Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Your Mama Catches Up

Your Mama has had half a dozen friends and relatives visiting the past 10 days and we've moved en masse from one residence to the next like it ain't nothing to pack up six people, two long bodied bitches named Linda and Beverly, a mean ol' pussycat named Sugar and stuff them all into a couple of late model BMWs. So we are tired children. And we are in no mood to listen to the children whine and complain that we haven't been posting enough. Screw you little ingrates. It was a damn holiday and Your Mama is entitled to a day off every now and again whether any of you naughty little children think so or not.

Anyhoo, all the familial commotion has left Your Mama backed up, both gastro-intestinally and with our little blog. So in the interest of saving time and our last nerve, we're going to quickly discuss a few things before we begin our regular routine tomorrow. So sit back children, because this is going to be fast and furious.

1.
Like the rest of y'all, we have seen the stories and photos about high heel tottering tycoon Ashley Olsen buying a cluttered Spanish style house in Hancock Park. We'd love to be able to confirm or deny the veracity of those stories, but we can not. As of today, none of our many sources have been able to provide us with any information. The last we knew, the itty bitty Olsen twin was living in a rental property up in Nichols Canyon. Now puppies, we know she's done packed up her designer duds and high heels and decamped from that house, but we've not been able to locate her since. Sorry babies. Your Mama ain't no soothsayer or miracle worker when it comes to these things and despite appearances, we aren't always able to pull a celebrity rabbit out of a real estate hat. So then, if any of you with the inside scoop would like to fill in the gaps for Your Mama and all the hungry children, please don't hesitate to email with some juice.

What we do know, thanks to tipster Richie Rich, is that the massive penthouse condominium at Morton Square in the far West Village of Manhattan that the twins bought but never occupied during their short lived stint at getting educated at NYU is back on the market for $11,995,000. But there's really not much to see because the mogulettes never moved into the sprawling condo and leased it for a whopping $35,000 per month even before they decided the charade of going to college was just too much effort for a couple of young and filthy rich fashionistas with a very, very bizzy schedule of glammy parties to attend.

2.
Your Mama is a big fan of Mister Big Time's little game "Which Celebrity's House Is This," and naturally we're an even bigger fan when we can answer his call about what famous person has bought and/or sold the mystery property. And this week, Your Mama is on a roll. Although to be fair, we have actually managed to figure out the mystery buyers and sellers with the invaluable aid of the always funny and always informative Lucy Spillerguts.

The not very attractive house with jetliner views at 8918 Appian Way in the Hollywood Hills was sold by hot to trot Nine Inch Nails front man Trent Reznor, the super sexy rock star that makes our beloved Lucy pee her pants a little with glee and delight.

We also know who purchased the teeny tiny West Hollywood house on Harland Avenue, but we're awaiting contact from Lucy before we let that cat out of the bag. Suffice for now to say, it's a much bigger celebrity than any of the children would imagine. Much bigger.

3.
Regarding the legal smack down of celebrity real estate agents Joe Babajian and Kyle Grasso in the rarefied Platinum Triangle of Los Angeles, we have no news to report. After the 85 page indictment was handed down, Mister Babajian put his house on the market and we assume the gentlemen have hired top flight attorneys to represent them. We await a settlement or trial like everyone else. We make no predictions on how this will all come down, but Your Mama read every word of the indictment and to our untrained and unlawyer-like mind, it looks bad for these two and the various other folks named in the indictment.

4.
For weeks and weeks Your Mama has been getting email after email about the supposed house that glamazon Kimora Lee Simmons appeared to have purchased on her "reality" show Life in the Fast Lane. Some of the email has been quite friendly, but some of it has been rather hoss-tile too, yes it has. Some of these snot nosed children were snapping and sniping at Your Mama that Miz Simmons did not buy the house that we discussed on our little blog like they know what they are talking about because they saw it on a damn reality show on the tee-vee. Jeezis H. Christ. Some-bahdee bring Your Mama a nerve pill and a gin and tonic to wash it down. Rather than go into it here, Your Mama recommends that any of the interested children check out RADAR's brief exposé on the matter which should clear up what's real and what's not real with Miz Simmons' real estate.

5.
We would like to thank all the children for sending the many tips about celebrity houses being bought and sold over the last few weeks. We do our best to get you as many stories as we can, but Your Mama has only two hands and ten fingers to type with and wear down to nubbins, so please don't be insulted if we don't get to your lovely information in a timely manner.

6.
Enough with the anti-Semitic remarks. Seriously. We do not want to get involved with policing the damn comments section children, but do not think Your Mama won't whip out the wooden spoon and beat your ass until it's black, blue and bleeding before we delete your asinine and uneducated comments. We're certain there are many other blogs that would appreciate that particular brand of inflammatory commentary, but we here at the Real Estalker do not, thank you very much

On that note, get outta here and don't bother Your Mama while we wash our hair with beer and order in a nice big Indian dinner for the Dr. Cooter to say thanks for putting up with the crazy ways of Your Mama's family these past 10 days.

