Friday, December 7, 2007

Ashley Olsen Buys, Sells, and Gives Up

BUYER: Ashley Olsen
LOCATION: N. Mansfield Avenue, Los Angeles, CA
PRICE: $1,575,000 (sale)
SIZE: 2,332 square feet, 4 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: ...exterior accented by wrought iron, casement windows, and second-floor balcony with wooden balustrades, the residence invites. Within, plaster walls with heavy massing, alcoves, and rustic beamed ceilings impart a warm, hand-crafted ambiance. A signature arch separates the LR and DR and is repeated at the fireplace. Beyond a room-like covered patio, the private, tiled pool and spa is set within a lush landscape and evokes a true tropical resort feel.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: The rumors are true, children. According to Jim Nasium, a lovely gentleman who cruises and peruses the "solds" in the MLS and knows a little something about celebrity real estate, Your Mama has fi-na-lee confirmed that teeny tiny twin titan Ashley Olsen did indeed buy a modest house in Hancock Park.

To be honest, after receiving some additional information from our always helpful and always funny Fairy Godmother in Bel Air, Your Mama does not know whether we are perplexed or impressed by the modesty of Little Miss Ashley's new property. Keep in mind children, that along with her fashion disaster sister Mary Kate, these itty bitty Range Rover driving behatchas used to own a spectacular $4,300,000 Hal Levitt designed home in Bel Air and the sprawling penthouse they bought but never occupied at the butt-uglee Morton Square building in the far West Village of Manhattan is currently on the market for $11,995,000. It was also recently reported in New York Magazine that the wee millionaire recently gave up her $15,000 per month Grove Street duplex rental in the West Village.

So clearly this little ladee in a pair of high priced high heel shooz, who made a reported $17,000,000 this year, can afford something a little less pedestrian and in a far more private location. Now puppies, Your Mama has a soft spot in our cold heart for these twig sized twins. They've worked their entire childhoods, earned a few hundred million smackers and as a result they bear the awesome responsibility to support a vast network of DualStar executives, factory workers, family members, private staff and security, not to mention nearly single handedly paying the leases at Maxfield and Fred Segal with all their Black AmEx purchasing.

Anyhoo
, Little Miss Ashley recently picked up this little Spanish style cutie for $1,575,000. And that's not a rumor children, that's what the tiny tycoon actually paid for the 2,332 square foot house that includes 4 bedrooms and three bathrooms. Miss Olsen purchased the house from a very successful Director or Photography and it's just our uneducated and snarky guess that she'll soon have her industrial cleaners and a team of nice gay decorators in here scrubbing, bleaching and furnishing the place to within an inch of it's life and having an army of landscapers and security experts on the premises to create a safe and private retreat.

Keep in mind kids, that the interior furnishings here are NOT those of Miss Ashley, but rather the seller of the property. None the less, Your Mama can not help but to offer a few comments. Certainly a better solution was to be found for the television shoved into the corner of the bedroom and we might have better appreciated and more contemporary and even glitzy chandelier in the dining room to offset the architecture and the organic table. Also, we happen to know there is a large and nasty pot rack above the commercial grade range in the kitchen, and who doesn't know by now how Your Mama feels about a pot rack? However, overall we rather like the stylish, quirky, easily lived in, didn't pay a decorator a small fortune vibe and Your Mama could imagine feeling quite comfortable in this little Spanish casa...even if it is in crime riddled Hancock Park.

Out back, the swimming pool is really quite lovely and sophisticated and modern looking. We even like the black bottom look and naturally we adore all the high walled landscaping around the pool deck which should allow Miss Olsen, should she choose, to sun her barely there breasts in relative privacy. Then again, almost no one tans naturally in Los Angeles anymore, do they? Your Mama adores the covered porch off the living room that provides an excellent, shady and cool spot for Little Miss Ashley to sip gin and tonics, pour over all the latest glossy tabs and entertain her latest in a long line of beaus looking to sidle up next to her bank account.

However, not all sits well with Your Mama in the back yard. The children will note that in order to get to that inviting swimming pool, one must cross the driveway and step around the big square G55. Not only that, but while sprawled out on the cushioned chaise lounge poolside, one's big dirty whips loom forbiddingly as they sit parked in the driveway. Yes of course children, the cars can always be put into the two car garage, but what if Ashley converts the garage into a monster dressing room for all her Balanciaga bags, Chanel separates and Louboutin spikes? What then?

