. And Mister Cryptic tells Your Mama that he heard a buyer materialized a week later who was willing to pay in the low $20 millions.

Wonder if the silver framed photos of the gurls came with the house?

Other than our usual dose of cynicism and mistrust, we don't have any reason to doubt Mister Cryptic. But at the same time, Your Mama has not been able to find any listing information on the house and property records have not been updated to reflect a recent purchase. So we're really just grasping at straws.

So if anyone out there can corroborate and fill in any gaps about this house and it's possible flip sale, be sure to get in touch with Your Mama.

Rev Run's Piece of Reality Television History

SELLER: Joseph and Justine Simmons
LOCATION: Saddle River, NJ
PRICE: $5,500,000
SIZE: 2.03 acres, 6 bedrooms, 6 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Located in the prestigious High Ridge section of Saddle River, this stately colonial exemplifies fine suburban living within the vicinity of New York City. Formal entertaining and gracious family living are splendidly accommodated in this classic colonial.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Late in the night Your Mama received an email from Mister Elvis Presley who excitedly tipped us off to this house up in the wild woods of suburban New Jersey. Do the children recognize the name Joseph Smith? No babies, we're not talking about the kooky founder of Mormonism, but another man of the cloth who goes by the name Rev Run.

The Queens raised Rev Run is the younger brother of hip hop mogul Russell Simmons. More impressively he was one of the founding fathers of hip hop having been the lead singer for the enormously popular 1980s trio Run D.M.C. Remember them children?

Recently the Rev, his family, and this big house were featured on a reality show called Run's House on the MTV. While Your Mama confesses to having a sickness for reality shows, Run's House was not one we watched regularly. But we did see enough of the program to tell you that our personal opinion is the house looks a lot better on the boob tube than it does in the photographs.

It appears from property records that the Rev and his wife purchased this house in 2003 for $1,600,000 which means they will be sitting on a gigantic pile of paper if they get anywhere near their $5,500,000 asking price.

The children may recall that Rev Run's brother Russell and his soon to be ex-wifey Kimora Lee also have their disturbingly opulent Saddle River house on the market, although that house is much larger and much more expensive.

Maybe we just don't understand suburban New Jersey money. But seriously children, Your Mama would need to be on a large dose of the Lexapro to live up in this house.

Do we start with the depressing dining room set that looks like something out of a Chinese food restaurant in Ohio? Or do we begin with that vast plain Jane family room with the sky-high ceilings? And the kitchen? Oh dear. Please do not get us started on the kitchen and those stools? Where would someone even buy stools like that? Seriously. Where?

It may be customary, and even expected, for a man of the Lord to have a giant crucifix on the hearth, but that thing scares the skin right off our body. Your Mama does not need to be looking at a man nailed to a big piece of wood while we're trying to have a romantic evening by the fire.

Children, Your Mama is conflicted about hating on this man's house because we sincerely think he's a good man who works hard to raise his big ass family. And even though we did not care for the reality show, it's clear those children are being taught decency and respect. So we want it known for the record that we give the Rev Run and his lady wife Justine all the props in the world for their stellar child rearing. Which is ultimately far more important than good decor.

But hunnies, please, go hire yourselves a nice gay decorator to get up in your next house and do something befitting of people of your stature. Rev Run you are going to be eligible to be inducted into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame in 2008, and it is our humble opinion that when that happens you need to be living in a crib that will not have folks furrowing their brow, scratching their head, and writing bitchy blogs like this.

UPDATE: Lisa Gores

Almost immediately after we posted about the Bev Hills house of Miz Lisa Gores being for sale we received a call from one of our well connected Bev Hills tipsters who told us he heard that Miz Lisa Gores bought the house Paul Anka recently sold up on Clerendon Road in Mulholland Estates. All the children will recall we discussed Mister Anka's silky retreat a couple of months ago.

Guess Miz Lisa missed her old neighborhood and the security of living behind guarded gates.

More Celebrity News About The Atelier

BUYER: Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minnillo
LOCATION: Waaaaay West 42nd Street, New York City
PRICE: Who Cares?
SIZE: 2 bedrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Your Mama read about it on Jaunted, who kindly linked over to one of our posts, but yesterday the venerable online tabloid gossip juggernaut TMZ was the first to report that during last week's crazy rain storm, ex-boy bander/ex-Jessica Simpson huzband and his new squeeze Vanessa Minnillo moved in to a 2 bedroom condominium at The Atelier, a huge, new and luxe tower on far West 42nd Street in Manhattan.

We'd feel sorry for the two having to move their shit in the driving storm, but you know Miz Minnillo wasn't schlepping any boxes in the rain, right?

Anyhoo, Your Mama recently heard and reported that these two lovebirds have been shacking up in Lachey's gorgeous Bel Air house that he bought from Heidi Klum and Seal. And now TMZ and Jaunted tell us the couple is living in sin on both coasts.

Well good for them. First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby Lacheys in a baby carriage. Look for that news soon children. Not that we know a thing about their marriage or baby plans, but we enjoy speculating wildly.

Many of you will recall that Your Mama reported some time ago that this building, that is located so far West it may as well be in New Jersey, has aggressively courted celebrity tenants like La Lohan and Orlando Bloom. We suspect the developers give the celebs a break on the purchase price or something because why else would a celebrity live over there? Seriously. Have you been there? It's a strange no man's land in Manhattan which is all well and good if you're looking to purchase at a reasonable price, but not if you're on the A or D list of celebrities. Anyhoo, we wish the happy couple a lot of long romantic walks down 42nd Street to Times Square.

Sources: TMZ, Jaunted

Do You Know Who Lisa Gores Is?

SELLER: Lisa Gores
LOCATION: Gloucester Drive, Beverly Hills, CA
PRICE: $3,895,000
SIZE: 6,900 square feet, 4 bedrooms, 5.5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: (shortened from listing agent's website) Stunning gated 4 bedroom, 5.5 bath in prestigious Deep Canyon has been extensively upgraded with no expense spared...Generous living room and family room with fireplace, media room and music room. Luxurious master suite with office/sitting area, private balcony, vaulted ceiling, stunning master bath with dual sinks, vanity, spa tub and walk-in closet. Private grounds feature an outdoor lanai, fireplace, pool/spa and canyon views.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: We're not sure if Miz Lisa Gores qualifies as a celebrity, but her story is trés scandalous so we figured we'd do a little post on her and her for sale Beverly Hills house. It wasn't so long ago that Miz Lisa was married to Mister Alec Gores, who in 2006 Forbes Magazine ranked as the 606th richest person in the world with a net worth of $1.3 billion dollars.

But under that mountain of money lies a sordid story of sex, lies, and illegal wire-tapping. Yes, children, Miz Lisa and her hubby were caught up in the Anthony Pellicano celebrity wire-tapping case which had big name and big money Hollywood types storming lawyers' offices from Los Feliz to the far reaches of Malee-boo. Your Mama is going to give you the reader's digest of what happened here, but we'll link you over to more information if you're interested.

Once upon a time Miz Lisa was married to private equity billionaire Mister Alec Gores and they lived happily up in a 10,000+ square foot mansion the guard gated celebrity enclave of Mulholland Estates. The children will recall this is the very same 'hood where the spitter Avril Lavigne, helmut headed Loni Anderson, and former Beach Boy Brian Wilson currently have their houses on the market. And in fact, the Gores lived right up next door to the house Tom Arnold purchased from wacky American Idol judge Paula Abdul and recently sold for just over $7,400,000.

Anyhoo, our Mister Alec Gores has a Beverly Hills based younger brother named Tom who according to Forbes happens to have even more money than his brother with a 2006 net worth of $1.7 billion. At some point in the late 1990s or early 2000s our Mister Alec became suspicious that wifey was having inappropriate conduct with brother Tom. Uh oh.

So what does he do? He calls one-time celebrity private eye Anthony Pellicano, pays him a reported $50,000 (plus a never repaid $50,000 loan and a lavish trip to Hawaii) to illegally tap the telephones of wifey and brother Tom.

And according to all reports, Pellicano obtained taped phone calls which indicated Miz Lisa and brother Tom were fooling around. Oh dear. Naturally, a very expensive dee-vorce ensues and Miz Lisa decamps from the Mulholland Estates manse to this house in the Deep Canyon area of Beverly Hills, which is basically just on the other side of Mulholland Drive from Mulholland Estates.

Miz Lisa purchased this house in August of 2001 for $2,460,000. Your Mama has no idea why she's choosing to sell now, but our guess is that's she's flush with dee-vorce money and she wants something a little less fancy suburbs and a little more glamorous dee-vorce-ay. But hunnies, that is sheer speculation and we have no proof of that whatsoever, so don't go around quoting that nonsense.

You want to know what we think of the house? Ack. It's a lovely house if you like tiny drive courts and living slammed up against your other richie-rich neighbors. Clearly Miz Lisa had her nice gay decorator up in the house turning it into an Architectural Digest fantasmagoria complete with tapestries, leaded glass chandeliers, and velvet covered furniture with rope fringe around the bottom. A big yawn in our book.

But the backyard, although not large, we are feeling pleasantly in our gut. We appreciate the simply shaped swimming pool and spa with it's lovely green color. The outdoor fireplace is fantastic and we particularly dig the covered loggia with the wood beamed ceiling which is of course a great place to get away from the scorching Southern California sunshine.

Your Mama wishes Miz Lisa all the happiness in the world as she moves on to her next home. A little advice though...in the future, no more fooling around with the in-laws even if they are richer and better looking than your own spouse.

Sources: Fox News, Cal Law, Man Without Qualities, Forbes, The Smoking Gun

Natalie Imbruglia on the Sunset Strip

SELLER: Natalie Imbruglia
LOCATION: St. Ives Drive, Los Angeles, CA
PRICE: $4,500,000
SIZE: 5,434 square feet, 5 bedrooms, 6 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Pvt, gated Mediterranean villa nestled in the hills above Sunset Strip. Grmt kit adjoins a gorgeous, sky-lit casual dining area that spills out onto one of many ent patios w/ city lights views. The lv rm is perfect for entertaining - its scale and openness are elegant yet comfortable. The main fl consists of a screening rm, 2 gst rms and a truly extraordinary Zen-like mst bd and spa quality bath. 2 add’tl gst suites w/pvt entrances -one on the lwr level and one on the third flr. 3 garages.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: We ran across this property a couple of weeks ago but the the property records are a wee bit confusing and although we were able to figure out that the property was purchased in April 2002 for $2,140,000 and then transferred several times through a trust with the name of a music manager as the trustee, Your Mama was unable to suss out the actual owner.

Then, out of the blue, like manna from heaven, Your Mama received an email from someone who would absolutely and without doubt know who owns this property. Children we have it on very good authority this house belongs to songstress Natalie Imbruglia.

The petite singer with the signature short choppy hair-do got her start acting on a soap opera program in her native Australia before moving to swinging London to pursue a music career. Since 1998 she has had a whole bunch of hit songs and records, none of which does Your Mama have any recollection of hearing. Now, we're sure we prolly have heard some of her music, we just wouldn't be able to pick it from a crowd, you know?

It's unclear whether Miz Imbruglia actually lives in this house, but what is crystal clear is that a team of over-zealous stagers has been up in there lighting fires in the fireplace, putting fresh cut flowers around, and for some unknown and disturbing reason popping popcorn to set out on a tray in the media room.

Excessive staging aside, Your Mama has mostly positive feelings about this Mediterranean villa. The stellar Sunset Strip location just North of Sunset and East of North Doheny Drive means not having to navigate the death trap twists and turns of the Hollywood Hills after a long night boozing and hanging with your celebrity peeps at Les Deux.

The large and lounge-like living room works for us. Matching sofas almost always make Your Mama feel warm inside, and this pair in chocolate brown velvet is dee-vine. Also of note in this room is the fantastic fireplace surround. We appreciate that it was kept simple but still manages to have a strong and dignified presence. Although we love the rug and feel it was an excellent choice to use with the sofas, Your Mama has a couple of little bitches who track in dirt and shed like mohair sweaters. So we have to wonder what sort of vacuum does one buy so that the maid can get that thing clean? Or is that the sort of rug that gets tossed out when it gets soiled and full of dog hair?

The kitchen appears to have been recently updated and we notice and appreciate the dark cabinets, the double dishwashers, and the delicious limestone counters (is that limestone?). We've never been fond of the greenhouse window, so we'd recommend getting rid of that middle brow folly. Too often a window like that gets filled up with Hummel figurines and frog collections, so why tempt and invite bad taste like that?

Also, we're a little concerned about that lonely wok hanging on the pot rack. Perhaps the stagers could come back and either add a few more cooking vessels? Or better yet, just remove the pot rack altogether? Can anyone explain the pot rack phenomena? We don't get it. The Dr. Cooter and Your Mama may have obscenely expensive cookery, but we much prefer to hide our pots and pans from the casual kitchen visitor.

All the children surely know we are very appreciative of the numerous dark doors that open just about every room of the house to the city view terraces on the Western side of the house. And despite the wicker furniture, the covered outdoor space is a most beauteous spot to down a bottle of fine wine while the sun sets. Also note how even the master bathroom has doors that open it to the terraces...that is a serious and desirable luxury in Your Mama's book.

While Your Mama is mostly appreciative of this house, there is one feature, or actually the lack of one feature, that cause us to stop dead in our tracks. Children there is no swimming pool on this property. That might be attractive to those who don't know how to swim or don't like pool boys, but Your Mama is not sure we could pay more than $4,000,000 for a house without a swimming pool.

Perhaps Miz Imbruglia, a water baby and one time surfer gurl, is moving back to Australia, back to London, or just to another house in LA that has a swimming pool.

Sources: Windermere Properties, Internet Movie Data Base

UPDATE: Tom Crooz Sniffing Around Bel Air?

Yesterday afternoon Your Mama heard from Gina Lollobrigida, an often reliable source for all things Hollywood. In the past Gina has been a vast well of information and gossip about Tommy Crooz and has many times regaled us with twisted and funny tales about shoe lifts, reluctant golf partners, and suspicious doings with ex-wives.

Miz Lollobrigida was getting in touch with Your Mama to let us know what she's recently heard regarding TomKat's house hunt. We confess. While Your Mama finds Mister Crooz to be puzzling and not so pleasantly enigmatic, we also find him and his crazy ways endlessly fascinating.

Now children, this is all rumor, conjecture, and speculation, so don't be going and telling everybody you read the gospel truth here. We're passing along third hand information from a consistently reliable source. Our pal Fiona Trambeau thinks third hand information isn't worth shit, but she's drunk and screwing strangers most of the time so we're going to go ahead and tell the children what we heard.

The first thing Gina tells us is that she hears the Crooz couple has been sniffing around a ridiculously opulent $30,000,000 listing on super swanky St. Pierre Road in Bel Air (pics above). Now this is interesting because earlier this week we heard TomKat had purchased a $30,000,000 house. Hmm. This house is almost incomprehensibly lavish (check the bowling alley and the indoor pool), and it would not be anyplace Your Mama would think the Crooz's would consider. But then again, nothing the man does surprises us anymore.

The next thing Gina tells us is that some of Crooz's peeps recently had a look-see at a very impressive 12.4 acre vacant lot on Stone Canyon that sits directly across from the Hotel Bel-Air. The land was assembled over a period of 8 or 9 years by Liz Hurly baby daddy and billionaire Steve Bing. The rumor mill goes that Bing bought up all the houses, some of which had previously been owned by folks like Kim Novak and Barry Manilow, and bull dozed them with the intention of building his own private paradise.

But we all know these billionaire baby daddies can be so capricious and fickle (remember how Flavio Briatore dumped the preggers Heidi Klum?), so Bing reportedly sold off the parcels for $48,000,000 to an entity called ECG Acquisitions. It's unclear who this ECG Acquisitions actually is and it's possible Mister Bing is in fact involved in that group although we have no proof or indication of that. However, what is not up for debate is that ECG has been tirelessly trying to flip the land at a huge profit. In the Fall of 2006 they put the property up for sale with no price attached in a private auction sort of thing. Reports say they are looking to fetch around $75,000,000.

The vacant estate, dubbed The Park at Stone Canyon, is fully landscaped with acres of lawn, gorgeous gardens climbing stacked stone walls, and spectacular views of Los Angeles. It must be costing these ECG people a fortune to keep the lawns mowed and weeds pulled. In their marketing materials the sellers have even included a plan for a lavish and sprawling "Grand Estate." Good stuff.

If Crooz and Katie were to buy this property, or some part of it, they'd have to build from the ground up. Which might not be a bad thing for a couple that require a virtual fortress for a home. Just imagine the sorts of new-fangled Mission Impossible style security systems Crooz would have installed.

Certainly the one time king of Hollywood would be living among the richest of the rich with neighbors like billionaire Jerrold Perrenchio who lives close by in a tremendous and meticulously landscaped estate. Both Mel and Bren Simon's palatial house, which they have on the market for $17,500,000, and billionaire philanthropist Robert Day's Mediterranean manse overlook the The Park at Stone Canyon. So at least Crooz could be assured the neighbors would not be standing on jalopy strewn front lawns drinking Budwiser, picking their teeth, and adjusting their crotches while their lady friends paint the the dog's toe nails and color their own hair inside.

Who knows where TomKat will end up? Have they already purchased? Are they considering leaving Los Angeles? This saga of the TomKat house hunt continues and we shamelessly admit, we're addicted like a cheap crack whore. We can't help it, we just find Crooz to be like a car wreck on the highway, you just can't help but to slow down and look for the carnage.

