Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Larry King, Man or Machine?

BUYER: Larry King / Shawn Southwick
LOCATION: N. Hillcrest Road, Beverly Hills, CA
PRICE: $11,750,000 (sale price)
SIZE: 9,596 square feet, 7 bedrooms, 9 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Stunning remodeled Tuscan estate in the prestigious flats. Private and gated, offering unparalleled attention to detail and luxury. Towering sky lit foyer opens to elegant formal public rooms. Imported Italian limestone, tile, venetian plaster, and stat0of-the-art technology throughout. Grmt. kitchen w/ top-of-the line appliances and plasma TV. 5 bedrooms en suite upstairs, including master w/ separate sitting room & his & hers baths. Manicured lawns surround elegant swimmers pool & adj. gst. house.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: We can't help it. Larry King scares the bejesus out of us. Not only are we truly frightened by his not so savory past in Miami, but Your Mama thinks Larry looks like he died six years ago. We have convinced ourselves that a computer clicks and whirs underneath that paper thin skin and those too big horned rim glasses. Have the children ever been to Disneyland and seen that cock-a-mamie exhibit about Abraham Lincoln where he's brought to life by some sort of animatronic miracle? Well, that display gave Your Mama nightmares as a child and it is no different when we come across Larry King on the boob tube. We have to flip that channel quick or we know we're going to be tossing and turning all night dreaming of the walking and talking dead.

King, who has been married seven times to six women, is currently betrothed to the much younger Shawn Southwick. In 1999 and 2000, perhaps with the help of Viagra, King and Southwick became the proud parents of two bouncing baby boys. Ever since they've been on an exhaustive search for a new and larger home. Apparently their current home, located at 628 N. Canon in the flats of Bev Hills, is simply not large enough at 7,000 square feet. The new place, just 8 blocks from the old one, is much larger and more grand with more than 9,500 square feet. That should be plenty of room for the retinue of nannies, maids, and nurses.

One of our friendly tipsters in Los Angeles, in this case the exquisite Elizabeth Taylor, recently sent us the listing sheet for Larry and Shawn's new house. While one is not shown on the listing, Your Mama sincerely hopes there is an elevator somewhere inside this mega-mansion. Seriously folks, let's be realistic. How much longer will septuagenarian Larry be able to get up and down that ridiculously opulent double staircase on his own? And no one wants to see one of those freaky chair lift contraptions installed on the stairs because it would completely ruin the Venetian plaster on the walls.

The his and her bathrooms in the master suite are a definite bonus feature for this couple. Your Mama imagines Shawn does not care to be constantly reminded how old Larry is by having to see all the handrails and other aids for the elderly that will need to be installed in his bathroom. The separate bathrooms will allow her to poop in peace and denial.

Overall Your Mama finds this place to be a snoozy run of the mill Beverly Hills mansion. Big, nicely located, and probably a high quality renovation, but a total sleeper. Maybe after Shawn has nice gay decorator come in and snazzy the place up it won't look like a big beige bore.

But then again, what does Your Mama know? Evidently this house was a hot commodity and was only on the market for a short couple of weeks with an asking price of $11,995,000 before Larry and Shawn snapped it up. Elizabeth Taylor tells Your Mama the house will be closing soon for a purchase price of $11,750,000.

Sources: Real Estate Journal, LA Times

7 comments:

Troy N. said...

Mama, anyone with the last name King and as many shares in CNN as Lare does not poop he and his only pass and flush!
The scariest part is really those obnoxious patterned braces he wears, and his interviews; can you say other worldly?? I mean..

Anonymous said...

A microwave...ON THE COUNTER!?!?!? For almost $12 million, that thing should be mounted in marble and gold. By angels.

Anonymous said...

Nothing on Posh and Becks? London papers claim they bought Meg Ryan's house, true or false?

Anonymous said...

well this house and it's basically a McMansion. It's right on the street, has no view, and doesn't have much privacy. You know mama- the flats are nice but North of Sunset is much more prestigious. That's where I live and we have no traffic and a gorgeous view.

Your Mama said...

1. can you believe the microwave sitting all exposed on the counter? that is just so tacky in a 12 million dollar house, right?

2. Regarding Posh and Becks, we've seen the reports and they very well may be true. But we're hearing something different, so we're going to sit tight. At this point it's a little difficult to understand what's going one from our vantage.

3. You who live North of Sunset...email Your Mama, let's talk.

Anonymous said...

The flats in Beverly Hills have many nicer homes than above Sunset ... Only if you live in the neighbourhood directly above Sunset then it counts but the further north you go the less spectacular the homes are ... the homes in b.h.p.o are never as nice as the properties on the flats ... & if you live arund the nicer parts above sunset (doheny road etc..) then you don't rlly have a good view ... so the whole north of sunset snobbery doesn't really make any sense ...

The Gilded Moose said...

Pink Statue in the entry foyer. Maybe he really IS the only one who truly understands Anna Nicole