Saturday, December 16, 2006

Hippity Hop Hilfiger in da Hamptons


SELLER: Tommy Hilfiger
LOCATION: Further Lane, East Hampton, NY
PRICE: $24,500,000
SIZE: 5 bedrooms, 5.5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: New listed ocean front home on coveted Further Lane in East Hampton Village. This modern home includes 5 bedrooms, 5.5 baths, a media room, Boffi kitchen, double height living room, and an outdoor mahogany pavilion, complete with fireplace. The resort-inspired paradise offers a vanishing edge pool with forever Atlantic views and its own private boardwark leading to 154 feet of pristine ocean frontage. Extremely private. Extremely special.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Have you ever wondered how it is the very rich become stupendously rich? Well pay attention babies, I'm about to tell you one of the many ways: the high end real estate flip. Mr. Tommy Hilfiger, who very successfuly sells white people's clothes to black people, is a very rich man, and sometime in May or June of 2006 he purchased this oceanfront property for $17,000,000 from eyeglass entrepreneur Robert Marc and his boyfriend. According to realestatejournal.com he did "some renovations and took a trip to Bali to oversee the design of custom furniture."

And then in mid-october, 5 short months after purchasing, he puts the house back on the market for $24,500,000. That would be $7,500,000 more than he paid for it. Yes, children, you read that correctly. And that price does not include the (custom) furniture which can be negotiated separately should you be so inclined.

But hunnies, gather round and come in close 'cause Your Mama is going to tell you something these rich people on Further Lane would prefer you not know. See, this area has a deep dark secret. All you homos looking to marry up or those who just like to have sex with rich (and probably married) men, head on down to the beach at 2-Mile Hollow. Yes babies, when the sun goes down, the dunes here are simply crawling with gays looking for a little al fresco fornication. And Mr. Tommy's for-sale house has a ring-side seat for viewing all the action.

MORE NOTES ON FURTHER LANE: Even with the cruising, Further Lane is indeed one of THE most exclusive and expensive streets in the Hamptons. Jerry Seinfeld has a $35,000,000 property here he bought from Billy Joel and then proceeded to gut, renovate and add a baseball field. The deMenil-Carpenter family is rumored to be quietly shopping their 35-acre oceanfront property with 7 historic structures for $100,000,000+. Not to worry for them, they have another outrageous oceanfront Further Lane property built in the 1980's by Gwathmey Siegal. But perhaps best of all for the billionaire summering set, the super-exclusive, lily-whites-only Maidstone Club is located at the end of the street.