UPDATE: Jane Wyatt Estate

Remember a few weeks ago Your Mama discussed the Jane Wyatt estate up on Siena Way in Bel Air? Not long after we posted the property we heard there was a TON of activity on the property and it was expected to sell very quickly. The price was universally considered shockingly low. The listing was recently removed from the m.l.s. and today we hear from Bette Davis, one of our favorite up and coming tipsters, who tells us the estate is being purchased by Miss Sandy Gallin.

Do y'all know who Sandy Gallin is? The man has been a manager for superstars like Muh-riah Carey, Cher, and that white lady Michael Jackson. But his most well known client relationship has been with mammoth mammaried Dolly Parton. He was her manager, best friend, and at one time Your Mama remembers hearing they bunked together in a New York pied a terre. In return she acted as his beard back in the day when such things were required of music and entertainment moguls. Remember when David Geffen dated Joni Mitchell?

Anyhoo, Dolly and Miss Gallin still do bizness together through their Sandollar Productions Company. Additionally the man has been known as a powerhouse film and television producer with credits like 110 episodes of Angel and 145 episodes of cult favorite Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

Although more recently, Miss Gallin has retired from the entertainment bizness and has been flipping houses and selling off his huge portfolio of impressive properties. Back in the Spring of 2005 he sold his Malee-boo estate on Paradise Point to reality show honcho Mark Burnett for a reported $26 or $27,000,000. Previous to that he sold off his 14 acre Hamptons spread which carried a $21,000,000 price tag. So ya'll know Miss Gallin is a rich old queen with money to burn on new flips.

If Bette Davis is right, Your Mama suspects Miss Gallin did not purchase the Jane Wyatt estate for his own personal use. Given that he's a house flipper we expect Miss Gallin is already burning up the phone lines calling up all the gay decorators he knows to haul their waxed and muscled bodies on up to Bel Air in order whip this place into shape and pose by the pool.

We'll keep an eyes peeled and our ear to the ground for any additional information about this house. And, of course, if any of the children have any additional 411, be sure to get in touch with Your Mama.

Sources: Bette Davis, Art and Understanding, Forbes, Internet Movie Data Base

Another Friends House

BUYER: Robert Krail
SELLER: Adam Chase
LOCATION: Oriole Drive, Los Angeles, CA
PRICE: $19,150,000 (sale price)
SIZE: 9,691 square feet, 8 bedrooms, 10 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: A flat acre with 270 degree unobstructed views. Long private driveway, motor court, stunning pool & spa. Huge grassy yard, landscape design by Getty Gardens landscape architect. Outdoor dining loggia w/ fireplace. Reclaimed materials throughout. Peerless craftsmanship, 2 years of brick and stone work by 4th generation European masons, 14.5 ft. ceiling, Venetian plaster throughout, 5 fireplaces, wood burning pizza oven, wine cellar, professional screening room, billiard room, gym. Amazing master suite w/ outdoor loggia w/ fireplace.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Your Mama has been sitting on this property for quite some time. The first reason is that we were unsure whether this technically qualifies as a celebrity house. And the second is that we were a little unclear about who purchased this house. But we've got it all figured out for the hungry children.

This property was purchased in 1999 for $3,100,000 by a man named Adam Chase. Most of you will not recognize his name unless you bother to read the credits of the television show Friends. Mister Chase made millions as one of the executive producers of the hugely successful Friends program. We admit we went through a short Friends watching episode in the late 1990s, but if Your Mama is being truthful, we found the show to be annoying, cloying, and frustratingly banal. Obviously that is not how most folks in the world feel about the show because it's still making mountains of money for all the people who have a piece of the syndication rights.

Anyhoo, Mister Chase bulldozed the house he bought on Oriole Drive and meticulously built a Tuscan palace way up in the Bird Streets complete with a long gravel drive, terra cotta urns strewn about the lawns, and stone work that would make even the most jaded Italian tycoon green with envy. It's unclear to Your Mama when this house was completed, but we gather from the shampoo in the shower that Mister Chase lived in this house at least a short time before dropping it back on the market for a staggering $24,500,000.

We are quite sure Mister Chase spent a small fortune building this house. But we also are quite sure he made a small fortune when he sold it to hedge fund honcho Robert Krail in the Fall of 2006 for $19,150,191 according to public records.

Your Mama has no idea why Krail, who like so many of the big money hedge fund operators is based out of Greenwich, CT, would want or need such a large and expensive house in Los Angeles. Perhaps he has the acting bug?

This house is magnificent and the quality of the craftsmanship is beyond reproach. None the less Your Mama would never want to live in a house that had 10 bathrooms. No way children. We like our privacy too much to be having a house with nearly a dozen poopers that would require at least one gurl be up in the house 24/7 with a terlit brush glued to one hand and a can of comet in the other.

Secondly, we wouldn't dream of spending $20,000,000 on a house that did not already have a tennis court in place. Not that Your Mama would ever be on the thing swinging a racket and making an ass of our self, but we're thinking of the resale. No tennis court means all the sporty, tan, and too-fit Angelenos will rule this house out before even coming to look. Is it any wonder this was bought by a man from Connecticut rather than an exercise nut from Los Angeles?

Before we sign off we would like to turn your attentions to two of the features Your Mama appreciates most. First is the swimming pool. Lawhd children, this swimming pool is gorgeous. Ordinarily we prefer a more enclosed and protected swimming pool area, but we make an exception for this pool. Because on the few days every year when the smog isn't at a choking and eye burning level, the view from the chaise lounges here is truly the epitome of a Hollywood Hills view.

The second feature is, of course, that delicious shower in the master bedroom. The marble covered cave looks a little like the inside of a fancy mausoleum, but it also looks like it's just waiting for a bevy of big titted Hollywood hussies to come over and participate in a sordid Roman style orgy.

Along with two other very large and lavish properties, this house occupies what many might call the crown of the bird streets sitting high above all the other crazy expensive houses owned by rich folks, celebrities, and wannabe celebrities. The other two houses in the crown are owned by Fantasy Island host Ricardo Montalban and on the other side a tremendous house is owned by Grant Cardone, a big-time Scientologist who made his money as a motivational speaker. Mister Cardone, who claims to have a real estate portfolio worth in excess of $100,000,000 has had his extravagant property on the market for quite some time and is asking $17,500,000. The singer/songwriter Dido owns the house just below which she purchased in 2005 for just over $4,000,000.

Is TomKat Moving?

Children, some time ago we heard that TomKat was being ousted from the mansion the Croozer has long rented on N. Alpine Drive in the flats of Beverly Hills. Reports said he was being booted because the owner of the house wanted to sell the place.

Then there was all that nonsense about the May-December couple buying the $25,000,000 Lennie Bernstein place at the Dakota in New York. Which of course proved to be untrue.

Next we read in one of the mainstream gossip tabloids that the Mrs. Crooz was bristling and feeling hemmed in by all the Crooz relatives that live up in their Bev Hills mansion with them. Of course she and his people kept saying that she LOVED living with the inlaws and cuzzins and various other relatives. Please. Your Mama does not believe that any more than we believe that Tommy Crooz is six feet tall.

Not so long after we read those reports, we read that TomKat had purchased a compound high in the hills that included three separate homes. Plenty of room for all the Croozers to live and visit and still allow Katie the illusion of privacy.

Next we heard the unlikely rumor that the couple was looking for a house for Katie to hang out in and get away from the various folks living up in her crib. Which sounded strange and unusual even for this strange and unusual couple.

And then today, out of the blue, we get an email from a high end real estate agent on the westside of Los Angeles who tells us she heard the Croozer bought something in Bev Hills for around $30,000,000.

Who knows where the truth lies? If any of you scientologists that hang at the celebrity center or real estate agents who get a thrill out of tatling want to quietly clue Your Mama and the children in to the real 411, be sure to get in touch. We won't breath a syllable of your name.

Josh Duhamel and Fergie's New Brentwood Crib

BUYER: Josh Duhamel and Fergie
LOCATION: N. Kenter Avenue, Brentwood, CA
PRICE: $5,299,000 (list)
SIZE: 8,232 square feet, 8 bedrooms, 8.5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Sophisticated celebrity owned jewel in the heart of Brentwood Hills. Remodeled to perfections in 2006, this 8bdrm, 9bathroom contemporary estate was finished with top fo the line upgrades and the best in taste and style. Breathtaking views of the world, as the coastline views make one feel on top of the city. Amenities include gated driveways, 2 kitchens, large master suite, media mr, pool and spa with large entertaining area, 2 garages, 2 sep wings, 2 family rms.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Turns out Mister Do-ha-mel is not leaving Brentwood after all. That is according to the dozen or so emails and comments we received since yesterday morning about the sale of his Brentwood house which has been widely discussed by the real estate gossips. Your Mama admits we're going on a hunch and the word of a lot of anonymous tipsters who swear up and down that this house was recently purchased by Josh Dew-hawm-ul and his lady friend Fergie from famed long shot director Brian De Palma. Your Mama was not able to confirm this through property records because they haven't cleared yet. But when they do, and if Your Mama's pea brain remembers to look, we will let you know what the facts are in terms of the purchase price.

The house was listed by the very same Coldwell Banker agent that has the listing for Do-ha-muls house down the street. The house was marketed as a celebrity owned property, and it was in fact owned by Brian De Palma for a number of years. Property records reflect that the house was transferred to a non celebrity couple--who appear to be related to the listing agent--in late 2005. It's unclear to Your Mama if this reflected an actual sale or a transfer of trust. Whatever the case, Mister De Palma purchased this house in July of 1998 for $1,575,000 and owned it until at least the end of 2005.

Located just up the street from the house Mister Du-hah-mil has on the market for just under $2,400,000, this huge contempo-house rides high up in the hills of Brentwood and has spectacular views from all three levels. That's right, all three levels. The house was recently re-hauled and then staged to within an inch of it's life before being put on the market for $5,299,000. We imagine moving will be a snap for Mister Dew-hawm-il who can simply push his belonging over to the new place in a shopping cart.

When you first roll up to this place it's gives a monolithic but lackluster street presence. It just looks like a big split level suburban house that the Brady Bunch would live up in if they weren't relics of the 1970s. But closer inspection reveals the house has been kitted and fitted with "modern" amenities like a stainless steel front door and opaque glass garage doors. Your Mama is not a fan of the stainless from door, but we do have a penchant for those glass garage doors that look like light boxes when lit up at night.

This house is not one Your Mama would ever consider living, but there are some features about which we are very appreciative. Let's start with the kitchen. Your Mama loves to see an updated kitchen that looks both modern and timeless. We are tired of seeing over-processed $150,000 kitchens that look great today but are going to look dated and silly next week. So we would like to applaud the renovator/designer of this kitchen who provided an updated, clean and simply lined kitchen that looks great today and will not look outdated in a few years.

A quick spin through and around this house shows something that is not so easily seen in the photos above. There are patios and decks everywhere which provide an easy breezy indoor outdoor Southern California lifestyle. Your Mama particularly likes the covered patio on the third floor with it's long, long views to the West. A perfect place to sit and watch the sun set while swilling a few gin and tonics with the neighborhood blue hairs.

We like the double height family room with the large sectional sofa, but we are not feeling the window trim which we find distracting and not in keeping with the more contemporary vibe of the place. That should go.

One of the more "interesting" and troublesome features of this house is that it's really like two houses in one. Two driveways, two garages, two kitchens, two separate wings, two family rooms and etc. Your Mama is not sure why a young, childless, and relatively hip Hollywood couple would want or need more than 8,000 square feet and all those doubled up spaces. Seriously. Are they planning on moving another family into this place? Are they planning on each having their own wings of the house? Good to know that if ever these two part ways they can stay living up in this house and never have to cross paths.

Children this house is so big and could so easily fell chilly, vast, and sterile. So we sincerely hope Miz Fergie and Mister Dew-haw-mil hire a nice and talented gay decorator to get in there and work some magic to make this place feel like a home and not a hotel lobby. All due respect, but we also hope that Mister Do-hah-muhl stashes his current art "collection" in the attic or some other dark place where people with eyes do not go.

We hope that Fergie and Miste Do-hahm-ul will let us know when they get settled because we have a nice bottle of wine and a small and lovely painting we'd like to give them as a housewarming.

Josh Duhamel Getting Out of Brentwood

SELLER: Josh Duhamel
LOCATION: N. Kenter Avenue, Brentwood, CA
PRICE: $2,399,000
SIZE: 2,516 square feet, 3 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Contemporary, wall of glass looking out to ocean no wires. Kitchen w/center island. Skylights. Wet bar, Very Private, dramatic backyard with spa and infinity pool.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: We are way behind the ball on this one children, but we figured you had already read about this on Curbed LA and then later on Big Time Listings. Now, after re-checking the listing this morning, we are glad we waited to post and link because the listing agent at Coldwell Banker seems to have had a photographer up in the house taking better pix than were originally posted with the listing.

Y'all surely know the good looking Mister Doo-ha-mel as one of the sexy faces on some program called Las Vegas, which we admit to never having watched. Your Mama knows who this man is because he dates Fergie from the Black Eyed Peas and their romance gets a fair amount of tabloid attention including this gorgeous little tidbit on A Socialite's Life about when the couple went to see Jeezis last week.

Some reports and rumors say Mister Doo-ha-muhl and the unusual looking Fergie are co-habitating at her place so it makes sense the handsome actor would sell off his Brentwood house. Brentwood, home of the big VA Hospital and seemingly little else, lies in the foothills just west of Bel Air and East of Pacific Palisades. One snotty L.A. denizen who grew up in a mammoth house in Bev Hills once snidely told Your Mama she considered Brentwood to be the poor cuzzin of Bel Air and that the only people who live in Brentwood are people who wish they could afford to live in Bel Air or Bev Hills. Ouch! We're not sure we agree with this diva of Rodeo Drive. We're not sure Eli Broad, his big Frank Gehry designed house, or the huge Serra sculpture in his back yard would agree either.

Anyhoo, Mister D00-hummel's Brentwood house sits way up in the hills of Brentwood North of Sunset Boulevard and has distant ocean views across the canyon. The low, flat roofed house has a certain mid century feel to it, but at the same time, is sorta lacks the interest and pizzaz of a mid century house. You know what we're saying?

Mister D0o-haw-mel purchased this house in 2003 for $1,475,000. It's unclear whether the actor made any changes or improvements since moving into the property.

Here's what Your Mama likes about this property:

The location. We don't mind Brentwood, and this house sits in a quiet area where folks are not typically concerned about the paps and the press which Your Mama considers a good thing when we're out in the driveway washing the car in a skimpy bathing suit.

The covered patio. This large shaded area acts like an outdoor living room. When you live in Los Angeles, being able to get out of the blazing sun is a very good thing. Especially when you have that pool enticing you into getting skin cancer.

The swimming pool. Your Mama is not usually impressed with an infinity edged pool. We just think it's a silly gimmick to get you to pay more for the installation. But we have to admit, this one looks fantastic in the photos. The feature we like best about this pool is the super shallow end where you can wade and wallow in just a few inches of water and pretend you're at the Delano in Miami. For all the children who have paddled in that pool, you know what we're talking about.

There are two issues that concern us with the interior of this house. The first is that the listing agent provided no photographs of the kitchen or bathrooms. Does this mean they look like shit? We're not saying they do, we're just asking.

The second is the artwork. Your Mama is not sure if the artwork was made by Mister Du-hom-ul himself or if he just has extraordinarily bad taste in paintings. We love an abstract landscape, and in fact have a large one in the living room of one of our houses, but that tragedy in the dining room should be removed before someone strokes out from the poor execution and grim color choices. And the diptych of the man's back? Please. No. Just. No.

Your Mama admits it is refreshing to see actual "artwork" in a celebrity home rather than one of those upsetting and rash inducing pear paintings of which we've seen so many. So we give an "E" for effort to Mister Du-hahm-el for his artistic expression. That's really the best we can do there.

All the best to Mister Dew-hahm-ul and Fergie as they embark on their journey of living in sin.

Sources: Curbed LA, Big Time Listings, A Socialite's Life, Net Music Countdown

Soap Star Dana Sparks on the Lake

SELLER: Dana and Steven Sparks
LOCATION: Trentham Road, Lake Sherwood, CA
PRICE: $4,850,000
SIZE: 5,300+ square feet, 3 bedrooms, 4 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: One acre on Lake Sherwood, Casa Della Madonna is an Italian Villa appointed w/ top of the line finishes. A rustic stone retreat is artfully blended w/ an amazing 2004 addition, creating a warm atmosphere both authentic and new. Open floor plan w/ high ceiling throughout the entire home, 3 bed, 4 bath and over 5300 sq ft, and cascading outdoor decks overlooking private and scenic Lake Sherwood, includes boat house, boat dock & over 150 ft. of frontage on the lake.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: At first we did not recognize the name of Ms. Sparks, but when we looked up her long resume we certainly recognized her face from her turns on many successful televison programs such as JAG, Melrose Place, L.A. Law, and back in the day Miz Sparks acted her way through a long stint on Falcon Crest. Remember that crazy show with Lorenzo Lamas and Ronnie Reagan's ex-wifey Jane Wyman? Children that show was one of Your Mamas very first primetime guilty pleasures.

More recently all you people without jobs who sit in front of the television watching the soaps will recognize Ms. Sparks from her ongoing role as Grace Bennett/Faith Standish on the strange and excellently done Passions. Children, ordinarily Your Mama has little tolerance for daytime dramas. But if y'all have not spent at least a week watching Passions, you have not lived a full life. Seriously. These characters don't just suffer from the standard sky high dramatics and oodles of unrequited love triangles like all the other daytime soaps. Oh no. These people are made to grapple with pimps, witches, ghosts, and visits to the depths of hell to save a teenage virgins caught in the clutches of demon possession. The injection of the supernatural into a daytime soap program was brilliantly over the top and Your Mama gives it a standing ovation.

