Friday, March 9, 2007

Peter Leak in Hancock Park

SELLER: Peter Leak
LOCATION: 400 S. Hudson Avenue, Los Angeles
PRICE: $6,995,000
SIZE: 5,718 square feet, 6 bedrooms, 9 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: On a beautifully manicured corner lot setting w/ soaring Sycamores and Elms, this handsome estate offers large scale public rms incl. LR + Lanai, Library, Formal Din rm plus huge Kit/Fam rm measuring 53’ x 26’ which serves as lifestyle center of the home. Grand Master Suite contains 6 rooms & Juliet balconies. 15 pairs of French drs overlook dramatic outdoor destinations inc. open- air Liv rm/Cabana w/ wine chiller, WDFP, wetbar & 60’ swimlane Pool. Luxury of space, privacy & refinement.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: One of our readers recently toured and then whispered in Your Mama's ear about this dignified and respectable residence which belongs to music manager Peter Leak. Peter Leak? Relax children, we did not know who Peter Leak is either until our friendly tattler clued us in. See folks Mister Leak works for a company called Nettwerk Management and he happens to be one of the managers for pop-punker Avril Lavigne. Remember her big McMansion? Who knew managing a teen queen singer is lucrative enough to buy and renovate a big fancy Hancock Park mansion.

In fact, this house is so freshly renovated Your Mama is not sure the paint is dry or that Mister Leak actually lives here. We are also not sure the square footage on file is accurate because we understand the house had a substantial addition put on the second floor at the back of the house during the renovation. So this behemoth could easily be closer to 7,000 square feet.

Children we are unsure if Mister Leak went out and hired a nice gay decorator to get up in there and work some classy fag magic or if this place has been staged by some lady in a Toyota Camry and an office in Culver City. At first we were certain the house was staged. The photos have an undeniable feeling of manufactured freshness, like the sofas have never been sat in. Can you feel that too hunnies? But then we looked a little closer and we see a fair number of "good" pieces of furniture like the imposing credenza and elegant chairs in the dining room and the ornately legged table in the entrance hall. Stager people don't usually use nice pieces like this. And even more telling, we can't find a painting of a big ol' pear anywhere in the house. Anyone who reads what Your Mama has to say knows that almost all rich and famous people whose houses get staged have a damn pear painting hanging up on the wall somewhere. Cher and Mariska Hargitay to name just two.

The exterior, both mannerly and manor-ly, reeks of that special sort of Los Angeles opulence that quietly screams "We're rich and we drive a Prius, but we also have a 7 Series BMW with tinted windows in the garage." This house might be understated on the outside, but make no mistake, it's baronial entrance hall was designed to impress all the guests, from the Chinese food delivery guy to the stick up her ass chairwoman of the homeowners favorite charity.

Because size really does matter, the kitchen/family room measure a staggering 1,400 square feet. This room alone is certainly larger than the maid's house and just about large enough for a roller rink. Another way to ensure the maid always knows her place...have more rooms in the master suite than she has in her entire house. Six damn rooms up in there. Surely that is enough square footage that the lady of the house need not ever come downstairs to fraternize with the children and staff.

We are concerned, as we often are, with the number of terlits in this house. Nine; More than there are days in the week. It will take the maid an entire Saturday just to scrub and polish all them poopers. Of course this necessitates having another girl come in that day to do the vacuuming and child rearing so the new homeowners should consider this when purchasing and calculating the monthly costs.

Our favorite feature of this house would be the pool. Your Mama can imagine being the proprietor of this dig-nee-fied house and spending all the warm winter afternoons out in the pool side cabana sipping heavily limed gin and tonics and touching the Guatemalan gardener in inappropriate ways.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

house has been on the market for months and was originally 7.2 million. and yes, it's staged. whenever you see a piece of cloth draped on the arm chair like you see in that "den" pic, it's almost a 100% chance the house has been staged. house has also been expanded a bit. still can't figure out why they haven't created a virtual tour. it might help it sell.

Stormy said...

Love, love, love, LOVE this house.