Listing information for the property shows that the laundry is located in the garage. What?! Now puppies, Little Miss Ashley probably does not actually launder her own clothes, she's simply too pampered for that. In fact, we're not sure the clothes horse wears any one item twice, which kinda eliminates the needs to launder the designer duds at all. However, is it really fair, when you have more than a hundred million clams, to ask your housekeeper to wash the linens and bath towels in a dirty grease smelling garage? Can you pay Hortencia enough for that indignity?

Now, for all your krazy kats out there who think it would be cute to jump in your sad little Saturns and drive over to Hancock Park to catch a glimpse of this mega rich young ladee in her private habitat: Get a grip, fools. Because you can bet your mama's life that Little Miss Ashley will have this places secured like Fort Knox and if you think that three hundred pound slab of beef security guard won't break your arm if you set even one toe on the property, well you're even more stoopid that Your Mama thought. Seriously kids, there's simply nothing more justifiably humiliating than being given a public smack down because you want to see a celeb live and up close. Hunnies, please, that's what the T.V., the tabs and the internets are for.

Anyhoo
, Your Mama wishes Little Miss Ashley and her big Mercedes a happy home in Hancock Park. Be sure to give Your Mama a call when you get settled because we've got some nice knickknacks for you.

P.S. For anyone curious about where the Little Miss Mary Kate and all her baubles, chains and bracelets live...she shacks up in a very, very private rental up in the The Birds.

35 comments:

Anonymous said...

It's a cute house. I predict it will soon be walled and gated all the way around and the fence between the driveway and pool removed. I suggest some nice leafy vine to cover the new walls around the property.

The garage is attached so possibly Hortencia doesn't actually have to haul the petite one's unmentionables outdoors to get to the laundry.

Can we predict how long before there will be a comment about how "unsafe" Hancock Park is? I give it 3 comments...

Anonymous said...

Is this the home on the corner of Rosewood and N. Mansfield that was for sale?

Anonymous said...

You wrote Ashley Simpson first. Dont you mean Ashley Olsen?

"Your Mama has fi-na-lee confirmed that teeny tiny twin titan Ashley Simpson did indeed buy a modest house in Hancock Park."

Your Mama said...

sorry baby, we're a mess this morning. fixed. and thanks.

caveman said...

i dunno, i'm usually one to think that most of the celebrity homes/apts are too big, overdone & uncomfortable. i think this is the other extreme, although its ok, i would take my 17mil annual clams & find something a bit nicer & more private. maybe this house is for a family member or friend/staff etc.?

Anonymous said...

I like that she's modest, she doesn't need a huge house, why would she want one? She doesn't have anything to prove, everyone knows she's one of the richest women in the world already. Any pictures of Mary-Kate's place??

aunt mary said...

I have a theory. These crazy little girls with crazy fortunes, including Brit, Paris, et.al. buy property like they buy shoes. There's nothing or no one stopping them. Everybody makes money when they do a deal. Why would anyone but their mothers care? All the addictions including real estate is just their puny little souls reaching and grasping through the muck of their lives trying to find some meaning. They all need to get behind some worthy philanthropy and let their tiny starving souls get some sustenance.

Besides, this is really an unattractive abode. Maybe it's not photographing well. I know the Spanish look is authentic to the area, but I cannot for the life of me see one of these designs without thinking of dusty winds and old Zorro movies.

pch said...

I actually dig this house in a big, big way. Incredibly authentic 1920s Los Angeles. (Aunt Mary's Zorro comment is funny, though.)

tickle said...

Mama I love your site, but Hancock Park is not "crime-riddled"!It is a lovely neighborhood where people know their neighbors and where you can walk your dog in the evenings. Technically, Mansfield Avenue is "Hancock Park Adjacent" since "Hancock Park Proper" is bounded by Melrose on the north, Wilshire on the south, Highland on the west and Rossmore on the east, and Mansfield is a few blocks west of Highland.

Anonymous said...

Anytime Mama! :)

It happens now and then. Its also friday! (YAY!)

aunt mary said...

Tickle, Mama was being tongue-in-cheek because she never mentions this place but what a flurry of nervous nellies come on to mumble about crime.

Anonymous said...

I admire her for not needing some huge sprawling estate up in the hills of beverly ... $150M fortune & earning $17M a year but she chooses this little place ... now that I see pics I can see why - yes, it's a little rough around the edges but once she throws a little money at it it will be amazing - it is authentic & has some great features so I don't see why she wouldn't be happy here ... the location wouldn't be my 1st choice but Hancock Park is a beautiful area & some would argue it's safer than Bel Air / Brentwood etc... [I mean, how many homes have been burgled in Bel Air over the past couple years - those teams of burglars working west L.A have bn running rings around ACS & Bel Air Patrol - It's frightening!] Anyway, I hope she's happy here & they always have the malibu beachhouse to weekend at ... [mama, did u find out about their malibu pad? was it a summer rental? are they still renting it? who knows?]