In addition to her acting, Miz Sparks and her huzband, along with their musician pal Kenny G have been doing what so many rich and famous have been doing around Los Angeles in the last few years: flipping houses. This is totally off topic, but we just have to say that Your Mama finds Kenny G utterly repellent. We have do not doubt the man is a lovely fellow and a good friend, but all that kinky curly hair and strange clarinet music sends shivers up and down our spine.

Anyhoo, this trio have bought and renovated a couple of houses, including the one directly next door to this house, which 0f course is Miz Sparks' primary residence. If we're being honest with our opinions, and you know we always are, there are plenty of things not to like about this house, such as the seemingly bizarre location a million miles from the studios, the not so well done interior decor, and for some reason the kitchen with its two stoves makes us never want to cook again.

But we are loving the house itself. All the stone work at the front door warms the cockles of our heart and we think the living room architecture succeeds in it's attempt to look like a Tuscan farmhouse in Italy. We also really dig the marble choice in the master bathroom and in fact we're appreciating that whole space. Your Mama hates to take baths because it just feels like we're sitting in our own filth, but we might reconsider that a time or two to sit in that tub looking at the stunning view of the lake.

We can't imagine anyone who works in daytime television wanting to live in the boondocks of Lake Sherwood, which is basically Thousand Oaks. Children, do you know how long it must take this lady to get to work in the morning and then back home at night? Your Mama would sooner sleep in our car parked in the garage at The Grove than navigate all that Los Angeles freeway at peak driving times.

That said, the setting really is magnificent andwe can understand why someone might want to live up there. Of course, that would be someone besides Your Mama who has never been anywhere near this Lake Sherwood. But we confess to being very pleasantly surprised by the scenic setting and would certainly not spit at the opportunity to whittle the day away on the floating dock or bobbing around in a boat on the azure waters.

Property records show the happy couple bought this house in 1987 for just $350,000. And even though records reflect they've refinanced for a much higher mortgage over the years, they stand to make millions when they sell this faux Italian villa. So clearly the lady who has a knack for making money on the T.V. also has an impressive knack for making money in the real estate game. Brava!

Source: Internet Movie Data Base, Soap Opera Digest

UPDATE: Sexy and The Spice Gurl

Your Mama hears that the British emigres did not buy the Meg Ryan mansion up in Bel Air as was reported far and wide, including on this site. One of our favorite tatlers in Bev Hills tells us that the couple will be back in Los Angeles next week pestering high end real estate agents all up and down Sunset Boulevard looking at all the new listings UNDER $20,000,000.

They may have mountains of money, but Your Mama has long heard they do NOT want to spend more than $20,000,000, and prefer to be in the $12-15,000,000 range. Makes sense if you keep in mind they have several other homes to pay for, staff, and maintain in addition to whatever they may purchase in Los Angeles.

And you know a gig on the upsetting and extremely difficult to watch Dancing With the Stars program won't pay The Spice Gurl enough to help out with a $20,000,000 mortgage.

UPDATE: Nick Lachey

Today on RADAR, one of Your Mama's favorite online reads, we learned that former bubble gum boy bander and ex huzband of Jessica Simpson Nick Lachey is moving current girlyfriend Vanessa Minnillo into the Bev Hills house he bought last year from Heidi Klum and Seal. According to Page Six in the NY Post, Minnillo, who is a New York correspondent for Entertainment Tonight, would like to pursue more ack-tressy gigs in Los Angeles.

Well, lucky lady, she gets to live part time up in one of Your Mamas favorite celebrity houses which we discussed last week.

The Phyllis Cerf Townhouse

SELLER: estate of Phyllis Cerf
LOCATION: East 62nd Street (btw. Park and Lexington)
PRICE: $9,400,000
SIZE: 7 bedrooms, 6.5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: (shortened from listing agent's website) This exceptionally gracious house has for many years been the home of legendary New Yorkers. Elegant and capacious room, arranged and appointed for comfortable living and entertaining, make this a most desirable residence...The house has many fireplaces with fine mantles, multi-zoned A/C and a large elevator to all floors. As currently configured there are five bedrooms plus a full floor master suite and six baths plus a powder room.

YOUR MAMAS UPDATE: Oh children, we made a bad. We didn't look this listing up this morning before we posted, which we should have. One of our kind readers thoughtfully let us know that that price is no longer $9,900,000 but has been reduced to $9,400,000. So Your Mama would like to say thanks to our anonymous reader and that we're sorry to all the children for not being as thorough as we should have been.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Children if houses could speak, this one would tell hundreds of stories about the cultural and political elite of New York who through the years were wined, dined, and entertained in the casually elegant rooms of this Upper East Side townhouse. This house was for many years the home of the inestimable Phyllis Cerf who passed away in November of 2006 at the wizened age of ninety.

Now children, unless you live in New York or follow the comings and goings of the East Coast upper crust, you may not know anything about this lady. So let Your Mama give you a brief edumacation. This cousin of Ginger Rogers spent a few years in Hollywood as an ack-tress before moving to New York City and taking a job writing advertising scripts at McCann Erickson, a huge advertising agency. It was at McCann that Miss Phyllis met and befriended a co-worker named Theodor Seuss Geisel, who later became famously known as Dr. Seuss.

Miss Phyllis and Dr. Seuss collaborated on a series of children's books that continue to be widely read favorites of the kiddies including one of our favorites, Green Eggs and Ham. They parted ways after 10 years due to professional differences according to an obituary in the International Herald Tribune.

Miss Phyllis eventually met and married a man named Bennett Cerf whose name some may recognize as the co-founder of the venerable and vast publishing company Random House. The couple lived and raised a family in this townhouse until the early 70s, when the Mister Cerf died.

Miss Phyllis then went and married Mister Robert Wagner who was the former mayor of New York City. Gal sure did know how to pick them. The couple remained married and living in this townhouse until Mister Wagner died in 1991.

Now y'all know Your Mama does not like to speak ill of the dead, so we're not going to discuss some of the more frightening and/or bothersome details of this house such as its location East of Park or the mirrored ceiling in the dining room which is something we expect to see in the Russian consulate and not in the townhouse of a legendary New Yorker society queen.

The style of decor we see in this big ol' house could not be farther from what Your Mama appreciates and understands, but we actually think the place appears to be more comfortable than not. There is a certain literary sophistication and elan seen in this house that can only be found in New York and there's really nothing catty to say about that, is there?

The floor plan. Well, in some ways it's pretty standard issue New York City townhouse, kitchen at the bottom, staff and children's rooms at the top. But there are a couple of nice features we would like to point out. First of course is the large elevator that lifts up and down to all floors. Your Mama could not imagine living up in a house like this if it did not have an elevator. Imagine having to ask the maid to schlep the laundry up and down all those stairs day in and day out. Babies, that would be crueller than Cruella DeVille.

If the children look close enough you'll see a small box with an "x" ion the right side of the first three floors of the building. This would indicate the dumb waiter. Now there is an invention Your Mama can get behind. This contraption was surely invented for the rich, the lazy, and the old and infirm. And we love it even though we find the name of the thing a little derogatory.

The dumbwaiter means never having to carry your late night crackers and ice cream from the kitchen all the way up to the bedroom. Gorgeous. It also helps to get hors d'oeuvre up to the living room and library when having a party without having to pay the staff extra for climbing stairs laden down with trays full of cucumber sandwiches.

Your Mama would like to offer our belated condolences to all the Cerf family and friends. We hope the new owners will allow all those associated with Miss Phyllis to take one last spin around her house before ripping the place up and replacing everything with Versace linens and a collection of pedigreed Biedermeier furniture.

The house is being listed by the very swanky and hoity-toity brokerage Edward Lee Cave, who Your Mama would like to note did not provide us any information and nor did we ask for any.

Source: International Herald Tribune

Adam Nathanson Does Laurel Canyon

SELLER: Adam Nathanson
LOCATION: Mulholland Drive, Los Angeles, CA
PRICE: $2,350,000
SIZE: 3,512 square feet, 3 bedrooms, 3.5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Wonderful Hampton's Style Traditional 3Bd + 3.5Bth home w/Valley views. Gated and private drive leads to expansive garden & cabana style patio w/outdoor FP, pool & spa. French doors provide wonderful indoor/outdoor flow. Features include HW flrs, vaulted ceilings, lighting & walls for art, cook's eat-in kitchen, huge family rm w/bar area. Spacious Mstr has FP & steam shower. Lrg bonus rm perfect for office/gym/maid's.2 car garage

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Today Your Mama brings you a lervely house in the Laurel Canyon area of the Hollywood Hills. The current owner isn't really a celebrity, but rather the good looking child of a spectacularly rich man named Marc Nathanson. The elder Nathanson, who has enough paper to live in the Holmby Hills on fancy pants Mapleton Drive in a 22-room, 16,000 square foot house spitting distance from both the Playboy and Spelling mansions, has so much dough he was able to be a founding trustee of the Los Angeles Museum of Contemporary Art. Which, of course, explains the museum quality artwork on the walls of his son's house.

The younger Mister Nathanson works as the CEO and President of a company owned by his daddy that owns and operates radio stations. According to a bio we found online Mister Nathanson was the General Manager of a record label prior to becoming a nepotist. Now, before all you crazies come down on Your Mama, let us state for the record that we have no issue with nepotism. Seriously. At least this good looking young man works a real job for his money, you know?

The younger Mister Nathanson, (or maybe his rich daddy?), purchased this house in 1999 for $1,100,000. Located on the valley side of the Hollywood Hills, the property sits high above what Your Mama considers a not so busy section of Mulholland Drive. A gated and curving driveway ascends to the house which has a not so typical siting on the property. See children, this property sits on the upslope side of Mulholland and in order to maximize the Valley views, the front yard is where the swimming pool and main outdoor entertainment spaces are located. And in fact, the front yard/back yard area must be traversed in order to get to the front door.

This set up is not one in which Your Mama would ordinarily feel comfortable. Imagine laying out by the swimming pool without a stitch of clothing and slathered in cocoa butter when the neighbor pops over unannounced to borrow some sugar or a lemon? That would be uglee. So buyer beware, unless you keep the gate at the bottom of the drive shut and locked, pop in friends and needy neighbors just might be seeing more of you than anyone needs to see.

At first Your Mama was not feeling that kitchen. But we've totally changed our mind. Initially we just thought it was too white, too stark and likely to burn the retinas early in the morning. But we actually love the way color pops off the white, and we're appreciating that Mister Nathanson has put brightly colored fruits and things throughout the kitchen. We would however jettison the black and white tile on the floor (which we know is not, but sorta looks like linoleum) for big slabs of limestone with radiant heating.

We are also particularly grooving on one feature pointed out in the listing. That's right babies, the steam shower. Having a steam shower at home means not having to go to some dreadful gymnasium that costs and arm and a well muscled leg to join. Your Mama does not care to deal with an army of health nut work out queens just to sit in a hot steamy room in an attempt to detoxify and pull the gin from of our pores.

As some of our regular readers may have already discerned, Your Mama loves a good juxtaposition. And that is precisely the reason we like this house so much. The unexpected surprise of walking up to the house and finding an open layout and all that amazing artwork thrills us. We can't help it.

Now children, we're not saying we love every stick of furniture and swatch of fabric in this house. We don't. And we're quite sure the younger Mister Nathanson gets about to all the hot spots around town. But we are just so happy to see a good looking young Bev Hills scion who has appreciations and interests beyond Teddy's and Winston's. We have to wonder though. If this place were emptied out of all the big name art, would we feel so kindly about it?

Sources: Artists House Music

Sue Ellen Selling South Fork

SELLER: Linda Gray
LOCATION: Knochaven Drive, Santa Clarita, CA
PRICE: $3,250,000
SIZE: 4,500 (approx.), 5 bedrooms, 4 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Nestled on approximately 3 acres of natural beauty, this luxury retreat with a Post Ranch Inn feel is a haven for serenity and privacy. It was built by the famous Los Angeles based architect, A. Quincy Jones, known for his modernistic green or eco-design architecture. The home features a Josh Schweitzer designed stainless steel prep kitchen with wood burning pizza oven and a Waldo Fernandez Great Room with high ceiling beams, antique wood paneling with floor-to-ceiling windows.

YOUR MAMAS UPDATE: Children, Your Mama has spent the day outside in torrential rains desperately trying, and not succeeding mind you, to get our bitches Linda and Beverly to take a dump outside. Damn bitches hate the rain. Anyhoo, we have returned to find y'all some better photographs of Miz Gray's Santa Clarita hideaway as well as the floor plan for the main house and the guest house. Now hunnies, who would disagree with Your Mama when we say that Miz Gray's big ass master bedroom is purrfect for a former prime time boob tube diva?

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Actually, it's Emmy winning ack-tress Linda Gray selling her three acre Santa Clarita homestead. Now, children, Your Mama has always thought we would sooner stab needles into our eyeballs than live up in wilds of tract home heaven Santa Clarita. In the last 10 or 15 years, developers have ravaged the once lovely landscape of Santa Clarita with street after street of identical homes priced to lure middle income buyers out of the pricey West side of Los Angeles. Santa Clarita also happily plays host to every single brand of fast food and big box store that was ever foisted upon the suburbs.

So this morning when we read in Ruth Ryon's Hot Properties column in the LA Times that Linda Gray, the former diva of Dallas, was selling off her Santa Clarita getaway, we half expected it might be a large generic tract home in a gated (but not guarded) community a few blocks from a Wal-Mart and a Del Taco. But Miz Gray's house fools with our mind and impressions of this extreme Northern suburb of Los Angeles.

Instead of a clone home, we find a gorgeous and earthy contemporary designed in 1973 by famed architect Quincy Jones that is located in what Your Mama can only assume is the "good" part of Santa Clarita. Children, if you don't know who Quincy Jones the architect is, you should hop in your hoopdies and head on down to the public library and check out some picture books on architecture.

According to Miz Ryon, Sue Ellen, er, Linda Gray has called this mini-ranch home for the last 20 years. But the single lady whose children have long flown the coop would like to sell this place on so that she can move closer to friends. Does this means she's buying or already purchased something in Bev Hills? Or maybe in the hills of Malee-boo?

There are a couple features of the main house Your Mama would like to focus your attention. The first is that amazing living room. Quincy Jones designed a soaring but simple hip roof ceiling and used a wall of floor to ceiling glass to cut into the space which cleverly creates the entry way and front door. We love the way this both blurs the difference between inside and outside and also provides a sheltered and protected front porch.

The second feature is Miz Gray's excellent choice in dining room furniture. We imagine those chairs, hewn from massive pieces of solid timber, are so damn heavy that a full time muscle queen table valet is necessary to help diners tuck up to the table. However, we are in love with this dining room which manages to be totally modern and self-consciously organic all at the same time.

The third feature we seriously want the children to take note is that amazing master bathroom. Hunnies, this is exactly the sort of bathroom Your Mama expects an aging boob tube diva like Linda Gray would have. This bathroom is not simply a place to primp, pluck, and poop. No babies, this room multi-tasks and provides Miz Gray a retreat from her country retreat where she can luxuriate in a spa tub, warm her moist body by the groovy fireplace, and keep herself lean and mean on all that gym equipment.

In addition to the main house, the ranchette includes a two-story guest house with a screening room, an artist's studio, tennis court, swimming pool, a working stable with a groomsman shed, a chicken coop and an organic herb garden. All of which lead Your Mama to believe Miz Gray likes to putter about the house pulling weeds, petting horses, and making omelettes with eggs from her own chickens.

However, Your Mama hopes the flawless and iconic Miz Gray is preparing to get herself back on the television. And not in some Dallas reunion, hosting a reality show, or any more turns on The Bold and the Beautiful. We'd like to see her on something like that train wreck drama Brothers and Sisters (which the Dr. Cooter insists on watching), or maybe as Celia Hodes' mother on Weeds.

Your Mama wishes Miz Gray all the best as she begins the next phase of her life. Darlin', let us know when you get settled in the new place so we can bring you some organic carrots from our garden.

Source: LA Times

Jeff Bezos Buys Some Real Estate Pornography

BUYER: Jeff Bezos
LOCATION: N. Alpine Drive, Beverly Hills, CA
PRICE: $30,000,000 plus or minus
SIZE: 11,891 square feet, 7 bedrooms, 7 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Early California Architecture Statement on Rare 2+flat acre BH Estate. Rolling lawn, formal garden, long gated drive, sunken tennis court, soaring beam ceilings, extraordinary tile detail, fabulous master with pvt veranda and city lights beyond. Huge pool, sensational kitchen, media room, separate guest house, 6-car garage, wonderful patio for outdoor entertaining, huge motor court, most prestigious north of Sunset location, terrific privacy and pristine condition. 4 bd suites plus 2 maids.

YOUR MAMAS UPDATE: Sorry for the shoddy linkage children. Your Mama as fixed the link to our previous post on the Bezos property.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: This morning, in her Hot Properties column in the LA Times Ruth Ryon reports that Jeff Bezos, the Amazon.com founder and CEO, has purchased the Rick and Fabienne Guerin property we discussed back in early February.

Ryon reports that the sale "was one of the highest-priced sales in Beverly Hills in recent years," and Your Mama speculates that it might just be the highest price ever paid for a house in the flats of Bev Hills.

This property backs up to the TomKat compound which the strange and unusual couple had been renting for a rumored $40,000 per month. However, the couple and the various Crooz family members that live with, them will soon be moving out of the Alpine Drive house now that they have recently purchased a a compound of their own.

Have a look-see at our previous post on the formerly Guerin now Bezos property to see how people with serious money live.

Also, Your Mama would like to congratulate the listing agent, the inestimable Miz Joyce Rey, on her gigantic commssion. Lady earned it on this one. You know you did hunny, so go buy yerself something nice to celebrate.