Bye now.

18 comments:

aunt mary said...

Mama, dear, thank you so much for all you do to give us ragamuffins something to do with our idle time. Chilrens can be so annoying. When mama bears think it's time to cut the apron strings they chase their cubs up a tree and then never come back. Isn't that just so sad? And the cubs wait and wait for their mama and she never comes. Don't leave us up the tree Mama. We'll be good.

Strapping Hunk said...

I'm not going to be able to sit down for a week from that spanking. Can you do it again, Mama? Pleeeezzzeee........

Anonymous said...

Ashley & M-K did have a rental in Malibu over the summer - just wonder if they've taken it long term? I saw Ashley numerous times at the Starbucks at Trancas so I'm guessing it was Broad Beach ... Mama, perhaps one of your Malibu realtor tipsters can tell you location & if they still have are renting it? - I'm guessing though she's shacked up with her sister at the moment.

NetFlicks said...

What is it about the comments section of blogs that makes people go nuts?

Thanks for trying to tame the beasts Mama...your blog is still one of my all-time favorites.

Anonymous said...

On Kimora's show, they seemed to purport that she would buy the house, but nothing else came up about it. It was left at, she will buy the house. Frankly, it seemed as though the goal was to show that Kimora "could" buy a $15 million dollar house if she wanted too. Nothing like talking up your own purported wealth!

As for the Ashley Olson supposed house purchase. That house had no security at all. It may be cute for someone such as me, but I couldn't see the little rich girl living there. But who knows.

Anonymous said...

Hey Mama....where did you move from? You indicated that Debbie Harry and Katherine Helmond live in your building, but my sources say they live in the area, but not in the same building. Would love to know where these two are living now, if my address information is not correct. Merci beaucoup!!!

Anonymous said...

MAMA ROCKS!!!! FYI: This is a virtual bitchslap for anyone who leaves or has left inappropriate messages to tick off my MAMA!!

caveman said...

harland ave is a. jolie?
don't know where i heard it, maybe one of the voices in my head

l.a. guy said...

Never doubt your mama!

Anonymous said...

Dear Mama,

can you shed some light on a few nagging questions I have about high stakes real estate? Forgive my naivity, for I am just a civilian simpleton. In the case of the Bel Air property, is 59,950,000 as a price tag meant to seem like a great deal because it is under 60,000,000?
Kind of like when I would buy a slurpee for 1.99, but 2 bucks would seem like alot?
Also in the case of Joe Babajians house which has been on the market since August , is the DRAMATIC price reduction from 6.995 to 6.885
something people can get excited about? Also if there are any juicy tidbits from the indictment document, please share>
thanks

Anonymous said...

Babajian is going to the slammer. The FBI has been investigating his business practices for the last 5 years. They've interviewed every real estate agent in town. Its been the best kept secret for awhile. Poor guy is 50 something, has no money or friends, his boyfriend died of Aids 3 years ago, and is gonna be all alone in that jail cell for eternity.

FYI his business partner Kyle Grasso started working for Joe when he was 19 as his assistant. From nothing to something with no college degree, and now off to jail! His parents must be proud.

BigdaddyJ said...

Thanks Mama, for finally addressing the Kimora "Liar" Simmons issue...I was starting to feel snubbed, it was the first e-mail I sent you that I didn't get a reply on right away! (And just to note, I called her a liar, never your Mama!)

X0X0's,

BigdaddyJ

Anonymous said...

I visited joe baba's house on carla ridge, in trousdale estates during an open house last summer. it really was very well done! the best remodel I have seen in some time. but one must ask, is having a fab BH house really worth going to prison for? I would tradde a nice simple flat in WEHO for a prison cell anyday. poor mr baba.

Anonymous said...

I love you Mama. I'm totally on your side about everything, especially the Anti-Semite thing. That's completely ridiculous.

The Hollywood Mayor said...

I also saw the Joe Babajian house and it was a really nice property... very liveable and chic.

Nothing in life is worth doing that could sacrifice your freedom, and I'm sure if he's guilty, he'd take back every last sale of his to have this situation go away. Interesting when thought about that way...

Anonymous said...

Stapping Hunk is still in St Bart's - who's the fake poster?

Anonymous said...

So where is Mr. NIN bought; does anyone know. Hopefully a nicer house; that one was rather ugly.

Anonymous said...

Does anyone have any more scoop on the Grasso/Babajian case? Also, is Kyle Grasso gay? Sure seems a like it.