Friday, November 30, 2007

Britney's Former NYC Pad Is Flipping Out


SELLERS: Jessica Klein and Isaac Levenbrown
LOCATION: East Fourth Street, New York City, NY
PRICE: $6,995,000
SIZE: 4,400 square feet (approx.), 3 bedrooms, 4.5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: SPECTACULAR CELEBRITY PENTHOUSE. Entertain in style in the dramatic, newly renovated 4-level luxury townhouse in the sky. Chef's kitchen with SubZero and Viking appliances, hand-rubbed cherry cabinets and granite countertops. Full-floor living/dining room with wood burning fireplace, soaring ceilings, oversized windows and Empire State views. Super-private master bedroom suite features enormous custom-built closets, wood-burning fireplace, and two full baths with slat counter and European fixtures.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Little Miss I Lost Custody of My Children Because I Like To Party Too Much Britney Spears may be all broken down with bad skin running around with a tawdry cadre of beady eyed cohorts, but thanks to a lovely missive from a gentleman we call The Rolling Stone, Your Mama has learned that her old New York City crash pad in the Silk Building on the corner of East Fourth Street and Broadway is fixed up, spit shined, looking fresh and back on the market for a whopping $6,995,000.

The four floor, three bedroom and 4.5 bathroom townhouse style penthouse languished on the market for more than two years before Beverly Hills 90210 producer and writer Jessica Klein and her huzband Isaac Levenbrown, who designs and installs multimedia systems, swooped in and paid the dee-vorcée pop star exactly $4,000,000 for the 4,400 square foot condominium in August of 2006.

Little Miss Bad Weave Britney was hardly the only celebrity to occupy this condo, and arguably she's not even the most famous behatcha to shack up in these digs above the once legendary and now defunct Tower Records on lower Broadway. Once upon a time, hip hop honcho Russell Simmons owned the place, as did dried apple faced Rolling Stones guitarist Keith Richards, and–drum roll please–according to the sassy and always accurate folks at Curbed, pop music diva Cher also called the penthouse home too.

Interestingly, this is not the only celebrity crib that Miz Klein and Mister Levenbrown have purchased. Oh no. Property records show that back in 2000, the newly married couple paid $1,150,000 to purchase a 5,367 square foot house in the Los Feliz section of Los Angeles from follically challenged actor and serial house hopper Nic Cage. According to reports at the time, the 4 bedroom and 4.5 bathroom medieval style and castle-like residence came complete with scads of gargoyles, a mural in the dining room depicting scenes from ancient Egypt, and a cast iron snake for a stair master. Property records show the couple still own this house.

It appears to Your Mama that the Los Angeles based couple decided not to be bi-coastal after all or perhaps they never intended to occupy Britney's former den of iniquity. After purchasing the unit, they embarked on a renovation that Your Mama can only hope included a full scale fumigation not to mention a thorough scraping of all the cigarette smoke sodden paint.

Listing information states the newly renovated condo includes a chef's kitchen, a full floor living and dining room space with a wood burring fireplace, a super-private master bedroom suite with custom built in closets and a wood burning fireplace. Additional features include a Crestron lighting system, central air conditioning, washer and dryer, custom chandeliers, plus a private planted terrace.

However, as nice as that terrace surely is, this place has entirely too many damn stairs not to have a private elevator. Jeezis Mary and Joseph, just thinking about the extreme effort it would take to climb from the 10th floor to the 13th floor so that our long bodied bitches could bask in the lower Manhattan sunshine has Your Mama wheezing and clutching at our heart. Dear gawd, it's just insane to think that anyone besides some kind of exercise nut can climb all those stairs day in and day out without stroking out or popping a damn vessel in their brain. Honestly!

Before we sign off to cozy up with our big bottle of Bombay, let's discuss the dramatic price increase since the Klein/Levenbrowns bought the place just over a year ago. We get it, you renovated the place, and the Manhattan market is still frenzied despite an lackluster economy and a well publicized mortgage melt down. But who among savvy buyers in Manhattan really think that a little bit of paint, a few yards of granite and some floor stain justifies a 75% price increase? Sorry babies, but not Your Mama, not in our humble and meaningless opinion.

Anyhoo, perhaps if Little Miss I Just Bought $200,000 Worth of Brand New Mercedes Benz's hadn't sold this place, she could have easily fled her sad and difficult life in Los Angeles for a new start in New York City where Your Mama is certain that the Dr. Cooter would be more than happy to smack her back into having a functioning bone of sense in her body.

Now listen up. Don't any of you rabid Britney Spears supporters get on the damn subway and head downtown, because Little Miss I Might Be (Or Might Not Be) Pregnant does not live here anymore. For the ignorami among us, Your Mama repeats, she does not live here anymore. So just stay in your dark little apartments dressed in your Catholic schoolgirl uniforms and lip synching the words to Hit Me Baby One More Time.

P.S. Little Miss I Prefer a Hotel Even Though I Have Two Houses appears to have taken her Beverly Hills house off the market. Again. (Follow the links for photos puppies.) Our sources tell us that she lives primarily in the Malee-boo house she leased at a rumored rate of $35,000 per month, but according to someone who has been in the house in the guard gated Summit community, the place is a pig sty and it looks like she uses it as a crash pad and dressing room with clothes strewn all over the place.

Several reports have been coming out about how she has a double locked room up in her Bev Hills crib with a mirrored ceiling, a rack full of costumes for sex play and dozens of, uhm, items used for sexual pleasure. But so far Your Mama can't confirm whether this is true or if this is just people wanting to sell glossy gossip magazines. Honestly, if you ask Your Mama, and of course no one did, we think there's a 50/50 chance of it being true. Little Miss No Underpants is widely considered a bit of sex maniac. So who knows. And really, kids, would that be so bad really? So what if she liked the sex a lot? There are far worse things she could (and reportedly does) put in her body than a dildo. Oh dear, did we say that?

6 comments:

caveman said...

http://www.theperfectbeachhouse.com/mls/

check out this pad, it might be perfect.
sorry for the bad blog manners, didn't mean to hijack brits house but i was too excited.

Anonymous said...

^

That place has been on the market for ages ... Originally listed with Chris Cortazzo [he had no luck unloading it] now with Stephen Shapiro ... Still overpriced, next door is also for sale & the 2nd house along is David Spades & it's obviously also for sale ... A couple doors to the other side is none other than Charleze Theron who can usually be seen running around the beach in her itty bitty bikini ... Anyways, I like this house from the outside but no deck space, interior is rather nasty & the noise on La Costa is unbearable due to PCH being 12 ft from the structure! ... $8M - &9M max.

Now, onto Britney

Location sucks, you couldn't pay me to live in this area - downtown N.Y has much better areas to live in. Also, I believe Britney is living primarily at the house in The Summit ... not really spending time in Malibu at all. Hallelujah!!

Anonymous said...

http://www.theperfectbeachhouse.com/mls/ is Stan Winston's house according to most.

Anonymous said...

It's Jessica "Klein"... not "Stein"

Your Mama said...

Oh hunny, you are so right. Sometimes we make the most heinous mistakes. At least we were consistent with our greivous error. Fixed.

sordar joy said...
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