Live Like the Sons of Hollywood

LOCATION: 8613 Hollywood Boulevard, Los Angeles, CA
PRICE: $8,000,000
SIZE: 4 bedrooms, 4.5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: None provided by the listing agent.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: One of Your Mamas favorite tipsters and readers clued us into this house and we would like credit him anonymously...you know who you are.

Anyhoo, Your Mama will watch just about any tacky, trashy, mind-numbing reality show television executives put up on the damn boob-tube. But we are drawing the line at the Sons of Hollywood, the ree-dick-u-lus new show on some channel called Arts & Entertainment. We spent a half hour today, a half hour, mind you, that Your Mama will never get back, watching these three young Hollywood hot shots roll through Las Vegas like they're big stars, rather than the children of stars. You know what we're saying? It was disgusting to see the way the hotel staff fawned over these three.

The show features one of Rod Stewart's male children, whose name we don't recall nor does Your Mama care to recall, Randy Spelling, Tori's brother and son of Aaron and Candy darling, and a dude named Max Weintraub, who happens to be their childhood friend and currently works as their manager.

For the filming of the program, these three dudes all lived together in a newly built contemporary freak out of a house high in the Hollywood Hills. The developer of this house purchased the property in April of 2005 for $4,000,000. He proceeded to build a monstrous glass box that hovers above the street and has spectacular views of the LA basin. The house had been for sale for a very long time, but since it wasn't selling, the owner rented it to A&E to film their maiden voyage into the world of "hipster" reality television in the hopes of pulling in coveted watchers under the age of 30.

Now that the show has completed filming, the house is back on the market for $8,000,000. Your Mama can only hope the owner has had some sort of witch doctor in to clear the place of all the bad juju that was surely left behind.

The listing on the MLS currently has no description or photos, but we suspect when the show gets cancelled or, heaven forbid, runs it's full season, the listing will get pix again. And Your Mama will due the right thing and post them for all the hungry children to see.

Or you can grab your vomit bags and sit down to watch the program to get a good look at the interior of the house.

Suzanne Rico on Sunset Plaza Drive

SELLER: Suzanne Rico and Ethan Dubrow
LOCATION: Sunset Plaza Drive, Los Angeles, CA
PRICE: $3,295,000
SIZE: 2,858+ square feet, 4 bedrooms, 5.5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Gated, traditional, 2-story Paul Williams style. 4 bds., 5.5 bas. Beautifully landscaped entry. The formal entry w/ sweeping stairway and darkly stained hardwood floors sets the tone. Romantic dining room off perfectly appointed kitchen. Living room with marble fireplace & french doors leading out to the pool, patio & garden. There is a paneled den, a powder room & a maid's room on the first floor. Upstairs mstr ste w/ custom ba & patio w/ city view, 2 additional stes. Off/wine/ba on lower level.

YOUR MAMAS UPDATE: The good folks over at the Movieland Directory added an interesting story about the pretty sordid family history of Mister Ethan Dubrow. It involves the Pelicano wire tapping scandal and a scorned ex-wife as well as information about when Mister Dubrow accidentally shot his friend with a gun. Fassinatin.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: One of the owners of this house is none other than Miz Suzanne Rico. For those few dozen children out there who get up before noon, you might know Miz Rico as the news anchor on the CBS2 early morning shift from 5 to 7am and again in the 11am slot.

Lawhd children, do you know how early this bitch has to get up in order to try to bring the news to the ignorant masses of Los Angeles? We ought to be kissing this lady's feet having to get up long before the crack of down to blow dry all that blond hair, get the make up on straight, and dressed in a conservative suit all before 5am. Five am children. This is hours before many of you have even started to come down off the ecstasy or whatever other silly drug the youth takes nowadays.

For those not familiar with the hills of Hollywood, let Your Mama tell you Sunset Plaza Drive is a cockamamie road comprised of hairpin turn after hairpin turn. The road climbs right up the side of the hill from Sunset Boulevard to the ridge top Crescent Drive and is chock full high priced cars piloted by drivers with a death wish who navigate this crazy mess of a road like they are racing at the Monaco Grand Prix. We seriously think the city of Los Angeles needs to give anyone driving up and down that road a damn sobriety test.

Fortunately this particular house occupies a nice lot on the lower end of Sunset Plaza, just north of Sunset Boulevard. This location spares the homeowner risking life and limb just to get home after work or running out for a delicious Chinese chicken salad at Chin Chin on Sunset.

Your Mama would like to confess. We love this house. Your Mama would empty out the furnishings and re-work the kitchen, but we are loving the traditional architecture of this house. It harkens back to a time when people stayed married even if they were suicidally unhappy and children did not get cute little tattoos for their 12th birthdays. Those were the days, children. Those were the days.

The big living room with it's fireplace and wall of French doors has us peeing our pants with glee. We are also appreciating that big ass master bedroom with it's own private terrace. And the paneling in the den...oh lawhd children, we would love nothing more than to rub our nekkid body all over that wood. Gor-gee-us.

But what Your Mama wants to know about is that room in the basement with the desk and the Freudian couch...what's that all about and what goes on in here?

We expect someone is going to buy this thing and have Kelly Wearstler come over and do one of her Hollywood Regency on acid numbers. However, what Your Mama would love to see is what someone like Miles Redd or even Carissa from Top Design would do with the place.

Tyler Perry Sells Malee-boo Beach House

SELLER: Tyler Perry
LOCATION: 20140 Pacific Coast Highway, Malibu, CA
PRICE: $5,350000
SIZE: 2,517 square feet, 2 bedrooms, 2.5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Refined and tasteful beach front contemporary designed to entertain or simply to enjoy. On approximately 61 ft. of beach frontage, this open floor plan lends itself to capture the Malibu lifestyle. Walls of sliding glass doors throughout, den/3rd bedroom, expansive patios, custom finishes, covered over-sized 1-car garage & additional 3 parking spaces, innovative entertainment features throughout; custom remote window treatments & state-of-art security system make this a rare find.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Hi babies. Your Mama is going to bring you the Malee-boo beach house of Mister Tyler Perry here. Perhaps you've seen it written up on one of the many other websites it's been featured or even seen it discussed on the boob tube. Listing agent Madison Hildebrand, one of Malibu's young gun uber agents, has done a stellar job of getting everyone to write about this celebrity house. Maddie even wrote about the place on his own blog called Inside Bu.

Mister Perry, who made mountains of money writing plays, making movies, and dressing up like a saggy boobed sassy old lady named Madea, lives primarily on a large estate outside Atlanta, and apparently he's selling this ocean front getaway because he's not able to use the place much. Pity.

The location of the house has the benefit of being very close-in, making getting into Santa Monica and other parts east simple and relatively painless. The drawback is that this section of Malee-bee doesn't offer wide sandy beaches for all the sun bunnies. Gorgeous and dramatic, but this house sits right up on the angry Pacific without much in the way of a sandy buffer. Imagine what the flood and hazard insurance is here children.

Here's what we like:

1. The fortress like facade. Remember, this house sits right on busy and loud P.C.H., so the lack of windows helps keep the noise down. Plus it says, "Keep Out" in a loud but still attractive way.
1. Parking for four cars. This is very important in the hostile and tight parking market of a summer weekend in Malee-boo.
2. The ocean side decks. Generous outdoor spaces help make up for the lack of a nice sandy beach on which to bake in the sun. If Your Mamas bitches Linda and Beverly could talk, they would tell us they would like to stretch out their long dachshund bodies across that bed on the upper deck.
3. Glass walls. We appreciate the floor to ceiling sliders that allow the outside to come inside.

Here's what we don't like:

1. The bedroom decor. This looks to us like a themed hotel room in a Las Vegas.
2. The master bathroom. We are quite certain all that coral colored marble shit cost someone and arm and a leg, but we think it's ugly. And the Italian pottery on the tub deck is just silly. Perry's decorator should be flogged for this mistake.
3. The wee kitchen. We like the simple cabinetry, the SubZero, and the Thermador stove top, but we do wish the room was a little bigger.

We received an email today from Maddie who tells us the house has gone to contract. Congratulations to everyone. However, he won't tell Your Mama when the place is closing, what price it's selling for, or who is purchasing the place. Maddie can be such a tease.

Source: Inside Bu

Nick Lachey's Bel Air Rebound House

BUYER: Nick Lachay
SELLER: Heidi Klum and Seal
LOCATION: Linda Flora Drive, Bel Air, CA
SIZE: 5,214 square feet, 4 bedrooms, 4.5 bathrooms
PRICE: $5,000,000 (sale price)
DESCRIPTION: Smart, sleek light bright and airy one story contemporary behind gates at end of cul de sac. Long driveway to 1.8 acres with stunning view of basin and coastline. Resort pool area. High ceilings, art walls, maple wood floors. Newly remodeled with 4 bedrooms and 4.5 baths, gourmet kitchen and family room, den, and step down down living room. Fabulous master suite. Very scenic and lots of privacy.

YOUR MAMAS UPDATE: A kind reader let us know that we repeatedly spelled Mister Lachey's name incorrectly. Oops. Can you tell we're not a fan? None the less, we've fixed the mispelling.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Your Mama recently came across a few photos of this contemporary casa, and since we go weak in the knees over the photos of this house, we figured we'd bring them to the children to swoon over too.

Settle down children, we know the sale and purchase of this house happened a long time ago. We also know it was reported widely and as such many of you may already know all you want to know about this property. So if that's the case, you should shut yer screaming traps and go back to work until we have something fresh for your eyeballs.

There is no need to tell the children that Mister Lachey is the hunky, catalog model good looking ex-huzband of Jessica Simpson. And of course, we all know Miz Klum from her many turns down the Victoria Secret runway wearing skimpy panties and a huge pair of wings strapped to her back, as well as being the hostess with the accented mostess on the fabulous Project Runway program on the Bravo, which happens to be one of Your Mama's favorite guilty pleasures.

In December of 2004, not long after Miz Klum birthed the baby she had with the aging Italian playboy billionaire Flavio Briatore, she purchased this home for $4,320,000. The couple had split long before, while Klum was preggers, amid reports Briatore was dating a teenage model on the side.

Shortly thereafter, the supermodel got with the singer Seal and became a baby factory. Your Mama imagines the obscenely good looking and multi-hued couple chose to sell this house in favor of something larger and more child and nanny friendly. Klum listed the property at $5,500,000, and according to property records, sold the place to Lachey in February of 2006 for an even $5,000,000.

Your Mama would be hard pressed to bring the children a more suitable residence for a celebrity plagued by obsessed fans and paparazzi. Not only is this house located way up on a ridge in Bel Air, it is accessed down a very long, private, and gated driveway (see photograph). Even the best telescopic lenses of the most determined paparazzi can not snap a photo from this distance.

The photos here are from when Klum and Seal were in residence, and while we're not keen on some of their artworks, overall Your Mama is ready to pack our Louis Vuitton cases and move into this house. We love all the white walls (we're funny that way) and the walls of glass leave us breathless and envious. We appreciate that Klum and her Mister did not clutter up the window with a bunch of draped fabrics. Certainly Your Mama understands the need to modulate light, but it is our personal opinion that less is often better when it comes to window treatments, particularly in contemporary homes.

We also recognize and appreciate that the home office not only offers more than one work station, it also has a separate entrance at the front of the house. This way there is no need for every industry Tom, Dick, and Jennifer who comes to the house for a meeting to come into the inner sanctum.

Children we all know what the Calabassas house of Lachey and ex-wifey Simpson looked like, so it's a little difficult to imagine what the boy band crooner has done with the decor here. We can only hope he smartly hired a nice gay decorator to come up in here and do it up correct. And we hope that decorator was able to convince the Midwestern minded Lachey not to put a recliner anywhere near this house.

Dexter King Flips Out in Malee-boo

SELLER: Dexter King
LOCATION: Rambla Pacifico Street, Malibu, CA
PRICE: $3,495,000
SIZE: 4,705 square feet, 4 bedrooms, 4 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Architectural modern home with ocean view. Expansive living areas abound in this four bedroom home situated on 2.7 private, wooded acres. Soaring ceilings and an exceptional open design plan provide the feeling of expansive spatial flow. Amazing ocean & whitewater views that capture Catalina, L.A. city lights, and the Malibu pier are offered from most rooms in the home or can be enjoyed in the extended outdoor living environment.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: In case you don't know, Dexter King is the child of the late, great civil rights pioneers Martin Luther and Coretta Scott King. Mister Dexter, who reports say pulls in a big salary as the chairman of the King Center in Atlanta, Georgia, spends most of his time in Los Angeles where he pursues an as yet unsuccessful career as an actor.

Our research revealed that Mister Dexter is a controversial figure in the modern day civil rights movement. Your Mama is not going to go into it here as there isn't time and we don't want to get overly po-leetickal this early in the morning. But if yer innerested, google the man and see what comes up. Good stuff.

All reports, contacts, and records indicate Mister Dexter lives in an apartment near the ocean in Malibu and purchased this property in March of 2005 for $2,055,000. Your Mama does not have any way of knowing whether this scion of civil rights had any intention of moving into this house, but given that the house appears to be painted, primped and stuffed full of rented furniture, we think this property is being flipped at a significant profit.

For all the po-bitches who have to commute to work on the heavily trafficked and often backed-up Pacific Coast Highway, this house, located way up in Las Flores canyon, will be appealing. For all the children who don't know the canyons of Malee-boo, Las Flores is one of the Southern most canyons which means it's closer to the westside portals of Pacific Palisades and Santa Monica. Hunnies, Point Dume is gorgeous, but it's a long, long drive if you work in Beverly Hills.

A long driveway at the front of the property leads to the front door which opens to explosive views of Malee-boo. Your Mama loves the way the house sits nestled in the trees like it's a secret in the woods. We also love all that white paint on the exterior which gives it a sun scorched bauhaus-ian quality that we find very appealing.

Now babies, let's talk about those floor to ceiling, sky high windows in the living room. Of course, they flood the room with light and are certainly dramatic. But do you know what you will have to do to get the maid up on a ladder to clean those things? Not only will it cost you extra, she will quite likely demand you provide health insurance in case she tumbles off the ladder in her efforts to get your windows squeaky clean.

Nowadays Your Mama sees so many of the these kitchens that feature acres of stainless steel, and we agree they look fantastic. But as an owner of stainless appliances, we know exactly what it takes for the maid to keep it all shinee and finger print free. Let Your Mama tell you that it is a lot of work for the poor gurl. So we think it's just cruel, inhumane, and punishing to be putting in wall to wall stainless in the kitchen. It pretty much ensures that the maid will hate you.

Your Mama is concerned we would have trouble navigating all the stairs in this house without having a coronary, but we sincerely appreciate the indoor/outdoor feeling of the house, and imagine each the ocean view decks is a nice place to watch the sun set over the Pacific. However, we do think Mister Dexter might have done a better job working with that tub of hot water on the roof. With all due respeckt, that thing looks far less than elegant and upscale up than it should in a house in this price range.

Clearly flipping high end houses is not a bad way to make $3-600,000 a year. That is if you have the dough to get started and carry the place for a while. Your Mama is quite sure Mister Dexter is going to come out ahead on this property and pocket in excess of $1,000,000. Say what you want about the man, but he clearly knows how to make money flipping real estate in the electric market of Malee-boo.

Real Estate Pornography: Tribeca Loft

SELLER: Anonymous
LOCATION: Hudson Street, New York, NY
PRICE: $7,995,000 (maintenance / $4,747 per month)
SIZE: 4,040 square feet, 2 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Children, Your Mama is sick as a dawg today and we are not feeling our snappy, sassy self. We don't know if it's the flu that has us flat on our back, or if it's the tequila we drank last night at the Mexican restaurant. Or maybe it was the heavily frosted cupcake we capped the evening off with. Whatever the case we are pale of pallor, short on pithy remarks, and feeling like there is something very angry festering in our stomach.

None the less, today Your Mama is pleased to bring all the children a New York City property that has us drooling with envy and wishing we had some serious paper in our checking account.

A quick run through the property records and a simple Google search leads Your Mama to believe this spectacular apartment belongs to an Emmy winning television and film producer with impressive credits like The Wonder Years, 300, and The Santa Claus films, those enormously successful, but in our opinion, not very good Tim Allen vehicles. But as of this morning we have not been able to confirm this, we are going to keep the man's name under lock and key.

This sleek and sensual loft is located on Hudson Street in the very same Tribeca building that Harvey Keitel purchased a large, three unit penthouse in 2004 and never moved in to. Why you ask? Because upon further reflection, he decided that he and his then preggers wifey would rather live in a doorman building, something this building, expensive as it may be, does not have.

This apartment sits on a much lower floor in the building, but is also an amalgamation of three units. Clearly a top notch architect and designer was brought into transform the 4,000 square foot space into a posh New York City pied a terre. The well conceived floor plan cleverly provides open spaces and a very impressive 90' long sight line from the living area clear through to the office space.

A fully concealed media center was fitted in to the primary living space and includes state of the art systems, a 90" video screen, and electronic blackout shades so there is no need to stand one's big ass up to close the drapes.

The architect provided a stellar program which includes a central core of blackened steel which acts as a backbone and command center for services and utilities. Your Mama particularly appreciates how the kitchen remains open to the apartment and still manages to be tucked away and out sight when there are piles of dirty dishes in the sink. Of course, we do worry about all that stainless steel. It's gor-gee-us and moe-dearn, but it's also a huge finger print magnet. We imagine Mister Silver must have to pay someone a small fortune to work discreetly and quietly in the kitchen day and night to buff and polish all that stainless steel.

