Oh Ellen. Your Mama is always so impressed with your inspired choices of homes. First it was the somewhat modest and secluded place on Lime Orchard Road in Beverly Hills where the fast fading singer/reality star Jessica Simpson now lives the tabloid life of a sad single woman on the hunt for a marriageable man.
Then it was that trio of lovelies up on Woodrow Wilson Drive and Woodstock Road that you sold off to a trio of celebrities (Heath Ledger, Will Ferrell and some big chested soap stud).
Then there were the casually sophisticated ranches in the Santa Ynez Valley that had just about every design queen wanting to strap on a pair of chaps and herd the sheep. And let's not forget the well groomed George Washington Smith designed stunner around the corner from Oprah's fiefdom in Montecito that you have reportedly sold recently at a multi-million dollar profit.
Most recently there was the mini-compound up on Zorada drive that included a long, low and louche Marmol and Radziner designed house and that other cutie down the slope a bit.
And now, here you are, with your lady lover Portia, back in Beverly Hills, in the house you bought from Will and Grace co-creator Max Mutchnick after he spent millions renovating the place. Tucked into a little ravine with sweeping views over the city that once chewed you up and spit you out because you dared reveal publicly that you live the love that dare not speak it's name.
And now look at you, sitting in your big beautifully renovated house laughing all the way to the bank and refusing to take the calls of all those producer assholios who once maligned you as they sifted through their salads at The Ivy and hatefully whispered things like, "We can't do anything with her now that she's a God. Damn. Lezbeeun." The sister owns those pieces of shit now.
Your Mama does not have much information on your new house because it was never on the open market. However, we do hear through the real estate grapevine that you paid an absolute fortune for the place, and it's rumored that you would like to or have already quietly purchased the house next door that is owned by the dignified and successful celebrity real estate agent Jade Mills. We got no proof of that gossip, but it certainly makes sense to Your Mama given your predilection for compounds.
Go on and decorate the hell out of this place with your signature brand of mid century modern meets a campsite meets a sophisticated 1940 penthouse apartment. Then invite Your Mama over for a look see because you know we have developed a case of the hives just wondering what nice things you're doing with the place.
It's not that Your Mama wears rose tinted decorating spectacles and think every decorating choice is spot on. But truth be told, you, Portia and your small army of nice gay decorators do up your residences better than most of the rich and famous folks we discuss here who have heaps of money to buy, sell, renovate and decorate to their pocketbooks delight.
Now, get on down to Robertson and Beverly Boulevards and buy a showroom full of furniture so some well shod and impeccably groomed design maven can keep his or her doors open another year.
Source: Pacific Coast News (photo)