Anonymous said...

the features are pretty. the archway completely compliments the fire place. it's beautiful.

Your Mama said...

thanks aunt mary...my comment about hancock being crime riddled was indeed tongue in cheek and meant to be a soft stab all the comments that have appeared on the blog about the police problem in H.P.

we happen to like H.P. and have noted in the past that celebs and hollywood types increasing like H.P. too because scores of the rich and famous are migrating there in the last year or two.

Layler said...

It's pretty, but it's not Olsen Twins pretty. I think she is buying this for a relative to live in.

Anonymous said...

^

Did you see her Hal Levit? I totally believe this place is for her - you can't judge whether it's 'olsen twins pretty' until they've refurbished.

Anonymous said...

I hate the house. I like that Ashley Olsen is modest, but really, I hate this house. I don't even have an issue with Hancock Park, I just hate the bones of the house, the style, the pool, everything. It'll be walled, gated, renovated and landscaped in 6 months or less.

Anonymous said...

I went through an open house they had and was not impressed. The yard was very private. The location is good, but it's not Hancock Park. She would have to move a few blocks east to be in Hancock Park. With her money, it makes no sense to buy this house. I seriously doubt she will live there.

Anonymous said...

If you see Security Cameras go up around the property, you will know she bought the house.........

Anonymous said...

mama, ashley drives a merc g55! just for your records = ]

Your Mama said...

thanks dolly...we didn't know she upgraded. is that an upgrade? but we've switched the reference. bye now.

pch said...

Mama, the G55 is essentially a lateral move from the supercharged Range Rover.

The G55 is faster and a bit more expensive, but it's essentially an outdated 1970s truck that happens to have a super-sweet AMG engine. The Range Rover is a polished road car that feels more like a modern sports sedan. I've spent lots of time with both -- on- and off-road -- and would never pick the G55 over the Rover. But girls really seem to like the G55, so go figure.

Anonymous said...

While we're at it...Mary Kate drives a Porsche Cayenne. I wish I knew what her place looked like. I would marry the hot little nugget in a heartbeat!

pch said...

Ah, good for Mary Kate -- the Cayenne Turbo is my favorite of the high performance SUV bunch. Stellar performer.

Anonymous said...

Well MK's Cayenne is the all blacked out Venice Beach style.

Anonymous said...

The tiniest little stars drive the biggest cars! Have any of you seen M-K in her Cayenne? I saw her in the Maxfield lot a few weeks ago & you can barely see her in it. Same with Nic Richie who drives a G55 ... I'm somewhat impressed by their choices though ... especially when so many in hollywood are running around in the ubiquitous prius [often parked in the garage next to their r.rover / escalade etc..!]

Anonymous said...

Where in Los Angeles is The Birds that Mary Kate rents and whats it like?

Anonymous said...

^

The birds is an area in the western hollywood hills [zip 90069] that are named after birds - Nightingale Dr, Swallow Dr, Robin Dr, Blue Jay Way etc.. Also a few other streets ... really nice area with some of the best views, popular with many stars such as Leo DiCaprio, Keanu Reeves, Tobey McGuire just sold, Cameron Diaz & many others ...

mytwohands said...

mama is there anyway for you to give us information on mary-kate's house in the birds? she seems to take more of an interest in her living space than ashley does, so i would love to know what kind of place she selected if you had any info!

Anonymous said...

I like that house. Those super thick walls and that cozy staircase are awesome. If you look at the price that she paid and what people are trying to get over on N Arden and N Lucerne.

Anonymous said...

"The Birds" -

Vincent Chase/Entourage House from Season 4

9050 Oriole Way Los Angeles CA 90069

http://www.zillow.com/HomeDetails.htm?zprop=20799201

Anonymous said...

There is a lovely little Irving Gill designed house on Arden just south of Melrose (across from the church) that Ashley should look at for inspiration on walling the property. It was on the MAK tour a couple of years ago.

Linda Hoof said...

oh please she bought it for someone she's not going to live there.

Anonymous said...

It looks like the house from Beverly Hills 90210... especially that living room.

Anonymous said...

Linda, any evidence of that or just your opinion?