Another feature we appreciate and covet would be that long, long hallway along the South wall with closet after closet after closet of storage space. Very smart and very well done. And of course the huge and windowed dressing room is large enough for even the most extreme clothes horse. Mabye even Kimora Lee Simmons. Now that this queen of bling is getting dee-vorced and selling off her gargantuan and upsetting New Jersey mansion, maybe she would be interested in something like this?

Now, let's talk about the glass terrarium of a guest room. Your Mama adores the way this thing looks, and we so appreciate that someone actually let their architect perform such a folly of design. But would you want to stay in that fishbowl like your some animal on display at the zoo?

The listing and floor plan show a home gym set-up, and we are sure quite a few folks will appreciate this feature. But not Your Mama. Just imagine us in some horrifying spandex outfit trying to pump a stationary bicycle in a small windowless room. Lawhd children, a sight like that would surely scare the maid from ever coming back to vacuum those gorgeous rugs.

On the market since April of 2006, the impressive and tightly designed apartment is having a difficult time capturing a ready, willing, and able buyer's interest. First listed at $9,000,000, the apartment has been twice reduced to it's current asking price of $7,995,000. The disturbingly high maintenance may be a factor, particularly since there is no doorman here to accept packages and ensure the other tenants' naughty children aren't hanging around the lobby and riding the elevators up and down.

Even still, had we a spare $8,000,000 Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter would at least consider moving from our own aerie. We get better light than this low floor apartment likely gets, but we don't have a sound proof living room or 24 windows on three sides.

UPDATE: Old Trees and Lloyd Blankfein

Real estate is a capricious and complex bizness children and we need to let y'all know about an important update regarding the widely reported purchase of the big ass Old Trees estate in Southampton, NY.

Your Mama did not directly address the Old Trees estate, but we did mention it's reported sale in our piece about Lloyd Blankfein's Sagaponack house being on the market. However, surely the children read about this supposed sale elsewhere.

Anyhoo, Mr. Lloyd Blankfein, the excessively paid CEO of Goldman Sachs, did not actually go to contract on the property for the reported $41,000,000. In fact, according to Max Abelson over at the NY Observer, the deal did not go through and may or may not be dead.

Even more interesting is that the listing has been taken away from Jay Flagg at Prudential Douglas Elliman and given to Harald Grant at Sotheby's for a slightly HIGHER price just over $48,000,000. (The property had been listed at $48,000,000 even). Why the marginally higher price? Who knows.

We're quite sure the extremely well connected and competent Max Abelson will keep us updated on the bruhaha and we will in turn pass his information on to the hungry children.

UPDATE: Queer Eye Guy Ted Allen

This morning we get an update on the purchase of a Brooklyn brownstone by Ted Allen, one of the Queer Eye guys, and his partner, architect Barry Rice. Your Mama wrote about the sale of their Chelsea loft with it's goor-mey kitchen back in January.

At the time, Max Abelson at the NY Observer reported the couple had purchased a townhouse in Brooklyn. Today we're going to toss you over to Big Time Listings where Mr. Big Time brings you all the deets and 411 on the purchase of their new fixer upper in Clinton Hill.

Matt LeBlanc's Hidden Hills Hideaway

SELLER: Matt LeBlanc
LOCATION: Bill Cody Road, Hidden Hills, CA
PRICE: $10,295,000
SIZE: 11,158 square feet, 7 bedrooms, 9.5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: "Huge Price Reduction" - Stunning Villa located on a double lot at the end of a private road. Backs to the Ahmanson w/270 degree views. Remarkable quality-extravagant use of stone and wood. Everything the palate could conceive; Motor Court, 6-Car Garage, Gourmet Kitchen, Library, Study, Game Room, Office, Theatre, Sports Court, Rolling Lawns. Has all the goodies; Programmable lighting, Security System, Crestron Audio System, State of art Surround, Pebble Tech Pool. Show Cold-It's Gorgeous!

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Your Mama received a late night telephone call from Fred Astaire, one of our friendliest and most prolific West coast tipsters about this property. Children, this is one of the many, many large and lavish homes in Los Angeles that the vast riches earned from the syndication of television sitcom Friends bought, and this one currently belongs to Mister Matt LeBlanc, who many of you will recall as the big, hunky Joey.

Mister Matt purchased this property, located in a guard gated community way out in Hidden Hills, in late 2005 for $9,000,000. This was just before he moved out of the house he shared with his now ex-wifey Melissa McKnight, their young daughter, and a couple of children from McKnight's previous marriage. Turns out Mister Matt moved out at least in part because he was fooling around with Andrea Anders, one of his co-stars on his short lived sitcom Joey. A dee-vorce ensued and all parties PR machines claim the dee-vorce was amicable.

It is unclear to Your Mama whether the very rich Mister Matt and his then Missus Melissa purchased this house together, or if it was purchased as a bachelor pad in anticipation of the separation and dee-vorce. We speck-u-late and suspect that Mister Matt and the former Missus actually chose and purchased this big ol' house together and expected to live happily ever after in the Northern suburbs of LA with their blended family.

But alas. So up on the market the house goes. The listing information announces a recent "huge price reduction" which would indicate that Mister Matt is eager to unload this huge house of broken dreams.

At more than 11,000 square feet and sprawling across two lots, this is the quintessential suburban Los Angeles house for the very rich. It has more square footage than a pair of maids can clean in a week, family style recreational facilities like a Pebble-tec pool and a full size basketball court. There are enough bedrooms to accommodate a large family of step-children, and a media room to ensure the kiddies aren't roaming around the upscale neighborhood chaining the neighbors electronic gates closed.

It appears to Your Mama from the photos that Mister LeBlanc may have already moved from this house leaving a houseful of very, very ordinary furniture behind for a team of stagers to unsuccessfully attempt to make look nice. Children, Your Mama is loathe to present another property to y'all about which we don't have a lot of nice things to say, but seriously, what is there to say about this house? No doubt the quality of the construction and finishes is top-notch, but the interior of the house is so damn boring. Bo-ring.

Your Mama can only hope that Mister LeBlanc himself is not nearly as banal and ordinary as the interior of this house would indicate.

Interestingly, it appears that Mister LeBlanc owns two additional properties in the very same Hidden Hills community as this house. And in fact, these two other properties are just down the hill. The adjacent properties, each with a large house, were purchased in October of 2005 through the same trust as the house on Bill Cody Road in October of 2005. It also appears from property records that Mister LeBlanc continues to own the Belinda Street house in Encino that he also purchased through a trust with the same name and address.

Either it's too early in the morning for Your Mama to be interpreting property records or it would appear that Mister LeBlanc is quite the land baron out in the valley. Perhaps Mr. Big Time over at Big Time Listings can sort this one out for us.

Sources: People, Big Time Listings

UPDATE: Billy Joel in Miami

Oh Dear. It seems everyone got it wrong on Billy Joel's Miami mansion. Even though such online bigwigs like TMZ and Celebrity Home Photo point to this house as belonging to Joel, apparently it does not.

So we've removed out link to the story. Your Mama will endeavor to figure out just where Mr. Joel has a house in Florida and when and if we figure it out, we'll let you know.

Reverend Tim Storey High in the Hills of Beverly

SELLER: Tim and Roxanne Storey
LOCATION: Loma Vista Drive, Beverly Hills, CA
PRICE: $4,700,000
SIZE: 4,955 square feet, 4 bedrooms, 6 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Major price reduction! Spectacular celebrity owned gated B.H. estate. Private. Exclusive. Showcase prop. built in 2003 & just completed w/ major renovations, including all new designer interior finishes. No expense spared. Spacious 4+6 w/ elevator & fab views. Huge chef's kitchen. Romantic master w/ walls of glass. Infinity pool/cabana/BB center & multiple patios w/ gorgeous resort style grounds & waterfall. Grt. for entertaining. For the most discriminating clients seeking the ultimate in luxury and privacy.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Dear Jeezis, we come to You today humbled and prostrate in Your light and glory, and we ask that You would help Reverend Tim Storey sell his house in Beverly Hills at a huge profit.

As You are the all knowing, surely You are aware that the Reverend bought this house in 2003 for $3,540,000 and over the last few years has put a considerable amount of his flock's money into renovations and upgrades. And surely You know this house was chosen by the Reverend specifically because it is located very high in the hills so as to be closer to Your sweet, sweet love.

Its many lavish amenities are meant to praise and glorify Your power and spirit, and include an all new, very expensive designer interior, an elevator, half a dozen bathrooms, a barbecue center, and an infinity pool which clearly references the Reverend's sincere desire to live an everlasting life coddled in Your bosom of health, happiness and wealth.

Reverend Storey and his wife Roxanne have been relying on the white hot real estate market in Los Angeles to fatten their bank account with the sale of this house. But Jeezis, the market is failing them. Recently the pious and devout couple had to dramatically reduce the asking price of their home to $4,700,000, and we ask that in Your infinite wisdom and compassion You will bring a wealthy buyer to the Storey house who has an awesome desire to purchase a house lived in and decorated by some of Your most financially favored servants.

Jeezis, You know that Reverend Storey has devoted his life to serving You. And following in Your divine footsteps, he has associated himself with some of the worlds most spiritually needy in Hollywood. The good Reverend has helped and ministered to luminaries such as Dyan Cannon and Robert Downey Jr., and of course You know that recently he and his very tan and blond wife Roxanne were blessed and privileged to attend the wedding of the Bounty Hunter.

Dear Jeezis, Your Mama was moved by the spirit to come to You with this request to assist the Reverend, and we hope in Your benevolence and gratitude You will see it in your celestial plan for the Reverend to sell this house at a tremendous profit so that he may continue to spread Your good word among the well-healed Hollywood heathen.

Amen.

P.S. Your Mama has also asked Creflo Dollar, who teaches the power of prosperity and that Jeezis wants us all to be rich, to put in a good word for the Reverend Storey.

Ali Landry Says Goodbye to Los Feliz

SELLER: Ali Landry
LOCATION: Holboro Drive, Los Angeles, CA
PRICE: $2,395,000
SIZE: 2,899 square feet, 4 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: This home exudes elegance, charm and Latin vivacity. Reminiscent of another era, this home features vaulted ceilings in the living room, a gourmet kitchen, four bedrooms, three bathrooms, and an outdoor area that magically flows which features a pool, barbeque, and lawn surrounded by swaying palms and wonderful breezes. This home has been remodeled.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Unfortunately for her, the only thing about Ali Landry that Your Mama can pull from the cobwebs of our memory is her embarrassing 19 day marriage to that even more embarrassing Mario Lopez back in 2004. So we had to do a little research to learn that the former Miss USA is married again and getting ready to birth a baby. Miz Landry, who has a long list of film and boob tube credits we've never heard of, met her current huzband at a bible study at her church. Now children, how often do you think that happens in Hollywood, right down in the belly of the sinning beast?

Property records indicate Landry purchased this house in late December of 2004 for $1,655,454. This was back when she was still licking her Mario Lopez wounds and shortly before she met her current Latin lover/huzband, the impressively named Mexican film director Alejandro Gomez Monteverde.

The couple are expecting their first bebé in July and a quick look over the photos and Your Mama knows why the couple is selling this Los Feliz beauty. Children, trust Your Mama when we tell you there are enough stairs from the street level garage the front door of this house to leave even the most fit breathless and gasping for air. So you know Miz Landry, as fit as she appears to be, could not ask the new nanny to navigate and climb all those stairs carrying the new baby, the diaper bag, and the stroller without having to pay the gurl extra.

Your Mama would require an oxygen tank and an E.M.T. to get to the top of the stairs, but it appears the long climb is worth the effort. Now before all you design queens get your panties in a bunch, we should clarify that it is not the "Latin vivacity" or the romance novel decor that Your Mama likes so much about this house. It's the bones babies. This house house has some exquisite bones that reveal themselves at the entrance hall. We're not a big fan of the basket weave floor, but the limestone staircase and wrought iron banister leave us feeling all warm inside. Your Mama also appreciates the whimsical touch of the blue painted niche in which we can see Landry has placed some sort of religious figurine.

The living room with it's mile high beamed ceiling and wall of towering French windows speaks to another era when architects and builders knew how to properly design an build a house with vaulted ceilings. Nowadays we get these crazy cold places with super-vaulted ceilings and zero charm; High ceilings simply for the sake of high ceilings. Remember Slade Smiley's Orange County mess with the ridiculous ceilings in the living room?

Your Mama appreciates that the dining room can be opened up to the yard and has a view of a courtyard fountain, and we even like the intricate and complicated chandelier. But the table and chairs make us feel squeamish and we imagine this is exactly the sort of decor Barbara Cartland had in mind when she wrote all of her crazy romance novels.

Upstairs in the master bedroom we see more romance novel decor. Your Mama could never sleep in a room with that much fabric draped over the windows, and we imagine Señor Monteverde may not feel this room is masculine enough to contain his South of the border machismo. Your Mama does appreciate the large size and shape of the room, and we particularly appreciate all the windows and the shiny, shiny, shiny floors.

The backyard climbs up the side of a hill and we adore a swimming pool surrounded by "swaying palms and wonderful breezes." Who doesn't, right? We are very pleased to see the simple rectangular swimming pool rather than an upsetting and confusing shaped thing with a waterfall, fountain, or heaven forbid, a water slide.

Your Mama would like to see this house purchased by someone with a gym membership and an appreciation of old-school Hollywood Mediterranean architecture. We'd also like to see the new owner replace the kitchen with something that is trying a little less hard to be "remodeled."

We would also like to offer our sincere and best wishes to Miz Landry and Señor Monteverde on their soon to be child. We expect we'll be seeing pictures in People magazine soon enough.

The house is listed with Mauricio Umansky of Hilton & Hyland, whose name you may recognize as being the uncle of party princess Paris Hilton.

Source: Hilton & Hyland

UPDATE: Posh and Becks

It is too damn early in the morning for us to be thinking about Sexy and The Spice Gurl and their high drama real estate whirlwind. Did y'all see where the super snazzy Curbed LA reported yesterday that the soon to be expats have purchased a condo in downtown Los Angeles?

We smell some PR brewing at best. Did the newly opened and unfortunately named building, The Biscuit Company Lofts, give the couple a place for PR purposes the way The Atelier in New York does?

And remember The Spice Gurl has the little awaited reality program that will NOT feature Sexy, the children, or the big new house in Bel Air, so maybe the production company needs a place for the pin thin media diva to call home in the show.

Who knows? And at this time of the morning, Your Mama just don't care.

Source: Curbed LA

Billy Joel Price Chops Long Island Estate

SELLER: Billy and Katie Lee Joel
LOCATION: Centre Island Road, Oyster Bay, NY
PRICE: $32,500,000
SIZE: 14.6 acres, 14,273 square feet
DESCRIPTION: Magnificent waterfront Estate with 1550 foot waterfront and panoramic 180 degree views. One of a kind!! 14,000 square foot main house plus three bedroom, two and half bathrooms, guest cottage and three bedroom, three bath beach house. Indoor and outdoor pools, tennis court, bowling alley. Incredible amenities and architectural features throughout. Stunning!

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: This property has been written about ad infinitum since 2002 when the Grammy winning Piano Man with a bad habit of driving drunk purchased the property for $22,500,000 according to property records. And the house has again garnered a lot of attention from real estate gossips since it hit the market again late last year. But since this house is so screamingly over the top and upsettingly expensive, Your Mama figured we'd add the monster mansion to our archives.

Since purchasing the house and marrying his much younger third wifey Katie Lee on the property, Joel has made many alterations, improvements and renovations to the property including filling in the indoor pool to create a music room with perfect acoustics for tinkling the ivories and crying out his sad songs.

Although the house looks like it was built in the golden age of robber barons and publishing tycoons, the 14,000 square foot house was actually built at great expense in 1994. The 14.6 acre property occupies a point that juts out into the harbor and contains a staggering 1,500 feet of waterfront.

The property first hit the market at $37,500,000 but Joel recently chopped the price by a stunning $5,000,000. This would indicate the big shot singer is getting serious about unloading this white elephant. The Long Island newspaper Newsday reported that one of the primary reasons Joel wants to sell this property is his frustration at not being able to build a dock to park his three boats.

See children, in the 1970s the town of Oyster Bay arranged for the harbor to become a national wildlife refuge and as such have forbid any new docks and piers. Yes children, sometimes even rich people are not able to pull the strings required to get what they want, even though we are quite certain Mister Joel did what he could do to throw his weight and name around in an effort to persuade town officials to bend the rules.

The house itself has 5 principal bedrooms, 3 staff rooms and two ancillary guest houses, one located right on the beach, that each have 3 bedrooms. Your Mama thinks three staff rooms is simply not adequate to house the huge numbers of people that are surely required to keep this lavish house running like a well oiled and property manicured machine.

The estate is considered Mister and Missus Joel's primary residence. However, the couple also own several other properties including a harbor front home in Sag Harbor, a newly purchased Nate Berkus decorated townhouse in New York's West Village, and a tremendous modern freak out in Miami Beach the couple recently put on the market for $13,900,000.

Sources: Forbes, Luxist, Big Time Listings, Real Estate Journal, Newsday

UPDATE: Matthew McConaughey

For all the children who have been reading our archives, you know that the oft-shirtless Matthew McConaughey and his puffed up chest and bootylicious backside had his Nichols Canyon houses on the market late last year. We discussed two of his properties here.

Today, Mr. Big Time over at Big Time Listings brings us all the scoopage on the sale of Chesty's properties and fills in some real estate gaps we did not even know were there. Your Mama was only aware that Chesty had two properties up in the canyon, but Mr. Big Time enlightened us to the fact that Chesty actually owned three properties that he sold this year. Bravo!

No word on where Chesty has moved, but Mr. Big Time reports he still owns this 1,600 acre ranch in West Texas and his super-cool Airstream trailer that he keeps stashed in a trailer park just outside of Austin.

Denise Richards Is On the Move...Again

SELLER: Denise Richards
LOCATION: Long Valley Road, Hidden Hills, CA
PRICE: $4,495,000
SIZE: 5,188 square feet, 5 bedrooms, 5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Hidden Hills one story hourse property on more than one acre of landscaped gounds. Fully remodeled. More than 5 bedroosm, 4.5 baths, office and gym. Beautiful grounds with rolling lawns, barbecue area, outdoor fireplace, swimming pol, spa, and barn.

YOUR MAMAS UPDATE: For photos and additional information on this property click here.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Poor Denise Richards. The former Bond gurl and nekkid Playboy model is packing her bags once again. Her very busy PR machine claims Miz Richards is selling this house because she wants to buy a nicer and larger house that will allow her ill mother to move in with her.

Well, that certainly sounds noble, but the tabs have been reporting something very different and far less admirable. Seems Miz Richards recently invited a couple of photographers from US Magazine behind the gates of her exclusive Hidden Hills neighborhood, which is also home to privacy seeking celebrities such as Matt LeBlanc, Lisa Marie Presley, and Melissa Etheridge and her baby making wife. The neighbors, who live in gated communities in horsey Hidden Hills to get away from paparazzi, are up-set. Very, very angry. The tabs are reporting that the neighbors have so shamed Miz Richards, both publicly and privately, that Richards is pulling up stakes and calling the movers.

This is not the first time Miz Richards has bought and sold a house in less time than most people can get the lawn mowed. In May of 2005, Richards fled the Encino house she shared with Sheen and paid $3,995,000 for a large house at 4671 Middle Fork Road in Westlake Village. This would be right around the corner from Heather Locklear, the queen of Westlake Village and Miz Richards' (former) best pal.

Locklear was also going through a public dee-vorce from Bon Jovi guitarist Richie Sambora and the two were good support for each other. Your Mama imagines these two sitting by the pool at sunset sharing a BIG bottle of white wine and giggling about the shortcomings and shenanigans of their soon to be ex-huzbands. All was good between these two until Miz Richards foolishly started having sex with Sambora. Gurl, what were you thinking? Honestly. That is just so stoopid.

So you know Miz Richards couldn't stay in Westlake Village with the fierce, scorned, and justifiably furious Heather Locklear breathing down her neck. So she she sold that house in July, 2006 for $4,100,000, which surely amounted to a small net loss once the real estate fees were paid.

Miz Richards, who is widely rumored to call the photogs every time she pees or leaves the house, high-tailed it out of Westlake Village and over to Hidden Hills where she purchased this property in May of 2006 for an even $4,000,000. Now on the market of $4,495,000, Miz Richards stands to make just a wee bit of money once she sells the house and pays the real estate fees.

On a side note, Your Mama received a tip from the Easter Bunny this weekend about Richards' real estate dealings, and the kind rabbit gave us a little history lesson about the Encino home Miz Richards shared with Charlie Sheen. Both the Easter Bunny and Your Mama are quite sure the couple lived at 4875 Louise Avenue in Encino, a house that was once owned by fat actress Kirstie Alley and later the amazing Katy Sagal.

Another interesting tidbit that the Easter Bunny tipped us off about is that Miz Richards purchases her properties through trusts named after one of her five dogs.

Your Mama is worn out from recounting the trials and travails of Miz Richards, so we're going to let the children dicuss the details of this property. But before we sign out, we would like to address the all that shabby chic interior decor. Your Mama does not have any issues with shabby chic in and of itself. In fact Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter actually have a white slip-covered sofa in one of our houses. But we are concerned that Miz Richards' has filled this place up with too much of a good thing, you know?

We are digging that leopard patterned carpeting in the master bedroom. But again we see too much of a good thing as Miz Richards has unfortunately had the same carpeting installed in the family room.

It has been widely reported that Miz Richards is out and about looking for a new house on the Westside of Los Angeles in the $7,000,000 range. Your Mama would like the children to note that all the paparazzi seem to know exactly where she's going to be looking at properties and are present to snap pictures of here coming and going. Who's tipping them off? Is it possible she employs a photographer to document her every move?

And, if we may be so bold, one word of advice to Miz Richards and her handlers: Stop calling the photographers. It's unseemly. Really. We feel your career would best be served by lying low for a short bit and letting everyone forget about the high drama that has been your life the last couple of years.

Sources: The Easter Bunny, Perez Hilton, Celebrity Dog Watcher

From One Producer to Another

SELLER: Laurie McCarthy
BUYER: Blake and Melissa Masters
LOCATION: Hollyridge Drive, Los Angeles, CA
PRICE: 1,595,000 (list)
SIZE: 2,020 square feet, 4 bedrooms, 3.5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Authentic Spanish w/ original integrity & numerous modern upgrades on a double lot. Character details galore. Dramatic 20story LR w/ beamed ceilings, wood floors, FP, Minstrel's gallery & romantic Juliet balcony. Designer kitchen/baths. FDR. Large mater w/ built-ins, sitting area & FP. Large bonus room w/ arched stained glass windows & French doors. Huge romantic entertainer's patio, w/ built-in spat & wisteria trellis framing sweeping views of canyon & Downtown city lights view. Truly charming!

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: In Ruth Ryan's Hot Properties column today she reported the sale of a Beachwood Canyon property that was sold by boob tube producer Laurie McCarthy to another boob tube producer by the name of Blake Masters and his talent agent wife Melissa. Miz McCarthy, who has produced episodes of CSI Miami, Felicity, and Beverly Hills 90210, purchased this property in July of 2003 for $1,050,000.

Since we have lambasted and skewered the last few properties we've discussed, Your Mama wanted to bring the children a property we have positive feelings about so that y'all don't think we are just a bunch of haters. However, before we begin with the good stuff we do want to go on record as saying we don't have much appreciation for a good amount of Miz McCarthy's granny decor. This would include the chintz furniture and country quilt laying across the bed in the master bedroom.

However, Your Mama loves kooky and arty Beachwood Canyon, and this house way up in the hills is a classic Los Angeles Spanish style house that sits on two lots. The first room we would like to bring your attention to is the living room. Gor-gee-us children. The dark brown floors ground the room with it's sky-high wood beamed ceilings. The grand yet cozy room is anchored by a large wood burning fireplace at one end and a wall of windows with canyon views on the opposite wall. Miz McCarthy chose a rug that is too small for the room, but we are really grooving on that funky turquoise sofa. We only wish we could get a better look at it.

In the kitchen, the white farmhouse style cabinets were an excellent choice for keeping things simple and bright. Whoever decided to throw that red rug on the floor is to be commended for their good taste. Not only does it inject a strong sense of color in an otherwise colorless room, it turns a utilitarian kitchen into a warm and resolved room. Your Mama is not sure about those tiles behind the stove, but we'll let that go as a simple enough change.

Miz McCarthy's office, with the high ceilings and restrained stained glass windows looks like a lovely place to spend the afternoon working. Again, the rug is too small for the room, but the bookshelves are a great addition for stacking scripts and strangely, we are even good with the robin's egg blue sofa. Perhaps it's that the color ties itself visually to the stained glass.

As we mentioned, Your Mama is not fond of the county quilt on the bed, but a bedroom this size with a sitting room and fireplace provides sweet retreat from stay-to-long guests. We are thrilled to see the original 1930 spirit of the bathroom has been preserved rather than removed and replaced with something sleek and modern. Don't get Your Mama wrong, we love sleek and modern, but we're partial to 1930s bathroom tile work.

We do wish the property included a nice heated swimming pool, but the in-ground jacuzzi with a nice view will have to suffice. The large brick patio with its lovely views of Downtown Los Angeles would be an excellent place for our bitches Linda and Beverly to soak up the sun and Your Mama always appreciates a large, multi-armed cactus.

Your Mama understands why the Masters' were drawn to this house and, as was reported by Miz Ryan, they paid very near the asking price. We would have as well.

Source: LA Times, Internet Movie Data Base

Avril Lavigne and Deryck Whibley Go All Bel Air

BUYERS: Avril Lavigne and Deryk Wibley
LOCATION: Stratford Circle, Bel Air, CA
PRICE: around $9,500,000
SIZE: 12,184 square feet, 8 bedrooms, 10 full and 2 half bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Over 12,000 square feet, plus garages for 10-plus cars. Large grass yard, solar heated pool, spa, views. Some of the features are; state-of-the-art kitchen, large family room, formal dining room, office, elevator, wine cellar, media room, play room, exercise room, sauna. There are 8 bedrooms, 10 bathrooms plus 2 powder rooms. The fabulous master suite has his and her bathrooms, fireplaces and closets. All the family bedrooms have their own marble bathrooms and walk in closets.

YOUR MAMAS UPDATE: Your Mama was able to confirm through an unimpeachable source that yes indeedy, The Spitter and her huzband have purchased the former home of Travis Barker and Shanna Moakler.

It seems like such an odd purchase to Your Mama. Why would a gurl who has such a terrible relationship with the press go and buy a house with that has had that sort of history and publicity? Surely they must have known all us gossips would be talking about it, right? Or maybe that was the point. Hmm.

YOUR MAMAS UPDATE: Children, you all are correct. The photos above are indeed the house that Travis and Trashy Shanna lived in while filming their alarming reality program. Your Mama was half asleep when we posted that this morning and we'ren't thinking clearly so we appreciate all of your comments and emails on the subject. We are still looking for confirmation that this is in fact the house The Spitter and her huzband purchased.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: This morning we woke up to Ruth Ryon over at the LA Times Hot Properties column reporting that The Spitter and her huzband purchased a new home in Bel Air, even before getting their Beverly Hills Mullholland Estates home into contract. Those are some impressive finances for a young "lady" and her alterna-huzband, right?

So of course, while Your Mama drinks a huge cup of coffee and pries our morning eyes open, we went a-searching for the property. And we are quite sure we've located the correct property. The public property records have not cleared yet, so rather than be able to confirm the purchase with legal documents, we had to match Miz Ryon's description in her column with the listing information for sold properties in gated Bel Air communities.

There are a couple of obvious discrepancies in the listing we found for this house and Miz Ryon's description in the newspaper. The differences include the number of bathrooms and the purchase price. Miz Ryon states the faux punkers paid "around $9,500,000" for their new house, and the expired listing we found for this house shows an asking price of $8,500,000. Your Mama actually found an expired listing for this property and suspect the price was jacked when it was put back on the market. Also, Miz Ryon reports the house has 10.5 bathrooms, and the listing for this property states there are 10 full and 2 half baths, but that's a tiny difference really.

Here's why we think we've got the right house: right location up in guard gated Bel Air Crest, same square footage, right amenities including the 10 car underground garage, right style of house, and the listing agents are the same as are noted in Miz Ryon's column. And based on the house The Spitter and her huzband are selling in Beverly Hills, this looks exactly like what we'd expect the couple would purchase.

Ordinarily Your Mama does not post properties about which we don't have solid confirmations, but since this is Easter, we figured Jeezis was on our side today and decided to go ahead and post our hunch for the children to read. Your Mama will be sure to let all the children know if we're able to dig up an confirmation so that y'all may sleep easier at night knowing exactly where The Spitter and her huzband are bedding themselves down at night.

As for the house? Ack. It's a huge mansion with a lot of upscale and lavish amenities, but ultimately it's just a tract home in a development where the house two doors down has the exact same layout. Not our cup of tea, but for a couple of fake punk rock celebrity newlyweds known for copping a 'tude with the paparrazi, it makes a strange sort of sense.

What Your Mama wants to know is, what in the devil do a couple of youngsters like this need with 10 bedrooms? Ten! Seriously. And already we're feeling badly for the hired help who have to clean all those terlits with moody Avril breathing down their necks.

Maybe in person she's a really nice person who treats everyone with kindness and light, but Your Mama finds her public persona and the way she handles interviews and fans leaves a lot for her handlers to clean up and explain. Just look at this little gem that Perez Hilton posted the other day. Granted the interviewer was asking stoopid questions, but did she really need to be such an unresponsive turd?

Anyhoo, we wish these two all the happiness in the world in their monstrous new Tuscan style abode. But Avril, please don't spit on us when our carts collide at Whole Foods.

Sources: LA Times, Dream Homes Magazine

Word on the Real Estate Street is...

...that Ashley Olsen is shopping for new crib.

Right now the details are slim as Miz Olsen herself, but one of Your Mama's favorite West Coast tipsters tells us the slightly less thin half of the Dualstar juggernaut is out and about looking for a new place to call home.

We were not given any specifics in terms of what she's seen or where she's looking, but it was whispered to Your Mama that she's looking in the relatively modest range of $2-4,000,000 and would like to buy someplace private, secure and cozy.

In April of 2006, the teeny tiny tycoons with a reputation for questionable yet intriguing fashion choices sold the house they shared in Bel Air with the Brentwood zip code. The sale price is undisclosed, but the property was last listed at $4,295,000.

Your Mama would like to go on record to say that we like these wee little bitches. They may not have any serious acting chops, and they're often seen teetering around in those too tall Balenciaga death trap shoe-boot things Your Mama wishes they'd throw in the trash before they topple over and bust up their itty bitty knees, but we all need to give these gurls a break. Poor things have been working since they day they came out of the damn womb, so it's no wonder they just want to hang around and shop. Wouldn't you?

What we do want to know however, is what happened to their higher educations at NYU? We understand Mary-Kate needed to drop out to fix her self-image, but what about Miss Ashley? Is she even still enrolled? Like we said, we really do like these two, so we'd sincerely like to see them get educated so they don't end up like some of these other spoiled and uneducated Hollywood hussies. Yes, babies, you know exactly who we're talking about, don' t you?

We'll keep y'all posted if we hear anymore about Miss Ashley's house hunt and you be sure to let Your Mama know if you hear anything on your end.

DJ AM Spins His Way into Beverly Hills

BUYER: Adam Goldstein, aka DJ AM
LOCATION: Anthony Place, Beverly Hills, CA
PRICE: $3,225,000 (sale price)
SIZE: 2,934 square feet, 4 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Gorgeous architectural with breathtaking city views! This four bedroom, three bath home is beautifully done. It is surrounded by a lovely pool and garden areas. This home is perfect for any lifestyle. Bring your most discriminating buyers, they will not be disappointed.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: If you frequent the LA clubs where celebrities like to hang out or attend pool side industry parties, you'll know DJ AM from his super successful career spinning records. If you read the tabs, you'll remember DJ AM for his engagement to pin thin fame addict Nicole Richie until they broke up amid rumors about her neediness and incredibly shrinking body.

The formerly fat DJ licked his break up wounds with Mandy Moore, who as it turns out was only his rebound gurl. It's been recently reported that the 34 year old spinner was seen kissing on 20 year old model Jessica Stam, who was once linked to lady killer turned family man Anthony Kiedis. It had earlier been reported The DJ was dating 20 year old Kristin Cavalleri, another reality show fame addict Your Mama would be thrilled to see fade into married life behind the Orange Curtain.

Seems the DJ gets around with the much younger fame hungry young gurl set. In fact some naughty gossip mongers have even reported that the DJ asked his friends to set him up with famous and quasi- famous tartlets in order to extend his Warholian 15 minutes. Not sure if we believe that, but Hollywood is a crazy place where relationships are often built on a mutually symbiotic-slash-parasitic foundations for creating buzz and publicity.

Anyhoo, whatever very young fame hungry gurl The DJ is currently dating is being brought back to his new house high in the Hills of Beverly and Benedict Canyon. We found the property records a wee bit confusing on this one, so bear with Your Mama while we sort them out for you.

It appears the property was first transferred to a Fred Spektor in April of 2005 for the sale price of $1,895,000 and was purchased from Brian Mann, the quarterback for the LA Rams. (The asking price had been $1,995,000 according to the listing information.) In case the children don't recognize the name Fred Spektor, let Your Mama educate you. The man is a big time agent to celebrities at the Creative Artists Agency in Los Angeles.

We had originally thought and posted there was something fishy about the purchase from Spektor. But a friendly tipster was able to set us straight. Property records indicate the house was purchased by DJ AM in May of 2006 at an undisclosed price, but according to our little tipster, who claims his information is from deep inside the mls, the house was on the market at $3,295,000 and was on the market just 39 days. Further investigation at a later date reveals the purchase price was $3,225,000.

The well located house is a straight shot down Benedict Canyon which drops you right into the heart of Beverly Hills, and it's just another quick run East on Sunset to all the hot spots. Obviously a good thing for a late night denizen like The DJ.

We could do without those tacky Corinthian columns at the front door, but otherwise Your Mama likes what we see inthe meager number of photos that were made available to us looky-loos. The large living room and dining room combination appears to offer plenty of room for hosting parties with loads of scantily clad wannabes and the pool looks like a nice place to swim off a hangover.

We are also very appreciative of the nice long view of Beverly Hills and the privacy this property affords The DJ which will ensure no paparazzi will be snapping photos of him rubbing tanning oil on a too young to drink legally tartlet in the backyard.

Sources: Hilton & Hyland, Contact Music, Frillr

Russell and Kimora Lee's Love Nest

SELLERS: Russell and Kimora Lee Simmons
LOCATION: Saddle River, NJ
PRICE: 19,888,000 (reduced from $23,888,000)
SIZE: 35,000 square feet, 10 bedrooms, 8 full and 3 half bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: This majestic palatial gated Estate is set on four lush landscaped park-like acres is the epitome of grand style living! The European Limestone Manor home features ten bedrooms, eight full and three half baths, approximately 35,000 square feet of timeless beauty, indoor and outdoor swimming pools with waterfalls, caves, Jacuzzi, cabana with bar, his and hers bathrooms, fabulous movie theater with ticket taker, popcorn machine, professional gymnasium, large wine cellar with sit down tasting area, separate catering kitchen, sophisticated security system with cameras and so much more!

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Children, we are pleased to announce that Russell and Kimora Lee Simmons are selling their uber-palatial monster mansion in Saddle Lakes, New Jersey. Sachel Souschef, one of Your Mama's readers, kindly tipped us off to this listing, so we would like for all the children to give her a round of applause.

We were going to write a long essay about the high-drama life of these two, their impending dee-vorce, how much we respect Russell and are repelled by Kimora, but we decided these two have been through the gossip mill and seriously, these pictures speak for themselves.

This over-the-top vulgar display of wealth is the prototypical Great Gatsby American Dream. Children there is not a speck of modesty in this home. How do we feel about that and what does that say about our culture?

When we have a bit more time we may come back and peck and feed on the naked and raw ostentation of the house, but for now, we are flabbergasted and speechless.

Source: Sotheby's

Danny Teeson Flips Out in Nichols Canyon

SELLER: Danny Teeson
LOCATION: Chandelle Road, Los Angeles, CA
PRICE: $1,495,000
SIZE: 2,146 square feet, 3 bedrooms, 2.25 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Elegantly remodeled home combining the galmor of Hollywood Regency and the sophisticated comfort of contemporary. Dark, glossy walnut floors greet you at the double door and lead thoughout. The family room opens to a private patio idea for entertaining. The master bedroom opens to a grassy sanctuary. Rich Cararra counter tops and stainless appliances. Located in a quiet, beautiful neighborhood in the hills.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Oh dear. It looks like someone has been staying up late at night studying Kelly Wearstler's books and is trying to ride her design coat tails all the way to the bank. Unfortunately this queen has not got it quite right.

The reason Wearstler's designs work, like them or not, is because she injects them with very strong sense of humor and, of course, the inside-out self referential quality she brings to the Hollywood Regency style.

Whereas this poor house has been given all the right clothes to wear but none of the personality and rigour to pull it off. You know children, if y'all take one lesson from Your Mama it should be this: There is a difference between fashion and style. You can buy all the right clothes, but if you don't know how to wear them you just look like a hot mess.

Sorry Mister Teeson, but Your Mama thinks this house is long on fashion and short on style; A little house stuffed with a lot of glitz and glamour and little substance. You can't just put an average beer swilling sorority gurl in a Lacroix frock and expect her to look good. You've got to teach her who Lacroix is and instruct her on how to wear the damn thing. You know?

Anyhoo, this house is being flipped by Danny Teeson, who one or two of you might know from Queer Eye for the Straight Girl, the Bravo's dismal attempt at extending the shelf life of their Queer Eye franchise. Apparently the hairless headed Teeson is the lifestyle guru for all the straight gurls out there who need some help with their food and wine choices as well as whatever "may be lacking (in their lifestyle)." Oh lawhd babies, please tell Your Mama he did not really say that in this interview.

Teeson bought this house in June of 2006 for $1,255,000, gave it an quick update in the kitchen and baths, and half-way decorated the place with meant-to-be decadent furniture. According to listing information, the house has an accepted offer, so Your Mama may be in the margins about how we feel about the staged decor of this house...although keep in mind the buyer is not buying all that silly furniture.

Your Mama is so bewildered and upset by this property that we're going to leave it to the children to discuss and dissect the gory details of the decor. However, we would like to congratulate Mister Teeson on what appears to be a successful flip, and we will keep our eyes peeled and ears open for his next real estate venture.

And before we head out, Your Mama would like to tell all the children that Teeson's modest flip-house, located in a modest neighborhood at the very top of Nichols Canyon, has some not so modest neighbors. This little baby is just 50 yards as the crow flies from Justin Timberlake's palatial digs. Your Mama recently heard a rumor that Timberlake is quietly shopping his 12,545 square foot Mediterranean manse around at a staggering $20,000,000+ price. Chew on that one for a bit.

Sources: Bravo

John Stockwell Flying out of Hancock Park

SELLER: John Stockwell
LOCATION: South Rossmore Avenue, Los Angeles, CA
PRICE: $3,750,000
SIZE: 5,043 square feet, 6 bedrooms, 4 full and 2 half bathrooms (main house)
DESCRIPTION: Step out of the city into a private, romantic hideaway! Breathtaking at every turn from the lush plantings to the 3rd floor retreat! You'd never know you were on Rossmore. Classic character with fab upgrades, 6 bedroms / 4.5 new baths PLUS 3rd floor w/ powder bath and 1 bed guest hse off spectacular pool. Open professional kitchen, dining and huge media rooms overlook yard & patio w/ outdoor fireplace + BBQ area. Large library and beautiful living room. Over 5500 sq. ft. Celebrity owned. A must see!

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Unfortunately children Your Mama did not know who John Stockwell is and a read through his screen credits did not help. Clearly he's a man who has spent a lot of time working in Hollywood and made enough money to maintain a house like this, but even the photographs leave our mind blank.

Fortunately there's Google and a wee bit more research clarified things for us. This Harvard educated actor got his start on the Guiding Light soap and quickly moved to supporting film roles including as Cougar in Top Gun. Your Mama confesses we never saw that movie. We are not, nor have ever been, fond of watching Mister Scientologist Tom Cruise and his crazy chompers on the big screen, but we understand that many of you will recognize Stockwell from this movie. He went on to play mostly supporting roles in a large number of films and TV movies until his career began to peter out a bit in the late 1990s.

He all but left acting in the 1990s and fronted a band Your Mama never heard of and began to focus on writing and directing which is mostly what the Emmy nominated dude is doing now having recently di-rected a couple episodes of the lezbeeun drama-fest The L Word.

Now that we've all had a minor education on a minor celebrity, let's discuss his Hancock Park area home. Purchased in 1995 for a shocking price of $550,000, Stockwell and wifey Helene must be jumping for joy at their real estate good fortune. Certainly they've put some money into this house, but even after all the improvements they are going to walk with millions from the sale of this property. And bully for them.

The stately shingled craftsman has extensive gardens that Your Mama is concerned might require full time attention. Which means one half of a couple must stay home to clip and prune their life away or a gardener is going to be on the property several times a week running up the landscaping bills into the thousands each month.

Although a lot of care and attention was lavished on the beautiful gardens that drip with wisteria and lilac, not so much care was given to decorating the inside. The house appears to have some desirable features such and original wood floors, a dignified front hall and staircase, and French doors opening to vine wrapped balconies and brick terraces. All very lovely. But we are concerned with some of the Stockwell's furniture choices and the homes strangely unfinished quality when it comes to the decor. Your Mama feels there is not a lot of life in this house. Do the children feel that too?

The dining room is probably the most upsetting and difficult room. It would appear the room is a decent size, but otherwise it's a total loss. The Home Depot chandelier sits way to close to the ceiling, but Your Mama can understand the choice do do this...we would not want to sit at that poorly dressed table and look at the hideous thing either. We appreciate the attempt at eclecticism with the mismatched chairs and bench seating, but unfortunately this attempt is a dismal failure.

With it's red walls the library almost works. Again we see an effort to play down any formality by pairing the bamboo chair with the traditional desk, but again, it's just not working. This does not look like a friendly room to work or whittle away the afternoon looking at internet porn. And although we feel positively about much of the living room furniture, let's not even discuss those awful curtains.

It's on the outside that this house really comes into itself. While we prefer a less English cottage garden, Your Mama does find this backyard to be a pleasant experience. And of course, the small terrace with the outdoor fireplace is an excellent feature.

The guesthouse beside the pool is also a great bonus, but we are concerned this guesthouse is a converted garage. So while it's nice to have someplace to stash less favored guests, it's not so nice to sacrifice covered parking for the automobiles. Particularly in Los Angeles where one's car must be shiny and dust free at all times.

Overall Your Mama thinks the Stockwells have themselves a home that should sell easily. Someone will fall in love with the gorgeous park-like gardens, buy the place and have their nice gay decorator come in and install a whole romantic, shabby chic sort of interior with slip covered furniture, diaphanous curtains, oodles of candles, and potpourri in ornate silver bowls with a little patina on them. We're not saying that's what we'd do, but that's what we would bet the next owner will do. Can't you just see it?

More MAD TV Real Estate Madness

BUYER: Nicole Sullivan
LOCATION: Passmore Drive, Los Angeles, CA
PRICE: $1,810,000
SIZE: 2,494 square feet, 4 bedrooms, 3.5 bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Because we want all the children to know we are not looking to steal any one's thunder, Your Mama would like y'all to know we first came across the information about Nicole Sullivan's purchase of this house on the Big Time Listings blog where as always, Mister Big Time knocked us over with all the scoopage. But Your Mama decided to appropriate this property for our little blog because we earlier had discussed another MAD TV alumni, Daniele Gaither and her house of faux finish crimes. Your Mama thought we'd be remiss if we didn't include this property as well, so here we go. But first, Mister Big Time thoughtfully included a good number of photos (and links) of the house in Laurel Canyon Miz Sullivan is selling and y'all should hop over there to see that house too.

Located on easy-access Passmore Drive just off Cahuenga Boulevard on the Valley side of the Hollywood Hills, Your Mama thinks Miz Sullivan may have bought herself quite a bargain when she purchased this house for the surprisingly low price of $1,810,000. Sprawling across five lots, the very private property includes a reasonably sized house, a secluded 1 bedroom guesthouse with a tremendous view, and a studio above the 2-car garage with fireplace and bathroom. All this extra square footage will come in handy for housing in-laws and nannies once Miz Sullivan pushes out the baby that is currently living in her belly.

We're not usually over fond of the Tudor style but Your Mama still has a mostly positive attitude about this house. What we don't like--the too traw-dish-a-nawl decor and the dated kitchen with that disturbing red rooster on the window sill in the breakfast room--is easily fixed with a little money, a good contractor, and a nice gay decorator to dress the place up in a style that is stylish, comfortable, child friendly, and befitting of a mid-level television star.

For all of you that, like Your Mama, are concerned about the drama of navigating all those stairs at the front of the house, please be assured there is another gated driveway that sweeps up to the level of the ground floor making hauling groceries and toddlers much less stressful and exhausting.

Your Mama particularly appreciates the backyard pool area and can imagine wasting many evenings skinny dipping in the moonlight while the lights of the Valley glisten in the distance.

And seriously, what could be better than having your extremely funny and sassy d-list neighbor Kathy Griffin and her pulled and nipped face over for a back yard barbecue or to babysit the kiddies?

Source: Big Time Listings

Jane Wyatt Up In Bel Air

SELLER: Estate of Jane Wyatt
LOCATION: 651 Siena Way, Bel Air, CA
PRICE: $5,995,000
SIZE: 4,847 square feet, 7 bedrooms, 8 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Located in prime "Old Bel-Air", this elegant PAUL WILLIAMS trad. perched on a private 29,180 s.f. promontory, formerly owned by 3 time Emmy award winning actress. 1st time on mkt in 45 yrs. 6 bed, 8 ba, 3 fpls, huge LR w/view of classic maze garden, fml DR w/huge windows framing magnificent, rare & manicured gardens. Wood/wainscoting media room w/bar. 4 car garage w/ mtr ct. Fab GH w/private deck & grdns. Views from yard & most rooms. Original blueprints incl!

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: This property has been owned for the last 45 years by three time Emmy winning ack-tress Jane Wyatt who is best known as the quintessential television mommy from her role on the 1950s television Father Knows Best. Wyatt went on to star in and appear on dozens of programs including Star Trek, The Love Boat, and a recurring role on hospital drama St. Elsewhere in the 1980s.

According to an obituary on CNN, Wyatt died last October at the age of 96. And hunnies, she died up in this very house. And the estate has now put the house up for sale. Children, this property, located up in a very, very uppity part of Bel Air, may be the deal of the month in that uber-exclusive neck of the woods that is nestled into a crook of the Bel Air Country Club.

The new owner of this house will be surrounded by tremendous mansions and have neighbors such as producer Michael Rotenberg and gambling widow and film producer Verna Harrah.

The Paul Williams designed house eagerly awaits a new owner to shine and polish this old school beauty, and Your Mama suspects this house will be quickly purchased by an investor who will give the house the renovation once-over, have it staged with funky Hollywood Regency style furniture a la Kelly Wearstler or Jonathan Adler and sell this baby on at a substantial profit.

Your Mama does not like to speak ill of the dead, so we're going to pass over some of the less than savory elements of the home like the lack of pool and dated interior and instead concentrate on some of the finer features of the property.

Your Mama thinks that staircase is the front hall is worth noting. The sweeping curve of the stair is a great juxtaposition to the stiff and formal lines of the facade. The rooms are nicely scaled and the multiple fireplaces add to the grandeur and elegance.

We appreciate the "media" room (photo with the orange sofa), which includes a delicious wet bar that seats four or five boozers who, like Your Mama, would rather knock back high balls than screen the next Hollywood bomb.

The gardens, which the listing state as rare and manicured, look to Your Mama like they could benefit from a team of landscapers clipping and pruning the place into shape. We're not really sure what a maze garden is, but it sounds confusing and Your Mama does not like the idea of being challenged by backyard shrubbery.

Your Mama would like to extend our condolences to the Wyatt clan and hope their mama's house is purchased by someone who will preserve it rather than knock it down.

Sources: CNN, Internet Movie Data Base

Shelter Island's $33,000,000 Fixer Upper

SELLER: Chris Knight
LOCATION: Shorewood Road and Apple Orchard Lane, Shelter Island, New York
PRICE: $33,000,000
SIZE: 8 acres, 8,500 square feet, 13 bedrooms, 5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: (reduced from the listing agent's website) Possibly the most sought after piece of property in the Hamptons area is located on the bluffs of Ward's Point and commands unmatched 270 degree panoramic views...The estate is situation on 8 pristine acres with more than 1,000 feet of shoreline. On the bluff sits a Victorian Manor house built in 1873. The lawn trails off to a waterside honeymoon cottage. The property also has a turn of the century water tower.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Your Mama is on the move and since we're out on the East End of Long Island today we thought we'd bring the children some crazy East End real estate pornography. Technically this house is an aging and fading porn star with a storied past and sagging boobs, but it's nothing some good cosmetic surgery and a skin peel can't fix.

This property, known as Shorewood Manor, was recently snapped up in a private sale by a Shelter Island local by the name of Chris Knight, who clearly knew a good thing when it kicked him in the teeth. The estate was sold by former New York governor Hugh Carey, who purchased the shabby but genteel property in 1997 for $5,000,000. After Carey purchased the old lady, he talked a big talk around the island about all the grandiose plans he had for the estate. But Your Mama is here to tell you that the man didn't touch a stick or nail on that property. He did have a caretaker who kept the lawns mowed and house from falling down, but otherwise it sat lonely, forlorn, and unfortunately, neglected.

How do we know this? Because Your Mama has been to this property. Many times. More on that later.

Last year there were rumblings Carey was interested in selling off some of his Shelter Island holdings including this large parcel on the Southern tip of the island. According to Forbes, and the eventual buyer Chris Knight, Carey never intended for the property to hit the open market. So it was squietly shopped around to high end brokers in on the East End. There were no takers until local boy Chris swooped in and paid an astounding $10,000,000 for the bedraggled and nearly dilapidated property, which by the way, is for all intents and purposes, uninhabitable.

How do we know? Because Your Mama has been inside this house and we have seen the kitchen and bathrooms. You wouldn't open a can of tuna in that kitchen and you certainly wouldn't strip down to take a shower.

After closing on the property, nervy Chris Knight turned around, and just two short weeks later put the property back on the market for $33,000,000. Honestly Your Mama is not sure if this is greed, real estate savvy, or a large dose of both that we're looking at here. Either way, we suspect Mister Knight will be sitting on a huge of wad cash when he gets this white elephant sold. It may take awhile before some enormously rich person is willing to cough up more than $30,000,000 for a house that needs several millions in renovations and grounds that will require one or two more.

Now let Your Mama speak a few words about our own experiences on this property. Back in the mid and late 1990s Your Mama and a few pals, whom we'll call Mommy and The Chicken, used to ride our bicycles around Shelter Island. Of course this is back when Your Mama could pump one of those two wheeled death machines. Anyhoo, one sunny summer day we came across this clearly abandoned property.

So trespassing we went. No babies, we are NOT encouraging anybody to trespass. Ever. But we were young, dumb, and very curious. The first time we crossed onto the property we we tramped around what was once a large terraced garden at the eastern end of the property. In the large photo above that is the large rectangular area on the right hand side of the photo. These gardens must have once been beautiful, but not, they are just terraced areas of lawn with a few rank and uncared for ponds.

The second time we broke the law and walked on to this property we made our way to the waterside honeymoon cottage with it's sweet little deck that hangs over the lapping waters of the Peconic Bay. The cottage was filled with junk, rotting patio furniture and gardening tools.

The next time we came to the property we were bold enough to walk up the bluff and right onto the porch of the house. We peeked in windows and saw the place was completely empty. So around the back of the house we went and what did The Chicken find? That's right, an unlocked door.

So like the budding criminals we were, we walked right into the house and began to wander around. Through the kitchen, which was commodious, but ridiculously outdated. Through the dining room and into the front hall with it's staircase to the second floor. There are two parlors at the front of this house, each with a fireplace. The larger of the two and the Southern most room of the house was long and narrow with evenly spaced floor to ceiling windows. In between the windows were mirrors. Yes, children, mirrors. Very Glammy.

On the second floor, a half dozen or so bedrooms are clustered around the front stair hall, and towards the back, a long series of small rooms are laid out much like a sleeping car on a cross-country train. The sun began to set, and because we didn't have flashlights, we decided to leave the house. We sat out on the bluff and watched the sun dip down over the water and children it was spectacular. This is truly one of the finer locations on Shelter Island where you can sit and watch the sun both rise and set over the water.

The next time we "visited" the property things got a little dicey. As we roamed the upper floors we found a ladder like staircase that led up into the lookout tower, a small open air landing with 360 degree views. A truly extraordinary spot. So Mommy and I sat down and proceeded to partake in an illegal substance (yes, children, Your Mama has been there and done that) while The Chicken continued to roam around the house.

Next thing we know, we heard voices. Unfamiliar voices. Mommy and I peeked over the roof and saw a couple of people we did not know walking towards the house. Our hearts started to race and we were convinced in our substance induced paranoia that we were about to be hauled off to jail.

The strangers actually came into the house and we heard them wandering around, opening and closing doors. The Chicken, in her infinite wisdom and trespassing experience, hid in a small, dark closet while Mommy and I sat on the door in the floor of the lookout tower in the hopes the other trespassers would not try to come up into the tower.

Finally they left and we quietly and quickly removed ourselves from the property. Your Mama wishes we could say that was the last time we visited the property, but it was not. Over the years Your Mama has trespassed on that property more times than we can count.

And we are here to tell you the property, the house, the cottage, the water tower, all of it, is truly magnificent and has a very special aura about it. We know that sounds hokey, but it's true. We sincerely hope someone will buy this property and maintain and preserve its simple elegance and not tear it down to build another Mcmansion. This house is surely one of the last of it's kind anywhere on the East End and it would be a shame to see it go the way of the bulldozer.

Sources: Forbes, Prudential Douglas Elliman

Libet Johnson's West Village Flip Out

SELLER: Elizabeth "Libet" Johnson
LOCATION: West 12th Street, New York City
PRICE: $14,995,000
SIZE: 6,824 square feet, 6-8 bedrooms, 8.5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: (reduced from listing agent's website)

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Most of you children will recall that Libet Johnson is both the filthy rich Band-Aid heiress to the Johnson & Johnson fortune and the lady-friend of hairdresser to the stars Frederic Fekkai. A few weeks ago Max Abelson at the NY Observer reported that Libet recently sold off the last of her never lived in collection of apartments at Trump International at 1 Central Park West which all together totalled nearly 20,000 square feet. Abelson also reported that Libet and Freddy put that collection of uptown apartments on the market because they didn't want to live in such a large a palatial apartment and wanted to scale down to something less grand and more modest.

So the five-time dee-vorced heiress, who in 2006 was very publicly accused of stealing her niece Casey's boyfriend, bought this townhouse from Meryl Streep. The flawless and subtle ack-tress sold the house to Libet for $9,100,000 after she and her artist husband purchased a penthouse at the newly built River Lofts in Tribeca. This was reported by all the celebrity real estate gossips including Mr. Big Time and the folks at Curbed.

But no one posted photos and floor plans and Your Mama thought all the children might be interested in seeing how a New York lady with money to burn actually lives.

It is unclear whether the nearly 60 year old heiress with four grown children ever moved into or lived in this townhouse or if she's renovating and flipping for a substantial profit like all the other rich and real estate obsessed. Libet did have a significant amount of work done after she purchased the property in October or 2005, but still can expect to walk away with millions for her efforts.

The the press shy heiress is currently involved in an acrimonious and public custody battle over the Cambodian child she adoped with then husband, celeb weight loss guru Dr. Lionel Bissoon, which would explain the Asian religious icon in the living room.

Your Mama would like the children to have a look at the third floor master suite. We think that is the proper way to do a bedroom. Instead of some crazy huge bathroom swathed in acres of pink marble, we see two well appointed, but discretely sized bathrooms each with it's own dressing area. In the case of the front bath, we have a huge dressing room fit for a lady who rarely wears the same outfit twice in public.

While some have big issues with lots of white paint on the walls as we see in Libet's townhouse, Your Mama likes a blank canvas like that. If any of the children were to have the opportunity to visit any of Your Mama's homes, you would see that nearly all of our walls are white. We like to use the white to bounce light and balance the bright colors we have in our artworks and furniture.

One other thing we would like to note is the proper way guests are treated here. Two guest rooms sprawl across the top floor each with its own dressing area and bathroom. Of course they might have heart attacks climbing all the stairs to these rooms, but once they get there they are ensconsed in the lap of luxury.

Who knows where Libet is going next. Anyone knows, be sure to call Your Mama and let us know.

Source: Big Time Listings, Curbed, NY Observer

Richard Tyler Selling West Village House

SELLER: Richard Tyler and Lisa Trafficante
LOCATION: Greenwich Street, New York
PRICE: $15,900,000
SIZE: 9,200 square feet
DESCRIPTION: (reduced from listing agent's website) Behind this mysterious early 19th century Romanesque brick facade awaits an extraordinary residence. There are massive scale entertaining rooms with 20 foot ceilings and a magical atrium with serene reflecting pool. Unique space with a roof that opens to the sky above and is wonderful in all seasons. Beautiful, bright, and utterly private residence.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: For the last week or two, Your Mama has been camped out over on the West coast discussing homes in Beverly Hills and Bel Air, so we thought we'd head back to the East coast and talk about one of New York's most interesting homes that has recently come up for sale. Located in the far West Village, this townhouse-like property currently belongs to famed stitch bitch and notorious nice guy Richard Tyler and his bizness partner/wife Lisa Trafficante.

Originally a designer of men's clothing, Tyler fabricated his designs with an extreme attention to detail that was more Saville Row than rock and roll. It's even been said his clothes are so perfectly crafted they can be worn inside out.

Tyler spent the early part of his career as a penniless and virtually homeless darling of the Los Angeles nightlife celebrity glitterati and it wasn't until he met Lisa Trafficante at a dinner party in Los Angeles that his career began to hit it's stride and provide him with a proper income. In the late 1980s Tyler opened and eponymous boutique on Beverly Boulevard that became such a magnet for celebrities that they often hung around the shop after they staggered out of clubs in the middle of the night. The success of the store was rapid and money began to pour in and pile up.

Tyler's flame burned brightest in the late 1980s and 1990s when he was deluged by requests to dress celebrities, society princesses and rock bands. Impressively he was awarded three consecutive CFDA awards in 1993, -4 and -5. More recently he decked out lady celebs like Marcia Cross, Catherine Zeta Jones, Heather Locklear and Sarah Jessica Parker for their struts and preens down the red carpet.

Tyler and Trafficante have always been based in Los Angeles, but since the mid 1990s have maintained a New York residence. Before buying this house on Washington Street, the couple owned the Stuyvesant Fish-Benjamin Sonnenberg house in Grammercy Park. Against the better judgement of their business manager, they purchased the 37 room white elephant in 1995 for $3,500,000. After five years and an extensive renovation, they sold the place in 2000 for a reported $16,500,000.

According to property records these fashionistas purchased the Washington Street house in December of 2000 for $5,795,000. No doubt they've put a few million into the place, but even still, the couple will walk away from the sale of the house with millions in their well-tailored pockets.

Many years ago, before Your Mama had wrinkles and a fat ass, we remember walking by this shabby and decaying facade and being told by one of New York's most celebrated and sassy magazine editors that the interior was "all James Bond with a retractable roof." Even though this queen claimed he had been in the house, we still didn't believe him. This was actually before Tyler and Trafficante owned the place, but the house's exterior still looks pleasantly dishevelled and nearly abandoned.

The ground floor of this building sweeps front to back in one large open space. At first Your Mama was a little pissed off and peeved by the utter pretentiousness of that large room with all those silly round balls on the floor. Then we realized we are just a little jealous. Your Mama is lucky enough to have some nice square footage in Manhattan, but unfortunately we don't have the sort of space to create kooky indoor landscapes like this.

With many thousands of square feet of Appalachian granite floors, this house surely kept an entire town of hard working West Virginia hill-billies fed and clothed for half a year. And of course, all that granite has a radiant heating system so there is no need to worry about getting cold feet in the dead of winter when you're navigating all that square footage looking for a midnight snack.

Children, please note the reflecting pool in the atrium. No babies, that is not a swimming pool, unless you're a Chihuahua or Tyler's Yorkie Poo Violet. At any rate, this feat of engineering sits on the third floor of this building below a glass roof that automatically retracts at the the touch of a button. Just imagine what that cost to install and maintain.

The listing agent at Prudential Douglas Elliman wrote a long, long description of the property, but oddly did not include a list of the number of bedrooms and bathrooms. We glean from her description the house has at least 3 bedrooms and anywhere from 2 full and 2 half bath, to 4 full bathrooms. You know not having these specifics irritates Your Mama to no end, so if any of our readers who are New York City real estate professionals would like to fill this gap, be sure to get in touch. We promise to keep your name out of it.

In the last couple of years Tyler as scaled back his fashion empire, laid off most of his employees, and closed his boutique in Los Angeles. He continues to run his couture and bridal business out of his Pasadena atelier. We suspect now that Mr. Tyler is pushing geriatrics, the fashion legend might want to slow down a bit and enjoy his family and money.

Sources: LA Times, Dexigner.com, Prudential Douglas Elliman

UPDATE: Cox/Arquette's Old Place in the Boo

SELLER: David Arquette and Courtney Cox
LOCATION: Carbon Beach, Malibu, CA
PRICE: $33,500,000
SIZE: 4,486 square feet, 4 bedrooms, 5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Once in a lifetime opportunity to acquire a world class architectural estate, The Segal Residence by John Lautner. 80 feet of frontage on Carbon Beach. Call listing agent for details. Pre-qualified clients only.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Hi babies. Your Mama just wanted to bring the children a few more photos of the Lautner designed house in Malee-boo that Courtney Cox and David Arquette have on the market for a whopping $33,500,000.

Your Mama discussed this house back when it hit the market and just in case you missed it, you can read it here.

These photos show the house as it is currently decorated, so that is the very sofa on which little Coco spits up, and we also see the very dinner table where Jennifer Aniston cries and pretends to eat when she comes over.

No word on whether anyone is interested at this price, but Your Mama is guessing we're going to see a big price adjustment soon.

UPDATE: Is Spears Price Chopping Again?

SELLER: Britney Spears
LOCATION: 12094 Summit Circle, Beverly Hills, CA
PRICE: $7,200,000 (reduced from $7,495,000)
SIZE: 9,130 square feet, 6 bedrooms, 6.5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: This exquisite Tuscan Villa in a prestigious gated community is situated behind gates on a quiet cul de sac with 24hr security. Designer perfect, this 6+6.5 7,453 sf (approx) enchanting estate accented by stunning landscaping, boasts a grand entry foyer, high ceilings, gourmet chef's kit, family rm, media rm, mds qtrs, stone & wd flrs, French drs lead out to park-like grounds and a sparkling pl. Romantic mastr ste w/fpl & balcony overlooking the pl complete this gorgeous home! Sold w/ furniture.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Lawhd, this gurl has Your Mama's head spinning and we are considering putting a self-imposed ban on writing about her real estate tornado.

Just this weekend we reported that Brit Brit has lowered the price of her Malee-boo mansion and taken her Bev Hills crash pad off the market. And we are sticking with the Malee-boo price chop.

But Your Mama does not mind telling all the children we are thoroughly confused about the house up in The Summit. While the listing is no longer showing in the mls or on the Coldwell Banker listing agent's website, we did indeed locate the listing on another website...with price that is slashed price from $7,495,000 to $7,200,000.

So is the place on the market or not? Your guess is as good as Your Mama's at this point. And we're not sure we really care anymore. Like we said this weekend, we just wish the princess of Promises would buy one house and stay put for long enough to catch our breath and work the cramps out of our fingers.

Jerry Weintraub's Mammoth Malee-boo Spread

SELLER: Jerry Weintraub
LOCATION: Pacific Coast Highway, Malibu, CA
PRICE: $75,000,000
SIZE: 6.63 acres, 11,810 square feet, 7 bedrooms, 11 bathrooms (in the main house)
DESCRIPTION: This magnificent and rare gated beach front compound sits on nearly 7 incredible acres of lush landscaping. Located on its own private bluff with unsurpassed panoramic views of the ocean. Private road leads to beach. Features 2 separate barns / stables, large riding ring, 3 guest houses, gym, swimmers pool, lighted N/S tennis court and grounds that will leave you breathless. A truly magical paradise. A very rare offering, available for the first time to the public in over 20 years.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Hunnies, you are looking at one of the most expensive properties available for purchase in all of California, and it belongs to maverick producer and legendary Hollywood honcho Jerry Weintraub. Children, this man has a resume as long as my living room and has been involved in some big-ass money makers in Hollywood including Ocean's Eleven, Twelve, and Thirteen, The Avengers, Karate Kid I, Karate Kid II, and the phenomenal and classic Robert Altman film Nashville back in 1975.

Early in his career he also managed music icons such as Karen Carpenter, Frank Sinatra, Elvis Presley, Neil Diamond, Bob Dylan to name just a few.

So you know this man is rich. Filthy rich. But even more impressive than his fat bank account is his real estate savvy and foresight. Mister Weintraub purchased his ocean front Malee-boo ranchette in two pieces, the first in June of 1978 when he paid $950,000 for the larger 4+ acre parcel that includes the big blue house. According to property records we located, the second parcel, totalling just over 2.25 acres, was purchased in June of 1980 for $450,500 and includes the three guest units and the swimming pool complex. So altogether Mister Weintraub paid just $1,300,500 for this humongous ocean front estate which means he stands to make more money on the sale of this property than the GDP of some small African nations.

Located just south of Paradise Cove, the tremendous estate is surrounded by other gargantuan properties including Dick Clark's hexagonal beach house that sits right on the sand a few doors down and the impressive property of the O'Malley family who made a shocking amount of money when they sold the Los Angeles Dodgers to Rupert Murdoch's News Corp. in 1998.

Your Mama would like to start with the obvious in regards to this property. While it's not entirely unheard of, seven acres of ocean front property is rare and will certainly grab the attention of any ocean loving tycoon with money to burn on a second, third, or fourth residence. Given the large number of bedrooms, bathrooms and guest units, Your Mama also thinks this property might be perfect for a stupendously rich polygamous family, or as a retreat for some sort of kooky religious cult looking for a place to "teach" and "train" its moneyed followers.

While we haven't seen any photographs of the interior of this house, we are not impressed with the exterior. Obviously the value of this property is in the land, but we would hope a $75,000,000 property would feature a more impressive and appealing house. All due respect to the Weintraub clan, but from looking at the pictures, Your Mama thinks the front of the house resembles an apartment complex in suburban Barstow, Bakersfield or some other B-hole of town rather than the home of someone enormously wealthy. Also, we love the color blue, and we recognize the attempt to marry the house to the seaside location with the pale blue color, we're not finding the blue on this house an acceptable execution of the idea. Unfortunately the blue ust enhances the apartment complex vibe of the house.

The property features every possible recreational option including a couple of stables and a riding ring, something few ocean front properties in Malee-boo have space to accommodate. Although Your Mama has zee-ro desire to mount a horse and take a romantic gallop down the beach, we understand there are plenty of rich folks who enjoy buying ponies and thoroughbreds for their tweener-aged gurls. Children, isn't it just a wee bit disturbing that more oftne than not it's the tweener gurl's daddy who buys her the horse? Draw your own conclusions there, but personally, we think it's an ugly and revealing topic that most parents won't want to touch with a ten foot pole. No pun intended, hunnies.

While there are seven bedrooms in the main house, we are very appreciative of the three guest units on the property. Maintaining a property like this requires any number of caretakers, house maids, stable boys, horse groomers, pool boys, and chefs. Having the extra space to house them is a huge bonus. And if you're going to have live-in staff, it's really better they don't live up in the main house where they are privvy to your intimate, late-night life.

Your Mama is deeply concerned about the multiple acres of rolling lawns and the amount of water required to keep it green in a state that is perpetually short on water. Not to mention the amount of time that is surely required just to mow all that lawn. Obviously any owner of this property will have a legion of landscapers to babysit the lawn, but Your Mama would prefer not to have a dozen gardeners crawling all over the property 7 days a week just to keep the damn lawn mowed down. One of the first items on our list of changes to this property would be to re-install some indigenous and more drought tolerant landscaping.

The view from the back of the house is spectacular and Your Mama can imagine spending many an afternoon smoking a fat blunt sitting out on that bluff-side bench and watching the sun lower until it kisses the glistening waters of the Pacific.

We love sitting on the beach pushing our porcine toes into the soft sad, but Your Mama would sooner sit by the pool in a vat of chlorine than spend half the day hiking up and down the massive bluff out the back of this house. Fortunately, and thoughfully, Mister Weintraub has installed a road that winds down the bluff which is easily navigated in a suped-up golf cart or small convertible automobile.

The property is being represented by The Westside Estate Agency and we certainly defer to their expertise in pricing a property. None the less, as spectacular and impressive a piece of land as this is, Your Mama worries this property may be over-priced. See babies, Your Mama thinks the house needs to be knocked down to make way for something more interesting and befitting of the awesome location. So add another $10-15,000,000 for building a new house, another few million for landscaping and propert security, and you're looking at a jaw-dropping investment of nearly $100,000,000. The number of $100,000,000 properties on the market may be proliferating at a rapid and shocking rate, but let's be honest, very, very few properties sell for more than $50,000,000.

The good thing is, Mister Weintraub probably does not need to sell this house for the money so he can afford to sit on the place until someone makes an agreeable offer.

Mister and Missus Weintraub also maintain several other large and lavish homes including a double lot spread on Doheny Road in Beverly Hills (just down the road from the Ozzy Osbournes), a house in Palm Desert just outside of Palm Springs, and another place in Kennebunkport, Maine where the couple fraternize and frolic with their good friends the George Bushes.

Source: Internet Movie Data Base, Westside Estate Agency